Posted July 18, 2012 According to the ex-wife..and ex-girlfriends...they thought they could fix me. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 18, 2012 According to the ex-wife..and ex-girlfriends...they thought they could fix me. There, I fixed it for you 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 18, 2012 I believe it stems from a low self-esteem. And maybe she does not even realize she has a low self esteem, like it's a subconscious thing. As sad as it is, I was once attracted to "losers", as you call them. I really liked the whole "bad boy" style. Tattoos, drug dealer, gang member, rebel, fuck the world type of attitude guys. I have grown away from this trend significantly in the last five years, thank God! Looking back on it now, I believe that the reason I was attracted to this type of man was because I had a low self-esteem and I did not believe I deserved anything better. I believe that being in this industry has taught me different. I now believe that I DO deserve better. From being in this industry, I have met a wealth of gentlemen that do not have warrants, do not tote guns, have real jobs and real educations and are genuinely nice to me. It was a revelation for me to come to the conclusion that the type of guy I was attracted to is considered a scumbag in society's eyes and that it was not in my best interest to be around these types of guys. Now, I have a great boyfriend that is NOT a loser. He is stable and secure with who he is. I never have to worry about him being arrested. I never have to worry about him not coming home at night. I never have to worry about him emotionally abusing me. He does not have tattoos, he does not sell drugs, and he never carries a weapon. He is my prince charming, and every day that I spend with him, he teaches me that I DESERVE a man like him. So anyways, to answer your question, I believe (and of course I may be wrong:rolleyes:) that being attracted to a "loser" or "bad boy" stems from a low self-esteem. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 18, 2012 What's the matter, are you trying to figure out how you get dates outside the world of pay for play(assuming that you are getting any dates at all, that is)? 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 18, 2012 Usually, when this question is asked, what is really meant is: "Why aren't women attracted to me?" 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 18, 2012 my suspicion is that jake has it right. there's an old saw that goes: women pick men thinking they'll change and men pick women thinking they won't. they're both wrong. a woman's low self-esteem certainly plays a big part in the mix too, imho, so congrats destiny in being in a better place having experienced the escort world. ironic ain't it? 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 18, 2012 What is your definition of a loser? Are you talking about financially, career wise, personality or what? I can think of some very sucessful people by material standards that I consider to be complete losers in the overall sense of what I feel life is about. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 18, 2012 Why is [cartoonish generalization] attracted to [cartoonish generalization]? Given the nearly-fictional nature of each, possibly something to do with Godzilla, or unicorns. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 18, 2012 my suspicion is that jake has it right. there's an old saw that goes: women pick men thinking they'll change and men pick women thinking they won't. they're both wrong. a woman's low self-esteem certainly plays a big part in the mix too, imho, so congrats destiny in being in a better place having experienced the escort world. ironic ain't it? Why is it ironic to find it in the escorting world? Inquiring minds need to know. You don't think that men wanting to see you badly enough to PAY you to see you might be a little bit of a confidence boost? Here is my two cents, men really only ask that when they themselves are having a hard time finding a woman. Define loser for me too, loser is going to have a varying definitions for everyone. Do women really go for losers? Maybe they do, I think the truth is though, and true for both sexes, is that we aim for someone that makes us feel better about ourselves and that can be either positive or negative but it seems more often than not to be negative. Women "in general" are about as attracted to losers as men are to bimbos. Men "in general" really need to stop dwelling over this stereo-type. If you are consistently attracted to women who like losers then maybe it's time to redefine your tastes and qualities you like in a woman. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 18, 2012 the irony i was referring to is that destiny says she has gained self-confidence being an escort, whereas the general perception of the profession is that it promulgates and/or perpetuates a woman's low self-esteem. i'm not advancing that view on the merits, i only note that it is a commonly held belief. geez, that's two 'irony' posts for me in about a week. guess i need to cut back on my spinach intake 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 18, 2012 What is your definition of a loser? Are you talking about financially, career wise, personality or what? I can think of some very sucessful people by material standards that I consider to be complete losers in the overall sense of what I feel life is about. In addition to people who don't know what they're eating tomorrow but are the happiest, most fulfilled people in the world bc they are where they want to be and are together with their families. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 19, 2012 Because, as someone already indicated, women think they can "save" men. There was an article in the NYT recently about some white chick who hooked up with a black dude, and got herself three kids. Now, she's doing an excellent job as a single mother, but, still, as a black guy myself, I could have told her the inevitable outcome of hooking up with a deadbeat. That's just an extreme example. A lot of women make terrible choices, simply because they thing they can "change the guy". Not gonna happen. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 19, 2012 well, shit, I don't know. Maybe they are "loser" women? 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 20, 2012 Pretty broad question, given that "losers" is not well defined. One theory of psychology I have heard is that women (or men for that matter) brought up in dysfunctional or abusive environments suffer from low self esteem and accordingly, fear of the unknown is more overpowering than continuation in a poor, but familiar environment or circumstance. Sounds plausible for some situations. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 21, 2012 The guy who doesn't pay child support is, for me, the definition of a loser. You want to fuck up your own life, be an alcoholic, smoke weed all day, shoot yourself up with heroin? Be my guest. I don't care. But, as soon as kids are involved, the whole equation changes. You can't pay child support? You have a spare kidney, don't you? Well, there's your child support. The guy who won't pay child support is located about 7 steps below a cockroach. I know, this is an insult.....to the cockroach. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 21, 2012 The guy who doesn't pay child support is, for me, the definition of a loser. I agree completely. As for the original poster, I think he really meant "why are women in general NOT attracted to me?" 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 21, 2012 I agree with you on this one! I have seen several responses about "fixing" a man. I never have and never will understand anyone who feels the need to mold another to fit their needs.Never try to change someone except for the better. For example, your SO has a talent, encourage them. If they have an ambition, help them bring it to light and see that they can do it. If a guy can't pick up his socks, well he can't pick up his socks, and no matter how much you try and change that, he is going to leave his socks on the floor. I also do not believe in controlling your man. Me and the SO were out having a drink, and a bunch of his friends were talking about how their women tell them they can't do this, they can't do that. I had to laugh, because I have never had the need to do that....plus I think My SO would laugh in my face if I ever had the thought. If he says, I am going out, I say have fun. Of course maybe the fact that he is in his 50's makes a difference, and he is not going out on the "prowl" for another woman. OH and he has never tried to change me either, so after 12 years I think we have figured it out. The guy who doesn't pay child support is, for me, the definition of a loser. You want to fuck up your own life, be an alcoholic, smoke weed all day, shoot yourself up with heroin? Be my guest. I don't care. But, as soon as kids are involved, the whole equation changes. You can't pay child support? You have a spare kidney, don't you? Well, there's your child support. The guy who won't pay child support is located about 7 steps below a cockroach. I know, this is an insult.....to the cockroach. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 21, 2012 Right on Destiny, low self esteem is a big issues. Also perhaps growing up with a loser dad doesnt help either!! 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted August 5, 2012 Low self esteem and codependency. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted August 5, 2012 I believe it stems from a low self-esteem. And maybe she does not even realize she has a low self esteem, like it's a subconscious thing. As sad as it is, I was once attracted to "losers", as you call them. I really liked the whole "bad boy" style. Tattoos, drug dealer, gang member, rebel, fuck the world type of attitude guys. I have grown away from this trend significantly in the last five years, thank God! Looking back on it now, I believe that the reason I was attracted to this type of man was because I had a low self-esteem and I did not believe I deserved anything better. I believe that being in this industry has taught me different. I now believe that I DO deserve better. From being in this industry, I have met a wealth of gentlemen that do not have warrants, do not tote guns, have real jobs and real educations and are genuinely nice to me. It was a revelation for me to come to the conclusion that the type of guy I was attracted to is considered a scumbag in society's eyes and that it was not in my best interest to be around these types of guys. Now, I have a great boyfriend that is NOT a loser. He is stable and secure with who he is. I never have to worry about him being arrested. I never have to worry about him not coming home at night. I never have to worry about him emotionally abusing me. He does not have tattoos, he does not sell drugs, and he never carries a weapon. He is my prince charming, and every day that I spend with him, he teaches me that I DESERVE a man like him. So anyways, to answer your question, I believe (and of course I may be wrong:rolleyes:) that being attracted to a "loser" or "bad boy" stems from a low self-esteem. I think its different for everyone. I use to like very bad boys too....but I never liked anyone that was abusive. And I've always had pretty high self esteem. For me I think it was because I was so sheltered growing up....my parents didn't let us do ANYTHING lol. So when I finally let loose I went straight for the bad boys. But after falling deeply in love with one that landed a lifetime prison sentence, I got over the really bad boys...& stuck with semi-loosers. hahaha... For me its the challenge of taming them, the excitement & drama. Although I don't do criminals anymore I still tend to go for the looser:(....and I think as I get older....I'm just about over it. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted August 5, 2012 I still tend to go for the looser:(....and I think as I get older....I'm just about over it. i guess we all must learn the hard way. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted August 5, 2012 The above is all baloney and full of rationalization. The things that most people try don't work. And the people that most people date aren't right for them. Thats just how the world works. Sorry but that's the truth. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted August 6, 2012 the irony i was referring to is that destiny says she has gained self-confidence being an escort, whereas the general perception of the profession is that it promulgates and/or perpetuates a woman's low self-esteem. i'm not advancing that view on the merits, i only note that it is a commonly held belief. It's also a commonly held belief that escorts are mostly streetwalkers, that they spread disease, that most of them were forced into it as children, etc. etc. etc. Commonly held beliefs are bullshit. The reality is that many women with low self esteem get into the business to boost their self esteem, not the other way around. For some, it works. For others, it doesn't. But weak causal relationships don't make for facts. For myself, I agree with Destiny -- and by the way, this applies to men as well as women: If you don't feel good about yourself, you attract messed up people. The more you work on yourself, the more you care about yourself, the better class of folks you attract. Like Destiny, I'm proof of it. There was a time when I felt pretty bad about myself. I allowed myself to be treated badly, attracted men who were real jerks. So I worked on myself. I put a few therapists' kids through college. I took care of myself. And now I attract a totally different kind of person. One more point: the better I feel about myself, the pickier I am about the kind of client I'm willing to see. It's not just about money anymore -- it's about making personal connections with people I genuinely like. And that's a good thing. xxxooo Beverly ;-* 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted August 6, 2012 http://www.kawasakiforums.com/forum/members/texaskaw750-8503-albums-good-ole-stuff-52-picture-ugly-mechanic-501.jpg 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted August 7, 2012 Loser men with loser women - seems like an appropriate hookup to me. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted August 8, 2012 sounds like you speak from experience 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted August 18, 2012 Can't help you with that one. I'm the loser that attracts the men. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
