Dating while in the business...

[BadBoy]

Gosh, that is just so sweet! Sniff, sniff, you have me all teary eyed.

[Guest]

6 hours ago, jhooker said:

 It's a date when she isn't running the meter. 

Some of those butterflies have secret, highly tuned receptors that can keep a very accurate accounting. The meter is not always clearly displayed.

[BadLeroyBrown]

On 5/11/2016 at 6:45 AM, B_randy said:

With the right person, there is no "transition" because for me, the "right person" is not inclined to decide for me when to make a switch.  If I want to switch to only one man it will be easy as community college cause I won't want "many men." Maybe I'm just a lascivious brat...but variety is fun. Here's my perspective :

 

So, I've met someone theoretically, and I think he is hotter and more amazing than a brand new Slinky. Wonderful! Now that I've got this piece of man-candy by my side, I should  a)stop what I've been doing for 13 years because he says he can't deal with it b)sneak around and do it on the low-low since it's so awful and shitty and omg how can I possibly be okay with it knowing that there's someone at home who can give me all the snausages I could possibly want just for fun OR .... C) choose to date guys who don't decide that once I'm "theirs" that I should just immediately change all MY methods of sustaining my way of existence.

Why should I fuck with anyone who, knowing what I do up front (always), decides it's beneath him to date a freak who loves to fuck (AND isn't just out being used and hoping for validation at some point?)  Change all my shit around for THAT? Gooby pls.

I will always go with the one who likes me ALREADY, and doesnt need me to "fix" my ass for him. Because they respect and trust me. Because they're secure in my feelings for them and don't take that madonna-whore bullshit anywhere near me; because I'm a bad bad bitch who doesn't get with people for the fuck of it or cause I need them to feel whole. They're lucky and they know it. I'm lucky too and I waste no time with a man from whom I don't feel lucky to have the affection.

 

Maybe it makes me a bit of an asshole, but im an asshole who gets what I want or just deal with the loneliness and DO WHAT I WANT with the time I am saddled with in my lonely existence.  For me, the concept of making any kind of abrupt switch from my job to a relationship is simply too much to expect.  Over half the time, it is only an issue with the ones that I'd call "fuckboys" after all is said and done...the ones who decide after 1 year of living together that they want a "NSA" roommate AKA a live in housekeeper they can crawl on top of when they want or crawl on top of whoever they want instead other times. Funny how they never remember that MY life is not sustained by their ego in all its fragility. I am not kept alive by their feelings, and they never seem to want to pick up any of the slack left by that 13.00/hr job that they CAN handle. Just saying...men who want to date a lady like me are typically not "dutiful" in any sense of the word and guys who wanna be like "oh you can count on me baby, you don't need that job!"...they really need to be prepared to put their coin where their cake hole is if they want me to believe their words.

 

Personally, I would not transition to one man for any reason that isn't him putting a ring on it.  I like variety, but if Im receptive to someone "ringing" me, chances are that giving up the variety I have come to love will be easy as hell anyhow Alas, the last man I met who made me feel that way...knows who he is and that I think he's being too stubborn by "being alone." Fuck me lol...

Somebody kept it very funk fresh.... that's what I wanted to know. Thank you for sharing beautiful!

[jhooker]

Hey man, whatever happens all I need to do is turn on some LED Zeppelin the song remains the same, burn some candles, take a few bong tokes, and what else is there? Love, sex, life, everything is beautiful, everything , she loves me, she doesn't love me, she loves him, her friend loves me now, it's all good man, the moment, the feeling, the buzz, it's allllllllll.........good

[BadLeroyBrown]

On 5/11/2016 at 5:15 PM, HenryFlyGuy said:

I'm not to certain I would want to actually "date" someone I've met over the TOB/BP website. Not sure how I would explain this one to the guys at BBQ's.. LOL

 

But on second thought, I  have never been put into that type of predicament, so who really knows what I would do or say, when the time comes now that I think about it!

Honest opinion... most guys might not admit it, but a lot of dudes are intimidated by a more "experienced" woman. I've said it before, but you have to be really secure with yourself, and how low your thang swangs to understand what's necessary to enter into that relationship. Do you think you could handle that if that sort of relationship started to develop?

[Bit Banger]

Why should I worry about her checkered relationships? My own slate isn't so clean either.  Feeling polyamorous myself, I don't think I would have a problem with the sex issues.  I'm more likely to have trouble with time issues.

I travel, a lot!  I would hope that whomever I have a relationship with could travel with me.  I would dislike having her job, ASP or otherwise, interfere with that.

EDIT: I have a list in my head of attributes for prospective SOs.  Being an ASP is NOT an automatic disqualifier.  Not enjoying sex is!

Edited May 13, 2016 by Bit Banger

[SultryKitten]

I guess I am a rarity. I have been with someone for quite a while, and he is not crazy, or on drugs, doesn't drink, has a job, etc. He knows exactly what I do, and is cool with it. We are, though, both open in our relationship because I choose to do this, and we like to have fun. I am an ambitious person though, and have like 50 things( I swear) that make money cause I am "glutton for punishment", and work all the time. When I am not doing this, I am a parent, boss, housekeeper, cook, etc...aka booooring! LOL!

I guess I see is that it could work if you can separate the two, and make boundaries. Communication is huge, and making that other person feel safe and confident is a plus. I see a lot in this business how the fine line can be crossed, and then they are confused as to why there is drama resulting in fights and breakups. I have never had the desire to want to be with a client, and am pretty confident that will never change. Don't get me wrong, I think the world of my clients, and look forward to seeing them, but they are not "the one". Also, I never make this business first in my life. My personal life always come before work no matter the circumstances. Not having your priorities straight can really mess up things.

xoxo,

Samantha Sheppard

[BadLeroyBrown]

3 hours ago, Bit Banger said:

 

EDIT: I have a list in my head of attributes for prospective SOs.  Being an ASP is NOT an automatic disqualifier.  Not enjoying sex is!

👍👍👍👍☝☝☝☝☝☝☝💯💯💯😅💯

[jj254-1]

I've only met one provider I'd thought about dating. Great woman. Wouldn't know how to go about asking though. 

 

The work wouldn't bother me. Sex is entertainment. Love is separate from that. Podcast I like talks about being monogamish. I dig that. Mostly committed, but when you have the urge to bang someone, you can. Just set some ground rules with your partner first. Don't need my permission. But I need to know if you're coming home late/not at all.

Don't think most can handle open relationships. Culture doesn't allow it. Can't be a man if other dicks are in your girl. Shame really. 

[Scarlett Dayne]

Maybe I am just old school. Maybe I am just old lol.

But...

I only want to be with one man, and I only want him to be with me. There are 4 activities I am specifically speaking of when defining monogamy: KISSING, BBBJ, DATY and SEX.

If I was going to date a man... these 4 items can only be done with me. In my opinion they are the most intimate things you can do with another person physically ;-)

If a couple decides to try swinging or a threesome that is curiosity in my book. I do think it's a slippery slope, and too often I have seen relationships crumble after they experimented with one or both. Some couples are strong like ox, and it's a great fit for them. The other 98% of couples are often left hurt, insecure and devastated. They often end up breaking up/divorcing because of trust issues that arise after such encounters.

Now throw in this woman is an escort sleeping with tons of men. I could see how a man would go bat shit crazy inside his mind trying to come to terms with all that. There are men who can totally handle this arrangement. The other 98% simply can not, and I find that to be a completely normal reaction for a normal human being.

I do believe every couple should choose together what rules/boundaries work for them. So whatever works for them then that is awesome.

However... an open relationship simply would NOT work for me. I used to think it would be a fantastic and spectacular option until I realized one day that if I were involved an open relationship I would NEVER  be able to give 100% of myself or my life to that man simply because I would NEVER fully trust him, or truly believe that he loved all of me.

Do we all experience major temptations when involved in a relationship? Fuck Yes!!! Everyone will experience Temptation. Nothing is a given or a constant in this world except temptation lol. We can never escape it, but we can walk away from it if we choose. The problem is that most of us choose to give in to temptation be it eating that cake when you have diabetes or are on a diet, laying on the couch instead of going to the gym because Game of Thrones is calling your name, going to the bar drinking all night when you know you should be studying or working, the list goes on and on lol...

I would rather stay single, risking being alone and lonely, than to settle for a relationship that would leave me in a constant state of insecurity, suspicious thoughts and an unhappy heart. I know myself very well, and I was created for monogamy. As much fun as it is to experience variety, the happiest I have ever been was when I was in a monogamous relationship with a man who was also monogamous. 

I can be joyful and positive single/alone, but I can not be free when consumed with negative emotions and negative thoughts because I subject myself to an unhealthy relationship dynamics. Why put myself through that kind of torture when I already know that is NOT what I want for myself or for me life for my remaining days here on Earth?

Patience has always been my nemesis (weakness), but when it comes to relationships I am willing to wait for a long time to find something good and worthy of my time, energy, heart and soul. I want someone to grow old with, not someone I grow to despise lol.

But this is just me, and the opinion of one person in a vast sea of billions of other people's opinions lol ;-)~

 

[2Big]

I don't shit where I eat. Simple.

[Guest]

In life you can play any game you like.

There's the game of openness. Am I being too idealistic in saying communication is key? What are two people capable of handling from each other? Can they be sincere and original where actions match their words, or are they just cutting and pasting from a past flame.

With all this new technology you'd think communication between two people has infinitely improved but I feel its just the opposite.  Its turned into fast food communication, just empty calories with no nutrients. 

Then there's the game of being closed off. Have a different persona for a different person. Fake it to make it. Living multiple lives rolled into one.

Which game are you most comfortable with receiving from another and which do you find yourself playing most?

 

[jj254-1]

On 6/17/2016 at 3:08 PM, Hot Violet said:

I'm afraid I will have to disagree with this last statement " Can't be a man if other dicks are in your girl.  Shame really."  

Every couple is allowed to make up their own rules, and as long as they are honest with one another, then that is their relationship.  People cheat, lie, sleep around and are deceptive, which is a far worse stigma.  However, that depends on who you're talking to.   

Sure. Me and you won't see it that way. Not what our culture teaches young men though. Personally I think folks in general are too hung up on sex. Making it this deep thing. It ain't. It's fun to orgasm. More fun when someone else causes it. But this bubble here we're talking in isn't mainstream. Not yet. We still teach young men it's ok to pick a fight when some dude is eyeing his girl. Cause he can't be a man if other dicks are in his girl. We teach young women it's wrong to fuck for fun. That makes her a whore. Me and you think it's fun. Someday we'll be mainstream. But not yet. 

[Arianna]

It's as easy as getting your head around it...on an ongoing basis.  Not so much.  I have found that those with a background which involved the swing scene tend to have an easier time understanding escorting because they understand that  lust and sex don't mean love and can distinguish sex as the defining factor in their relationship, which takes a lot of understanding things for what they are.

Having a BF and working can be done, I have had successful moments with it.  I have found that if someone, who isn't a loser, is going to accept this lifestyle then you as the gf has to be completely honest, 100% because trust is all you have.  But you end up telling too much and he gets burnt out on the lifestyle.

Eventually it is too intensive a for a relationship to sustain.  

HOWEVER, I think that a woman should be able to choose what she wants to do when she is not with a client, as should he.  I have had clients step over the line.  What we all do outside of the hobby is our own personal life.  Spending an hour or two with a provider doesn't mean you start calling shots on her personal and intimate life.  That's Ridiculous.

I find it very stressful to juggle family, clients and a BF all at the same time.  Too much stress...so single and don't date in case anyone was wondering!

Monday Mania

Arianna

[jj254-1]

On 6/20/2016 at 5:00 AM, Arianna said:

It's as easy as getting your head around it...on an ongoing basis.  Not so much.  I have found that those with a background which involved the swing scene tend to have an easier time understanding escorting because they understand that  lust and sex don't mean love and can distinguish sex as the defining factor in their relationship, which takes a lot of understanding things for what they are.

Having a BF and working can be done, I have had successful moments with it.  I have found that if someone, who isn't a loser, is going to accept this lifestyle then you as the gf has to be completely honest, 100% because trust is all you have.  But you end up telling too much and he gets burnt out on the lifestyle.

Eventually it is too intensive a for a relationship to sustain.  

HOWEVER, I think that a woman should be able to choose what she wants to do when she is not with a client, as should he.  I have had clients step over the line.  What we all do outside of the hobby is our own personal life.  Spending an hour or two with a provider doesn't mean you start calling shots on her personal and intimate life.  That's Ridiculous.

I find it very stressful to juggle family, clients and a BF all at the same time.  Too much stress...so single and don't date in case anyone was wondering!

Monday Mania

Arianna

Thanks for the post. Interesting to see if from the other side. Never been a jealous type. But not really a swinger. Keep to myself mostly so never was outgoing enough for it. Always thought of sex as just a fun thing. Never really could understand why friends can't just have it. Love is different. Dunno how to describe it. Just it's not sex and sex isn't love. 

[TrystinTrimble]

I have a serious SO...but man it took years and years to find this one and dating is never problem free for me. I had to be loud and adamant about a couple things: first, that we both have a voice and a safe space to feel how we do; and second, that there was no tolerance for treating one another with disrespect. Respect is required at all times and I've had to fight for it a couple times. It can be done but you have to really want it. I cannot imagine starting over yet again. 

[Bit Banger]

Love vs. Sex?

Two entirely different things.  I have spent years in a loving, sexless relationship.  I have had many sexually fulfilling friendships.

One of my problems with relationships is often scheduling.  It happened when I worked swing or graveyard shifts in college.  My wife wanted to go out on the weekend, but those were work nights or sleep periods for me.  It’s happened when dating someone who works ‘on call’.  Our romantic evenings interrupted by a phone call.