Audrey Astor

Post Your Funnies

163 posts in this topic

I'm not a golfer, but this is pretty darn funny:

 

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Dave rents an apartment in New York, and goes to the lobby to put his name on the group mailbox. While there, a very attractive young lady comes out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing a robe. 
 
Dave smiles at the young woman and she strikes up a conversation with him. As they talk, her robe slips open, and it's quite obvious that she has nothing on under the robe. 
 
Poor Dave breaks out into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact. After a few minutes, she places her hand on his arm and says, "Let's go in my apartment, I hear someone coming..." 
 
He proceeds with her into the apartment, and after she closes the door, she leans against it allowing her robe to fall off. 
 
Now completely nude, she purrs at him, "What would you say is my best feature?" 
 
The flustered and embarrassed Dave stammers, clears his throat several times, and finally squeaks out, "Oh, its got to be your ears!" 
 
Astounded, she replies, "My ears? Why my ears? Look at these breasts! They are full, don't sag, and they're 100% natural! My buns - they are firm and don't sag, and have no cellulite! Look at this skin, no blemishes, or scars! Why in heaven's name would you say my ears are the best part of my body?!" 
 
Clearing his throat once again, Dave stammers, "Outside when you said you heard someone coming? . . . 
That was me."
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A man was on a beach in California when came across a bronze container half buried in the sand. He picked it up and rubbed the sand off and a genie appeared! The genie said congratulations! I will grant you one wish! (cheap genie....). The man thought a bit and said " I have always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I am deathly afraid of flying and ships cause me to get horribly seasick. I want you to build a bridge so I can drive to Hawaii!" The genie looked horrified and replied " do you have any idea what that will involve? The ocean is thousands of feet deep. Building the support system will.be impossible.  Storms will make the bridge impassable and unsafe. I'm sorry, but even a genie has limits.  Please make another wish."  The man thought a moment and replied " OK. I a want to understand women!".  The genie reflected briefly and replied, "Do you want that bridge to be two lanes or four?" 

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Today is National Hot Dog Day, I think I'm gonna have burger instead now LOL. 

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Posted (edited)

What did the left pussy lip say to the right pussy lip. We use to be so tight until you let that duck in between us

Edited by new2hobbying
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Posted (edited)

Lick Of The Devil is listed (or ranked) 19 on the list 28 Dirty Slogans That Businesses Somehow Got Away With

Dream On is listed (or ranked) 20 on the list 28 Dirty Slogans That Businesses Somehow Got Away With

Nice One, Smarty Pants is listed (or ranked) 27 on the list 28 Dirty Slogans That Businesses Somehow Got Away With

 

 

 

Edited by shane
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4 hours ago, shane said:

Lick Of The Devil is listed (or ranked) 19 on the list 28 Dirty Slogans That Businesses Somehow Got Away With

Dream On is listed (or ranked) 20 on the list 28 Dirty Slogans That Businesses Somehow Got Away With

Nice One, Smarty Pants is listed (or ranked) 27 on the list 28 Dirty Slogans That Businesses Somehow Got Away With

 

 

 

All of these made me laugh.  Thanks !!  In Burbank there was a hot dog shop...I don't remember the name, but their tag line on he sign was "Where 8 inches is merely average".  I often wondered how many giggles they got from drivers passing by.

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Just heard this one:

Wife would like to get a boob job so hubby goes and talks to the doctor and finds out the cost is $5,000 goes home and tells her the cost and they both agree it's a little much for their budget so he says I've been thinking about an alternative. She says what's that and he says take some toilet paper and rub it between your boobs two or three times a day she said what's that going to do he says I don't know but look what it did for your butt

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Posted (edited)

Found this postcard in a stack of memorabilia.  My mom sent this to me when I was in college.  Note the Flatirons in the background. Figured some of you might get a chuckle out of it.

eZOLvas.jpg?1

Edited by BadBoy
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18 hours ago, average1 said:

All of these made me laugh.  Thanks !!  In Burbank there was a hot dog shop...I don't remember the name, but their tag line on he sign was "Where 8 inches is merely average".  I often wondered how many giggles they got from drivers passing by.

Glad to hear it, just wish that I'd saved the link. There were about 25 similar ads on the page.

I used to work in the Burbank area for many years, I remember that hot dog stand and meant to go there with co-workers but never found enough interest. I fondly recall a great hot dog stand in the St Louis area called Woofies whose slogan was "The hot dog with dignity" which were great and, when loaded, were not dignified at all... much like some of my favorite providers. :)

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Speaking of Hot Dogs and wieners:

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Ate at the Burbank one many times.  It's been so many years, I can't remember if it was on Victory Blvd or Hollywood Way.  Good dogs.  The more famous one is Pink's in Hollywood.  Also ate there many times.   I also worked in Burbank for a few years.

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Posted (edited)

40 minutes ago, Kaduk said:

Warning click the link at your own discretion !!!

Pinks in Hollywood

The Lord of the Rings dog should have the weiner going through each ring. 😆😅😂

Edited by Cecilia
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Micky Mouse is sitting in his lawyer's office

His lawyer says:  Micky, you cannot divorce Minnie just because she is crazy...

Micky says:  I didn't say she was crazy, I said she was fucking Goofy!

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