Why I am not reference friendly...

[TrystinTrimble]

    So, I have never really welcomed references from guys.  Generally when I am asked by a provider for one, I will cooperate if I can. It's more work but hey, it's for collective safety, right?

 

Mainly, I am just not feeling tolerant of people who contact me  by email with references they feel I should check just for their convenience. I have asked for references so many times over the years and despite my courtesy, I have gotten like...one answer in over 10 years. I recently vouched for a man to help him see someone,  only for that provider to never answer one for me.  I found out today that the guy i was vouching for , was not vouching for me at all, and in fact was using me as a reference despite his numerous judgements against my favor.  This doesn't seem fair at all for me to give refs to girls who won't answer me when the guys who disregard all my requests in my ad think their anonymity trumps the basic courtesy of following my instructions.  There is no part of that that is not just me getting run around and screwed for nothing. So, when we say we do not accept references, it means that I am not interested in who has seen who. It is not a substitute for MY protocol being followed and it is not my concern if guys think I should chase down their old fucks and wait for the response that isn't coming. 

 

As such, I am not reference friendly and would be most delighted if people would heed my instructions in favor of ignoring them completely. It's rude and it doesn't get overlooked that my first impression of those people should be the way I can expect to be treated. I am tired of people wasting my time with their reasons why I should just let them run me ragged, when over half the time, I am being cancelled or blown off in return. So, I'm making my policy known: guys who are not willing to follow my one and only screening requirement, need not contact me hoping for an exception or listing why THEY can't do anything but ask me to take all risk and email women who have no gain by helping me.  It is not a riddle, or a suggestion for people to respect my requests. If you can't do it, then do not see me. It is quite simple. 

  

[JoDoe27]

@TrystinTrimble

I'm not questioning your screening methods. Just want to start with that. 

With everything you said, your P411, and your latest ad I can't easily discern your screening methods. I could've overlooked it entirely, but wouldn't or rather, shouldn't that be a major stress point in your ads or bios? Telling the person contacting you exactly what to expect and have ready when contacting if you don't accept references? 

I can say I read it as "I don't require references" not "I don't accept references." That is just my interpretation. 

[MrReindeer-9515]

After perusing the ads up on here, the key info I got was "no disposable phones". I take that to mean her screening requires RL info.

As a general take on the OP:

It's sad that there are a lot of self entitled fucks out there who can't be bothered to follow simple directions. If they can't live up to stated screening methods, it's better for everyone to just move on.

[Yogi]

It seems pretty straightforward that she screens with P411. If you request an appointment through that system, then no problem with a burner -- unless I am completely misreading this:

Drop me a line by phone for fastest results and be aware that without an appt request from P411, I cannot schedule an inquiry from a disposable number, no exceptions allowed whatsoever. Thanks for reading!

[daaacz]

Um, guys...

I think you're looking at this the wrong way. Trystin is saying that she does not provide references. She says very little about how she chooses to screen and is just frustrated with the jerks out there.

On that note, I'm sorry it has worked out this way for you, Trystin. I would suggest you put a line in your P411 profile stating that you don't provide references. It probably won't make a difference because people who will use you like that really won't care what the profile says, but it's worth a shot. I can't blame you for being frustrated.  It's one of the many pitfalls of working in an unregulated industry.  You have little recourse when something like this happens. I know there's a site where you can post reviews of clients.  I can't remember what it's called, though.

I made a mistake with references once.  I asked a provider ahead of time if she would provide a reference, then I contacted several potential new providers. Because I only ever hear back from about 25% of people I contact, I assumed most of them would ignore me for one reason or another.  Instead, they ALL contacted her with reference requests. She shot me an email to ask what was going on.  I felt like an ass, but explained what I had done.  She was really cool about it and i learned a good lesson. I was trying to be honest and considerate, but caused her extra work that she definitely didn't have to do. I can see how some jerk who doesn't care about her time could have caused even more problems.

 

[MrReindeer-9515]

36 minutes ago, daaacz said:

Um, guys...

I think you're looking at this the wrong way. Trystin is saying that she does not provide references. She says very little about how she chooses to screen and is just frustrated with the jerks out there.

[Snip-irrelevant]

 

See bold part in the very first line, she's not saying she does not provide references, she's saying she doesn't accept references.

If you dig a little deeper between the lines, if she isn't going to set appointments from a burner phone, the implication is that she will require RL info or a P411 account.

If you're going to call folks out for their reading comprehension skills, you might want to make sure yours are up to par.

On a final note:

It will always be beyond me why references are considered the final word by some. Face it, if he acts like an asshole during an appointment all those good references that he got don't amount to the proverbial Hill o' Beans. The only protection they(references) can afford is that after you get out of the hospital or whatever, you can bitch out the one(s) who gave references to the asshole in the first place. Big whoop.

3 hours ago, TrystinTrimble said:

    So, I have never really welcomed references from guys.  Generally when I am asked by a provider for one, I will cooperate if I can. It's more work but hey, it's for collective safety, right?

[snip]

 

  

 

[TrystinTrimble]

I am saying the following :

 

-I do not accept references. 

-I have given references in the past, however I am no longer going to do so unless it is a real urgent matter which I can greatly help by sharing my experience with someone. If a provider wants to run something by me, she may. However,  unless it is a major safety problem I will not likely be responding.  Nothing personal.

 

-my screening process that has served me well is a REAL # OR P411. Both are welcome. Emails loaded with  references and drivel that I'm expected to KNOW that they're a great guy based on....the immediate and blatant disregard of my comfort aaaand...their self assessment; well this is still not what I require and it's not ok to ask politely for something that is rude as hell to expecf( ar l People who are asking me to be alone huh them and put my freedom at risk are not going to be allowed to do that unless I know they are not LE and unless I have something to go on on the event that they hurt me , rip me off, or steal my Tramadol and my $800 fucking machine on their way out (true story).

 

-I have nothing to gain by contacting yalls wife, and a lot to lose.  Yall have nothing to lose if I let someone with zero to worry about put his whatever in my whatever when they can disappear with no trace. Those who are so afraid that I am out to break-up their family are generally walking into this with a preconceived notion that I am a dishonest piece of shit. I am not, and people who think I'm concerned with getting strangers in trouble and approach me with such suspicion; well I do not want those people in my life making me feel like shit. If you think I'm a vindictive trouble maker then you are not welcome to fuck me. Find someone who places their mental health beneath your orgasms and all the other crap that slowly chips away at her self worth. I want to see people who aren't disgusted by who I am, and those people are not found in the "ever sketched out and sneering, over-entitled snob."  If it's not that reason, then it's something even worse and it should go without saying that I don't wanna go there.

 

 Despite objecting opinions, I firmly believe that men who aren't going to be detrimental to my day are not gonna avoid such an easy and fast screen and they aren't going to treat me like a mayhem-craving shyster. It works for me, and letting someone bully me and tell me how to run my business has never been anything but horrible.

 

     Everyone is welcome to their opinion but when I make myself clear and still get my time Screwed with by people who don't give a shit if im dealing with it for the 13th time that day, that is what I call games and drama. The next guy who tells me my business model is drama, I guarantee you; he will proceed to take an hour of my life free of charge while he explains that he married a phone snooping, non sexually active "nice girl. " Its not my problem and I give zero shits about a strangers unshakeable fear of someone who won't even kiss her husband. None of that means that I should care about my well being less. It's bitchy, but it makes for a bitch who doesn't get victimized by all the insidious crap that I've seen over the years. 

 

    Ladies: if a man makes you feel guilty for your protecting your well being, it means you are being minimized as an intelligent  human and manipulated for God knows what he wants. We don't like being called harsh or unfair or a bitch, but it's better than being "NHI" on a deceased hooker file. That stands for NO Humans Involved, and it's too often that women end up that way because they felt they had to "be nice." It isn't nice to be nothing and nobody,  so be true to your own gut and take responsibility for your safety and sanity.  No one is gonna do it for you.

[JoDoe27]

@TrystinTrimble: thanks for the clarification

[daaacz]

1 hour ago, MrReindeer-9515 said:

See bold part in the very first line, she's not saying she does not provide references, she's saying she doesn't accept references.

If you dig a little deeper between the lines, if she isn't going to set appointments from a burner phone, the implication is that she will require RL info or a P411 account.

If you're going to call folks out for their reading comprehension skills, you might want to make sure yours are up to par.

 

"So, I have never really welcomed references from guys.  Generally when I am asked by a provider for one, I will cooperate if I can. It's more work but hey, it's for collective safety, right?" 

I can't see how that says anything other than the way I interpreted it (and yes, I know the OP cleared it all up.  I just can't see it). Thank you for letting me know how stupid I am when I was just trying to help. I really appreciate it.

Edited June 1, 2016 by daaacz
nothing much

[MrReindeer-9515]

23 minutes ago, daaacz said:

"So, I have never really welcomed references from guys.  Generally when I am asked by a provider for one, I will cooperate if I can. It's more work but hey, it's for collective safety, right?" 

I can't see how that says anything other than the way I interpreted it (and yes, I know the OP cleared it all up.  I just can't see it). Thank you for letting me know how stupid I am when I was just trying to help. I really appreciate it.

Normally it's not my policy to interrupt a good lambasting  but your self deprecating reply gave me pause.

Foremost, I didn't state(implicitly or explicitly) that you are stupid, just ignorant.

Fortunately in your case, while imho stupidity is the only Universal Capital Crime, ignorance is curable with knowledge.

[Guest]

There may be important issues being discussed in this thread but I sort of got lost at the $800 fucking machine. 

Switching back to pornhub now...carry on.

[Mr.Pink]

TL;DR 

[Lucy Kitten]

3 hours ago, TrystinTrimble said:

I am saying the following :

 

-I do not accept references. 

-I have given references in the past, however I am no longer going to do so unless it is a real urgent matter which I can greatly help by sharing my experience with someone. If a provider wants to run something by me, she may. However,  unless it is a major safety problem I will not likely be responding.  Nothing personal.

 

-my screening process that has served me well is a REAL # OR P411. Both are welcome. Emails loaded with  references and drivel that I'm expected to KNOW that they're a great guy based on....the immediate and blatant disregard of my comfort aaaand...their self assessment; well this is still not what I require and it's not ok to ask politely for something that is rude as hell to expecf( ar l People who are asking me to be alone huh them and put my freedom at risk are not going to be allowed to do that unless I know they are not LE and unless I have something to go on on the event that they hurt me , rip me off, or steal my Tramadol and my $800 fucking machine on their way out (true story).

 

-I have nothing to gain by contacting yalls wife, and a lot to lose.  Yall have nothing to lose if I let someone with zero to worry about put his whatever in my whatever when they can disappear with no trace. Those who are so afraid that I am out to break-up their family are generally walking into this with a preconceived notion that I am a dishonest piece of shit. I am not, and people who think I'm concerned with getting strangers in trouble and approach me with such suspicion; well I do not want those people in my life making me feel like shit. If you think I'm a vindictive trouble maker then you are not welcome to fuck me. Find someone who places their mental health beneath your orgasms and all the other crap that slowly chips away at her self worth. I want to see people who aren't disgusted by who I am, and those people are not found in the "ever sketched out and sneering, over-entitled snob."  If it's not that reason, then it's something even worse and it should go without saying that I don't wanna go there.

 

 Despite objecting opinions, I firmly believe that men who aren't going to be detrimental to my day are not gonna avoid such an easy and fast screen and they aren't going to treat me like a mayhem-craving shyster. It works for me, and letting someone bully me and tell me how to run my business has never been anything but horrible.

 

     Everyone is welcome to their opinion but when I make myself clear and still get my time Screwed with by people who don't give a shit if im dealing with it for the 13th time that day, that is what I call games and drama. The next guy who tells me my business model is drama, I guarantee you; he will proceed to take an hour of my life free of charge while he explains that he married a phone snooping, non sexually active "nice girl. " Its not my problem and I give zero shits about a strangers unshakeable fear of someone who won't even kiss her husband. None of that means that I should care about my well being less. It's bitchy, but it makes for a bitch who doesn't get victimized by all the insidious crap that I've seen over the years. 

 

    Ladies: if a man makes you feel guilty for your protecting your well being, it means you are being minimized as an intelligent  human and manipulated for God knows what he wants. We don't like being called harsh or unfair or a bitch, but it's better than being "NHI" on a deceased hooker file. That stands for NO Humans Involved, and it's too often that women end up that way because they felt they had to "be nice." It isn't nice to be nothing and nobody,  so be true to your own gut and take responsibility for your safety and sanity.  No one is gonna do it for you.

[Guest]

K.I.S.S. SO, if you have seen Trystin, don't use her as a reference.  If someone says they have seen her, don't contact her to verify the guy. Pretty easy. Got it, Roger that. 

[Bit Banger]

K.I.S.S. -

If you aren't interested in following her screening requirements, call someone else. 

[TrystinTrimble]

14 minutes ago, Bit Banger said:

K.I.S.S. -

If you aren't interested in following her screening requirements, call someone else. 

Thanks, I needed a concise version for the wall-of-text that just magically appeared

[sparkey600]

4 hours ago, Bit Banger said:

K.I.S.S. -

If you aren't interested in following her screening requirements, call someone else. 

+1 here

[ilovewomen]

Different ladies have different methods for screening.  If you want to be safe, cooperate and work with each other.

Otherwise don't request references from other ladies and take your chances.  Plain and simple.

[daaacz]

16 hours ago, MrReindeer-9515 said:

Fortunately in your case, while imho stupidity is the only Universal Capital Crime, ignorance is curable with knowledge.

Just point the way.

[ajot]

I randomly feel like someone who should chime in because some of your ad setup has made me shy away from you Trystin (pm me if you care for more details). But to be simple, clear and useful for everyone:

You have a bunch of space in your ad, use it! Not to name drop, but just because I think her ad is clear, go look at say Ella Rayne - lots of space, the end has screening info.

I've read a number of your ads, and I think it would make yours far better if you were more clear in them, using one line for each thing related to references, such as:
- I do not give references
- I do not accept references, only p411 screening OR
- *Whatever else your screening is* 

Even after all of these comments, I'm still a bit confused because of your talk of "real phone." Rhetorically, do you mean a number you can google and my real name comes up? Do you mean a not $5 phone from walmart for hobbying? Do you mean something else? I honestly don't care, but I'm just pointing out it's a bit confusing.

Really you can do ANYTHING you want for screening, or charging, or being the way you want. But if you are clearer, you will cut down on 20% of the crap directly, and be able to justifiably cut down 50% of the rest because they didn't read. After reading this forum and other places for a while, you're just kinda SOL on the last bit because there will be people ignoring it no matter what you do though!

(And pm me if you care to hear any more, this is only trying to be helpful to you and others in general)

[Paul Pudenda]

Works for me.

Edited June 4, 2016 by Paul Pudenda

[Paul Pudenda]

On 6/1/2016 at 5:30 PM, Bit Banger said:

K.I.S.S. -

If you aren't interested in following her screening requirements, call someone else. 

Works for me.

[inkspot]

If I was a newbie, I would be confused after reading this post and the OP ad.

It is easy to say follow the screening requirements in the ad but this is over the top.

Too much information.

[contrails]

5 hours ago, inkspot said:

If I was a newbie, I would be confused after reading this post and the OP ad.

It is easy to say follow the screening requirements in the ad but this is over the top.

Too much information.

Agreed. Pass

[SultryKitten]

I can see your point to a degree Trystin, but in the end all I am seeing is you making a lot of guys run from the way you are expressing what you would like them to do to see you.

Believe me, I have been frustrated when I feel that guys don't read my ads, or call thinking I should be obligated to see them on a whim, or try to convince me they are a great guy instead of giving a reference or follow directions I give, and so on and so forth; BUT that is part of our job, to put up with the crap to find the good. I can't count how many hours I have sat cussing at my computer to write an ad, or get one up, going back and forth setting up times with clients through emails, organizing all my clients so I know who has called, NCNS, who I won't see again, etc., making calls to clients I have missed, shopping for supplies, calling for references, googled phone numbers, checked other verifications... These things are just all in a days' work for us, and the highlight is when we get clients that we click with walk in and enjoy a small sliver of time where we laugh, have fun, and make the most of the momentuous excursion we are blessed with. How cool is it that we get to do something fun for good money? We are not sitting in a cubicle from 9-5 and I thank the good Lord for that every day! I also like to think that we are helping our clients too even if other people don't agree that this is some sort of therapy. I truly feel I help heal each person that walks through my door with the little things I do, and I look forward to them coming back again. 

I guess I feel grateful cause I wouldn't be who I am without this part of my life, and I couldn't imagine who I would be without learning all I have gained from meeting all the people in this biz.

For me, I think if you feel clients are having a hard time understanding or not grasping how you run your business, you need to make it easier or more precise so they understand how you run it. I have made lots of changes in this business over the years, and continue to do so...it is an everchanging venue that will never stop changing. Also, stepping back and getting perspective is always a plus. Good luck in your future endeavours! :-)

xoxo,

Samantha Sheppard

[Paul Pudenda]

Once again Samantha, you are a voice of reason and class.  We need more of your posts - and a lot less of the insipid drivel that tries to pass here as wisdom.

"I guess I feel grateful cause I wouldn't be who I am without this part of my life, and I couldn't imagine who I would be without learning all I have gained from meeting all the people in this biz."  

Class is in session.

[SultryKitten]

Thank you Paul! I have been around long enough to have lived and learn, and it all wasn't roses! I have been banned, I have ranted and raved, I have spoken my mind, and after sitting in the naughty corne;, I have come to the conclusion that I still have a lot to learn, that I don't know everything, and that everything isn't always as bad as it seems. I simply take one day at a time, lots of deep breaths, and don't sweat the small stuff. LOL!

xoxo,

Samantha Sheppard

[jj254-1]

It's a rare business where a vendor can put the customers on blast for wanting the service. 

[Guest]

10 hours ago, jj254 said:

It's a rare business where a vendor can put the customers on blast for wanting the service. 

Business, vendor, customer and service are terms and concepts from that other, real world. This is more like show business, and you know what they say about show business; there is no business like it.

 

[TrystinTrimble]

On 6/12/2016 at 10:55 PM, jj254 said:

It's a rare business where a vendor can put the customers on blast for wanting the service. 

While this is certainly applicable, I feel that that statement is an exaggeration/oversimplified one.  I must ask you these in response:

*where in my statements am I putting anyone "on blast" for "wanting service?"  First of all, 1997 called, and they'd like their jargon back, please. Second, the issue was never about innocent callers being publicly called out over simply dewcalling me. That choice of words, to me, seems to be very slanted towards the idea that I am unstable toward any people who talk to me at all. . I can see a sentence is really saying "you're a drama bomb. Look out everyone, this  one is unapproachable,  whoa-ho don't upset this loose cannon or she'll blast you."  It is a recurring  theme to encounter responses to normal and acceptable concerns that are dismissive, passively hostile, and point at the idea that I've done or said something unwarranted and to people who were only trying to schedule through polite communication. How is that statement NOT about reducing a legitimate concern into "some crap some dumb broad pulled outta nowhere?I^"

 

*Its rare to have the customers of anything business-like, to be of such a personal nature.  It's rare to be in a position that leaves the vendor where she is handled as if she's crazy and irrational when she starts to discuss something. It is rare to me, I must say, to work in an industry where the vendor is purposefully expected to be alone with strangers, yet has no recourse for harm done to her by them and can expect to be given plenty of hell when she tried to talk about it.  How is that environment anything good at all without a regulating voice to balance?  

 

Show biz or not, I am quite tired of being downgraded to a ball buster with labels like "abrasive" and "aggressive" and "Demanding" whenever I ask for the things I need to feel comfortable alone with a new guy.   The bottom line is that it is my duty to look out for my safety and a great place to look first is to assess whether or not the gentlemen approached me in the way I requested.  If he tries to make his own accommodations , I can expect him to treat me the same as he did my protocol: lIke it's there for him to tailor to his own purpose.  

So, will you please tell me how that's me "putting guys on blast for wanting service?"