What happened to the BDSM sites?

[Ms T DDD]

I have had many inquiries about this service, and I was thinking of trying it. 

Any thoughts anyone?? 

 

[Kali Sensual Reiki]

Curious about what you provide and if you have equipment or special training? 

[Mustang87]

20 hours ago, Ms T DDD said:

I have had many inquiries about this service, and I was thinking of trying it. 

Any thoughts anyone?? 

 

Fetlife.com is still active and a great resource.

[Ms T DDD]

5 hours ago, Kali Sensual Reiki said:

Curious about what you provide and if you have equipment or special training? 

Everything!! 

[Ms T DDD]

5 hours ago, Mustang87 said:

Fetlife.com is still active and a great resource.

Thank you. I've been looking around and all I see is dating or hookups for  BDSM. 

Edited July 12, 2023 by Ms T DDD
Adding

[Kali Sensual Reiki]

10 hours ago, Ms T DDD said:

Everything!! 

Would love to hear more from your own perspective please

Edited July 13, 2023 by Kali Sensual Reiki

[ultraf20]

Hello Ms T. There are many sides to what you are looking into. This has been part of my relationships most of my life. So it depends on what you are looking to offer. if you are looking for toys and such, https://www.extremerestraints.com/, has a lot of basic items for you. If it more the psych side of play there is a lot of information out there if you search but it is not a set way and is different for everyone. Take some of it with a grain of salt as there are some very interesting opinions out there.  If you wanted to know more you can DM me. 

[Ms T DDD]

8 minutes ago, ultraf20 said:

Hello Ms T. There are many sides to what you are looking into. This has been part of my relationships most of my life. So it depends on what you are looking to offer. if you are looking for toys and such, https://www.extremerestraints.com/, has a lot of basic items for you. If it more the psych side of play there is a lot of information out there if you search but it is not a set way and is different for everyone. Take some of it with a grain of salt as there are some very interesting opinions out there.  If you wanted to know more you can DM me. 

I appreciate you. I'll reach out. 

[Mustang87]

23 hours ago, Ms T DDD said:

Thank you. I've been looking around and all I see is dating or hookups for  BDSM. 

Sorry. I've not visited in a while. Maybe it's not what I remembered.

[Ivan128]

On 7/11/2023 at 1:40 PM, Ms T DDD said:

I have had many inquiries about this service, and I was thinking of trying it. 

Any thoughts anyone?? 

 

If you're looking for info on what other providers do in the femdom space, I would suggest Nicholas Tanek's YouTube channel (https://www.youtube.com/@yourkinkyfriends). Mostly he does interviews, which are livestreamed, so you'll find the archive in the Live tab.

 

I know he has a huge amount of content, so this one might be a good place to start: https://www.youtube.com/live/jPXTySukA4c?feature=share

 

[oldertruckguy-9225]

Good afternoon. While there are several dozen BDSM sites available for perusal most of them, unfortunately, IMHO, are full of fakes, phonies, wannabes and conn artists disinformation, harmful information and just plain lies.

Most porn sites, as well, that promote BDSM offer a very unrealistic, harmful portal of what DOM/sub, BDSM really is.

Fetlife,  at one time, was legit. It offered real profiles. It used to be a great source for honest discussion, and could provide healthy, useful information.

In the 70s 80s, 90s  and into early 2000s off and on, I had a profile on Fetlife. The profile generated several long term, fun, healthy relationships as well as short term encounters.

 I have not been active for several years as the site has deteriorated into what I described in the opening sentence. Granted, that is my opinion based on my experience

I can offer sites that I routinely direct newbies, curious individuals too.  These sites  answer questions and provide a healthy, realistic insight to a BDSM encounter. 

DOM/sub and  BDSM encounters can be sexually, mentally and physically fun, thrilling, exciting and fulfilling if both individuals are knowledgeable and careful with one another. 

Don't hesitate to ask questions. 

 

 

[Ms T DDD]

On 7/14/2023 at 1:28 PM, Ivan128 said:

If you're looking for info on what other providers do in the femdom space, I would suggest Nicholas Tanek's YouTube channel (https://www.youtube.com/@yourkinkyfriends). Mostly he does interviews, which are livestreamed, so you'll find the archive in the Live tab.

 

I know he has a huge amount of content, so this one might be a good place to start: https://www.youtube.com/live/jPXTySukA4c?feature=share

 

Thank you. So much research to do!!

On 7/12/2023 at 3:29 PM, Ms T DDD said:

Everything!! 

 

[sparkey600]

On 7/14/2023 at 4:15 PM, oldertruckguy-9225 said:

Good afternoon. While there are several dozen BDSM sites available for perusal most of them, unfortunately, IMHO, are full of fakes, phonies, wannabes and conn artists disinformation, harmful information and just plain lies.

Most porn sites, as well, that promote BDSM offer a very unrealistic, harmful portal of what DOM/sub, BDSM really is.

Fetlife,  at one time, was legit. It offered real profiles. It used to be a great source for honest discussion, and could provide healthy, useful information.

In the 70s 80s, 90s  and into early 2000s off and on, I had a profile on Fetlife. The profile generated several long term, fun, healthy relationships as well as short term encounters.

 I have not been active for several years as the site has deteriorated into what I described in the opening sentence. Granted, that is my opinion based on my experience

I can offer sites that I routinely direct newbies, curious individuals too.  These sites  answer questions and provide a healthy, realistic insight to a BDSM encounter. 

DOM/sub and  BDSM encounters can be sexually, mentally and physically fun, thrilling, exciting and fulfilling if both individuals are knowledgeable and careful with one another. 

Don't hesitate to ask questions. 

 

 

Thanks for posting this, I had no idea Fetlife had gone off the rails!

On 7/12/2023 at 3:30 PM, Ms T DDD said:

Thank you. I've been looking around and all I see is dating or hookups for  BDSM. 

 

[Ms T DDD]

On 7/14/2023 at 1:28 PM, Ivan128 said:

If you're looking for info on what other providers do in the femdom space, I would suggest Nicholas Tanek's YouTube channel (https://www.youtube.com/@yourkinkyfriends). Mostly he does interviews, which are livestreamed, so you'll find the archive in the Live tab.

 

I know he has a huge amount of content, so this one might be a good place to start: https://www.youtube.com/live/jPXTySukA4c?feature=share

 

Its been quite the challenge.  Ive joined Tryst, as they have a BDSM section where providers can post an ad. It takes up to 45 days to be approved on Tryst......I'm still waiting. 

[Ms T DDD]

On 7/14/2023 at 4:15 PM, oldertruckguy-9225 said:

Good afternoon. While there are several dozen BDSM sites available for perusal most of them, unfortunately, IMHO, are full of fakes, phonies, wannabes and conn artists disinformation, harmful information and just plain lies.

Most porn sites, as well, that promote BDSM offer a very unrealistic, harmful portal of what DOM/sub, BDSM really is.

Fetlife,  at one time, was legit. It offered real profiles. It used to be a great source for honest discussion, and could provide healthy, useful information.

In the 70s 80s, 90s  and into early 2000s off and on, I had a profile on Fetlife. The profile generated several long term, fun, healthy relationships as well as short term encounters.

 I have not been active for several years as the site has deteriorated into what I described in the opening sentence. Granted, that is my opinion based on my experience

I can offer sites that I routinely direct newbies, curious individuals too.  These sites  answer questions and provide a healthy, realistic insight to a BDSM encounter. 

DOM/sub and  BDSM encounters can be sexually, mentally and physically fun, thrilling, exciting and fulfilling if both individuals are knowledgeable and careful with one another. 

Don't hesitate to ask questions. 

 

 

S0, I was thinking of offering a 30 min introductory session. I have been watching videos and reading up on what to wear, techniques, styles and so forth. I certainly want to make sure I follow and respect all rules and comfort levels of me and my client. I would prefer to start with a client I know and we are both comfortable with one another.  I have ordered some supplies via Amazon and will start creating my massage room into a dom masterpiece! I would like to make it easy for me to switch from BDSM back to massage. 

I am still trying to find a website that will let me and my girlfriend post our services. So far I have only seen hook up sites.

Email me when you have time if you can lend more information. 

Thank you, 

T 

[ultraf20]

You can add mounting d rings to the bottom of your massage table.. I did it to mine and they are out of the way for normal table use but easy to ad straps or ropes to for BDSM play. You can buy them on Amazon also. 

Edited July 21, 2023 by ultraf20

[Bit Banger]

On 7/21/2023 at 8:25 AM, ultraf20 said:

You can add mounting d rings … buy them on Amazon also. 

Or your local Lowes or Home Depot.

[Bit Banger]

@Ms T DDD

Safe Word

Safe Word

SAFE WORD

[MyraGold]

Unfortunately fetlife is no longer the place to even mention services. But you can still make a profile to meet like-minded people and promote your website/socials! You can also join groups by interests, and be in the know about events going on. 
 

If you’re fascinated and want to learn the basics, my suggestion is to learn all about safety and follow some dom/dommes who’ve been in the kink community for a while. You could also try to find someone who is interested in mentoring, or possibly wants a partner to dominate submissives with. I don’t know if you switch at all, but if you do, being the sub for a domme can also teach you a lot about how a sub should feel during play. 
 

For safety, I would suggest doing some research on YouTube or ordering some books about dungeon safety. Or just search the activity you’re interested in + safety to find articles/videos written by dom/dommes! Aftercare is important as well so definitely check in with your sub and nurture them after playing if they are interested. 

As for advertising- I’d suggest having a separate tab on your site explaining your BDSM services and experience. Maybe an introductory special would entice some of your regulars to spice it up and explore! I also know of dommes having success on Eros. I believe they have a category especially for BDSM.

But most of all- just make sure you’re having fun and everyone is having a good and safe time! Feel free to reach out if you’d like 🖤 

I hope you have so much fun exploring BDSM!!

[Elle Blake]

On 7/11/2023 at 1:40 PM, Ms T DDD said:

I have had many inquiries about this service, and I was thinking of trying it. 

Any thoughts anyone?? 

 

Please PM me

[JessicaJonesing]

On 7/14/2023 at 4:15 PM, oldertruckguy-9225 said:

Fetlife,  at one time, was legit. It offered real profiles.

Tales only from the Fetlife Domme side, as I'm not a sub which is clearly indicated on my profile:

Fetlife exceeded my tolerance via of pictures of poo with messages saying how much I'd enjoy consuming it and how the guy would help me wash it down with... ...and a constant press of similar "toilet slave" wannabes. Just gross. And that's only one genre of nasty.

Screenshoting, redacting the name(s) and posting some of those in my pictures -- keep in mind that type of "kink" is against the TOS there -- with a polite "please don't send such DMs" and a reminder that demands of how I can fulfill their "submissive" compulsions is  "topping from the bottom" and not submissive got the pictures I'd posted pulled with messages from the moderators that  *I* was violating the TOS.

So I deleted my account, one more kinky woman gone from the Fet ranks. It's a wasteland, don't bother.

BDSM and submitting to a provider is easy: Show up on time, already clean, shut up and do what you're told. Find one that lists as BDSM friendly, bring whatever toys you want to experiment with -- never use someone else's! Gross! We're professionals, literally do this for a living, we know what you want and if you want more/different things after your first session, try:  "Ma'am may I speak about our next session please?" and go from there.

Providers: With the strongest emphasis, never offer submission. At least not alone/without an in-room chaperone of your choosing. You'll get some really nice guys but also attract dangerous predators. It's not worth it.

[Bit Banger]

5 hours ago, JessicaJonesing said:

.. 
Providers: With the strongest emphasis, never offer submission. At least not alone/without an in-room chaperone of your choosing. You'll get some really nice guys but also attract dangerous predators. It's not worth it.

^^ THIS ^^
My one step(*) into the world of BDSM I hired a pair, a well known Domme to supervise and her switch sub. The sub & I each spent an hour bound and whipped, under the Domme’s watchful eye. This was a good, safe environment for both the ladies and I.

(*) Yes, I tried it; it’s not my kink as either D or S.

[Ivan128]

8 hours ago, JessicaJonesing said:

BDSM and submitting to a provider is easy: Show up on time, already clean, shut up and do what you're told. Find one that lists as BDSM friendly, bring whatever toys you want to experiment with -- never use someone else's! Gross! We're professionals, literally do this for a living, we know what you want and if you want more/different things after your first session, try:  "Ma'am may I speak about our next session please?" and go from there.

This approach from providers ("shut up and do what you're told...we know what you want") has led to the worst bdsm experiences I have had. 

I'm not saying this because I expect you to change the way you run your business, it's just that I have met Ms T in the past, and am thinking of seeing her for bdsm, but if she adopts your approach then I'll pass.

[JessicaJonesing]

1 hour ago, Ivan128 said:

This approach from providers ("shut up and do what you're told...we know what you want") has led to the worst bdsm experiences I have had. 

I'm not saying this because I expect you to change the way you run your business, it's just that I have met Ms T in the past, and am thinking of seeing her for bdsm, but if she adopts your approach then I'll pass.

Good for you, knowing what you want and like :-)

Submission is a small part of what people perceive as "BDSM", still, it's the most-requested. I'm with you on the don't go if you're not feeling compatible: From my side if a guy contacts me to submit then rolls off a list of acts I can perform to satisfy his "submission", you're topping from the bottom, a brat, and I wouldn't see you.

So to clarify, if you want to be dominated by a woman, it's termed BDSM, and if that's your kink, show up, shut up, and take it like a man -- not some simpering, b*tchy brat.

Edited July 28, 2023 by JessicaJonesing
spellz

[Bit Banger]

Topping from the bottom! What a concept😱 

Yes, I said BDSM is not my kink, but I’ve read the literature from Sade - Rice, and lurked on the old alt.sex.* boards. I may not want to participate, but I still find it interesting.

IMHO there should be a middle ground between Jessica & Ivan’s approaches for bondage & discipline. A good professional would interview the client, solicited likes & dislikes, then hand craft a session for the client. When the client shows up, it’s “shut up & take it!”  The client does NOT get to script the session. The client’s only vote is on if/when to schedule another session.

For S/M sessions, I can see the client having more input. But that’s more about the pain and endorphins, than the control of B/D.

Edited July 28, 2023 by Bit Banger

[Ivan128]

2 hours ago, JessicaJonesing said:

So to clarify, if you want to be dominated by a woman, it's termed BDSM, and if that's your kink, show up, shut up, and take it like a man -- not some simpering, b*tchy brat.

So if a guy is looking for a particular type of experience, which may involve some impact play and being dominated by a woman in a particular way, and is looking for a provider who is skilled in this, but not in mind-reading, what acronym should he look for? (Asking for a friend.)

This is the paradox of BDSM, often discussed in BDSM circles. A sub is looking to get into a particular headspace, and every sub is different in terms of what puts them there. But a common element is lack of control, so they don't want to be directing the Dom during the scene, they want the Dom to just do it, while in their mind at that moment they may even be dreading the thing that they need for the Dom to do or say. It takes communication outside of the scene to make that happen, and that is definitely not "topping from the bottom".

[oldertruckguy-9225]

The one topic missing in this thread is the imperative need for communication between both individuals entering this kind of play. Talking to one another. In my circle, playmates discussing the activities, intensity of the activities, establishing break points, hard limits, in clearly defined terms, is an absolute  requirement of any playtime. Nothing happens until all playmates are in complete agreement as to exactly, what is happening,  for both, during the playtime. Another integral, vital part of our encounters is constantly checking one another during play. Unfortunately, another aspect of DOM/sub. BDSM play  rarely discussed is After Care. Easing her back from what is often an intense emotional, mental high is Extremely important!!!! 

Any site that does not stress the importance of personal, intimate communication between all players involved, does not stress making that a priority, is a waste of time and, IMHO, dangerous. So much fun to be had in this kind of play. So much satisfaction. But you must be careful with one another!!

Time for another cup of coffee

Edited July 29, 2023 by oldertruckguy-9225
left out a word

[JessicaJonesing]

On 7/28/2023 at 4:45 PM, Ivan128 said:

So if a guy is looking for a particular type of experience, which may involve some impact play and being dominated by a woman in a particular way

All very well said, and you're correct that it takes rapport and the general "no talking about specifics" make it a catch-22 that's not easily solved outside of just going the first time and evolving the dynamic over time if you're on the same page. Costly, yes, time consuming, true but submission and any type of impact/bondage/true S&M shouldn't,  IMHO, be taken lightly.

Also, Ivan and Trucker, from the provider side a a generalization: men reaching out to "submit"are about 20x more likely to flake/no-show and/or be looking to "sext" and self-pleasure and ghost or show up and be ULTRA pushy  Vs. established/normal-request  hobbyists. Shame on me, but historically I've learned to  rarely even respond...  :-(    Dunno the solution to that...