I'm finding the transition to civilian life challenging

[Guest]

So I decided it's time to give up my bad ways. I have a couple UTR providers I have been seeing for a long time, but hey, I decided, let's get "real" and look for an honest relationship.

So I spent a few hours setting up an eharmony profile, looked at a bunch of my "matches" over the last few days, and ugh.

I'm not Adonis, I'm in my late 40's and have an average build for a middle aged guy, but I'm afraid in the last few years I've become spoiled by the early 20's providers I generally prefer. I just don't seem to find women my own age attractive. And some of them are ... just beasts. Good lord, who dates these women?

Ideal date? Let's just have some good sex. About 2 hours is a good length of time to hang out. I'm working on losing weight and I don't feel like eating out much. I prefer to hike with my kids, they don't whine the whole time about wanting to take a break. I don't want to talk about life's problems, I just want to smoke a bowl and have a good time in bed. Long walks on the beach and romantic sunsets yadda yadda soulmate whatever.

Maybe I just don't feel like having much involvement beyond the physical with an extremely attractive young lady once or twice a week. So if I don't hobby, I'll just be on my own. I guess I'm getting used to the idea of that. I guess I feel like at some point as I get older though, I will regret not having a partner.

Anyone else dealt with this?

Yeah, plenty to hate on above, I do understand my own hypocrisy. I own it though, it's how I really feel, not ashamed of it.

[MrFister]

Personally, I don't see why you'd want to give up on paid companionship. I think your POV on that is decent. But, reading between the lines, maybe you're missing deeper, emotional interaction?

It doesn't have to be "long walks on the beach and romantic sunsets yadda yadda soulmate whatever." Find a hobby or activity that involves other people - hiking, cooking, volunteering, dancing - and just go for fun and human interaction and stop worrying about fucking. I'd focus on groups where "single" and "dating" is a lower criterion.

[MelindaMadison]

Late 40s but yet maturity wise stuck as an early 20s guy. Women...20s or 40s aren't just fuck machines....so yes, it sounds like civilian dating may be not the thing for you. You don't want to " hang out" more than 2 hours..a " good date" is just having sex...don't want to do activities like hiking or dining out or anything where you get to know the person aside from sticking your penis in them... Wow. Just wow. ( shaking head here) Why would you even attempt to think getting to know a person in the non hobby world would even be good for you? It's a good thing for the ladies on the board here...a nightmare for a woman wanting a connection in real life...of any sort.

[DaysGoBy2]

Late 40s but yet maturity wise stuck as an early 20s guy........

I'd have to agree with this.

Reminded me of another thread and another poster(s):

.....I've met numerous people over the years who actually did get stuck in their adolescence, due to some trauma, and it's really a hard nut to crack.

That's because it's hard to know that's what's happened to you, so figuring it out for yourself is very difficult.

....Peter Pan syndrome: Term coined by pop psychology author Dan Kiley in his book "Peter Pan syndrome: Men Who Have Never Grown Up."

Peter Pan is in reference to J. M. Barrie's classic 1904 play in which a boy who refuses to grow up teaches Wendy and her younger brothers how to fly and then it's off to magical Neverneverland for adventures with mermaids, Indians, and wicked Captain Hook and his pirate crew. The play's full title was "Peter Pan, or, The Boy Who Would Not Grow Up."

The Peter Pan syndrome is not at this time a medically accepted syndrome.....

[Bit Banger]

...

So I spent a few hours setting up an eharmony profile, looked at a bunch of my "matches" over the last few days, and ugh.

...

When I filled out an eHarmony profile they refused to provide me with a list of potential dates. They said that I was not compatible with their values system.

[EuropeanMonger]

.

[WreckItRalph]

Fuck road bikes though. They don't get hurt as spectacularly as us MTB'ers.

AM: There is a possibility we are Doppelgangers, right down to countries lived in, etc. However, on this point I must disagree. Mtn Bikers, with all that padding (shoulder pads, knee pads, wrist pads, wrap helmets), suspension, fat knobby tires, mud to land in, hills to roll down, etc., are really softies. And half of 'em don't even ride up the mountain before they ride down it! Now give me a 20 mph slide across concrete in a skin suit and road rash that leaves scars for life - that's tough! Also, cars. Also, TRUCKS.

On topic - chicks who ride are a good pool of fuck buddies - agreed. But chicks who ride horses are the horniest of all - get a horse. Only costs about $30k a year in hay and vet bills; totally worth it.

[Guest]

I'm not Adonis, I'm in my late 40's and have an average build for a middle aged guy, but I'm afraid in the last few years I've become spoiled by the early 20's providers I generally prefer. I just don't seem to find women my own age attractive. And some of them are ... just beasts. Good lord, who dates these women?

Alright, don't kill me for being honest here.

Its real simple Lex7. Civilians don't get paid to fuck you. Unless your willing to be a man of his word and hold down the fort of having wife. If your not willing to that. Then forget it unless your willing and making a real commitment to one these wemon. Then don't expect them to go outta there way. These civilian wemon don't make a living based on there looks and sex. I am not sure what you expect. These lades expect you to be a man.

Flip side, if you got money to purchase you a 20 year old wife then do that.

But don't expect her to love you.

Or try this route.... Stop being average. If you want a good looking woman that your not buying, then hit the gym, get fit, go buy some men's cologne, expect to pay for all the dates, not always getting laid.

Or you better get some real good personalty. Because if your not even worth talking to.... ohhhh hello no. NEXT.

Im not being mean. lol Im just being honest.You can spank me later or send me hate mail. lol

[EuropeanMonger]

.

[boink36]

I'm not Adonis, I'm in my late 40's and have an average build for a middle aged guy, but I'm afraid in the last few years I've become spoiled by the early 20's providers I generally prefer. I just don't seem to find women my own age attractive. And some of them are ... just beasts. Good lord, who dates these women?

Alright, don't kill me for being honest here.

Its real simple Lex7. Civilians don't get paid to fuck you. Unless your willing to be a man of his word and hold down the fort of having wife. If your not willing to that. Then forget it unless your willing and making a real commitment to one these wemon. Then don't expect them to go outta there way. These civilian wemon don't make a living based on there looks and sex. I am not sure what you expect. These lades expect you to be a man.

Flip side, if you got money to purchase you a 20 year old wife then do that.

But don't expect her to love you.

Or try this route.... Stop being average. If you want a good looking woman that your not buying, then hit the gym, get fit, go buy some men's cologne, expect to pay for all the dates, not always getting laid.

Or you better get some real good personalty. Because if your not even worth talking to.... ohhhh hello no. NEXT.

Im not being mean. lol Im just being honest.You can spank me later or send me hate mail. lol

Most women wouldn't recognize a decent man if he bit them on the ass.

[pitbull]

Man, where do we begin? If you are not willing to become an interesting person who dares to connect on a deep level with another person, why bother with a civilian relationship? Women have a whole lot to offer with their insights, kindness, and intelligence. If you're not interested in talking about art, music, literature, politics, challenges of raising forbidden topics, food, etc, then why bother. If you just want to "smoke a bowl and fuck," then do that.

There is something wonderful about a civilian woman who "makes love" to you instead of fucking you for money. If you view it as "work" to simply get to the fucking, again, then why bother. And forget eHarmony. Meet real women in person and fuck the Internet.

And people wonder why we don't leave our wives. I don't leave her because I love so many aspects of civilian life, and the life she has given me, not to mention the forbidden topics that we treasure together. I think you should stick to the hobby. I also agree with Nikki Holiday's post.

[NaughtyNiceGuy]

When did hookers become non-civilians? As far as I know they only wear uniforms when requested. And unless the OP is in uniform there is no transition to civilian life. He's just a john that can't relate to a non hooker.

[mtnman2000]

I have a friend who is 47, overweight (6', 240 lbs), and thinks he is a fucking genius. He is the type of person that gets a new vocabulary word everyday and uses it and it's just awkward. Because he is an attorney, he thinks his career is the pinacole of everyone else, unless you make more money than him.

He has a low regard for attractive women and think they are stupid. Of course, if the woman happens to be very smart, he wants nothing to do with her because of a myriad set of reasons. Such as she is just wrong in all her opinions.

He wants the hot model type of lady who gives it up whenever he wants and is eternally disappointed in his dating.

I told him women like men that treat them well and make them laugh. Next, they like a guy who is stable and has their shit together by this age. They want a guy who has a decent place to live and not renting a room in a house from someone else. They want him to have a car that is decent and not reek of blood from the last elk you killed and hauled away in the back of your 1990s SUV.

Next is someone who is good at conversation. This is a tricky one. Good conversation isn't waiting your turn to talk. It's a back and forth exchange that is fun and not always about Israeli and Gaza and Obamacare etc.

My friend doesn't get it and has never had a girlfriend since he left college. Don't be this guy, he is sad.

[Jez UaBriain]

I quote from Mtnman-

Next is someone who is good at conversation. This is a tricky one. Good conversation isn't waiting your turn to talk. It's a back and forth exchange that is fun and not always about Israeli and Gaza and Obamacare etc.

Absolutely, and I want to add:

Guys and ladies who talk consistently about all their toys (cars, motorcycles,etc.), and themselves gets redundant quickly. My thought on it is this;

He (or she) who sings loudest about this is generally lacking in substance.

[MrFister]

Fascinating reponses - can't wait to see what the OP comes back with.

My friend: attractive, well-spoken. sensitive, good conversationalist and mostly aware of his faults and shortcomings. But when he talks _about_ women, he can be an ass. He can't see himself with any woman over 40 though he's in his 50's (and looks a decade older). He craves to have a partner but, when his buttons get pushed, he simply loses it with women. IMO, his deep hostility won't be resolved in this lifetime. I stopped trying to give him advice years ago.

I don't know if the OP is the same type. But his desire for "an 'honest' relationship" did intrigue me. I just think there's are more than a few (stereotypical) ways to connect with people for companionship.

Edited August 27, 2014 by MrFister
grammar

[bd5671]

I'm not Adonis, I'm in my late 40's and have an average build for a middle aged guy, but I'm afraid in the last few years I've become spoiled by the early 20's providers I generally prefer. I just don't seem to find women my own age attractive. And some of them are ... just beasts. Good lord, who dates these women?

Alright, don't kill me for being honest here.

Its real simple Lex7. Civilians don't get paid to fuck you. Unless your willing to be a man of his word and hold down the fort of having wife. If your not willing to that. Then forget it unless your willing and making a real commitment to one these wemon. Then don't expect them to go outta there way. These civilian wemon don't make a living based on there looks and sex. I am not sure what you expect. These lades expect you to be a man.

Flip side, if you got money to purchase you a 20 year old wife then do that.

But don't expect her to love you.

Or try this route.... Stop being average. If you want a good looking woman that your not buying, then hit the gym, get fit, go buy some men's cologne, expect to pay for all the dates, not always getting laid.

Or you better get some real good personalty. Because if your not even worth talking to.... ohhhh hello no. NEXT.

Im not being mean. lol Im just being honest.You can spank me later or send me hate mail. lol

Nikki, Nikki, Nikki, Nikki...

If a man is trying dating in his late 40's,

And fools around with girls in their 20's,

As sure as the sun rises over Dixie,

He'll be dead before he's turnin' Sixty!

Lex,

Take some advice from good ol' Nikki,

Be satisfied with kisses and hickies,

Unless you suddenly become really rich,

You'll never find that 20 year old b*tch...

...and remember folks,

You can't teach an old dog new tricks,

But you can surely put some Viagra in his Alpo...

Woof, Woof!

Edited August 27, 2014 by bd5671
Sp. error

[N6_in_the_village]

I'm working on losing weight and I don't feel like eating out much. I prefer to hike with my kids, they don't whine the whole time about wanting to take a break.

Maybe, rather than spending time on dating websites, you should join some kind of hiking or outdoor club. That is potentially a good way to meet a lady who, at least, likes to go hiking also, and doesn't "whine the whole time about wanting to take a break".

I don't want to talk about life's problems, I just want to smoke a bowl and have a good time in bed. Long walks on the beach and romantic sunsets yadda yadda soulmate whatever.

I think it will be difficult to start a relationship (other than escort-client) as long as you see relationships this way ... but you've already realized that, so I'm all out of advice. (Still like the hiking club idea, though.)

[pfunk]

Most women wouldn't recognize a decent man if he bit them on the ass.

And, as the OP (and several other posters) have demonstrated, the opposite is also probably true.

[harpo]

I'm afraid in the last few years I've become spoiled by the early 20's providers I generally prefer. I just don't seem to find women my own age attractive. And some of them are ... just beasts. Good lord, who dates these women?

.

A friend of mine believes that a stinky young pussy is better than great smell old pussy ( I am not necessarily agree with him ). Evolution made us appreciate young women because they are able to have healthy children.

I agree that the older we get (men and women ) we have fucking heavy packages.

Cougars would agree with me.

[lilithia]

Nikki you hit the nail right on the Head pun intended. Too funny sounds like the op is having a hard time aging. you he is correct when saying he will grown old alone.

Get some cologne for real

[Audrey Astor]

It's very simple--- there's a kind I date and kind for relationship

The kind to date--- sexy, younger, hot, wants to hang and have fun and fuck like crazy, if they call, they call, if they don't cool.

There's a kind for a relationship--- more my age, responsible, interested in building a future (financially and locale wise), may not look "great", but not hideous, and I still have a great companion when the fucking years are gone.

More and more folks in their 40's seem to be looking for dates as opposed to relationships. This should be interesting to see a bunch of lonely old people in 30 years.

[mjk_79]

So I decided it's time to give up my bad ways. I have a couple UTR providers I have been seeing for a long time, but hey, I decided, let's get "real" and look for an honest relationship.

So I spent a few hours setting up an eharmony profile, looked at a bunch of my "matches" over the last few days, and ugh.

That "ugh" is about all you'll get out of e-harmony. Seriously they suck. It's all work and more work and more work for nothing.

You'll have better luck on Match, or even Plenty of Fish.

[Guest]

Nikki, Nikki, Nikki, Nikki...

If a man is trying dating in his late 40's,

And fools around with girls in their 20's,

As sure as the sun rises over Dixie,

He'll be dead before he's turnin' Sixty!

Lex,

Take some advice from good ol' Nikki,

Be satisfied with kisses and hickies,

Unless you suddenly become really rich,

You'll never find that 20 year old b*tch...

...and remember folks,

You can't teach an old dog new tricks,

But you can surely put some Viagra in his Alpo...

Woof, Woof!

There is nothing wrong with dating, or loving older men. In fact there is something wonderful to be said about loving older men. I just don't recommend it in your twenties. Let's face it....we are all so foolish in our 20's. when most us are running around with the untouchable thinking.

Why don't you try someone in her 30's (not me), Id give you a stroke during sex.

Look I know men in there 50' and 60's that are not average men, not average thinking, not in average shape, but in great shape, super fun and we could talk forever, with awesome personality. There are 3 older men I know I could love easily. But I never cross the lines. Because I am actually to scared too. They don't have to be rich. Some of us girls are not broke! Try finding someone who doesn't NEED YOU, NEED YOUR MONEY, but wants you. There is huge difference there.

If your looking for free sex outta the hobby with girls in there 20's... become a gym a rat stop being average... girls in there 20's they got options from many men in there late 40's that are not average. Who knows maybe you'll get lucky like i did but he past away. That would be my luck.

[Guest]

More and more folks in their 40's seem to be looking for dates as opposed to relationships. This should be interesting to see a bunch of lonely old people in 30 years.

Snap!

[ItatIsawAPuddyTat]

Snap!

Well there ya go!!! I have had a BUNCH of good dates from Match.com and Eharmony....On the other hand, I was so angry with women that I did not date at all for many years....nowadays I am happy to go to dinner and a movie with a woman! The reality is that any of us over 40 have so much baggage that it is crazy...just relax, and enjoy being with her:)

[dreamer]

But chicks who ride horses are the horniest of all - get a horse. Only costs about $30k a year in hay and vet bills; totally worth it.

Agree completely if you're talking english riders. Best butts around. And most of the dudes into it are gay so that makes your odds better.

[dreamer]

Too funny sounds like the op is having a hard time aging.

anyone not having a hard time aging is already dead or is a bore.

[muckleskelpin]

There is nothing wrong with dating, or loving older men. In fact there is something wonderful to be said about loving older men. I just don't recommend it in your twenties. Let's face it....we are all so foolish in our 20's. when most us are running around with the untouchable thinking.

Why don't you try someone in her 30's (not me), Id give you a stroke during sex.

Look I know men in there 50' and 60's that are not average men, not average thinking, not in average shape, but in great shape, super fun and we could talk forever, with awesome personality. There are 3 older men I know I could love easily. But I never cross the lines. Because I am actually to scared too. They don't have to be rich. Some of us girls are not broke! Try finding someone who doesn't NEED YOU, NEED YOUR MONEY, but wants you. There is huge difference there.

If your looking for free sex outta the hobby with girls in there 20's... become a gym a rat stop being average... girls in there 20's they got options from many men in there late 40's that are not average. Who knows maybe you'll get lucky like i did but he past away. That would be my luck.

As one in his 8th decade and who had a long relationship with a wonderful woman who also passed away, I find Nikki's comments pretty on the mark. There is so much more to this than bodies. A good mind can be the beginning of an outstanding connection.

[imwhoim]

I think the best book I ever read on finding a good relationship is Neil Clark Warren's "Finding the Love of Your Life". You have to ignore the religious shit and take the rest.

Give me a level headed, age appropriate woman whom I find attractive, who has a compatible personality and values, some similar interests and likes to shag a couple of times a week and I am a happy guy. I will gladly do my best to reciprocate. Relationships are best when they are relatively easy.

I dated hundreds of gals on e-Harmony, Match, etc. In middle age, it's way harder to find a good relationship than one would think. I settled for less and paid the price. It is better to be alone than in a bad relationship.

[Guest]

Well, I enjoyed reading all the comments. Even the hate, hey, I'm used to the other board, and as I pointed out in my original post, I recognize when my own attitudes are bogus - I'm not blind to my failings.

This morning, however, a young lady in her late 20's who I know called me up, told me she had a babysitter for the day, and basically informed me I was taking her out today. I hadn't really considered that she would have thought of me in that way. Well, I did, took her to lunch at a neat little place on cap hill, and at a certain point after lunch she informed me that it'd be nice if I got us a bottle of wine and went back to my place. So we did. And another young lady I know, but didn't consider a dating prospect, sent me a couple of nudes via text today, so I'm going to take that as a good sign.

So... color me surprised. Maybe what I am looking for does exist? These are both women I've known for a number of years but who I figured were not really into someone who was so much older than them. I don't know what has brought on this sudden string of good luck.

I have a bunch of e-harmony matches and a few emails from women, but I haven't logged in but twice since my original post. It just seems like too much work.

Maybe being away from hobbying won't mean celibacy or settling for something less than what i prefer.