fishndude57

Real men of the forum...

52 posts in this topic

When one of your ATF's is hurtin, how far do you go? Pay their rent? Pay their donation as a gift to help? Honestly, do you just clam up and roll away? Curious is all. 

Edited by fishndude57
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Oooh, that's a hard one.  Over the last couple of years, I'm down around $1000  loaning to both men and women.  This is my personal view, help as much as you're willing to lose.  I lost $350 from the last person I "loaned" money to and expected never to see it returned, which is what happened.  If you don't expect it back then you're not disappointed when it's not returned.

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Fish  thinIk I go as far as I can, never  expecting anything in return,  and you know who I am referring to.  She wasn’t the first, nor will she be last.  I think we just need to keep it all into perspective.  I remember getting into this game 15 years ago and loaning a BP girl(barbtender off of Colorado blvd) a $1000.00 and never saw her again. That was a Newbie lesson in itself.  

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2 minutes ago, airamericavet65 said:

When a friend is in need you should always be there to help with whatever you can

Still looking for a million dollars.....😂

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Just now, MeganMarie4u said:

Still looking for a million dollars.....😂

When are you coming by

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2 minutes ago, MeganMarie4u said:

Still looking for a million dollars.....😂

Sorry forgot to tell you I'm in Beaver Creek having dinner

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Assuming that the person in question is truly in the Friend Zone then I think you already know the answer to your question.  Help a friend based on your ability and in a manner that will not threaten the friendship.

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4 minutes ago, MeganMarie4u said:

Still looking for a million dollars.....😂

Another million!?!?!?

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It’s awsome that some men can help out others in need, hopefully the other person shows how much they appreciate you by paying it back, only you can help out a certain amount of people and get burned before you just don’t want to help or care to help anymore

 

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Things are pretty tough right now. It’s nice to know that some of you guys really are still sweet. I’ve never expected anything to be given to me, however I have donated to a few ladies in need whom I’ve never even met. I guess that’s just what our little community does. ;-)

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I'll take the cynical ahole angle on this.

There is a difference between ATF and a true friend. I can quantify true friend for me, others, might be different. But guess good gut check would be would the lady help you out in a jam? Hang out off the clock? If neither of these, it's business imo and you should not be propping up probable poor choices (eg. Getting an expensive tat vs paying phone bill, rent; going to Coachella vs taking care of expenses).

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I have helped out several ladies in the last five years. Paid utility bills, horse boarding, and given spending money. Never asked for anything in return.

*Note when I paid bills always made a check to utility company or stables.

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I have helped out a couple of close lady friends, but I knew it was at a really tough time for her and that it really was needed, and not due to bad choices (although who am I to judge anyway).  I think that the only way to do that and keep the relationship intact, is to not expect anything in return.  That is the definition of a gift.  I know that what I got in return was sincere thanks, and perhaps an elevation in standing, and that was just fine.  Next visit, full donation in cash, and WOW, was it always fun.  I would never loan money, to anyone.

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6 minutes ago, NoCoGeezer said:

I'll take the cynical ahole angle on this.

But guess good gut check would be would the lady help you out in a jam? Hang out off the clock? If neither of these, it's business imo and you should not be propping up probable poor choices (eg. Getting an expensive tat vs paying phone bill, rent; going to Coachella vs taking care of expenses).

That's the issue that each case should consider.  Are you a true friend to the ATF or just a mark?  The last person, in just the last month, I put out money for viewed me more as a mark more than anything else.  I knew there was a good chance of that being the case and the amount lost wasn't significantly crippling.  There are providers who take advantage of men but there are providers who are sincere.  Determining which is which isn't easy or else you wouldn't hear the horror stories.

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A real friend......well those are far and inbetween. Your real friends you can count on one hand. I have had clients who are now my true friends help me out. I have always honored my word in paying them back in one way or another. I guess you would have to know the lady or gent very well and trust them. Now that's where  some come into problems....I have never asked for help but been offered it. I reluctantly accepted because i was in a jam. To this day ,I know in my heart ,that these 2 gentlemen are my friends. They are the real men of the forums!  You know who you are..... and thank you

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We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give. 

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I was a hotel manager in Boulder for many years and people tried to scam me daily so I developed a sixth sense for it.  There is an absolute way to determine if someone is trying to scam you or not.  People who are in genuine need are embarassed, trying to solve a problem with your help, and grateful for any help.  People who are scamming you are on a rushed timeline, try to make it your fault that you can’t help them,  have a very specific dollar amount (or service) they need, and shut off all other avenues of help.

Example:

A girl will say that she needs $1000 by tomorrow for rent and can pay you back in 10 days.  You tell her you’re an attorney specializing in landlord/tenant disputes and will reach out to her landlord and talk to him and see if he can give you a 10 day extension. The legit person will be very happy and grateful for that.  A scammer will give you 100 reasons why that won’t work, just demand the money, and blame you for her problems when you say no.

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I don't loan, I gift. Period. If I expect anything other than the good I feel in giving, I'm going towards a bad place. I always terminate any discussions regarding pay back. I'm always surprised when the other reciprocates, or otherwise is appreciative, but I will not set expectations. 

Edited by Happymon
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If you can afford to give the amount needed then go for it.

Loans hardly ever get repaid.

It's like co signing a loan most people get burned. I was 2 for 3 but the one that paid was really thankfull.

So give if it wont be missed!.

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20 minutes ago, Turtle138 said:

If you can afford to give the amount needed then go for it.

Loans hardly ever get repaid.

It's like co signing a loan most people get burned. I was 2 for 3 but the one that paid was really thankfull.

So give if it wont be missed!.

Loans hardly ever get repaid but I always give one chance.  I don't gift hundreds of dollars to my friends and they don't gift hundreds of dollars to me, so I can't see me gifting it to a provider.  Any time I've ever received assistance from friends, I've always paid them back as soon as I could.  Anything I "loan" is not enough to hurt me.  For you guys that just give hundreds or thousands of dollars to people, I have nothing but respect.

Funny thing on co-signing, the provider I was seeing tried three different times to get me to co-sign a new incall for them, because they were losing the one one they were at.  There is no way I'm co-signing for anyone, for anything.  I've seen way too many people get majorly burned doing such a thing.  

Edited by mountainrider33
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4 hours ago, mountainrider33 said:

...  If you don't expect it back then you're not disappointed when it's not returned.

^^ this ^^

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2 hours ago, mountainrider33 said:

That's the issue that each case should consider.  Are you a true friend to the ATF or just a mark?  The last person, in just the last month, I put out money for viewed me more as a mark more than anything else.  I knew there was a good chance of that being the case and the amount lost wasn't significantly crippling.  There are providers who take advantage of men but there are providers who are sincere.  Determining which is which isn't easy or else you wouldn't hear the horror stories.

This is not all that complicated. If she is genuinely a friend, then loan or give same as you would any other friend. Here is a way to tell. This might draw fire. She says she is a friend, and accepts money. Would she give YOU money or do a free session as your friend if things were tight for you? If she would NOT she is NOT a real friend and you are a mark. When you give a friend money its the same as giving them free "whatever you do". If they would not do the same for you..that is not friendship. Now understand the fine line because I'm not suggesting a loan\gift with strings attached. That fine line is important because fuckery people hop back and forth between "business, intimate, personal, professional, friend, client " whichever is most convenient to them, and that applies to ladies and guys. Mutual  understanding of the realities and boundaries of any situation is the key....unless you have unlimited funds...then just throw it around everywhere.

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A true friend will do what they can do to help a friend.

Sometimes that help is in the form of cash, maybe running an errand, helping move, repairing a vehicle, chores around the house, or maybe it is something intangible.

It could be something just as simple as listening to your friend talk about issues or problems they are experiencing.

But whatever you do help your friend, a true friend will do it without the expectation of anything in return.

You do it because you are friends.

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9 hours ago, airamericavet65 said:

When a friend is in need you should always be there to help with whatever you can

She's a hooker, not your "friend".;)

That said, if a girl tells me she needs more money, I'm always open to negotiations. 

 

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1 hour ago, 2Big said:

She's a hooker, not your "friend".;)

That said, if a girl tells me she needs more money, I'm always open to negotiations. 

 

It’s not costing a hooker any money to make it up in a session or two depending on how much money you lend them, for them not to offer that is telling you that they may not pay back

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There are only two kinds of people in this world.

Generous or not generous.

Every person who reads this fits into one of these. Period.

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11 hours ago, NoCoGeezer said:

eg. Getting an expensive tat vs paying phone bill, rent; going to Coachella vs taking care of expenses).

Coachella

Lol

Very expensive

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2 hours ago, 2Big said:

She's a hooker, not your "friend".;)

That said, if a girl tells me she needs more money, I'm always open to negotiations. 

 

Hooker?

Very strong word.

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13 hours ago, fishndude57 said:

When one of your ATF's is hurtin, how far do you go? Pay their rent? Pay their donation as a gift to help? Honestly, do you just clam up and roll away? Curious is all. 

Tell her to pm me. For travel details. When you are a new face, it always picks up. She needs to move around.

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