When the thrill is gone...

[catmanchu]

After several years, I seem to have lost some interest in the "hobby", lately. No particular reason. No bad experiences or anything. It is just not ringing my bell like it used to. I have met some incredible ladies, so that is not the reason.

I am sure somebody will try to put this through the hobby translator and I might find that useful.

I am not sure of what I will do, instead, but I am thinking of doing something to cheat death on a daily basis, just to get the blood running, again.

This is not another thread about what you would do instead. I am more interested if other guys have gone through this and what did you do when the thrill was not there.

[fork]

Libido comes and goes. When this has happened to me I've been grateful to give my bank account a breather.

Also, with age, libido generally goes away. Your mileage may vary.

[Vic Kosslovich]

What fork said.... I have a lot less interest (and ability) to pound away at some sweet young thing. These days it is much more about intimacy for me. And yes, I know it's not real but that's ok. I have spent more time recently with massage and level 2 endings because that's what I enjoy. I've also paid full GFE price for massage with a GFE experience (i.e mutual touching and kissing) and a level 2 ending.

I've also added a little more kink to my sessions. Although with the change in P411 it's harder to tell who is up for that.

FWIW.

Vic

[pfunk]

I am more interested if other guys have gone through this and what did you do when the thrill was not there.

I still play, quite a bit less, but I play for something fun to do. I'm over the adrenaline part, and just like meeting girls, and enjoying their company, and skills. I spend more time working, and hanging with those I love, too.

[pitbull]

Be thankful that the yearning is not there, and as another poster said, get a different hobby -- pottery, woodworking, etc, until the thrill comes back.

It just might be that the thrill can only come back through a "real" relationship with feelings, and even (god forbid) love. If you do the hobby too much, and ponder its nature too much, you start to see it for what it often is: a tawdry, hollow, unfulfilling exchange. Not all the time, but too much of a good thing becomes a bad thing. Hell, I don't know what the fuck I just wrote.

[parkercole]

I've been at this off and on for the past decade. and it's fair to say my desires have changed from when I first started. I search for quality gfe ladies to spend time with these days. i also suppose the want to meet and spend time with new companions will never end either. throughout the years I've been able to broaden my experiences with many new adventures. so i hope the desire or fire wont die down anytime soon for me!

i do hope you can find a new thrill or excitement for you to savor. best of luck catmanchu!

[MrFister]

It does require a mental adjustment. After years of high libido, it's confusing to still have my mind think about sex but my body could care less. Or to go days without masturbating (twice a day until recently). There's an opportunity to observe your own mind in the throes of desire without the amygdala calling the shots.

I've mentioned this before in another thread but you might want to have your T-level checked for general health reasons. Not only does it lower your libido, it can lead osteoporosis.

[catmanchu]

Be thankful that the yearning is not there, and as another poster said, get a different hobby -- pottery, woodworking, etc, until the thrill comes back.

It just might be that the thrill can only come back through a "real" relationship with feelings, and even (god forbid) love. If you do the hobby too much, and ponder its nature too much, you start to see it for what it often is: a tawdry, hollow, unfulfilling exchange. Not all the time, but too much of a good thing becomes a bad thing. Hell, I don't know what the fuck I just wrote.

Thanks for the feedback. Pitbull, your comment hits close to home. In my early days I fell into the trap of a "real" relationship with an ATF. It lasted too long before I learned what "real" really meant. It was very expensive, painful and why I avoid repeating with someone when I might feel a connection. Maybe it is too many "unfulfilling exchanges". Food for thought. Some distance might help

[Guest]

Get your testosterone levels checked.

[IncogNito32]

The truth of the matter is no one actually wants to hire someone to have sex with, just as no lady wants to fuck random strangers for a few 100 $s. Life has not delivered all of us that room full of 60 virgins or a beautiful gf/wife to satisfy our needs, just as the handsome millionaire hasnt showed up to give these ladies the life they deserve so we all have been suckered into perpuating this unfortunate game, where both sides trade eachother a little bit of energy to make our existence a little more tolerable for a little more longer at the cost of our $, our characters, our futures and ourselves.

This could be good if it was used as an opportunity to meet and help similar people in a desperate situation, but instead it has created a vast economy of people taking advantage of eachother for a short term game, and with each other time more of our souls are taken as we fall further into this habit, at the hands of violent pimps, dreams of granduer and needing money.

Now instead of using our energy to make ourselves better to move ourselves closer to the situation we truly want to be in, we succumb to the hedonistic temporary relief that leaves us drained of energy and spirit that pushes our dreams even farther away. If we cant get a hold of these incubbus/sucubbus that have implanted ourselves in our psyche we will crash to the shore as surely as the sailors tempted by the Oddysseyn sirens...just kidding.

Nikka iz u krayzy?!?who isn't trying to bang hot bitchez...u needs 2 get ur headchecked out or somethin...

[Guest]

I find that reading tob and specifically checking out the 'average' and below reviews gives me a good reality check, and has kept me from backsliding back into the hobby. It's good to know things haven't miraculously changed

[Guest]

What a supportive group! One thing has not been mentioned:

I'm not a shrink but... I've had bouts of depression.

Along with that come loss of libido and loss of sleep.

It is a tail-spin that gets even worse if I fail to launch with my ATF.

What has helped me are: time, prescription sleeping pills, and rigorous exercise (when awake).

I've avoided anti-depressants because they can further suppress a number of things, including ability to ejaculate -- now that'll aggravate a tail-spin!

Good luck.

[Mustang87]

I'm been going through a similar stretch myself. There have been times over the last 4-5 years when I was looking to book something every week or two. I often didn't make the best decisions in those days. More recently I don't get that drive nearly as often to book something right away. I like it this way better. It gives me the opportunity to pick my spots and make better decisions. If my ATF is not available, no big deal, we'll try again next week. I don't thing it is necessarily a testosterone or libido issue, It's just that once you've done this enough time, the thrill isn't quite the same.

[csm007]

After several years, I seem to have lost some interest in the "hobby", lately.

You need to take a break and then come back....or maybe you need to find a real girlfriend.

[Denguy40]

At my current pace I will be retired from the hobby by the end of the year. It is/was my mid life crisis thing and thanks to the awesome ladies in Denver the itch has been scratched. And scratched WELL I might add.

[Vic Kosslovich]

Why do I think the ladies are cringing as they read this post?

[Denguy40]

Why do I think the ladies are cringing as they read this post?

Not at all. There's always new johns. Even if the dollar goes away there will always be a credit/trade enabling the hobby. A complete internet lockdown is the largest threat.

[Guest]

Not at all. There's always new johns. Even if the dollar goes away there will always be a credit/trade enabling the hobby. A complete internet lockdown is the largest threat.

I agree. The ladies have frequently commented (when the subject comes up) that steady returning clientel are not needed because the new guys are lined up around the block. I used to be skeptical, but prices are going up, not down. Business must be good.

OP: I have a friend who introduced me to hobby and to this site. He had the same problem. Once you achieve a certain state, you tend to plateau in terms of desire. Take periods away from here and the hobby. When you come back, so will the desire.

[Lucy Kitten]

I agree. The ladies have frequently commented (when the subject comes up) that steady returning clientel are not needed because the new guys are lined up around the block. I used to be skeptical, but prices are going up, not down. Business must be good.

OP: I have a friend who introduced me to hobby and to this site. He had the same problem. Once you achieve a certain state, you tend to plateau in terms of desire. Take periods away from here and the hobby. When you come back, so will the desire.

You still misunderstand the whole regular thing but it's no more use trying to convince you. If you look closely at the ads the truth is revealed. The current high rates don't reflect that business is booming and I can point you to evidence that proves the opposite, that business is not so great.

As for the OP if you're not feeling you're not feeling it. Find something else that brings you joy. Sometimes its not overly complicated.

[Blackthorn]

Marginal propensity to consume comes to mind!

[Whatdah]

Good Post

Back in the day ('05-'09) I is was totally immersed in the hobby. sometimes two to three appointments a week. Really enjoyed the "no strings attached" casual romps. Denver Sugar/Denver Players. Ashley's Angels. PC. More recently Club 69. Tons of indies along the way. Eager young hardbodies. Oh yeah!.

Was it shallow and pointless? Yup. Was it a blast? Yup!!!!!!!

Then the recession hit, "extra" cash dwindled. Hobby time diminished considerable. Probably seen just five escorts in the past five years. "Diminished", hell, it's gone. Do I miss it? I suppose, but by the same token "no". At first I was irritated that I had to curtail the playtime, but as time went on it became easy to say "whatever". There are a lot of other hobbies out there.

It was a fun phase. Very fun. Mid-life thing. Probably saved me from buying a Harley. At some point when the time is right I'll likely see an escort again. But until then I'll ogle the young hotties and think of the times that were . . . . .

Alexis of Denver

Kelsie

Kali

Lina

Heidi Lynn

Anyone from C69

Oh my . . . . .

yeah, on second thought, I miss it.

[Kaduk]

But until then I'll ogle the young hotties and think of the times that were . . . . . yeah, on second thought, I miss it.

Here this

[Guest]

Been feeling like things aren't as fun as they used to be lately. Biggest frustration ... making friends with integrity and staying power. Takes trial and error to find good partners to play with and even the good ones seem to always disappear just when a little trust and comfort level is achieved. Yes, I know it's the nature of the biz, but that doesn't mean I have to like it.

[Denguy40]

How funny would it be if the clients/hobbyists posted a one month ad for their retirement month. "Ladies, you have 30 days left to get with this hot piece of beefcake!"

Lol

I'm so tempted.

[Paul Pudenda]

"I am more interested if other guys have gone through this and what did you do when the thrill was not there."

Yep - going through it right now. When the thrill isn't here, I watch my bank account grow. And - there's always "Mob Wives." But I can't pull the trigger on "retiring" just yet.

[nudiej]

have definitely ebbed and flowed like the tides in this hobby...

won't rehash most of the points already made...

but it is really nice to know that the hobby is here whenever I need it - a no strings attached romp with the lady of my choosing that ticks all the boner boxes du jour is just a great asset in life...

[Boardmember]

I'm been going through a similar stretch myself. There have been times over the last 4-5 years when I was looking to book something every week or two. I often didn't make the best decisions in those days. More recently I don't get that drive nearly as often to book something right away. I like it this way better. It gives me the opportunity to pick my spots and make better decisions. If my ATF is not available, no big deal, we'll try again next week. I don't thing it is necessarily a testosterone or libido issue, It's just that once you've done this enough time, the thrill isn't quite the same.

I wonder how common this is? (The leveling off after the initial "Kid in the Candy Shop" phase?) I feel like I went through the Candy Shop with a vengence and now am entering the "I Can Wait Til Next Week" phase. Like the OP, I haven't had any what would be called terrible sessions, but some -- usually ones where I couldn't wait a week -- have been relatively disappointing.

Expectations play a lot into this, too. Early on, I was happy as hell just to have sex again. Now, I look for certain things during an encounter and when I see folks not in the ATF category, finding those things is hit and miss.

Lastly, my tastes have narrowed and it is just tough to find that kind of person. I know that having learned all this has slowed me down a lot recently.

[Guest]

Happened to me a couple of years ago. Loss of interest and inability to stay hard with condoms on unless I'm super turned on. Started seeking thrills at AMPs and BP for fresh meat. Wasted good amount of money on terrible and average providers. Then got into Crossfit and started getting sore muscles on regular basis. Seeked out massage therapists and got a HE from a legit CMT one day. The adrenalin rush was crazy and I got my thrills back again. Now I'm seeking out legit CMTs that would offer HEs. The thrill of the hunt and sexual tension are what I get off on nowdays. I love a good massage and a good HJ keep me hard all the way to the finish. At times it's led to a FS ending although it's very rare. And if nothing happens, you get a good massage and you've spent less than $100.

Just have to change up the game a bit.

[Denguy40]

Happened to me a couple of years ago. Loss of interest and inability to stay hard with condoms on unless I'm super turned on. Started seeking thrills at AMPs and BP for fresh meat. Wasted good amount of money on terrible and average providers. Then got into Crossfit and started getting sore muscles on regular basis. Seeked out massage therapists and got a HE from a legit CMT one day. The adrenalin rush was crazy and I got my thrills back again. Now I'm seeking out legit CMTs that would offer HEs. The thrill of the hunt and sexual tension are what I get off on nowdays. I love a good massage and a good HJ keep me hard all the way to the finish. At times it's led to a FS ending although it's very rare. And if nothing happens, you get a good massage and you've spent less than $100.

Just have to change up the game a bit.

Funny you mention this. My legit massage lady is smoking hot and although a HE is never a possibility, just the tension and intimacy of it is arguably more exciting than a sure thing.

[MrFister]

Thanks for the feedback. Pitbull, your comment hits close to home. In my early days I fell into the trap of a "real" relationship with an ATF. It lasted too long before I learned what "real" really meant. It was very expensive, painful and why I avoid repeating with someone when I might feel a connection. Maybe it is too many "unfulfilling exchanges". Food for thought. Some distance might help

From a distance of several years for me...

In this game, money is the only currency of value and it allows us to have simple, no-strings-attached sex. But thinking there's more to be had than that leads to problems. We may fool ourselves that we're worth more to our companions but, for the most part, cash is all that matters. The hour or two of fantasy we purchase is a bargain with our ego. When we let our ego hold on to the fantasy past it's expiration, we become fools, stalkers, and whiners.

If you want to be valued for more than the hourly rate, the hobby is probably not where it's going to happen. IF we assume providers are only biz-oriented, then it's foolish to give more than cash and material gifts in a pay4play relationship. Better to find something else into which you can pour your passion, something/someone that will value what you give of yourself besides money. Something that will reliably nourish your ego (I guess a Harley works for awhile).

I know there are friendships made and kept in the hobby and I am not discounting those. But I'd assume lasting mutuality is the exception. You can still have feelings for your ATF but don't let it get out of proportion to what really makes life fulfilling.