ASP hittin' you up for money

[extradirty2olive]

So I'm just curious if this happens a lot with ASP's and their clients.

Just recently I met one and we had a good time. So we met another time and it was fine. A few times after that it was difficult to schedule her...she'd kept flaking out.

About a week ago I get a text from her wanting me to Western Union her $80 so she can come home because she's stuck somewhere in Santa Fe or somewhere. She would pay me back with a freebie when she got back in town.

Over the years I've developed friendships with a couple ASPs and I have helped them out. $50 here and there. And it always seems to never work out in my favor. They tend to disappear or they won't come see you cause they know they you want them to pay you back in services or discounted services.

So this time I just said no. I've only met her twice. We aren't friends. And boy did she try to land a guilt trip on me. Cussing me out via text. Telling me that now she knows "who her friends really are".

I pretty much told her off, blocked her number and deleted her...and didn't feel bad about it.

I hate to hear the sufferings that these girls "might" be going though but why burn your bridges with actions like these. We could have hung out more and more cause she was cute and sweet...but not anymore.

Thanks for letting me vent.

[pfunk]

I've never had this happen with an escort. It has happened with a few strippers.

I don't go to strip clubs anymore.

[George Taylor]

I had a favorite regular ask me once, I just responded by asking if she could do a session that night. Hint was taken, in the future she would text me if I could see her that night usually with a discount attached, it worked well for a while. Granted no one has asked me to wire them money, I'd have a more difficult time with that.

[LetsReview]

After being burned by one provider for helping her with a hotel room (she did pay back eventually), I now maintain strict client-provider boundaries with ALL providers. Any provider who texts me wanting me to help out for any reason, I just ignore. Next time I see them if they bring it up, I apologize and tell them I had a bad experience helping a provider out, so I won't be helping them out for any reason. It's worked for me.

[Lucy Kitten]

Is it possible for a favor or help to really be just that? Was the agreement that she (whoever the she may be) repay you with "favors" or what that just assumed? If you were helping in hopes that it might earn you some favors in return you (IMO) are helping for the wrong reason.

Not all providers that hit up their gents for cash are trying pull one over on them. I think that most of us know that asking for cash, especially when we need it, can be humbling. Helping someone should not come with strings attached. Maybe that's why these providers slink away, you say help but it seems like you really mean borrow.

[N6_in_the_village]

Helping someone should not come with strings attached.

Like helping someone get sex? That sounds good to me, no more donations for escort services, starting now all such services will be free.

And if you don't agree with the above, then you shouldn't be sympathetic to escorts who beg for extra money between sessions. Just my opinion.

[Lucy Kitten]

Like helping someone get sex? That sounds good to me, no more donations for escort services, starting now all such services will be free.

And if you don't agree with the above, then you shouldn't be sympathetic to escorts who beg for extra money between sessions. Just my opinion.

Flawed logic, I am not helping you or anyone else get anything. Someone asking for help and someone offering a service are two totally different things. The OP specifically said the word help that implies that the lady asked for it. He also mentioned that some of the ladies he had "helped" he had built "relationships" with so it wasn't a random girl calling for cash. Nothing like what you mentioned above.

[Bit Banger]

...If you were helping in hopes that it might earn you some favors in return you (IMO) are helping for the wrong reason.

.. Helping someone should not come with strings attached. Maybe that's why these providers slink away, you say help but it seems like you really mean borrow.

The 'favor' is a loan! I don't just give $s away, not even to family (except holidays & birthdays). The string attached is that the $s are to be repaid. I don't care how an ASP may chose to make that payment, cash or services.

The favor could also be making myself available for a session, providing an opportunity to earn the $s the old fashion way. Pre-payment, however, is a loan (see above) until redeemed.

When granting favors to people there is the expectation of creating a relationship, one where favors may be reciprocated at some time in the future. That's just human nature. But there should never be a demand for return favors. They should just flow from the relationship.

Edited May 31, 2014 by Bit Banger
Grammar

[N6_in_the_village]

Someone asking for help and someone offering a service are two totally different things.

Of course asking for help and offering a service are different things I'm asking for help getting sex, so by your logic, an escort or someone should offer me help with "no strings attached" :)

I guess we'll have to agree to disagree on the thread topic. I think that when escorts ask for extra money from clients between sessions, they are taking advantage of the client or the relationship in a way that is not fair to the client.

Just like if a client started asking one of his "ATFs" for free sessions (when in the past he'd never suggested that her rates were excessive or unreasonable), as the "price" of continuing to see her, that would be unfair to the escort.

[NaughtyNiceGuy]

You don't give money to anyone (family, friends or hookers) and expect repayment. If it is a loan then write out a contract but hooker services as payment would not be an enforceable contract.

[Bit Banger]

You don't give money to anyone (family, friends or hookers) and expect repayment. If it is a loan then write out a contract but hooker services as payment would not be an enforceable contract.

For loans to friends & family I do have a written agreement which includes a repayment schedule. One of my terms is no more than one active agreement. Pay back the first loan & we can talk about a second. I see no reason not to do the same for escort friends. Of course repayment terms are specified in $s!

I've done work for escorts from time to time. They paid me in $s for my time. We just had a side agreement that I would use those $s to pay for some of her time.

[Lucy Kitten]

The 'favor' is a loan! I don't just give $s away, not even to family (except holidays & birthdays). The string attached is that the $s are to be repaid. I don't care how an ASP may chose to make that payment, cash or services.

The favor could also be making myself available for a session, providing an opportunity to earn the $s the old fashion way. Pre-payment, however, is a loan (see above) until redeemed.

When granting favors to people there is the expectation of creating a relationship, one where favors may be reciprocated at some time in the future. That's just human nature. But there should never be a demand for return favors. They should just flow from the relationship.

A favor is only a loan if specified up front. I really don't think the OP was totally upfront about what he thought "helping" was, hence his disappointment. If he wasn't up front about what he wanted in return it's only his fault that he feels burned.

[Lucy Kitten]

Of course asking for help and offering a service are different things I'm asking for help getting sex, so by your logic, an escort or someone should offer me help with "no strings attached" :)

I guess we'll have to agree to disagree on the thread topic. I think that when escorts ask for extra money from clients between sessions, they are taking advantage of the client or the relationship in a way that is not fair to the client.

Just like if a client started asking one of his "ATFs" for free sessions (when in the past he'd never suggested that her rates were excessive or unreasonable), as the "price" of continuing to see her, that would be unfair to the escort.

I am not trying to be contrary but it's still not the same thing. Who needs help getting sex? I am not offering help of any variety just a product available to those who want it. An escort is someone who offers a service and you can take it or leave it. I am not saying that everyone should offer help to just anyone but if you are offering help be clear as to whether or not there are strings attached so the person needing the help can decide.

It's all a matter of perspective and how you choose to define the words you use. By definition neither help nor favor imply that repayment is required. Asking someone for help shouldn't be viewed as being taken advantage of and if like the OP said these ladies have become friends, was it really a provider asking for money or a friend asking for help?

I am confused by your last bit there. If a gent frequented a lady whose prices he thought were excessive or unreasonable it's his choice to continue to see her and it would be unfair and completely unreasonable to ask for any sort of discount.

[Lucy Kitten]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mrlg9fNrFI8

wrong link before sorry

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mrlg9fNrFI8

same link

[pitbull]

I agree that you did the right thing. This crosses the boundary, much in the same way as emotional involvement crosses the boundary.

I had my regular FBSM lady call me up because I had not seen her in many weeks. She made it clear that she was NOT looking to get my business. She just wanted to make sure I was OK. Knowing her and her nature, I completely believe her.

As it happens, I lost a client in my business (the one who's money goes to the hobby), and I'll be light in the FBSM wallet until I find a new client to replace. Plus other expenses, home projects, etc, right now are massive -- I'm sure everyone knows exactly what I mean.

She had never called me before, and it could have been problematic if she had called at the wrong time, but it was OK. I relay that story only to draw a parallel to what I view as a somewhat acceptable call/request. A request for money -- gift or loan -- my my, no. Run screaming.

[Nusa]

I had a favorite regular ask me once, I just responded by asking if she could do a session that night. Hint was taken, in the future she would text me if I could see her that night usually with a discount attached, it worked well for a while. Granted no one has asked me to wire them money, I'd have a more difficult time with that.

I had to drop a provider that I liked:( because she was cold calling me asking for appointments. I have now taken measures to make random calls, texts, and emails less of an issue.

[Audrey Astor]

I've said this many times, but there are not a whole lot of reasons that providers should need to borrow money. We more than likely make more than the majority of our clients. And honestly, what other job is there where you can wake up broke, and have a couple of grand by the end of the day? There are circumstances in our lives (getting sick, a family member has big emergency etc.), that will deplete our savings, but I would think that these would be far and few between. Let's face it, we all have some negative financial issues here and there. These are personal issues that IMO should be handled privately, and not include our clientele.

[Guest]

I have never been asked for a loan outright but a lady I had seen a bit who dropped out of site, recently contacted me via text and offered a discounted rate because she was trying to raise some cash. Unfortunately I was unable to see her on such short notice due to my work schedule. I wish I could have helped her since I did miss her but the stars didn't align. She said she understood and that was the last I heard from her. Another lady in pueblo also did the same thing to me but again work took precedence. The funny thing about the one in pueblo was I had never even seen her. Just started the preliminary screening with her and we didn't seem to mesh so I bypassed.

As for a "loan". I never give loans to anyone not even family. If I am asked for money and I can I will usually gift it with never the thought of getting it back. If an asp and myself have a history then I might consider a gift but never a loan and I would expect nothing in return. It just makes the relationship weird.

[Guest]

There's a bit of a double standard, here. If a provider wants to make a 'gift' of sex, or 'help out' some guy who 'needs' sex, it is impossible to do so without the guy thinking there is something else there.

This is why the exchange of money for the act is so important. It makes it clear to the guy's primitive brain that this means nothing to the lady.

And this is why 'helping' a provider is different than 'helping' anyone else. If the help is not a loan, then it is a gift.

I give loans to people that I expect will pay me back. Providers can pay back with sex, but many will frequently 'skip out' on the loan.

I give gifts to people I like, people with whom I am in some kind of relationship. Girl friend, friend, close co-worker, family member.

And here is where the dishonesty on the part of the providers comes in. In asking for money, they are either asking for a loan, implying that it will he paid back, or suggesting that they belong to that group of people to whom we normally give gifts: friends or family.

To do either of these things with intent to deceive, mixed with an activity that can induce strong feelings, is just wrong.

Lucy, while your comments are usually on point, you seem to be defending the right of providers to act in this unethical way, and I don't understand why.

[JRWolfe]

So I'm just curious if this happens a lot with ASP's and their clients.

Just recently I met one and we had a good time. So we met another time and it was fine. A few times after that it was difficult to schedule her...she'd kept flaking out.

About a week ago I get a text from her wanting me to Western Union her $80 so she can come home because she's stuck somewhere in Santa Fe or somewhere. She would pay me back with a freebie when she got back in town.

Stuck for money in Santa FE ? Why didn't she simply find a client ? The hobby does exist there.

[Bit Banger]

I've said this many times, but there are not a whole lot of reasons that providers should need to borrow money. We more than likely make more than the majority of our clients. ... that will deplete our savings, ...

Living paycheck to paycheck is not restricted to low income. Some folks have expensive tastes and/or habits.

Savings? What's that?

[pitbull]

There's a bit of a double standard, here. If a provider wants to make a 'gift' of sex, or 'help out' some guy who 'needs' sex, it is impossible to do so without the guy thinking there is something else there.

This is why the exchange of money for the act is so important. It makes it clear to the guy's primitive brain that this means nothing to the lady.

And this is why 'helping' a provider is different than 'helping' anyone else. If the help is not a loan, then it is a gift.

I give loans to people that I expect will pay me back. Providers can pay back with sex, but many will frequently 'skip out' on the loan.

I give gifts to people I like, people with whom I am in some kind of relationship. Girl friend, friend, close co-worker, family member.

And here is where the dishonesty on the part of the providers comes in. In asking for money, they are either asking for a loan, implying that it will he paid back, or suggesting that they belong to that group of people to whom we normally give gifts: friends or family.

To do either of these things with intent to deceive, mixed with an activity that can induce strong feelings, is just wrong.

Lucy, while your comments are usually on point, you seem to be defending the right of providers to act in this unethical way, and I don't understand why.

Well said. And while I also enjoy Lucy's posts, I agree she was off point in coming to the defense of this practice.

[Lucy Kitten]

There's a bit of a double standard, here. If a provider wants to make a 'gift' of sex, or 'help out' some guy who 'needs' sex, it is impossible to do so without the guy thinking there is something else there.

This is why the exchange of money for the act is so important. It makes it clear to the guy's primitive brain that this means nothing to the lady.

And this is why 'helping' a provider is different than 'helping' anyone else. If the help is not a loan, then it is a gift.

I give loans to people that I expect will pay me back. Providers can pay back with sex, but many will frequently 'skip out' on the loan.

I give gifts to people I like, people with whom I am in some kind of relationship. Girl friend, friend, close co-worker, family member.

And here is where the dishonesty on the part of the providers comes in. In asking for money, they are either asking for a loan, implying that it will he paid back, or suggesting that they belong to that group of people to whom we normally give gifts: friends or family.

To do either of these things with intent to deceive, mixed with an activity that can induce strong feelings, is just wrong.

Lucy, while your comments are usually on point, you seem to be defending the right of providers to act in this unethical way, and I don't understand why.

I am speaking to the particular OP not in general. I don't think asking someone for help who claims to be your friend is unethical. I am not protecting the providers that ask for money, just saying that if you want to call her a "friend" and then bitch about when friends ask for help, you should think twice. If you "help", lend or do whatever for anyone you should be clear about whatever stipulations for repayment there might be. From the horses mouth-

Over the years I've developed friendships with a couple ASPs and I have helped them out. $50 here and there. And it always seems to never work out in my favor. They tend to disappear or they won't come see you cause they know they you want them to pay you back in services or discounted services.

This is what inspired my comments. This was kind of a douche-y thing to say. It's not exactly me defending unethical behavior of providers but encouraging the communication when things like this happen.

And here is where the dishonesty on the part of the providers comes in. In asking for money, they are either asking for a loan, implying that it will he paid back, or suggesting that they belong to that group of people to whom we normally give gifts: friends or family.

There is no dishonesty, just perceived dishonesty on your part. The OP referred to these ladies as friends, have you ever had a friend offer you a BJ when they asked for help of some variety? Do you expect your real friends to pay bay back your kindness with free service from their chosen profession?

To do either of these things with intent to deceive, mixed with an activity that can induce strong feelings, is just wrong.

There is not nearly enough evidence from the OP to indicate that any of that like you described actually happened. Generally speaking I would agree that is abhorrent behavior. I think it's more likely that OP offered help because he wanted to be the big man for his "friend" and just assumed that since they were providers he going to be showered with BJs full of gratitude as thanks.

I have said it like five times in this thread already and I will say it again. If you loan someone money or offer help without negotiating terms of repayment first it's not up to the lendee to guess or feel obliged to give the lender what they feel they are owed. Providers are people too.

[Lucy Kitten]

Well said. And while I also enjoy Lucy's posts, I agree she was off point in coming to the defense of this practice.

Seeing an alternative side of the argument isn't defending it. I just don't see the point in putting all the blame on the lady when it is very likely that the gent wasn't exactly innocent in the whole situation and could have done more to prevent it from happening.

Edited June 1, 2014 by luce kytten
spelling

[pitbull]

Seeing an alternative side of the argument isn't defending it. I just don't see the point in putting all the blame on the lady when it is very likely that the gent wasn't exactly innocent in the whole situation and could have done more to prevent it from happening.

Yep. Fair enough. Every situation is different within the boundaries of this profoundly odd exchange, so in some situations a "gift" could be appropriate. If she is a true friend, and those lines have already been crashed through, well, you might want to help a friend. Call it a FWB (friend without boundary).

[Lucy Kitten]

Yep. Fair enough. Every situation is different within the boundaries of this profoundly odd exchange, so in some situations a "gift" could be appropriate. If she is a true friend, and those lines have already been crashed through, well, you might want to help a friend. Call it a FWB (friend without boundary).

Excellent, thank you. I should really practice condensing my posts, you put it so much more simply and eloquently than I did. I really liked the friends without boundaries bit, I think the majority of us at some point are guilty of having crashed through those barriers and made real friends.

[Longo]

At the risk of being called the biggest dummie in Vegas, I will provide my story. A couple years ago I started seeing a provider who I really fell for. And (might be hard to believe) she really liked me!! Was seeing her on a regular basis and got to know her very well. She told me her life story and her current trials and tribulations. To make a long story short, I GAVE her 2,500 so she could buy a car. She got a deal partly because she provided some services also. She PROMISED to pay me back through cash and services. Saw her a couple times after that however due to my job having me travel all over the states, I fell out of touch for about 6 months. Recently texted her to get together, I got a return test, "who is this"? After clearing that up she said just give her a call. I called, she would not answer.

A life lesson learned the hard way.

[pitbull]

At the risk of being called the biggest dummie in Vegas, I will provide my story. A couple years ago I started seeing a provider who I really fell for. And (might be hard to believe) she really liked me!! Was seeing her on a regular basis and got to know her very well. She told me her life story and her current trials and tribulations. To make a long story short, I GAVE her 2,500 so she could buy a car. She got a deal partly because she provided some services also. She PROMISED to pay me back through cash and services. Saw her a couple times after that however due to my job having me travel all over the states, I fell out of touch for about 6 months. Recently texted her to get together, I got a return test, "who is this"? After clearing that up she said just give her a call. I called, she would not answer.

A life lesson learned the hard way.

Wow. Interesting and thanks for sharing. You have illustrated why those boundaries are pretty darn important.

[Jez UaBriain]

I would be humiliated if I had to ask to borrow money from a client. If I were in dire straits the last person I would ask would be a client.

It has been said that there is a sucker born every minute. I think if I were you guys, I would not let my little guy do all my thinking. When you meet one of the ladies, don't fall so hard that you believe everything you hear from her. Only time can give you idea of where a person's sense of integrity lies.

[Nightrain]

I turn off my hobby phone when I'm not actively hobbying. Ergo, no unwanted calls or texts. Problem solved.