Posted July 15, 2015 So, I've been a fbsm for about 6 months now. I love what I do, so when I meet potential men (outside of the industry) whom I'd like to possibly start a new friendship with, I share what I do. So far this has not been a good idea. My question to other providers is: What do you say when someone asks "what do you do"? Am I supposed lie, just keep them in suspense? Please give me some tips on dating without becoming a taboo date. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 16, 2015 My famous line is "I work in the customer service industry." Vauge enough that technically its not a lie but still don't have to share every detail if your not comfortable doing so right away. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 16, 2015 Why not just say "massage therapist" -- you don't necessarily have to mention that it's "sensual" massage. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 16, 2015 Why not just say "massage therapist" -- you don't necessarily have to mention that it's "sensual" massage. I would expect the next statement will be "oh, I could use a massage. When could I get in?" It probably won't stop at massage therapist. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 17, 2015 I don't date. If I was to date, I could not be a provider. So I can offer not much useful advice. I do have a day job, so I never have to worry about that question. I've heard others use nanny or care-giver (explains travel, unexpected overnights etc etc).... You are going to be a taboo date for many as long as you are working fbsm. Very few men I know would be cool with that. So if you intend to date, and want someone to accept your profession, you're pretty much going to have to tell them at some point. Keep it vague at first, but if it gets more serious, you should be honest with them. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 17, 2015 I would just say that I was a massage therapist. Leave out the sensual massage part. If the next question is "where" I would then say for myself I travel to the clients. Keep it casual. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 18, 2015 I would just say that I was a massage therapist. Leave out the sensual massage part. If the next question is "where" I would then say for myself I travel to the clients. Keep it casual. Yep. 70% of the AMPs are legit nowadays and 99% of the chain places are legit (there's got to be a deviant one percent out there, right?). It's a perfectly fine occupation. Say it loud and proud. If your date immediately thinks you're giving extras, well, that reveals his mindset. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 24, 2015 Amen! Thank you for all of your input ladies. It's very kind and much appreciated. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 25, 2015 I would just say that I was a massage therapist. Leave out the sensual massage part. If the next question is "where" I would then say for myself I travel to the clients. Keep it casual. He: So, what do you do for a living? She: I'm a massage therapist. He: Ooooooookkkkaaaayyy, are you licensed? She: ????????? He: Check, please! 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 25, 2015 He: So, what do you do for a living? She: I'm a massage therapist. He: Ooooooookkkkaaaayyy, are you licensed? She: ????????? He: Check, please! Me: Sure! I drive myself everywhere!! His Thoughts: *this chic is a ditz...may make it easier to get in her pants* 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 26, 2015 You do what you do. It's part of who you are. Why would you hide it? If he cares, and you lie about it, you're setting yourself up for disappointment. What, you're going to marry him and spend the rest of your life with him and never tell him? Right. It is what it is. Tell them and ditch judgmental pricks. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 26, 2015 You do what you do. It's part of who you are. Why would you hide it? If he cares, and you lie about it, you're setting yourself up for disappointment. What, you're going to marry him and spend the rest of your life with him and never tell him? Right. It is what it is. Tell them and ditch judgmental pricks. I agree with this, honesty is always the best policy. FBMS versus a FS provider is a tad bit different but I think that all potential guys you might date would want to know if you look at peckers for a living. If they judge you for it then it's not worth it but it's not fair to deny them the choice of whether or not they want to date a service provider. I have given up on "real world" dating. Dating men from the hobby pool is much easier since they already know what I do. So far so good, I have met some of the best men ever and have been quite happy. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 26, 2015 One provider told me she would like to have a boyfriend, but she didn't know if she could accept him accepting her work! 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 26, 2015 You do what you do. It's part of who you are. Why would you hide it? If he cares, and you lie about it, you're setting yourself up for disappointment. What, you're going to marry him and spend the rest of your life with him and never tell him? Right. It is what it is. Tell them and ditch judgmental pricks. I agree with this. I'm not a good liar, and I would not want to be lied to by a potential mate. I don't think it needs to come up on a casual date, but if looking for something more, or if a real relationship is the cards, I would definitely reveal the truth. I guess I don't really have an answer that the OP is looking for, but best of luck. You will come into what feels comfortable and "right" for you. It took me awhile for sure.:) -1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 26, 2015 Many of these evasive answers work for the first few dates, say 3. After that it starts to become a relationship, a place where honesty is needed. There are some people who will be judgmental, even if your job is non-contact sex work, like a stripper. Don't let them get under your skin; drop them like a hot potato. Others may not have an individual problem, but feel uncomfortable taking you home to Mom. Ok for a casual date, but not LTR material. Others may have jealousy issues. Even those of us who hobby may fall into one of the above categories, but we're more likely to be understanding than most. Interestingly, this question works both ways. How do we (clients) break the news that we see escorts for gratification? As we begin to get intimate with someone, how do we break the news that we've had literally dozens (100s?, 1000s for Wilt the Stilt) of sexual partners? Personally, my big problem is time. I travel - a lot. I like to share the adventure. It doesn't really matter if it's a day job, clones, ASP work, whatever - if she can't travel we'll have issues. I do understand that folks have to pay their bills, but there are ways to deal with that. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 18, 2015 (edited) You do what you do. It's part of who you are. Why would you hide it? If he cares, and you lie about it, you're setting yourself up for disappointment. What, you're going to marry him and spend the rest of your life with him and never tell him? Right. It is what it is. Tell them and ditch judgmental pricks.I totally agree with you. My suggestion is ditch judgmental pricks. If they don't like who are and what do you have options next dude in line. If you cant be honest and tell the truth about your service then that person doesn't belong in your life. You know you could always post on your EB ad that your seeking someone. Other girls have done it. There are guys on here are lonely and want someone to love them. Edited September 18, 2015 by Nikki Holiday 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 19, 2015 I agree with this, honesty is always the best policy. FBMS versus a FS provider is a tad bit different but I think that all potential guys you might date would want to know if you look at peckers for a living. If they judge you for it then it's not worth it but it's not fair to deny them the choice of whether or not they want to date a service provider. I have given up on "real world" dating. Dating men from the hobby pool is much easier since they already know what I do. So far so good, I have met some of the best men ever and have been quite happy.How does THAT work? I finally tried that after falling head over heels with a fella...only for him to pretty much be after free sex. I don't think I could handle that another time. And if that particular hobbyist should happen to see this, all I gotta say is "way to go! I don't trust anyone who says they actually like me now, so thanks a whole lot, sir!" 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 19, 2015 ...only for him to pretty much be after free sex... Isn't that how you get to men to actually like you? I mean, "head over heals" like you? Hasn't this been true since, well, pretty much since there have been men and women? 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 19, 2015 (edited) Isn't that how you get men to like you...... The most expensive sex I ever had was free. Edited September 19, 2015 by Laplace 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 19, 2015 Lie. I do. I'm not really a professional water-slide tester; but it is a good conversation starter. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 19, 2015 How does THAT work? I finally tried that after falling head over heels with a fella...only for him to pretty much be after free sex. I don't think I could handle that another time. And if that particular hobbyist should happen to see this, all I gotta say is "way to go! I don't trust anyone who says they actually like me now, so thanks a whole lot, sir!"You meet people you like and you just kind of go for it. Nothing ventured nothing gained right? It seems weird I know but there is already this large group of men who know what I do, we have met in the professional setting and something just clicks. The pressure is off about having to tell someone what you do. It does sort of narrow the field a little bit, you're narrowing it down by people who "know" but ideally you should find men who are less judgmental and open to the idea and understanding of dating a provider. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 19, 2015 Unfortunately, I don't see a way a hobbyist would have a chance now, Mr. Wonderful pretty much shit all over that possibility. For now the solution is to have an open relationship in which we don't go into detail concerning the open aspect... 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 19, 2015 For now the solution is to have an open relationship in which we don't go into detail concerning the open aspect...Honesty is a fine thing, in moderation. However, do not disrespect the thoughtful lie. Sometimes its the only way to get through the day. Or as Jonny Lang put itwww.youtube.com/watch?v=3tigVYfHVmQ 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 20, 2015 I travel quiet a bit and I tell guys I meet, Im a dancer ( stripper ) never will I tell a guy that might be a potential BF what I do! After pass experiences , they either judge you and use your work against you, always ask for money and expect you to pay, or they try to become your pimp ( as in tell you how to work, how to do it and such )Its best to keep it to yourself till you feel you can disclose something like this, with out getting the crazy look lol Once a connection and trust has been established then slowly start hinting what you do or dance around the topic and see the reaction or just let him figure it out himself lol 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 20, 2015 Welllll, here's how it has played out with the last two men that I have met: me: there's something you should know. I give body rubs. him: great, you're a prostitute.Tried hanging out a couple of times...mmmm, nope.Next guy. Never asked, knew that I was looking for work in my professional field, was head over heels, googled me, never talked to me again.I absolutely LOVE what I do. I'll be moving from Denver very soon. I'm going to pursue a job that is in my professional field and hopefully become a UTR on the side. That being said UTR goes for EVERYONE, even potential bf. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 24, 2015 (edited) That is a slippery slope...I have not dated in a long time. Took many years off to get to know myself which led to tons of internal changes lol. I am now in a place where I am healthy, healed and whole. Recently finding myself open to the idea of love again as well.Honestly the best policy is to be Honest with anyone you choose to date.If you care about them you would not want to hide such a big part of your life from them.Maybe in the beginning just give each man a small description of what you do. (Example: I'm a massage therapist, I'm in sales, I'm in the service industry, etc) Then as you see the two of you growing closer (more serious) I would then make sure to reveal your dirty little secret. Give him time to mull things over completely. An initial "No" may in time end up being a "I can deal with your profession" after he has had some alone time to contemplate a relationship in this facet with you.It should be up to the man to know the truth so he can make a conscious choice to either engage in a relationship with you, or decide to decline getting involved.There are men out there who will be okay with what you do. Most will want you to stop doing this job, but there will be a few that will be okay with you continuing in your profession. If you aren't willing to quit you will have a smaller pool of men to choose from. Just be wise making sure to weed out all the bad boys/money drainers who see your job as a means to support themselves.You love your body, have amazing skills, make good money and have a ton of Fun offering FBSM. If you're comfortable with what you do, walk proud and accept nothing less than a man who will love you no matter what your career choices may be.Find a guy who meets your criteria, AND who is okay with you doing this job. This will be hard work to accomplish, but nothing is impossible. You can always try Positive Affirmations where you speak the words out loud that you desire your reality to be. (Example: "I am dating a kind, quality and healthy man that accepts and loves me just how I am today.") You will draw that positive energy towards yourself rendering yourself a boyfriend/husband that meets all of your needs, wants and desires ;-) Edited September 24, 2015 by Scarlett Dayne 4 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 24, 2015 I've fucked working girls off of the clock, and, honestly, the sex wasn't all that great and most of them were screwed in the head. I'd much rather find 'em, fuck 'em, and flee and slip them a bennie on the way out. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 25, 2015 I've fucked working girls off of the clock, and, honestly, the sex wasn't all that great and most of them were screwed in the head. I'd much rather find 'em, fuck 'em, and flee and slip them a bennie on the way out. Ass clown. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 25, 2015 I'd much rather find 'em, fuck 'em, and flee and slip them a bennie on the way out. Sooooo this means your 3G 2Big? Yawwwwn. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 25, 2015 How does THAT work? I finally tried that after falling head over heels with a fella...only for him to pretty much be after free sex. I don't think I could handle that another time. And if that particular hobbyist should happen to see this, all I gotta say is "way to go! I don't trust anyone who says they actually like me now, so thanks a whole lot, sir!"That sucks. Sorry that happened to you. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
