When your favorite Colorado friend dies

[Caressa Duval]

There has been so much hate and negativity directed at us all lately here on the forum.  I am hoping what I post here will resonate with others. I have been dealing with the loss of my longest and oldest friend in the business. He was in his 80s, and he was wonderful to be with up to the end.  He was one of my firsts. We knew each other for years. He would have to go into the hospital every 3 months or so for a dangerous treatment. He knew I worried, and cared deeply for him. He had my real phone number,  I was listed in phone under my real life career.  He would call me right when he woke up from anesthesia  to let me know he was okay. He would be super cute, and flirty. Always say how he wished I was one of his nurses and....

During the pandemic we kept in weekly phone contact, I was as concerned for his wife who was equally his age as I was for him. I only got to see him twice after the vaccines came out. There is no way, you can spend years with a person and genuinely love them as a friend. Or at least I can't. We knew everything about each other. Real life occurs during the years you spend with a person. They change from being a client, and become a real friend.

Here is the hard part. We don't get informed in a proper way of them dying many times.  The relationship is real, but also a secret. I found out when his Facebook got hacked, and spam was being sent out through messenger.  I texted him, to let him know his Facebook was hacked and I got no reply. That was very much not like him. Then some time went by and I got another spam message through messenger. I texted again, and again no response. My heart just broke, it took me days to muster the courage to google for his obituary.

I did not get to say, goodbye. I replay our last visit in my mind over and over. Hoping that I let him know just how special he was to me.  I wonder often since I found out, if I would have done anything different, if I knew it was going to be the last time. We never parted with out a big hug at the end of each visit. Still I wonder, if I would have done more.

Many of you guys mean more to us than you could ever know. I also know that many of the men here have providers, that have enriched their lives. I am sure I am not alone in this. If anyone would care to share a story.  I would deeply appreciate it. This is the only way I get to say goodbye to him

[gr8owl]

Very sorry for your loss.  Friendships in the biz are real, precious when they happen.  

[Hunter VanDyke]

I'm so sorry to hear of your friend passing.  This is a beautiful post, and really shows what a client/companion relationship is for many.  When clients come on here, they do so for many reasons.  Friendship is one of those reasons.  Naughty stuff too, but a lot of clients just want a friend.  To feel loved and cared for, with boundaries of course.  He found a good friend in you Caressa.  Thanks for sharing.  Sending you my love dear.   

[Mustang87]

1 hour ago, Caressa Duval said:

There has been so much hate and negativity directed at us all lately here on the forum.  I am hoping what I post here will resonate with others. I have been dealing with the loss of my longest and oldest friend in the business. He was in his 80s, and he was wonderful to be with up to the end.  He was one of my firsts. We knew each other for years. He would have to go into the hospital every 3 months or so for a dangerous treatment. He knew I worried, and cared deeply for him. He had my real phone number,  I was listed in phone under my real life career.  He would call me right when he woke up from anesthesia  to let me know he was okay. He would be super cute, and flirty. Always say how he wished I was one of his nurses and....

During the pandemic we kept in weekly phone contact, I was as concerned for his wife who was equally his age as I was for him. I only got to see him twice after the vaccines came out. There is no way, you can spend years with a person and genuinely love them as a friend. Or at least I can't. We knew everything about each other. Real life occurs during the years you spend with a person. They change from being a client, and become a real friend.

Here is the hard part. We don't get informed in a proper way of them dying many times.  The relationship is real, but also a secret. I found out when his Facebook got hacked, and spam was being sent out through messenger.  I texted him, to let him know his Facebook was hacked and I got no reply. That was very much not like him. Then some time went by and I got another spam message through messenger. I texted again, and again no response. My heart just broke, it took me days to muster the courage to google for his obituary.

I did not get to say, goodbye. I replay our last visit in my mind over and over. Hoping that I let him know just how special he was to me.  I wonder often since I found out, if I would have done anything different, if I knew it was going to be the last time. We never parted with out a big hug at the end of each visit. Still I wonder, if I would have done more.

Many of you guys mean more to us than you could ever know. I also know that many of the men here have providers, that have enriched their lives. I am sure I am not alone in this. If anyone would care to share a story.  I would deeply appreciate it. This is the only way I get to say goodbye to him

Amazing story and you should be proud of the special roll you played in his life. There is a small handful of ladies that have been special and important to me as well and I am very grateful, as I'm sure your friend was. Prayers to you and his family.

[gr8owl]

31 minutes ago, Mustang87 said:

Amazing story and you should be proud of the special roll you played in his life. There is a small handful of ladies that have been special and important to me as well and I am very grateful, as I'm sure your friend was. Prayers to you and his family.

Indeed, and a couple that remain so long after they have left the biz.  Such are what regulars and friends are made of.

[oldertruckguy-9225]

I am truly sorry for your loss. I will pray that you find peace and understanding. I opened a thread here on TOB several years ago when I lost a friend to suicide. I initially met her thru the hobby. She quickly became a favorite playmate and eventually our arrangement evolved into a true friendship. The last several months of her life were hard for her and the people who knew her. Her severe depression, insanely fast addiction to drugs was very hard to deal with. On the last night of her life she called me and a couple of other friends.  She was crying, rambling, screaming about her "shittty life" Unfortunately that had become a very tiresome pattern for her. It was very hard to be around her. Another friend and I discussed on the phone whether or not one of us should go to check on her. The friend really couldn't go as she had two young ones at home. It was up to me. I hesitated. This girl lived almost 45 minutes from me. It was late at night. I knew what kind of emotional storm I would be walking into. I just did not want to deal with it. I did not go to her. Later the next day I was informed she was dead. She committed suicide. Took me a long time to reconcile that decision. Numerous individuals from this incredible community responded with genuine care, words of comfort and prayers. I am sure you will find the same. My heart aches with you.

[Skg]

I love Caressa’s story. I’m getting older now and wanted a friendship like this. I’ve had few but then they disappeared without notice. I’ve helped out other providers over the years.  We are all human and we need to take care of each other. Enough said. 

[wglide2003]

It is a wonderful thing when a provider and client become close friends. To share and care about each others well being.

[sweetmoment]

Caressa, I'm sorry for your loss. May you always have a friend who can comfort you with their presence and lift you up on wings of eagles.

[sweetmoment]

21 hours ago, Hunter VanDyke said:

I'm so sorry to hear of your friend passing.  This is a beautiful post, and really shows what a client/companion relationship is for many.  When clients come on here, they do so for many reasons.  Friendship is one of those reasons.  Naughty stuff too, but a lot of clients just want a friend.  To feel loved and cared for, with boundaries of course.  He found a good friend in you Caressa.  Thanks for sharing.  Sending you my love dear.   

Yes, Hunter, a wish for a simple friendship is something a number of us long for, including me. For me, just being in a presence of a woman who cares by accepting my presence and facilitates initial greeting and possibly conversation leading to mutual comprehension and respect for boundaries would lead me to conclude the session was successful.

Edited September 4, 2022 by sweetmoment

[ilovewomen]

Caressa,

I am sorry for the loss of your friend.

Your post proves that we are all humans and that friendships can develop in this environment.

Thank you for sharing this with us.

[average1]

Caressa, I am so sorry for your loss.  Friendships both in and out of the biz are very important.  Grieve fully and remember their is no timetable for recovery from a loss like this. Take good care of yourself and treat yourself kindly.  For some reason, I have been privileged to developed some friendships in the hobby and truly value them.

[Phil-anderer]

Thanks for sharing this, and I hope the pain becomes easier to deal with over time.

[CountryGentleman]

Wonderful relationship and you were a true friend to him!

Thank you for sharing!

[gr8owl]

1 hour ago, Really Really Really Small said:

Move on to the next one?

You are grossly undervaluing the meaning of a true friend.  Hope you have one some day.

[Hunter VanDyke]

1 hour ago, Really Really Really Small said:

Nasty to me again and for no reason.  Reported.

• Prodigious understanding of TOB principles

😂😂😂

[ReallyReally Small- Banned]

13 minutes ago, gr8owl said:

red - yeah right.  Pure snark

blue: yawn.

Rude and reporting again.  I actually forgot the "?" on my repost.  Here is the full quote and you can see it above in OP  "Sorry to hear about this.  Move on to the next one?"

[gr8owl]

18 minutes ago, Really Really Really Small said:

 reporting again.  

yawn.  just more amateurish baiting.  You need a hobby.

[ReallyReally Small- Banned]

1 hour ago, gr8owl said:

yawn.  just more amateurish baiting.  You need a hobby.

Nope.

[ReallyReally Small- Banned]

20 hours ago, gr8owl said:

You are grossly undervaluing the meaning of a true friend.  Hope you have one some day.

Mods told me you got censored.  This is good.  Now.  Let's hope she can find a new one.

[gr8owl]

1 hour ago, Really Really Really Small said:

Mods told me you got censored.  This is good.  

false

[Denverguysf]

Deepest sympathies. 

[sunshinelovely]

On 9/3/2022 at 9:47 AM, Caressa Duval said:

There has been so much hate and negativity directed at us all lately here on the forum.  I am hoping what I post here will resonate with others. I have been dealing with the loss of my longest and oldest friend in the business. He was in his 80s, and he was wonderful to be with up to the end.  He was one of my firsts. We knew each other for years. He would have to go into the hospital every 3 months or so for a dangerous treatment. He knew I worried, and cared deeply for him. He had my real phone number,  I was listed in phone under my real life career.  He would call me right when he woke up from anesthesia  to let me know he was okay. He would be super cute, and flirty. Always say how he wished I was one of his nurses and....

During the pandemic we kept in weekly phone contact, I was as concerned for his wife who was equally his age as I was for him. I only got to see him twice after the vaccines came out. There is no way, you can spend years with a person and genuinely love them as a friend. Or at least I can't. We knew everything about each other. Real life occurs during the years you spend with a person. They change from being a client, and become a real friend.

Here is the hard part. We don't get informed in a proper way of them dying many times.  The relationship is real, but also a secret. I found out when his Facebook got hacked, and spam was being sent out through messenger.  I texted him, to let him know his Facebook was hacked and I got no reply. That was very much not like him. Then some time went by and I got another spam message through messenger. I texted again, and again no response. My heart just broke, it took me days to muster the courage to google for his obituary.

I did not get to say, goodbye. I replay our last visit in my mind over and over. Hoping that I let him know just how special he was to me.  I wonder often since I found out, if I would have done anything different, if I knew it was going to be the last time. We never parted with out a big hug at the end of each visit. Still I wonder, if I would have done more.

Many of you guys mean more to us than you could ever know. I also know that many of the men here have providers, that have enriched their lives. I am sure I am not alone in this. If anyone would care to share a story.  I would deeply appreciate it. This is the only way I get to say goodbye to him

this is so sweet  , what a special connection you two had I'm sorry to hear of his passing n not being able to say goodbye xx