Posted September 15, 2013 So what do you guys do when you start dating someone? I'm curious what you guys do when you start dating someone in the "real world"? Do you continue to hobby or do you put it on hold until the relationship fails? And to add one more to this, how do you adjust from an environment where you are with women who actually know what they are doing to civilians who might have substantially less experience and perform activities at an amateur level? 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 15, 2013 interesting ? slim, your first question already supposes the relationship will fail, and i try to be more hopeful. as to your second one - practice, practice, practice! that's how love moves, like a river runnin through you --Shania Twain 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 15, 2013 If a woman captures my imagination I'm quits on the hobby. One of the keys of personal entanglement for me is honesty. I expect honesty from a partner and therefore I give it. I juggled women for a time in my macho youth and came to loath myself for the constant and evolving liar I had become. As for taking the amateur ladies to a higher level I can sum it up in one word. Communication. And that's an all encompassing word that goes beyond just the sex component in a relationship. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 15, 2013 What I did was quit the hobby until we broke up. I don't mind if the sex isn't as good. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 15, 2013 You are assuming the relationship will fail, so perhaps go in with a bit more optimism. As for hobbying, well it seems that should STOP. Save some money and enjoy the company of a woman who wants you for something other than your money. The girl friend reality (GFR) is better than the GFE. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 15, 2013 As for her "amateur" skills, well, you can teach her, right? That could be fun. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 15, 2013 If you are just dating casual and have not lead her to believe you are exclusive, why change your hobby habits? If you are dating exclusively with her then spend your hobby money on your relationship. $300 bucks twice a week can spice up any relationship and give it a real chance. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 15, 2013 Why stop? Most relationships fail so keep hobbing and if it get serious then you can consider stopping. If she's not good in bed move on. People don't take criticism well so most likely any communication on this subject will probably just lead to problems. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 15, 2013 (edited) ... People don't take criticism well so most likely any communication on this subject will probably just lead to problems. Agreed! Especially in this area - Most people think they're GIB. And why shouldn't they? It's supposed to come naturally, isn't it? The truth is that bedroom skills require a great deal of training and practice. The most important being the ability to listen and pay attention to your partner! Edited September 16, 2013 by Bit Banger Added thoughts on 'training' 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 16, 2013 I'm paying attention to this thread. I haven't eased back into the dating game yet, it's still early, but I expect I will at some time in the future. When I do, the thoughts expressed here may shape my actions. Thanks for bringing the topic up - it's important! 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 16, 2013 I would say you aren't obligated to stop hobbying as long as you haven't committed to exclusivity with the girl you're dating. However, unless you stop hobbying, you WILL break up with her before long. The quality and variety of women you can enjoy hobbying will never be matched by one woman. The relationship will probably fail anyway at some point as most do, but you're guaranteeing this ending if you keep hobbying. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 16, 2013 The most important being the ability to listen and pay attention to your partner! Agreed! Listening and paying attention is the most important aspect of communication. Is it not? And if you guys are using criticism as your communication style in delicate matters, then I recommend you forget about a relationship altogether. Hobby onward my friends. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 16, 2013 Thanks for all the replies. Urfan, I know I should be more open to the idea that a relationship might succeed but as fork stated, most don't survive. Just trying to be more realistic. It's been a really long time since I've been involved in the "dating scene" and haven't really entered it. I've been to a few dinner dates over time but they were all one time meetings (with no happy endings). I find myself on these so-called dates and all I want to do is check out ladies and schedule a next appointment on my phone. So my mind starts throwing ideas around and comes up with what-if. What-if I eventually do go on a date and something clicks. What-if on that date I don't think about anything but this person. Then it becomes more of a situation of giving this opportunity a chance rather than continuing to hobby. As previously pointed out, if I were continue to hobby throughout the entire dating relationship the likelihood of failure is guaranteed. I suppose I was curious on others' experiences. If you do/would stop hobbying, do you cut yourself off completely? Stop coming here, stop window shopping ads, etc. As my current situation sits, there is no chance of getting caught because of a snooping SO or a lack of covering my tracks because there simply just isn't anyone there to do that. And I keep my shit drama free so I don't really enjoy the stress of dishonesty. This is all speculation of course as I have no intention of being monogamous but stranger things have happened. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 16, 2013 ... As previously pointed out, if I were continue to hobby throughout the entire dating relationship the likelihood of failure is guaranteed. ... Why? Is it any different than dating several women at the same time? I would postulate that by removing sexual tension, it allows you to focus on personality quirks, which are far more important to an LTR. ... This is all speculation of course as I have no intention of being monogamous but stranger things have happened. BTDT - The last time I was in the dating scene I dated several women simultaneously in an effort to avoid being snared by any individual. As a relationship would end, I would find a new gal to fill the time. But that changed and I just shifted that energy to one gal until it became monogamous. That was before some of the YL here were born. When the sex in that relationship ended, but with the emotional ties still strong, I returned to the hobby. Removing the sexual tension extended that relationship for at least another decade. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 16, 2013 I........The quality and variety of women you can enjoy hobbying will never be matched by one woman. I agree with "variety" which, by definition, is inherently true. Quality, on the other hand, can most certainly be matched--and exceeded--by one woman. Never say never. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 16, 2013 Quality, on the other hand, can most certainly be matched--and exceeded--by one woman. Please post a review. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 16, 2013 Great question, great responses. I think moving back into the dating scene requires some adjustments. The ladies you may date will want to know more about you, your past, and your plans. It's funny, because many want the full information before you even start a relationship. It's sort of like a much higher level of screening. From the man's perspective, it takes a lot more effort (no complaint here, but it does). If you hit it off with someone, it's worth exploring. But hobbying while trying to start a relationship probably will interfere. It's hard to pay attention to a date while looking at escortboards on your iphone:D 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 16, 2013 Why? Is it any different than dating several women at the same time? I would postulate that by removing sexual tension, it allows you to focus on personality quirks, which are far more important to an LTR. BTDT - The last time I was in the dating scene I dated several women simultaneously in an effort to avoid being snared by any individual. As a relationship would end, I would find a new gal to fill the time. But that changed and I just shifted that energy to one gal until it became monogamous. That was before some of the YL here were born. When the sex in that relationship ended, but with the emotional ties still strong, I returned to the hobby. Removing the sexual tension extended that relationship for at least another decade. I try to look at it from the other point of view. If you were dating someone and hobbied on the side to relieve tension, at what point does that stop? I understand it's only sex and a relationship should have stronger ties than just having sex (that's why hobbying is so great) but what if you didn't do this and she did. There seems to be a serious lack of acceptance for this lifestyle. It's not like you will ever be out on a date, first or further along, and do something a little on the expensive side and say to her "well I was just going to buy a hooker with the money anyway". 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 16, 2013 Also, where does the non disclosure stop? You don't tell her about this so what else don't you tell her about. I'm not talking about the past but the present situation. Maybe it's best to get shit out of the way first thing and let a potential SO know what you are into and what you like and see what she's all about. There are obviously guys on here that have SOs that are cool with this lifestyle or even want to participate. How do you even bring that up? 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 16, 2013 ... Maybe it's best to get shit out of the way first thing and let a potential SO know what you are into and what you like and see what she's all about. ... A quandary, one of the difficulties I foresee with returning to the dating scene. I'm beginning to see why there are so many May-December relationships. I get the impression that a majority of women in my age group to do not feel that an active sex life is important. For some just expressing the desire to have an active sex life is perverted, or at the very least a waste of time. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 16, 2013 Slim if you are going to date, date a married woman. thay don't care if you hobby and they don't want to get married. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 17, 2013 Im shocked by the responses. I thought escorts were primarily meant FOR cheating men. I thought it was about variety when tied down. I thought it was about getting some "on the side" and, since its a professional transaction, you dont have to worry about your significant finding out. Most of the responses on here are basically "I only hobby when single" and "if I start to date I stop hobbying." Good for you guys. Gives me some hope in the male species. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 17, 2013 For me the hobby has been both over time. I hobby to fulfill that sexual need, "married" or single. If my SO scratches that itch, I don't need to hobby. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 18, 2013 For me the hobby has been both over time. I hobby to fulfill that sexual need, "married" or single. If my SO scratches that itch, I don't need to hobby. Bingo. I think the point is that when you are dating, you are getting plenty of sex, or you should be. When you have been married for a long time, produced offspring, etc, it goes away (unfortunately). The love remains, but the sex goes. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 18, 2013 I think these are some good questions, "Why see an escort, when you are taken?" - Things in the bedroom leave you sad and depressed. You enjoy the person you are with but sex with them isn't the greatest. Maybe they don't enjoy "odd" positions, maybe they don't like the thought of experimenting, perhaps they don't like giving blow jobs OR they enjoy sex but aren't any good at it. My reply will always be,"Why are you with someone that doesn't fill your needs?" - The world is populated with "x" amount of people, why are you settling for someone that doesn't make you happy? Life should be able "your" happiness; mentally and physically. Unless you have children; they should always come first. But if you don't have children, why are you staying with someone only because, "It's been to long to leave." It's never too late and shame on you for letting it go on that long without saying something. My advice, talk to them about the issues they have in bed. Why not? What is the worse thing that could happen? She leaves you because she doesn't know how to give a blow job? Well, now that you are single, you can go find someone who loves blow jobs and knows what the hell their doing! Now, this advice only goes for people with the following partners, "Young or Aged; very active and no disabilities (Diabetes is not an excuse not to enjoy sex)". But you also asked, "Do you hold off hobbying, until the relationship is done" - You can, you don't have too, but it wouldn't hurt. I think karma is a cunt with six arms that waits around the corner for you. I just think, if you start off in a NEW relationship and notice that she or he isn't what you want physically, why stay? If you enjoy sex and love it with everything that you are, why are you going to stay with someone who isn't good at it? Now, if you like a challenge and are up to teaching her what you know, and she is down with the idea, fucking awesome, marry this woman! BUUTTT if you suggest something early on in the relationship that you would like to see more of and she disagrees completely, why would you put a ring on that? ʕノ•ᴥ•ʔノ ︵ ┻━┻ And I think I answered the "what to do" part, with my answer above. It just depends on you. Sorry for the long post; I can't sleep... 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 18, 2013 ... The love remains, but the sex goes. And despite all the romance novels and patriarchal notions, the two (sex & love) are NOT the same, are NOT locked together for all time, as has been proven by societies with different, non-puritanical morals throughout history. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 18, 2013 ... My reply will always be,"Why are you with someone that doesn't fill your needs?" - The world is populated with "x" amount of people, why are you settling for someone that doesn't make you happy? Life should be able "your" happiness; mentally and physically. ... Because you cannot be all things all the time. I'm not going to send that filet mignon dinner with a loaded baked potato back to the kitchen just because there happens to be some zucchini on the side. I'll eat around the zucchini and check out the desert menu later, perhaps at another establishment. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted September 19, 2013 I know I should be more open to the idea that a relationship might succeed but as fork stated, most don't survive. Just trying to be more realistic. Maybe survival shouldn't be the measure of success. Enjoy it while it lasts. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
