Posted November 10, 2012 Just a small bit of info on myself, I used to be a people pleaser. And I would help anyone and everyone regardless of how long or well I knew them and treat them like family. Well, because of this, i've been burned pretty bad over the years, got caught up in other peoples drama, and have been taken advantage of more times than i can count. Karma has not been so kind to me in this aspect. However, that all couldve been avoided had I not been so forthcoming with lending a hand, unconditionally. So I'll take the blame for that one. Well, nowadays I only extend my hand TO family. With that said, this is not a story about me lending a hand and getting the shaft.. Its about me not lending a hand, to a provider. I've seen this provider twice, once a couple months back and once again pretty recently. After the first time ive seen her, i got a few texts within that week asking if she could see me again. Problem was, back then, I was so busy that I really couldnt afford to allot the time for myself to do that again. So, when she would ask I would tell her no and why. And after the last time I had told her that, I guess she took that as an excuse for me not wanting to see her again and she told me should would stop bothering me from then on, which wasnt the case at all, i was just busy. Lets fast foward a couple months to where I had finally gotten things in order in my life and had found the time and desire to take up some company. After this last time I had seen her, within the same night, late at night, I got woken up with a text from her asking if i was up? Now, i think its safe to say that many people in this world do what they can to avoid stress, especially if its something that has nothing to do with you. I was guilty of frequently doing the exact opposite in the past. Also, waking up to seeing that text, and of course, the whole getting woke up part, my mind wasnt as clear as it needed to be for me to process on what that couldve been about. Now, if this was someone from my family I wouldve had no qualms with this and would've answered imediately. But since it wasnt, and I know nothing about her other than shes an ASP, I was very hesitant about it. I'll admit I had alot of negative thoughts running through my mind at the time on what that could have been about, but for the few minutes i was up, debating on whether I should answer back or go with my gut feeling, I fell back asleep. The very next day at work, I get a missed phone call and 2 texts. One text, explaining her situation, and the other text implying that im ignoring her. The situation was that she needed some money for a fine that day and she asked me if I could meet her at the courthouse with it. And if not, she would be going to jail. Now, as cold hearted as this sounds, I was at work when I got this, and I cant just drop everything for that. I didnt get to check my phone and see this until an hour after the fact because my job has very strict rules. And having unauthorized cell phones in the work place is prohibited. So we have to keep our personal phones in our locker. And if I was going to consider doing this it was going to have to wait till after I got off work. Well, after seeing that and going right back to work, I couldn't concentrate for the rest of the day. And i'm not even sure why either. I mean, yeah.. its not my problem, but at the sametime, if she reaching out to me about it im assuming she has no one else to depend on. And I definitely know what thats like. So im kinda stressed about it now. And I cant concentrate on the work I have to handle because im a bit too conflicted on what to do. Even though, its not my problem. Well, it wouldnt be another hour until I was able to get a break and call her back about it. And when she answered the phone, the tone of her voice kinda put me off. Yes, I understand that she is in a bad situation right now, under what circumstance? I dont know. But the vibe I got from that was like, its about time or, what took so long... She knew why I was calling her, theres no need to cop an attitude with me. So then I was like, nevermind.. and then hung up. Did I take this the wrong way? I think so.. Pretty dick move huh... Well, this was my first ASP experience, and what attracted me about getting into the hobby in the first place was (we both get what we want, and then we both go on about our day). Thats how its suppose to go right, just business? And while I really want to try again with another, im dreading the possibility of another situation like that. I have no idea if she found someone else to help her out or if she did end up going to jail but, I really dont want to be caught up in stuff like that. So, for you providers and hobbyist out there (more so for the providers) I would like to know how you feel about this. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 10, 2012 ....we both get what we want, and then we both go on about our day... Just repeat this to yourself a couple of times and you will be fine. Oh, and another thing, keep your hands real deep in your pockets so you do not sign anything. If you love drama, just open your wallet and see how drama is attracted to it. Cold hearted? No, just realistic. You handled it just fine. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 10, 2012 From a hobbyists point of view will you say who this ASP is? I would refer to avoid her at all costs. Moderators, if this is out of line or not allowed I apologize in advance. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 10, 2012 For the people that don't want to lose 10 minutes reading this long winded post I've summed it up in a nutshell for you. An asp asked him for help. He was not available to take her call. She was pissy with him when he called her back. Was he wrong? To the OP: I really dont want to be caught up in stuff like that. Is that why you posted this? Because you don't want to be caught up in stuff like this? 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 10, 2012 I experianced a situation very simular to this, and I bit. Long story short ..... lots of drama and nat a good outcome. Do what you will, but be prepared for what is sure to come after. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 10, 2012 She tried to get money, you declined. You both move on. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 10, 2012 I don't think this has anything to do with whether she was an ASP or not. That's how you know her, but more generically, someone that you barely know contacted you...needing money...acting entitled and pissy when you didn't offer them assistance. Fuck'em!!! Your feelings of guilt are more of a reflection of the problem (your problem) that you eluded to in your first paragraph. The person you spoke of created their own problems. You're money would be better served on a therapist. I don't mean that in a harsh way...just my objective viewpoint. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 10, 2012 LOL pfunk so true If you can't manage your personal life or your finances that's 100% your fault and not the fault of any client you do/have seen. With that said if you open the door for the dame in distress role to be played and sorry it seems you did then you can't bitch about it later. Honestly think about it for a moment do you think your the only one she text/called after a 1st appointment NO how ever you are the one of maybe a few who answered and it wasn't to put a stop to her actions. Then when you went and seen her again it's clear you didn't stop it then. My advice take the cape off see that you where being hustled after all she wasn't in jail and answering her phone ... 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 10, 2012 Get over it. She shouldn't be calling you with her problems anyway. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 10, 2012 Get over it. She shouldn't be calling you with her problems anyway. Agree with Velvet... 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 10, 2012 I quickly scrolled down as I quit reading novels in 12th grade. Thanks D 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 10, 2012 Yeah um, so not your problem. There is a line (and not a fine one) between asp and friend, Client and friend. You are supposed to be able to pay the lady, enjoy your time and part company with a smile on your face and NO hassles. You did the right thing IMO. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 10, 2012 Yeah um, so not your problem. There is a line (and not a fine one) between asp and friend, Client and friend. You are supposed to be able to pay the lady, enjoy your time and part company with a smile on your face and NO hassles. You did the right thing IMO. +1 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 10, 2012 You are struggling with this situation because you like to help people. Don't stop what you like to do. I have met a couple girls that could ask me for help and I would gladly assist with no strings attached. LIKE: *Hey, my friend gave me a pool table can you and your truck help us move it? *Hey, I got a new closet door wanna help me install it if you have time? *Hey, I'm really in trouble and my real friends are unavailable can you help? NOT: Can I have money? 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 10, 2012 Yikes. Calling you after ONE session bugging you for the next! Either: A. You started this with some ill advised vibe of wanting something outside a hobby relationship with her, in which case I suggest you adjust you attitude and approach before seeing anyone again! or B. She has major drama issues that you should have run from when she started calling you and long before the money request. Find someone that understands this is for fun and only for the time set up and paid for, then they and you go away! But you need to keep that clear in your head too! 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 10, 2012 how old are you 10 ? You didn't want to help her so you blow her off. Wrong or right who cares move on. lilithia 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 10, 2012 Boundaries be our friends. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 10, 2012 (edited) Are u kiddin me dude, this is flat out ridiculous. First off, that's her fault and second, who the F$&k cares. Since you seem fairly new at this here's some advice, get rid of your conscious, there's no room for it in this biz.. If you can't grasp this reality then u need to go find the nearest bridge and then jump off it, [snip] ... :mad::mad: Edited November 11, 2012 by boink36 Name calling. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 10, 2012 This is so ridiculous...where on earth do you guys find these ladies? If she went to jail, so be it, maybe she'll learn to be an adult and take some responsibility for her own actions in the future. Block her number and move on. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 10, 2012 If you are friends, be a friend. If you are a client, be a client. Sounds like you are a client. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 10, 2012 I didn't read past the part of she needed money to pay a court fine or would go to jail. So???? How is that your problem? Have I been in a situation where I had to pay a fine? yes. Have I been in a situation when a bill was due, and i was short? yes. Who's problem is that? MINE! I hate to speak out against other providers, but I get very disturbed when I hear of ladies calling clients on personal business asking for financial assistance. I think that is very unprofessional. How can one hold any credibility bringing personal business to a client where the relationship is to be discrete? I am also willing to bet that the majority of providers incomes are higher than the majority of clients. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 14, 2012 +1 Wow how crazy. My one of my provides just text me the same thing 2 night go 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 14, 2012 Just a small bit of info on myself, I used to be a people pleaser. And I would help anyone and everyone regardless of how long or well I knew them and treat them like family. Well, because of this, i've been burned pretty bad over the years, got caught up in other peoples drama, and have been taken advantage of more times than i can count. Karma has not been so kind to me in this aspect. However, that all couldve been avoided had I not been so forthcoming with lending a hand, unconditionally. So I'll take the blame for that one. Well, nowadays I only extend my hand TO family. With that said, this is not a story about me lending a hand and getting the shaft.. Its about me not lending a hand, to a provider. I've seen this provider twice, once a couple months back and once again pretty recently. After the first time ive seen her, i got a few texts within that week asking if she could see me again. Problem was, back then, I was so busy that I really couldnt afford to allot the time for myself to do that again. So, when she would ask I would tell her no and why. And after the last time I had told her that, I guess she took that as an excuse for me not wanting to see her again and she told me should would stop bothering me from then on, which wasnt the case at all, i was just busy. Lets fast foward a couple months to where I had finally gotten things in order in my life and had found the time and desire to take up some company. After this last time I had seen her, within the same night, late at night, I got woken up with a text from her asking if i was up? Now, i think its safe to say that many people in this world do what they can to avoid stress, especially if its something that has nothing to do with you. I was guilty of frequently doing the exact opposite in the past. Also, waking up to seeing that text, and of course, the whole getting woke up part, my mind wasnt as clear as it needed to be for me to process on what that couldve been about. Now, if this was someone from my family I wouldve had no qualms with this and would've answered imediately. But since it wasnt, and I know nothing about her other than shes an ASP, I was very hesitant about it. I'll admit I had alot of negative thoughts running through my mind at the time on what that could have been about, but for the few minutes i was up, debating on whether I should answer back or go with my gut feeling, I fell back asleep. The very next day at work, I get a missed phone call and 2 texts. One text, explaining her situation, and the other text implying that im ignoring her. The situation was that she needed some money for a fine that day and she asked me if I could meet her at the courthouse with it. And if not, she would be going to jail. Now, as cold hearted as this sounds, I was at work when I got this, and I cant just drop everything for that. I didnt get to check my phone and see this until an hour after the fact because my job has very strict rules. And having unauthorized cell phones in the work place is prohibited. So we have to keep our personal phones in our locker. And if I was going to consider doing this it was going to have to wait till after I got off work. Well, after seeing that and going right back to work, I couldn't concentrate for the rest of the day. And i'm not even sure why either. I mean, yeah.. its not my problem, but at the sametime, if she reaching out to me about it im assuming she has no one else to depend on. And I definitely know what thats like. So im kinda stressed about it now. And I cant concentrate on the work I have to handle because im a bit too conflicted on what to do. Even though, its not my problem. Well, it wouldnt be another hour until I was able to get a break and call her back about it. And when she answered the phone, the tone of her voice kinda put me off. Yes, I understand that she is in a bad situation right now, under what circumstance? I dont know. But the vibe I got from that was like, its about time or, what took so long... She knew why I was calling her, theres no need to cop an attitude with me. So then I was like, nevermind.. and then hung up. Did I take this the wrong way? I think so.. Pretty dick move huh... Well, this was my first ASP experience, and what attracted me about getting into the hobby in the first place was (we both get what we want, and then we both go on about our day). Thats how its suppose to go right, just business? And while I really want to try again with another, im dreading the possibility of another situation like that. I have no idea if she found someone else to help her out or if she did end up going to jail but, I really dont want to be caught up in stuff like that. So, for you providers and hobbyist out there (more so for the providers) I would like to know how you feel about this. I care about who I am seeing also, but the cleanest way to do anything for her is to be a known quantity for her. What I mean is that is that the best way to help her is to be a good client and nothing more. If you are concerned about her cash flow and you have the time and money then throw her an extra appointment, but don't take on her problems beyond a supportive conversation and keep things as a client provider relationship. This is a hard lessen to learn and I have lost 2 ATF's over this kind of issue. Fortunitely, I got it down and had a wonderful multi-year relationship with my last ATF. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 14, 2012 If you are friends, be a friend. If you are a client, be a client. Sounds like you are a client. Good sound advice. .......that I should follow 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 15, 2012 The scenario you describe is un-professional and tacky. The asp in question shows a extreme lack of class, and should be avoided. Unless you enjoy being used. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 15, 2012 Pirate? Can it be a new novel? 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 15, 2012 I almost feel bad for you....then again I am very much like you. A big giver, huge heart, well you know. Many times burned indeed, however never looking to anyone or anywhere for a handout! It is my belief that this person was truly out of line! That a provider should remain discreet and respectful. It is obvious on its face that this person was taking advantage of your good nature which of course I know all to well. Good luck to you! 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
