Just busting a nut?

[meganrae28]

The review ethics thread got me thinking about nut busting -- essentially the stereotype that men use hookers like a cum dumpster.

When I first began in this industry I expected just that. It's what I'd seen in the media. It's what my mother warned me about.

If that had actually been the case I would not have stuck around very long. I was pleasantly surprised that sure, while men are certainly insanely horny until the day they die, along with the horniness is a desire for something more. The very least being the expectation of not being treated like a nuisance and at the very most too much of a connection because of loneliness and all points in between.

I've found it's not just hobbiests whom have higher exceptions than just busting a nut, but pretty much all the guys I've seen. That being said if a guy crosses boundaries into what I consider wanting too much of an emotional connection, he is likely to be a hobbiest.

I think of the entire experience like going out to dinner. Sure, I can make my own food, but I go out to dinner for all the things that come along with it: ambiance, human interaction and excellent customer service.

I'm sure the nut-busting stereotype is true in some cases, but that has not been my experience. It all leads back to being as genuine as possible. Which I find refreshing! If I couldn't largely be myself with my clients I wouldn't be doing it. In fact, I often come back to the adult biz because I can be myself much more so than in the corporate world.

[demonlover]

Yeah, I'm wit you.

Well said.

[The Oxymoron]

I was pleasantly surprised that sure, while men are certainly insanely horny until the day they die, along with the horniness is a desire for something more. The very least being the expectation of not being treated like a nuisance and at the very most too much of a connection because of loneliness and all points in between.

Exactly.

When I ran the agencies, I found that it was never the "hottest" girls who had the most return visits and were the most successful. It was the girls who were consistently able to make their clients feel special in some way.

[Guest gingerlover]

Well I haven't gotten much more out of hobbying, but I totally agree with you.

[Fred Garvin]

I want much more then just a warm wet hole. When looking thru reviews the phrases I look for are " instant connection" and " she made me feel" not huge hooters and bangin body. It's the age old question am I paying for companionship or activities? I say depending on the price point both. The fact is for me the companionship is what sets it apart from simple friction. Some girls don't get it and you see it in their reviews" mechanical" & "3g". I would guess some guys are o.k. with that or even seek it out. I don't imagine those girls are treated as well as ones that make the effort. Not just in terms of a respect stand point but being fingered like a jack hammer point. To Lucy's point in the review ethics thread I get you can't do it all and that's where ymmv comes in. It's also where if a provider isn't feeling it that day she should cancel, or reschedule. Bottom line your not factory workers and I'm not just a can to kick down the road.

[gettin' up there]

Yes, this was the surprise for me when I started. The connection quickly became the most attractive aspect of the hobby and not because of loneliness. I'm not lonely but I don't/can't connect with women on a very personal or obviously intimate basis (have an s.o.) Obviously, once I knew what was on the advertised menu through P411 list along with reviews, I pretty much knew what was going to transpire in bed. That escorts were real people and able/willing to be themselves and share has been the most interesting and fun part of the hobby. I have met more nice and interesting women than I can follow-up with. I am with Gina that the providers that keep me coming back make an effort to make a connection. The ladies whose bodies are "perfect" charge more and have no greater likelihood of being able to make a connection, so chasing after and paying more for the "perfect body" is a game I got out of early on. I am like Fred and read reviews for hints about personality, connection and heat.

[EuropeanMonger]

.

[geecue2]

Exactly.

When I ran the agencies, I found that it was never the "hottest" girls who had the most return visits and were the most successful. It was the girls who were consistently able to make their clients feel special in some way.

This is what always brings me back for repeat visits. :D Sometimes you do feel like a nut and sometimes you don't.

[pitbull]

Yep. In that thread, I questioned one lady's statement that if you "bust a nut, you got what you came for." No. Now, I admit that I have done a lot of FBSM, and in that scenario, it is truly all about you. I have gone to an AMP where nary two words were exchanged and I merely busted a nut. However, the best experiences have been where she sees me as a human and vice versa.

I will say that I don't need a whole lot of "connection," because I do get real passion/love with my wife -- just on an every-six-weeks-or-so basis which is not enough. My wife ONLY makes LOVE when she is totally into it and feeling it. Therefore, whenever we do get it on, I admit that it's great.

A provider is able to turn it on and off for money and just get it done, and yes, I don't mind if she fakes her satisfaction and happiness to be with me. It's a fantasy and I accept that. And yet, through all the fakery/jadedness, real connection does happen. It has REALLY happened with my FBSM lady who is quite a bit older than I am. I can't really explain it, but we have connected.

[Audrey Astor]

Wow..... A few of you guys just made it onto lot of ladies "client wish list".

I have stated my opinion on the subject many times, but I won't bore you.

Welcome back Megan! We missed you bunches!

[gr8owl]

At the mega store I often visit there is one particular checkout lady that I will always seek out even if her line is long. Why? Because there is a hard to fully explain connection between us that is enjoyable, makes me happy and indeed makes my day a little better. I could get the same “service” result from any other checkout, or hell for that matter the self checkout line. Call it friendship, a connection, wishful thinking – whatever. But I enjoy the interaction we have and I leave feeling better for just having seen her. Her smile when she sees me in line would seem to indicate she enjoys as well.

I guess something similar is what I hope for with a lady in this realm – at least with anyone I choose to see regularly. The sex itself and the entire experience is just much better for me if there is a perceived connection, a mutual trust, respect and yes, liking. No, not looking for love or romance. Call it friendship perhaps and I suppose on some level it is. But I know it when I feel it; and the big ear to ear grin on my face when leaving is NOT achieved by a cold, mechanical, “bust a nut and get out already” encounter.

[mj76]

I think of the entire experience like going out to dinner. Sure, I can make my own food, but I go out to dinner for all the things that come along with it: ambiance, human interaction and excellent customer service.

This is so true. If it were all about the nut I would stay home and take care it myself. I want to treat her like a human and not a cum dumpster and I don't want to be treated like a walking ATM. I'm very happy that I have found a few ladies that are able to provide a very believable passionate experience. That's what keeps me going back to them.

[Floor Flusher]

MeganRae28;

I believe you are correct.

I recently contacted a provider asking if she would teach me to slow dance. I was just looking for someone to teach me to dance. Someone who would not judge. Someone who would tell me when I made mistakes in a nice respectful way. Someone who can teach me something new so I leave a smarter person. Sometimes it is not just about "busting a nut".

Thank you for bring up the subject.

[snowmanmc]

I think along the same lines as aurora mike... it's the connection I'm there for.

With the lady I see almost exclusively, I like to see it as friends with benefits. I benefit her financially and she benefits my sanity. I think i get the better end of the deal.

[harpo]

MeganRae28;

I believe you are correct.

I recently contacted a provider asking if she would teach me to slow dance. I was just looking for someone to teach me to dance. Someone who would not judge. Someone who would tell me when I made mistakes in a nice respectful way. Someone who can teach me something new so I leave a smarter person. Sometimes it is not just about "busting a nut".

Thank you for bring up the subject.

That will be in the Guinness book world record as the most expensive dance lessons ever.

[harpo]

.

If that had actually been the case I would not have stuck around very long. I was pleasantly surprised that sure, while men are certainly insanely horny until the day they die, along with the horniness is a desire for something more. The very least being the expectation of not being treated like a nuisance and at the very most too much of a connection because of loneliness and all points in between.

.

That is evolution 101 .

[Guest]

Well said MR. A good connection and mutual respect makes hobbying a ton more enjoyable.

[Guest]

Thank you to the guys who have posted in this thread who actually want the human experience. I personally have a terrible time with just getting it on without getting to know someone. I have found that the guys who want to take the time to get to know each other a bit first, are the guys I have the most fun with. There is something to be said about the connections we make. There is one particular guy that I just love spending time with. I recently sent him a PM and told him I would find any excuse to spend more time with him. For me, it is the connection, it makes the time spent together much more enjoyable. So when a gentleman appreciates me, I most certainly appreciate him. I would rather go over time and enjoy each other than wham bam thank you mam. Don't get me wrong, I will do that as well, however my preference is to make that connection.

[Bit Banger]

"A man does not insist on physical beauty in a woman who builds up his morale.

After a while he realizes that she is beautiful - he just hadn't noticed it at first." (*)

(*) Notebooks of Lazarus Long, R.A. Heinlein ©1973

[RJ in Denver]

Meganrae28,

Thanks for the thought provoking post!

I have seen you once and it was awesome! You made me feel like a king! It is/was that connection that I search for each and every time I am out getting my FBSM. My life is complicated to say the least so this is my only source of "passion" or "moments of happiness" as I like to call them. I have seen both the hurry in & hurry out and I really enjoy the connection. If I find the connection I am willing to "donate" more for it. So glad that you are back and I hope to see you again real soon!

[AaBrenly]

Busting a nut is nice but I agree with others that it is the total experience for me. Like a nice dinner date. Good company, conversation and the fun time together. If the provider is interesting, fun to be with, and seems to enjoy it also - those are the ones I'll repeat with.

[imwhoim]

I have no wife or GF at home and my [forbidden topics] are gone. So I am pretty free to have whatever relationships I want at this point. Though I'm not into another committed monogamous relationship any time soon, I do miss the romance, female companionship, friendship and sex.

My friend tells me I am crazy for looking at this option. He says I should find a FWB if I am looking for friendship and sex.

Whether or not that is in some way possible here, I'll find out. Since I have not actually met any providers yet, it is all conjecture. But, I am pretty sure I fall into the camp of those who want some friendly emotional connection with a regular rather than those who want to bust a nut with a chick they could never get otherwise.

Edited July 22, 2014 by The Oxymoron
forbidden topic

[lola]

MeganRae28;

I believe you are correct.

I recently contacted a provider asking if she would teach me to slow dance. I was just looking for someone to teach me to dance. Someone who would not judge. Someone who would tell me when I made mistakes in a nice respectful way. Someone who can teach me something new so I leave a smarter person. Sometimes it is not just about "busting a nut".

Thank you for bring up the subject.

I love this post. Dying to know if you learned to dance.

Being nonjudgemental about many things-marital status, size, looks, reasons-all are part of being successful at what we do.

My connections are longterm and we will be friends until the day one of us dies.

You got it right, snowman. We provide each other with our gifts. He is my Adult Service Provider.

Edited July 22, 2014 by lola
added

[Nightrain]

Exactly.

When I ran the agencies, I found that it was never the "hottest" girls who had the most return visits and were the most successful. It was the girls who were consistently able to make their clients feel special in some way.

I usually split my hobby time about 90% banging hotties and 10% with those I can relax, chit chat and have a drink with.

[Home run hitter]

Sometimes you feel like a nut... Sometimes you feel like a nut, and companionship, human connection, the smell, touch, voice of a lovely woman. Usually the latter for me...

[lowboy]

Sometimes you feel like a nut... Sometimes you feel like a nut, and companionship, human connection, the smell, touch, voice of a lovely woman. Usually the latter for me...

^This. Although I will say that if I feel like a nut, I'll usually take matters into my own hand...

[limey]

So I have always loved the connection that I have had with many in the industry. Some are really close and some are not so much. I recently had a immediate close and spectacular experience with an AMP. I felt like a Geisha was taking care of me. This is admittedly unusual. I've had many best of the best experiences subjectively.

I also see this in general items that happen during this thing I call life. I have a great fish monger at a grocery store. I buy too much when she is there and don't buy much when she's not. There are so many good bartenders that want to be at least personal or more. Its a good life when you have many friends, close or not. While I make choices that sometimes leave me alone, it's a good thing that most people would like to interact. I think most people who want that interaction seem to be most successful. This would be in or out of this industry. Not everyone mind you, just most. Attraction is a very subtle thing that starts small and builds. I've been lucky in that I've had the pleasure so many different attractions in my life. But I would submit I'm not alone.

So busting a nut is important, its not the only thing. Yes bigger than most, but not the only thing.

When I think of 3g experiences, and I've had a few, those are all in the lower half always.

[bikentats-9753]

I think along the same lines as aurora mike... it's the connection I'm there for.

With the lady I see almost exclusively, I like to see it as friends with benefits. I benefit her financially and she benefits my sanity. I think i get the better end of the deal.

+1

love the connection that happens.

[coolhand luke]

When I first started I just wanted something quick with no strings. Now that I am past the age of 30 with no S.O. (by choice), I am looking for that Personal Touch. Bruce Springstein wrote a song about it. Just occasionally need that along with the horny part. Just not into looking for a S.O. for both.

[louisville42]

The very least being the expectation of not being treated like a nuisance...

My first time, I left walking on air, practically skipping down the street. After a while I realized that it wasn't just that I'd had sex after months and months without. It was because for the first time in years, I'd had sex without being treated like defective goods.