Posted May 16, 2022 a man is sitting in a bar a farmer comes in and says: 100 euros for who can make my horse laugh in his stable the man wants the 100 euros, takes the bet and walks into the stable to the horse there he whispers it in the horse's ear... suddenly the horse starts howling with laughter and keeps going the farmer has no other choice and gives the man the promised 100 euros while the horse almost chokes with laughter hours pass, the horse keeps smiling the farmer is now starting to find it irritating and walks over to the man and says: dude I find it quite irritating...if you can make my horse cry I'll give you 200 euros the man does not hesitate for a second and walks into the stable on the horse the horse starts to howl loudly...and howl and howl hopla 200,- € as agreed for the man while the man is packing his things, the farmer walks curiously and surprised to the man and asks: uhm tell me man how did you actually manage this? says the man: well the first time i told him my dick was bigger than his the second time I showed it! 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 2, 2022 On 5/27/2022 at 11:28 PM, tide32 said: The made for TV movie on this should be out by the end of the year 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 14, 2022 A man and wife go to a marriage counselor after 15 years of marriage. The counselor asks them what the problem is. The wife immediately launches into a tirade of every problem they have ever had in 15 years of marriage. She goes on and on and on. Finally, the counselor gets up, walks around the desk, embraces the woman and kisses her passionately. The woman shuts up and sits quietly in a daze. The counselor turns to the husband and says, 'that is what your wife needs at least three times a week'. Can you do that? The husband replies, 'I can bring her Mondays and Wednesdays but on Friday I play golf'. 3 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 14, 2022 This morning around 7am I went for my stroll around the marina. I noticed a man with a long-bladed knife running down the dock toward me dressed in Islamic clothing shouting, 'Alliah be praised' and 'Death to all Infidels' when suddenly he tripped and fell into the water. He was struggling to stay afloat because of all of the explosives he was carrying, and I knew he would surely drown if he didn't get help, soon! Not being a good swimmer but being a responsible citizen who abides by the moral code that requires a person to get help for those in distress I immediately contacted the police, the Coast Guard, Homeland Security and the Fire Department. It is now 11:00am, none of the authorities have responded and the terrorist had drowned. I am beginning to think I wasted 4 stamps. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 23, 2022 Why was the mermaid wearing seashells at the seashore? She outgrew her B shells. 😜 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 29, 2022 The boss walked into his office one morning not knowing his fly area was wide open. His assistant walked up to him and ask, this morning when you left for work did close your garage door? The boss told her he knew he had closed the garage door and walked into his office puzzled by the question As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open and zipped it up He then understood his assistants' question about closing his garage door He headed out to get a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, When my garage door was open did you see my Jaguar parked in there? She smiled and said, no I didn't. All I saw was an old minivan with two flat tires 3 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 31, 2022 A woman places an ad in the local newspaper. “Looking for a man with three qualifications: won’t beat me up, won’t run away from me, and is great in bed.” Two days later her doorbell rings. “Hi, I’m Tim. I have no arms so I won’t beat you, and no legs so I won’t run away.” “What makes you think you are great in bed?” the woman retorts. Tim replies, “I rang the doorbell, didn’t I? 3 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 31, 2022 A little girl and boy are fighting about the differences between the sexes, and which one is better. Finally, the boy drops his pants and says, “Here’s something I have that you’ll never have!” The little girl is pretty upset by this, since it is clearly true, and runs home crying. A while later, she comes running back with a smile on her face. She drops her pants and says, “My mommy says that with one of these, I can have as many of those as I want!” 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted August 14, 2022 It is right at the end of Mrs. Carters' 8th grade biology class, and she is assigning homework. Class, she states, for your homework assignment I want you to research what organ of the body will expand up to eight times its' normal size with the proper stimulation. Be ready to tell me tomorrow. The next day the 8th grade biology class starts and Mrs. Carter askes the class if they did their homework. All heads nod in the affirmative and respond with a full chorus of Yes Mrs. Carter!!! Randomly, Mrs. Carter points at Mary and says Mary, please stand and tell the class what organ of the human body will expand up to eight times its' normal size with the proper stimulation. Mary blushes deeply and stammers, oh please Mrs. Carter I can't, I just Can't. Hummm says Mrs. Carter. Three rows over Tommy is wildly waving his hands and arms. Mrs. Carter walks over to Tommy and asks; Tommy can you tell the class what organ of the human body will expand up to eight times its' normal size with the proper stimulation. Tommy stands up and proudly proclaims; Mrs. Carter the organ of the body that will expand up to eight times its' normal size with the proper stimulation is the.... big breath.... pupil of the eye. Thank you, Tommy that is correct. Mrs. Carter walk over to Marys' desk and says to her, Mary I have three things I want to say to you First: You obviously did not do your homework assignment Second: I think you have a dirty mind The Third thing I want to say to you is; You are going to be so disappointed when you get married. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted August 29, 2022 IF, cats could text you back.....they WOULDN'T 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 5, 2022 On 9/3/2022 at 3:57 AM, Kaduk said: TINKLE TESTER 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 6, 2022 8 hours ago, Sven Hertzog said: TINKLE TESTER Tittie Twister 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 22, 2022 A little Johnny got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar backwards. The little Johnny asked why he wore his collar backwards. The man, who was a priest, said, ‘I am a Father.’ The little Johnny replied, ‘My Daddy is also a father, but he doesn’t wear his collar like that’ The priest looked up from his book and answered, “I am the Father of many.’ The Little boy said, “My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn’t wear his collar that way!’ The priest, getting impatient, said ‘I am the Father of hundreds and went back to reading his book. The little Johnny sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said, “Maybe you should wear a condom, and put your pants on backwards instead of your collar.” 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted October 17, 2022 To hell with toilet paper. I now buy dryer sheets instead; Now my farts smell like Lavendar, no more statice cling around my nuts and for the first time in a long time my ass is wrinkle free 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted February 23, 2023 Husband to wife: What's for dinner? Wife: Nothing Husband: We had nothing last night Wife: I made enough for two nights 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 16, 2023 Difference between a microwave and anal sex?....a microwave doesn't brown your meat... 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted March 16, 2023 I'm working on inventing a thought-controlled air freshener. I makes scents when you think about it. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted April 18, 2023 This is kind of an old joke that I was thinking about the other day. (Don't ask me why) You can stop me if you've heard it. This elderly couple are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary, and the wife wants to make the night special. So when the couple are getting ready to go to bed, the wife goes into the bathroom and takes off all of her clothes. Then she ties a cape around her neck and jumps into the bedroom and exclaims "Super Pussy!" The husband replies "I'll take the soup." You might need to read this aloud to get the joke. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted April 21, 2023 Definition of a pussy; A box that a dick comes in. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted April 22, 2023 A man was walking along a California beach when his foot hit something in the sand. He picked the object up and brushed it off. Lo and behold, a genie appeared from the brass lamp and said to the man " thank you for releasing me. I will grant you one wish (budget cuts...)". The man says "I want to go to Hawaii, but I have a fear of flying and I get terribly seasick. Please build a highway to Hawaii!". The genie was quiet for a moment and then became very agitated. He said, "Do you have any idea what you are asking? The ocean is deep with strong currents. There are terrible storms and off-shore earth quakes. It is an impossible engineering nightmare. I'm sorry, but even genies have limits. Please make a different wish". The man thought and then said, "OK. I want to understand women". The genie, without hesitation replied, "Do you want that highway to be two lanes or four?" 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
