Need some advice on a NCNS

[Everhard]

Here is my dilemma, which may seem straightforward at first glance.

After much back and forth, I scheduled a meeting with a lady - time and date set. Confirmed the night before. Date and time comes and she NCNS me. Called and texted at the appointed time - no response.  Texted 15 minutes later - no response. Went home bummed as she is totally my type and has good reviews.

A few days later, I emailed her saying that I was disappointed that we could not meet and said that I was going to be forced to post a NCNS review of her on this board, where she advertises, unless I heard back from her with an explanation - no response.

There was nothing abnormal about our communication leading up. If anything, was anticipatory in both directions. I am a long time participant of the hobby and know how to do this so please no attempt to diagnose my communication - this was a blatant NCNS.

It all seems pretty straightforward, right? I should post a review. However, something similar happened years ago one time on another review board and the provider black balled me on that board. Not real interested in that happening again.

So, do I post the review and see the inevitable provider response that is BS and risk getting a major blemish or just let it all go?

[lewd5050]

Post a review. I've posted ncns reviews and wasn't blackballed as far as I know. I'm sure other gents would like the info so it doesn't happen to them

[Guest]

3 hours ago, everhard-3488 said:

A few days later, I emailed her saying that I was disappointed that we could not meet and said that I was going to be forced to post a NCNS review of her on this board, where she advertises, unless I heard back from her with an explanation - no response.

Have you ever heard the professional sports analogy "the best trade we ever made was the one we didn't make"? It's like that sometimes with reviews. Since you've already given her an ultimatum (intentionally or not) and then started this thread, any review you write is likely to come across as vindictive and unreliable. 

Telling her you were going to be "forced to post a NCNS review" is boorish at best. I know you're pissed and deservedly so if that's how it went down, but ultimately hanging a NCNS review over her head sounds like extortion even if you didn't intend it that way. Were it me and it was an established, well reviewed provider who advertises on TOB I wouldn't post a review at this juncture. All things being equal, she was wrong to NCNS, but you lost me when you decided to use a review as leverage in the matter. 

let it go

 

 

  

Edited December 10, 2015 by If6Was9

[Guest]

Early this summer I experienced an NCNS from a well reviewed provider on this board.  I just sent her a text saying I was disappointed as I expected better from her reviews.  A few days later she did get back to me.  Her "phone died." Yeah.  I know.  But once, the dog really DID eat my homework.  Whatcha gonna do?

She didn't rob me.  She didn't put a knife in my belly.  I had a case of blueballs, which I cured the next morning by calling a provider I hadn't seen in a year.  I had a great time.  So, I said "fuckit."  Did not write a review.

I know it is really frustrating.  And I know a negative report would have likely been entered on me if  I no-showed.  But, sometimes, you just have to put things in perspective.  

Do what you think is best.

[MrFister]

3 hours ago, everhard-3488 said:

...I was going to be forced to post a NCNS review of her...

No one's forcing you to do anything.  By saying the above, though, you've created a hostile situation. And you recognize that you've done it before. Your choices seem pretty clear.

[geecue2]

If you do not want to post a review because of the black balling maybe ,that is entirely up to you. One time was NCNS thought maybe it was me, through a bunch of pms found out this lady did this to alot of guys before me. At first I was mad because no one wrote a NCNS, then thinking laughing out loud, dummy you did not write one either so do not complain.  Good luck on your decision. 

[Guest]

If she doesn't respond in a reasonable amount of time... Write the review.  Like geecue2 says, if you don't let people know, they will never know and may suffer the same fate as you.

[Bit Banger]

Write the review or don't. It's your call. 

But using the threat of reviews as a cudgel is LAME 😡

[acip]

1 hour ago, If6Was9 said:

Have you ever heard the professional sports analogy "the best trade we ever made was the one we didn't make"? It's like that sometimes with reviews. Since you've already given her an ultimatum (intentionally or not) and then started this thread, any review you write is likely to come across as vindictive and unreliable.   

I think one of the great things about this board is that the ladies can respond to reviews.  If he were were to embellish out of anger she can respond and set the record straight.  If he writes a review and despite being on the board she says nothing, I'd say that's pretty informative.  Also I'd think it'd be harder to blackball someone, because if she doesn't have a reason to dispute the review, any attempt at blackballing would seem to be vindictive and unreliable to me.

But to second what a couple others have said, emailing her to say that you'd be forced to write a NCNS review was a bad call.  Give her the benefit of the doubt, maybe there actually was an emergency, see what she says and if she feels bad about it.  If she respects your time and actually had an emergency or even just screwed up she could have responded without you saying that.  If she still doesn't respond or flat out tells you she doesn't care then you can be mad and go from there.  But it's too late to undo that now, and either way she did no show you, so what you do next is up to you.

[Everhard]

Thanks all. Good feedback across the board.

[bd5671]

24 minutes ago, everhard-3488 said:

Thanks all. Good feedback across the board.

The hardest reviews to write are "ncns" and "disappointed at best". The latter are when you pay good money and services paid for aren't forthcoming or performed at a lackluster pace. We've all had those experiences and some have written, or lived, to tell about them. I wouldn' t classify them as "bad" reviews; they are just truthfully relating what happened and perhaps giving a forewarning to those who may indulge after you. It's definitely "buyer beware" in this supermarket, and sometimes you pick the wrong "tomato" off the vine or an overripe "cantalope" in the field. If every one of them was a "10", there would be no need for rating system...

[Bit Banger]

6 hours ago, bd5671 said:

... If every one of them was a "10", there would be no need for rating system...

👍Here yee! Here yee! 🙌

Remember, even AVERAGE means you had an OK time. 

[Guest]

19 hours ago, everhard-3488 said:

Here is my dilemma, which may seem straightforward at first glance.

After much back and forth, I scheduled a meeting with a lady - time and date set. Confirmed the night before. Date and time comes and she NCNS me. Called and texted at the appointed time - no response.  Texted 15 minutes later - no response. Went home bummed as she is totally my type and has good reviews.

A few days later, I emailed her saying that I was disappointed that we could not meet and said that I was going to be forced to post a NCNS review of her on this board, where she advertises, unless I heard back from her with an explanation - no response.

There was nothing abnormal about our communication leading up. If anything, was anticipatory in both directions. I am a long time participant of the hobby and know how to do this so please no attempt to diagnose my communication - this was a blatant NCNS.

It all seems pretty straightforward, right? I should post a review. However, something similar happened years ago one time on another review board and the provider black balled me on that board. Not real interested in that happening again.

So, do I post the review and see the inevitable provider response that is BS and risk getting a major blemish or just let it all go?

Just give  NCNS review and don't worry about being blacklisted with this ASP. There are many providers who would be happy to see you as scheduled on this site. Your honest assessment might cause the Provider in question to offer a rebuttal to your review explaining what happened on her end since she's offered nothing up to this point for NCNS after scheduling. If she'd offered an explanation for NCNS at any time up to this point, I'd advise you to give her another chance if you're willing but since that hasn't happened write the review as it happened..or in this case didn't.

[pejo]

19 hours ago, everhard-3488 said:

So, do I post the review and see the inevitable provider response that is BS and risk getting a major blemish or just let it all go?

I'd let it go, personally. But, to each his own. I assume the NCNS provider in question does not know any of your actual personal information? If she does, then I would definitely let it go.

[Guest]

22 hours ago, everhard-3488 said:

Here is my dilemma, which may seem straightforward at first glance.

After much back and forth, I scheduled a meeting with a lady - time and date set. Confirmed the night before. Date and time comes and she NCNS me. Called and texted at the appointed time - no response.  Texted 15 minutes later - no response. Went home bummed as she is totally my type and has good reviews.

A few days later, I emailed her saying that I was disappointed that we could not meet and said that I was going to be forced to post a NCNS review of her on this board, where she advertises, unless I heard back from her with an explanation - no response.

There was nothing abnormal about our communication leading up. If anything, was anticipatory in both directions. I am a long time participant of the hobby and know how to do this so please no attempt to diagnose my communication - this was a blatant NCNS.

It all seems pretty straightforward, right? I should post a review. However, something similar happened years ago one time on another review board and the provider black balled me on that board. Not real interested in that happening again.

So, do I post the review and see the inevitable provider response that is BS and risk getting a major blemish or just let it all go?

 Just my opinion LET IT GO... You see the TOB ad board? There are many other beautiful providers available who will be more than happy to see you. Next provider in line. Its NOT worth drama. Its NOT worth suffering consequences over. Ask yourself the following questions. Think about this before you post a NCNS. 

Question: Did you give out your personal information to her?

Answer:  If you did give out your info, the smartest thing to do is, don't write that review. Let the shit go. 

Question: Do I have a hobby phone, hobby email and p411 account to protect your identity? 

Answer: Yes I have taken the steps to protect myself. Then write the review.

Answer: No I haven't protected my identity. Then don't write the review, call up another girl have a good time.

Ready for the best part? Fuck it - I'm so pisst I'm writing the NCNS review. She was wrong. She didn't even have enough class to write you back.

As for being blackballed..... Iv been telling you guys for over a year this shit happens. 

I don't know did you give her few days to respond as to why she NCNS? Who knows maybe something happened to her. Did you check to see if she has posted up since your booking? Did you give her few days to respond as to why she NCNS?

Edited December 10, 2015 by Nikki Holiday

[wglide2003]

Nikki has given the best advise on situations like this. Let it go.

[Lucy Kitten]

5 minutes ago, MisterBigShot said:

Just give  NCNS review and don't worry about being blacklisted with this ASP. There are many providers who would be happy to see you as scheduled on this site. Your honest assessment might cause the Provider in question to offer a rebuttal to your review explaining what happened on her end since she's offered nothing up to this point for NCNS after scheduling. If she'd offered an explanation for NCNS at any time up to this point, I'd advise you to give her another chance if you're willing but since that hasn't happened write the review as it happened..or in this case didn't.

Bad idea. The moment he told her that he was forced to write a review he changed the game. She was wrong for standing him up and he was wrong for essentially bullying her. I can only echo what If6Was9 said. At this point his review is less credible. Would you in the shoes of a provider answer an email like that? He lost his right to answer when he did that. He needs to move on. I am sure via PM it will spread who the provider in question is and all those that "need" to know will.

Reviews carry a lot of weight and should be treated as such. Her reasons could also be personal and all the more reason to not force her to defend herself on a public review. Coercion is crappy and all too common place in the industry.

 

 

[Guest]

1 hour ago, Lucy Kitten said:

Bad idea. The moment he told her that he was forced to write a review he changed the game. She was wrong for standing him up and he was wrong for essentially bullying her. I can only echo what If6Was9 said. At this point his review is less credible. Would you in the shoes of a provider answer an email like that? He lost his right to answer when he did that. He needs to move on. I am sure via PM it will spread who the provider in question is and all those that "need" to know will.

Reviews carry a lot of weight and should be treated as such. Her reasons could also be personal and all the more reason to not force her to defend herself on a public review. Coercion is crappy and all too common place in the industry.

 

 

Yep. Had he not sent that volley and instead written the NCNS at that point it would have been the right thing to do. I guess I was strictly looking at this from my perspective and would have appreciated knowing the provider had NCNS in the event she was on my radar for a future encounter. There also could be others who may be considering this provider...may their experience be a positive one rather than the negative one of the original poster of the thread.

Always appreciate your perspective, Miss Lucy.

 

[Guest]

4 hours ago, Lucy Kitten said:

Bad idea. The moment he told her that he was forced to write a review he changed the game. She was wrong for standing him up and he was wrong for essentially bullying her. I can only echo what If6Was9 said. At this point his review is less credible. Would you in the shoes of a provider answer an email like that? He lost his right to answer when he did that. He needs to move on. I am sure via PM it will spread who the provider in question is and all those that "need" to know will.

Reviews carry a lot of weight and should be treated as such. Her reasons could also be personal and all the more reason to not force her to defend herself on a public review. Coercion is crappy and all too common place in the industry.

 

 

Nailed it Lucy. Thanks. 

[Everhard]

7 hours ago, Nikki Holiday said:

I don't know did you give her few days to respond as to why she NCNS? Who knows maybe something happened to her. Did you check to see if she has posted up since your booking? Did you give her few days to respond as to why she NCNS?

Thanks Nikki. All good advice. I have been VERY careful on personal information, hobby phone, etc.

On the length of time, I gave her nearly two weeks to respond.

I am not going to do a NCNS review.

[Lucy Kitten]

3 hours ago, MisterBigShot said:

Yep. Had he not sent that volley and instead written the NCNS at that point it would have been the right thing to do. I guess I was strictly looking at this from my perspective and would have appreciated knowing the provider had NCNS in the event she was on my radar for a future encounter. There also could be others who may be considering this provider...may their experience be a positive one rather than the negative one of the original poster of the thread.

Always appreciate your perspective, Miss Lucy.

 

The one thing no one ever considers is maybe the guy (generally speaking, there are lots of these threads) is a creep. And when you think about only your perspective you're overlooking what could be important. It's so one sided. We have no idea what really transpired between the two but you want her to be sentenced without trial. Guilty until she can prove innocence.

Getting a bad rep is really hard to undo. A NC/NS is not even close to the worst thing possible. A guy's "hobby record" isn't smeared because he stands a lady up. So why we do we damage ladies with reviews? The fear of being blacklisted isn't reasonable. The percentage of ladies posting false reports is so very minimal. It also becomes harder and harder to blacklist when guys wont screen with searchable info.

[Guest]

Iv been thinking about this. All providers have two choices. See the guy or cancel. 

First one would be, follow through and see the guy as agreed. If something comes up, simply contact the guy. He can decide to either wait for her or move on. If a gentlemen was getting out of line, her second choice was to cancel there date and tell him she's not seeing him. She can choose to tell him why she won't see him, or not mention anything at all. Then both parties moves on. The gentlemen finds another girl he thinks might be a good fit. To just ditch him for no reason, not contacting him is NCNS and review worthy. There is nothing wrong with him saying, Im going to write a NCNS Review. When you ditch clients for no reason. This is bad customer service. You earned yourself a bad image by not following throw. Its really simple. When the guys NCNS there are some providers who blacklist them. It does effect him. Because there are lots ladies who will not see them if they are blacklisted. 

Edited December 11, 2015 by Nikki Holiday

[Guest]

10 hours ago, Lucy Kitten said:

The one thing no one ever considers is maybe the guy (generally speaking, there are lots of these threads) is a creep. And when you think about only your perspective you're overlooking what could be important. It's so one sided. We have no idea what really transpired between the two but you want her to be sentenced without trial. Guilty until she can prove innocence.

Getting a bad rep is really hard to undo. A NC/NS is not even close to the worst thing possible. A guy's "hobby record" isn't smeared because he stands a lady up. So why we do we damage ladies with reviews? The fear of being blacklisted isn't reasonable. The percentage of ladies posting false reports is so very minimal. It also becomes harder and harder to blacklist when guys wont screen with searchable info.

Again, our perspectives are different here and I greatly appreciate yours. Even if the guy is a creep he doesn't deserve NCNS. Some sort of communication after she NCNS would have been the right thing to do regardless of whether he was a creep or a decent guy. Giving the benefit of the doubt for cancelling is acceptable when there is communication to do so. Not so much when either party simply doesn't have the consideration or courtesy to communicate to the other. Does it give him recourse to write a review out of vengeance? I don't think the reviews are for that purpose and shouldn't be done so.

Will we be able to find some common ground here? I said earlier that this isn't the way you conduct your business. I'll go further and say that you would go out of your way to ensure you communicated with your client if you needed to cancel for any reason and wouldn't NCNS even if there were extenuating circumstances. Tell me where I'm wrong here.

We can agree to disagree with the "fear of being Blacklisted" comment. The original poster's comments were not only with being blacklisted by this Provider but others in her circle of friends/acquaintances also.(Implied). Thereby limiting his potential to continue with this hobby if he's Blacklisted.

[gettin' up there-2233]

I would have posted a NCNS review, as I did not long ago after a NCNS happened to me after a period of no satisfactory explanation and since the provider had near-NCNS's with me before with last minute cancellations.  

The "maybe the guy is a creep" excuse doesn't fly, because if she knew the client was a creep she never should have scheduled the appointment and if she found out the guy was a creep after she made the appointment, she could have cancel before the guy is already on his way.  

The NCNS by either the client or provider remains one of the rudest, inconsiderate occurrences and it is too bad providers can't easily call out such jerks.  We guys, who are spending lots of $ and time planning and anticipating a meeting, deserve to know if a provider has a pattern of NCNS.  

I agree with Lucy that there are much worse reviews for a provider than a NCNS.  I have scheduled appointments with providers who have NCNS reviews but at least I know I'm taking that risk and I appreciate the info and warning, especially if it has occurred more than once.  My experience with these providers has generally been good.  Maybe I've been lucky or maybe the provider learned the importance of good communication because of the NCNS review she received.

 

[Guest]

2 hours ago, gettin' up there-2233 said:

The "maybe the guy is a creep" excuse doesn't fly, because if she knew the client was a creep she never should have scheduled the appointment and if she found out the guy was a creep after she made the appointment, she could have cancel before the guy is already on his way.

^^^^^This^^^^  Your right excuse doesn't fly.  

[pfunk]

I think we all agree that NC/NS is unacceptable, by either clients, or providers. 

If it happens to you, either write the NC/NS review after a couple days, or report the guy. 

Threatening either (review or blacklisting) is pointless. It either happened, or it didn't. Act appropriately.

 

[Lucy Kitten]

13 minutes ago, gettin' up there-2233 said:

I would have posted a NCNS review, as I did not long ago after a NCNS happened to me after a period of no satisfactory explanation and since the provider had near-NCNS's with me before with last minute cancellations.  

The "maybe the guy is a creep" excuse doesn't fly, because if she knew the client was a creep she never should have scheduled the appointment and if she found out the guy was a creep after she made the appointment, she could have cancel before the guy is already on his way.  

The NCNS by either the client or provider remains one of the rudest, inconsiderate occurrences and it is too bad providers can't easily call out such jerks.  We guys, who are spending lots of $ and time planning and anticipating a meeting, deserve to know if a provider has a pattern of NCNS.  

I agree with Lucy that there are much worse reviews for a provider than a NCNS.  I have scheduled appointments with providers who have NCNS reviews but at least I know I'm taking that risk and I appreciate the info and warning, especially if it has occurred more than once.  My experience with these providers has generally been good.  Maybe I've been lucky or maybe the provider learned the importance of good communication because of the NCNS review she received.

 

Many guys don't show their true colors until after they screen and for all we know he could have sent that "forced to write a review" email 15 minutes after he got stood up.  The point really is we shouldn't be giving much advice in these scenarios because we could be encouraging someone who is in fact a creep. This guy knew what the right thing to do was and he chose not to do it. He chose to make it public because I think he knew that he screwed up and if he brought it here then he would get the response he wanted which was to review the lady in question and absolve him of his wrongdoing.

 

We ladies deserve to know if a gent has a pattern of behavior too and often we are denied that. Ladies lose more money in a week with cancellations and no shows than most guys probably lose in years of hobbying. Communication lacks in both directions and I doubt that the lesson learned from NCNS reviews is about communication.

In a business full of risk and imaginary standards we have to be careful. What is a hobby to you is a ladies livelihood. The information that you choose to share can make or break someone. Bad reviews and NCNS reviews are punitive and guys should serious contemplate their content before they submit them.

[Guest]

12 minutes ago, Lucy Kitten said:

Many guys don't show their true colors until after they screen and for all we know he could have sent that "forced to write a review" email 15 minutes after he got stood up.  The point really is we shouldn't be giving much advice in these scenarios because we could be encouraging someone who is in fact a creep. This guy knew what the right thing to do was and he chose not to do it. He chose to make it public because I think he knew that he screwed up and if he brought it here then he would get the response he wanted which was to review the lady in question and absolve him of his wrongdoing.

 

We ladies deserve to know if a gent has a pattern of behavior too and often we are denied that. Ladies lose more money in a week with cancellations and no shows than most guys probably lose in years of hobbying. Communication lacks in both directions and I doubt that the lesson learned from NCNS reviews is about communication.

In a business full of risk and imaginary standards we have to be careful. What is a hobby to you is a ladies livelihood. The information that you choose to share can make or break someone. Bad reviews and NCNS reviews are punitive and guys should serious contemplate their content before they submit them.

Just a well thought out and insightful post. It's always good to see the other side of things for a "hobbyist". Thank you for your thoughts, Lucy. As always, much appreciated and welcomed perspective for us "dudes".

[acip]

18 hours ago, Lucy Kitten said:

A guy's "hobby record" isn't smeared because he stands a lady up. 

Why not? I'm an outsider to the CO culture, so obviously things are different than I'm used to, but pretty much every lady I've met would and has blacklisted for NCNS.  And those guys deserved it imo.

 

18 hours ago, Lucy Kitten said:

The one thing no one ever considers is maybe the guy (generally speaking, there are lots of these threads) is a creep. And when you think about only your perspective you're overlooking what could be important. It's so one sided. We have no idea what really transpired between the two but you want her to be sentenced without trial. Guilty until she can prove innocence.

 If a guy was lying, why wouldn't she be eager to respond and set it straight?  Again different board - but I've seen multiple times where a guy posted false information and the lady was happy to call him out on it.  She didn't need proof, just a post to say "here's the real story".

 

 

[Lucy Kitten]

4 hours ago, acip said:

Why not? I'm an outsider to the CO culture, so obviously things are different than I'm used to, but pretty much every lady I've met would and has blacklisted for NCNS.  And those guys deserved it imo.

 

 If a guy was lying, why wouldn't she be eager to respond and set it straight?  Again different board - but I've seen multiple times where a guy posted false information and the lady was happy to call him out on it.  She didn't need proof, just a post to say "here's the real story".

 

 

Blacklist isn't really a fair or accurate description. These naughty lists are for all sorts of offenses and issues. NCNSs don't deserve blacklisting in the true sense of the word. It's a misdemeanor. I think guys don't deserve to be blacklisted but they get a mark on their permanent record. So no it doesn't really hurt their record overall. It's also really easy to just create a new client personality and erase old history.

Why encourage posting what could potentially be untrue information? Why make it public? It looks bad for all parties involved and it's not always easily removed. The problem specifically with the OP is that he inadvertently admitted to using reviews as leverage. I am not calling the guy a liar I am just saying the information is one-sided and based on the limited knowledge and his attempts to use reviews as leverage the better advice to give is to not review. To not make an issue bigger than what it needs to be.