Posted May 30, 2014 I'm new to this and need some advice. I understand explicit discussion of activities with a provider I've never seen is a very bad idea because, as far as the provider knows, I might be LE trying to get them to say something that constitues sex for money. Makes perfect sense to me. I try hard to select providers who seem like they'll be amenable to my interests, but in my case it's a little difficult because my interests are seldom directly advertised. (See this thread.) Although I've had mostly good luck connecting with compatible providers, it's not been perfect. And given my limited opportunities and money, wasted appointments are not fun at all. I choose providers who are either well reviewed, or reviewed at least once by a reviewer who's done many reviews, so I should be safe from that stand point. After the provider has checked my references and is comfortable inviting me to see them, would most providers like this be ok briefly discussing specifics before the appointment, to be sure we're compatible? Is there a better way, like sending them a link to, say, the above discussion thread? Any recommendations and advice would be much appreciated! 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted May 30, 2014 I think you got very good advice in your original post about this: including you're unlikely to find what you want on your first appointment, don't approach an appointment like you're ordering from a sushi menu and there's a whole other community in which you might better find your needs met. But who knows. Maybe you'll find the magic pill this time. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted May 30, 2014 Very well said, Happymon! Just about covered all the bases discussed in the previous thread. There's not much else to say. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted May 30, 2014 Well - if you have done your research and check reviews and even double check on other sites then you should know what to expect - and even then expect the unexpected! I actually check the reviewer and how many reviews he has written and who he has seen - then you can develop a trend. If someone has only written one review on a lady and the lady has only one review - then you are taking a chance - which I have done in the past but I do other checks and searches as well. And damn - was very surprised! There is a saying - YOUR MILEAGE MAY VERY (YMMV) meaning - it may go great or not so great (sometimes personalities don't click)! I have had not so great experiences which is why reviews help - but in those cases I did not do my research and the person already had negatives! I consider it my FAULT! Overall - no need to discuss (sounds like a butt head move) - just ENJOY! Whatever happens it is going to be GREAT especially if you don't have preset conditions. JUST GO WITH THE FLOW of the moment and you can talk while enjoying each other - RIGHT? Sometimes she may ask what you like or she may say something that she likes! Either way - this is not a mechanical - you do me and I do you game! Though I gotta say some guys go into that way. JUST ENJOY the moment- have fun and be safe! (BTW - bring a gift - even something small will start a great conversation - most guys don't but love it just the same - I love wine and chocolates)! 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted May 30, 2014 don't approach an appointment like you're ordering from a sushi menu. Love that - and I didn't check the other thread - but overall - like you said - JUST ENJOY!!!! 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted May 30, 2014 Love that - and I didn't check the other thread - but overall - like you said - JUST ENJOY!!!! Thanks - that really is good advice in general, and I appreciate you taking the time to help me. However, so you can understand my perspective, the issue is central, not peripheral to me. It's not like a slight preference for brunettes over blonds, and the provider recently changed her hair color. What if you arrived expecting full service and found that the provider now only offers straight massage, not even with a happy ending? (I know that probably seems extreme to you, but the point is that submissive play is about as important to me as full service to most clients.) As an example, I recently saw a provider I had reason to believe would be compatible. She listed "fetish friendly" and "submissive" in her ads. When we met, (and after she had the donation) she said she was not interested in this kind of play, at all. I did decide to try to enjoy some vanilla activities, but afterward, I think that decision was a mistake. I should have politely said "Thanks for seeing me, but I interpreted your ad differently than is evidently true, so I'll just be going." So, back to my question - would most providers, after checking my references, but before seeing me in person, be agreeable to some form of discussion of activities? If so, what's the best way to do this without causing concern or risk? 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted May 31, 2014 There's not much else to say. Not entirely true. We could pick the op to pieces over something..... 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted May 31, 2014 To give you a real honest answer; I would more than likely NEVER allow what you want. I am fairly open minded, have a great sense of humor and most would say that I am exceptionally easy going. That being said, I would assume that this is something that 99% of other providers would never allow either. I just don't see it happening honey. So, I can't really tell you how to even ask or broach the subject. On the other hand, I do have 1 client that I have had almost since I began this profession. He is generous, wise, sweet, looks out for me, and truly cares for me. He is more a friend than a client. I would allow him to do this. I guess what I am saying, is if you ever get to that point with a provider, than maybe it would/could happen. I am thinking there may be some other type of fetish sites or sites that cater to non-vanilla type stuff that may be of better help. Maybe someone here knows of some. Good luck love. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted May 31, 2014 Thanks Holly. I appreciate that point of reference. I certainly understand not everyone shares my interests. (Although I think quite a few more might share this interest than you think.) However, while my particular interests are very important to me, unlike the prior thread, the specific nature of my interest is irrelevant for the question I'm trying to explore here in this thread, which is, "How to discuss services beforehand", whatever they are. So, for this thread, it doesn't matter what I'm looking for. Let's say a client wanted to find a provider who would, I dunno - wear a naughty nurse's uniform. Or have one person lick honey off the other. Or anything not described in the provider's ad or reviews, that the client considers very important. The question I'd like input on is: after completing verification of references, and before meeting in person, would most providers be ok with discussion of specifics at that stage? Thanks everyone for your thoughts to help this newbie. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted May 31, 2014 in my experience, compatibility is acquired thru respect, hygiene and a generous envelope. meet those thresholds and most ladies will be whomever you want them to be for the hour. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted May 31, 2014 If your P411 member you could put your "specific interests" in your profile. When making an appointment through there system I'd note "be sure to check my profile" If they agree to the appointment chances are there amenable to your need. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 1, 2014 If your P411 member you could put your "specific interests" in your profile. When making an appointment through there system I'd note "be sure to check my profile" If they agree to the appointment chances are there amenable to your need. Thanks George - that's a great thought. I've started a P411 application. As soon as it's approved I'll plan to put information on the account. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 3, 2014 I do not believe this provider checked your references.....if she had bothered to, it would have been clear what the scenario was that you were expecting. I can say this with 95% certainty Definitely put it on your P411 profile in the bottom part, that way a lady can read it and then decline the appointment if that sort of play is not to her liking. Good luck xoxo 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 3, 2014 The question I'd like input on is: after completing verification of references, and before meeting in person, would most providers be ok with discussion of specifics at that stage? I'm pretty sure the answer would be no. Even with references, a preferred 411, and a good rep, girls that I have never met don't discuss "services" with me. I suspect you'll have to see someone, at least once, before you can even mention specific services to them. Sorry! 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 3, 2014 in my experience, compatibility is acquired thru respect, hygiene and a generous envelope. meet those thresholds and most ladies will be whomever you want them to be for the hour. Okay not had my morning coffee and missed the "most" reference so my post is really a moot point. Just to add, money does not always get you what you want. Be careful of the ladies boundaries. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 3, 2014 If your P411 member you could put your "specific interests" in your profile. When making an appointment through there system I'd note "be sure to check my profile" If they agree to the appointment chances are there amenable to your need. I wish more guys used this area to spell out their likes and dislikes. I am a HUGE proponent of as much compatibility as possible. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 3, 2014 So, um, do you do that vaginal penis massage thing, I really like that and it's important to me. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 4, 2014 I do not believe this provider checked your references.....if she had bothered to, it would have been clear what the scenario was that you were expecting. I can say this with 95% certainty Definitely put it on your P411 profile in the bottom part, that way a lady can read it and then decline the appointment if that sort of play is not to her liking. Good luck xoxo Looking back, I'm quite sure you're right. Instead of offering her to check my references, I should have insisted. I've put a good description of me, and what I'm looking for, on my (shiny new!) P411 client account. Thanks for the advice. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 4, 2014 I've done this twice After one visit I just straight up asked her if she would do things I would like . One time she was defensive/insulted didn't work. One time she was all for it it would just be extra for a fetish. Wasn't really a fetish but whatever's. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
