The real name.

[Guest hgritstoo]

Do you cum?

2 words: DNA testing

(Ok, one word and an acronym) I know you were being funny. Point is, if you really think you can go to a stranger's place and be 100% certain no one can ever figure out who you are, you're nutz. If she wants to know bad enough, she'll know.

I NEVER give my real name. I use a carefully crafted pseudonym, wear a fake mustache, nose & glasses (insist they remain on the entire time), change cars 3 times on the way to the location, then park the last car in a random person's garage, pick a bus stop at least 4 miles away at random, take 5 buses, steal (er- borrow) a random stranger's cell phone for communication with the provider and then buy a complete set of clothes from the nearest second-hand shop.

Then, and only then, do I knock on the door.

Takes a little longer to prep for a session (only a day or two), but one can never be too careful.

I have been toying with the idea of just sending some random homeless guy in my place - I think that might be more safe...

Meh. For those of us that don't have to actually check to see if we have a pair tucked away in our jeans this is NEVER a problem.

[Mistress Claire]

Firsttracks,

That sounds really complicated, but if it works for you..

[Guest]

Interesting timing of this post with the upcoming International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers. For some reason, all of my clients have offered their real names to me upon first contact. Except for an out of towner, they all speak freely of where they live and work and their family lives. So I must attract the gentleman who seeks company for a variety of reasons.

+1 Lola. Yes yes yes!

And while I will probably regret having ever said anything on this board about any of this, I feel it is important to sort of demystify the reasons why some providers may ask for a real full name. Of course, I am only speaking for myself and my methods here, but from what I've heard talking to some of the other local providers my methods are similar. I know some of you will still want to keep your real names to yourselves, and that's understandable for a lot of reasons. But I'm hoping some others will see the reasoning behind why we do it, if you don't already get it.

I don't always ask for a real full name when screening, especially when a client approaches me with a ton of information from the get-go. P411/ Date-check accounts with OKs from providers I can contact, or other verification systems, are a definite work around for a real name for me. But when a client who is new to the hobby approaches me, or who doesn't initially seem willing to give up info, I always ask for the real full name. This serves 3 purposes insuring my safety:

1. This gives me a name to google, especially in combination with other information like where you work or uh... novels you have written or businesses you have owned. It gives me a name to run through blacklist and background check sites. It gives me the power of the Internet to verify that you are not a creep, or at least not one that anyone knows about.

2. It shows that you have a certain amount of trust in me, and respect for my business and my safety. More importantly, it also shows that you trust yourself enough to not assault me or cross my boundaries in some way during our session; because after all, I have your real name, so you know that if you fuck with me then I can fuck with you (which is the ONLY circumstance in which I would ever use a clients name to cause trouble for him, and it would likely only be to blacklist him).

3. I have back-up buddies. Trusted individuals with whom I share information about where I am, whom I am with and how to contact that person if I can't be contacted. I know this might scare a lot of you, but this is a really important safety measure that a lot of us take. Many people would agree that a person shouldn't go out on an Internet date with an unknown person without telling someone else where they're going and who they're meeting. This is the same. If I don't come home when I said I would, or text or call to say I'm going to be late, you better believe my back-up buddy is going to start investigating the situation.

So, I hope that helps to explain some things about why some of us ask for your name. I expect most of you will just tear into my little novel here though, so that's fine too. Have at it.

[FirstTracks]

Do you cum?

2 words: DNA testing

(Ok, one word and an acronym) I know you were being funny. Point is, if you really think you can go to a stranger's place and be 100% certain no one can ever figure out who you are, you're nutz. If she wants to know bad enough, she'll know.

Ding ding ding! We have a winner. =)

Some of the work I have done involves security; particularly from a tech standpoint and I can say with absolute certainty that no activity is truly anonymous.

But on the flip side I could give anyone here my full name, address & social security number and not one damn thing bad would happen to me.

[FirstTracks]

Firsttracks,

That sounds really complicated, but if it works for you..

Nah. You can ask every provider I have ever seen and I have given them enough info to find out exactly who I am - which consists of my email address that contains both my first & last name and that is plenty as I am relatively high profile without being a public figure and it would be 100% impossible to successfully blackmail me.

I figure that the ladies take on much more risk than us guys and I am perfectly willing to do what I can to put them at ease.

[MAG]

Ding ding ding! We have a winner. =)

Some of the work I have done involves security; particularly from a tech standpoint and I can say with absolute certainty that no activity is truly anonymous.

But on the flip side I could give anyone here my full name, address & social security number and not one damn thing bad would happen to me.

Ever hear of identity theft?

[gettin' up there]

Yeah, most all us give our name/place of business to p411. We all should give a little prayer that info stays secure. If not, I hope the judge and wife will go easy on me because so many needy ladies vouched for me and said I was "OK". Do you think I gotta chance with "alms to the poor"? Just my luck one of you providers I've seen will be driving a Porsche and blow my defense!

[NaughtyNiceGuy]

This is another good reason not to give out any information you don't want publicly known. While you may foolishly trust the provider, can you trust everyone she shares the information with like her pimp, boyfriend, dealer or other providers?

[Guest ezduzit]

Yawn, can we put this one to bed?

[FirstTracks]

Ever hear of identity theft?

Ever hear of the simple defenses to identity theft?

[FirstTracks]

This is another good reason not to give out any information you don't want publicly known. While you may foolishly trust the provider, can you trust everyone she shares the information with like her pimp, boyfriend, dealer or other providers?

Meh. Just more people to track down...

What makes you think a fairly savvy provider doesn't already know exactly who you are?

I have said it before, I will say it again: Give me a halfway decent face pic and a license plate number and I will tell you your life story.

Which of those do you hide completely?

[VampireVictoria]

To elaborate on what I said before:

If you have some method to prove to me you're ok, like p411, datecheck, multiple references who know you as El Barto or whatever pseudonym you use, great. As long as I can attach that name to an email, phone number, or address and all the references check out, great.

If someone doesn't have any of that, then they need to put up their full name plus some other information.

Sure, I guess you could run an IP check, hack into a global communication satelite and track someone's cell phone number and use advanced FBI Facial Recognition Software on their GPS coordinates and run them through a criminal / public database to make sure they're ok. Or use one of the 1000 other methods of somehow verifying who someone is without them giving you any information about themselves. But I'm guessing any provider who could do all that wouldn't be working as a provider.

The easiest and safest way to verify someone who isn't on p411 or doesn't use some other verification service is to get their full name.

I understand some guys will never want to give up their full name. If you're a guy and you want to see a provider but you don't want to give out your full name or any alternate way to verify you, you've got a lot more to worry about if you do find someone who will see you with no information.

[Lucy Kitten]

To elaborate on what I said before:

If you have some method to prove to me you're ok, like p411, datecheck, multiple references who know you as El Barto or whatever pseudonym you use, great. As long as I can attach that name to an email, phone number, or address and all the references check out, great.

If someone doesn't have any of that, then they need to put up their full name plus some other information.

Sure, I guess you could run an IP check, hack into a global communication satelite and track someone's cell phone number and use advanced FBI Facial Recognition Software on their GPS coordinates and run them through a criminal / public database to make sure they're ok. Or use one of the 1000 other methods of somehow verifying who someone is without them giving you any information about themselves. But I'm guessing any provider who could do all that wouldn't be working as a provider.

The easiest and safest way to verify someone who isn't on p411 or doesn't use some other verification service is to get their full name.

I understand some guys will never want to give up their full name. If you're a guy and you want to see a provider but you don't want to give out your full name or any alternate way to verify you, you've got a lot more to worry about if you do find someone who will see you with no information.

Since you're still relatively new to this little slice of the world I would suggest looking up some of the old threads on screening processes. A full name isn't required even if these gents are not members of P411 or have verifiable references.

There are plenty of providers with the business acumen to search someone out the in the cyber world, tracking an IP or finding someone's criminal record is actually quite simple. Are you saying you are a provider because you are not capable of these things? Sorry I just thought that was an odd, slightly negative things to say about fellow providers. We all have skills and real world opportunities but some of us just like being escorts.

We don't all conduct business in the same way some ladies don't require a full name, some don't pry for more than their fair share of personal information. Getting a full name may be the easiest but I would prefer in this instance not to take the easy way. I think the easiest way to screen is to make as painless as possible for the gentleman. I don't think an address is necessary either unless it is an outcall. That is just far too personal there could be a wife and forbidden topics that live there that are just none of your business.

I don't deny that screening is important it makes us all feel a little safer in the very least. I just would rather know whether or not someone is an asshole than their address. Verifying someone's identity by cross referencing a real name with an email tells you nothing other than they may offer consistent information same with a cell phone.

I think there is really only one fail proof way to screen, listen to your gut and exercise that judgement. El Barto might pass your screening but show up at your door and be a total sleaze, screening won't have mattered then.

[frankenthaler91]

As I have mentioned before, a well reviewed, multiple verification site listed provider blacklisted a gentleman because he wrote an accurate "less than stellar" review.

Through back channeling, others verified his observations. And feared the same fate if they wrote that review.

Now, he is unemployed and on the road to divorce because his real name comes up when googled. And due to his employment, his name is googled often.

If you make it to easy to be ruined, you likely will be.

[MAG]

As I have mentioned before, a well reviewed, multiple verification site listed provider blacklisted a gentleman because he wrote an accurate "less than stellar" review.

Through back channeling, others verified his observations. And feared the same fate if they wrote that review.

Now, he is unemployed and on the road to divorce because his real name comes up when googled. And due to his employment, his name is googled often.

If you make it to easy to be ruined, you likely will be.

+1

[pfunk]

As I have mentioned before, a well reviewed, multiple verification site listed provider blacklisted a gentleman because he wrote an accurate "less than stellar" review.

Through back channeling, others verified his observations. And feared the same fate if they wrote that review.

Now, he is unemployed and on the road to divorce because his real name comes up when googled. And due to his employment, his name is googled often.

If you make it to easy to be ruined, you likely will be.

So...the guy worked in a highly visible job, was married, and cheating on his wife, by illegally meeting prostitutes. THEN...he writes a bad review (knowing that she had his name), and is surprised when something bad happened?

Even I'm smarter than that!

[frankenthaler91]

So...the guy worked in a highly visible job, was married, and cheating on his wife, by illegally meeting prostitutes. THEN...he writes a bad review (knowing that she had his name), and is surprised when something bad happened?

Even I'm smarter than that!

I'm sure you understand when you have seen a lady multiple times conversations can turn a little more personal.

It wasn't a "bad" review. Just less than stellar.

If she wanted to warn others, she could have placed his name "inside" the warning. Where it would not be caught by a google search. But she wanted to be vindictive and set out to destroy him.

[iaughn]

I've never had a problem giving a provider my name. I think the best experiences come from both people being comfortable with each other.

For me, I believe in honesty, and any of family members, friends, or co-workers would not care, or already know I like like to spend time with escorts.

And if an escort outed me, I think the people I know only would say " She's really hot, Nice!!!" And slap me five!!!

[boink36]

So...the guy worked in a highly visible job, was married, and cheating on his wife, by illegally meeting prostitutes. THEN...he writes a bad review (knowing that she had his name), and is surprised when something bad happened?

Even I'm smarter than that!

I can see your point so I guess that makes what she did ok.

We hear all the time that personal information is deleted after the session. if that's true how did this guy end up on a black list? the truth is, there are 10 or 12 providers in the whole country that don't save information after the session is over. if we are lucky 1 or 2 of them work in Colorado. I know of more than one provider here that keeps folders on every client. phone numbers, addresses, employment, wife's name, plate numbers on cars, [snip} names ect. I wonder why they would do this. if you think you won't get outed when the time comes, think again.

[VampireVictoria]

Since you're still relatively new to this little slice of the world I would suggest looking up some of the old threads on screening processes. A full name isn't required even if these gents are not members of P411 or have verifiable references.

Like I said before, if they have some way to be screened, then a full name is moot. However, each provider is different and has access to different methods of screening. I suppose the bottom line is, if the client doesn't have some way of making the provider feel comfortable, and the provider wants too much information, then it isn't a good fit.

There are plenty of providers with the business acumen to search someone out the in the cyber world, tracking an IP or finding someone's criminal record is actually quite simple.

True.

Are you saying you are a provider because you are not capable of these things? Sorry I just thought that was an odd, slightly negative things to say about fellow providers. We all have skills and real world opportunities but some of us just like being escorts.

Maybe you didn't get my sarcasm. Unless you're a member of Anonymous or a genius level hacker though, I don't think anyone would be able to do the things I mentioned(ie hacking into a spy satellite and the FBI database). If you could, then you could also make your bank account as big as you wanted.

We don't all conduct business in the same way some ladies don't require a full name, some don't pry for more than their fair share of personal information. Getting a full name may be the easiest but I would prefer in this instance not to take the easy way. I think the easiest way to screen is to make as painless as possible for the gentleman. I don't think an address is necessary either unless it is an outcall. That is just far too personal there could be a wife and forbidden topics that live there that are just none of your business.

The OP was asking how guys felt about giving their last names, and then someone asked why providers would ever need to ask for last names. I think what you say here is the best possible response. Some ladies do, and some don't.

There are plenty of reasonable reasons why girls ask though, just like there are plenty of reasons why some guys won't give.

Personally, I ask because it makes me feel safer. Maybe I think I'm trustworthy, but I know the random guy may not feel the same. IMHO if they can give me some way to screen them that doesn't involve giving me their last name, I'm just as happy.

The point becomes, ultimately, if you're unwilling to submit to a provider's chosen method of screening, simply have some alternate suggestion that she can use. If she's reasonable, and your alternative suggestion is feasible, then this roadblock is easily overcome.

[VampireVictoria]

Since you're still relatively new to this little slice of the world I would suggest looking up some of the old threads on screening processes. A full name isn't required even if these gents are not members of P411 or have verifiable references.

Sorry for posting about this again, but I think you have PMs turned off. I have searched for screening methods here. There are hundreds of results, and I can't seem to find any threads with specific information about how to screen someone without getting some information from them. In fact, all the threads I've read say being too soft on screening is stupid and dangerous for all parties.

Anyone can feel free to PM me if they have some method of verifying someone without them giving me their info. That would be pretty awesome.

Heck, just post the method here. Why does it need to be a secret? It would pretty much put this thread to rest.

[2Big]

Screening is a placebo.

There is absolutely no causal relationship between screening and violence towards providers. If you look at the data on providers hurt on their jobs, there are many more relevant factors at work other than oops, I forgot to get his SS#.

As I've said before: if you're single, not working in any kind of "moral job" (priest, youth counselor, etc.), I think you have little to lose, even if the provider "outs" you.

I mean, let's be honest here: "outs you" to whom? Is she gonna take an ad out in the paper? Write anonymous letters? Take out a billboard ad? Write letters and stick them into your neighbors' mail boxes?

Providers, generally speaking, have much more to lose than clients who are single.

[2Big]

Contrary to popular belief among reluctant and inexperienced hobbyists, most reputable providers won't see you unless they can verify who you are. What you should really be asking yourself is, why wouldn't a provider need my last name? Any provider who doesn't care about verifying her clients is either a cop, working with a cop, a scam artist, or so indiscriminate that you shouldn't want to see her because something has to be wrong with her.

Bullshit.

[pfunk]

I can see your point so I guess that makes what she did ok.

What she did was deplorable.

We hear all the time that personal information is deleted after the session. if that's true how did this guy end up on a black list?

I don't think I've heard that old canard in several years!

the truth is, there are 10 or 12 providers in the whole country that don't save information after the session is over. if we are lucky 1 or 2 of them work in Colorado.

Interesting wild ass guess.

I know of more than one provider here that keeps folders on every client. phone numbers, addresses, employment, wife's name, plate numbers on cars, [snip} names ect.

I think this claim is an exaggeration. You may have run across someone who keeps this amount of data. But more than one? Unlikely.

I wonder why they would do this. if you think you won't get outed when the time comes, think again.

There are psychotic, criminal individuals on both sides of this business. A few clients try to push boundaries and threaten girls. A few looney girls will out, or blackmail clients.

Both are rare.

My opinion: Living your life as though everyone is out to get you, is a poor way to live. Acting as if all women, or all men, are liars, evil, and not worth your time, is foolish.

Be cautious, but try to enjoy what others have to offer. That's my philosophy.

[frankenthaler91]

I mean, let's be honest here: "outs you" to whom? Is she gonna take an ad out in the paper? Write anonymous letters? Take out a billboard ad? Write letters and stick them into your neighbors' mail boxes?

Providers, generally speaking, have much more to lose than clients who are single.

In the case I am referencing, the john is a consultant on the national level. So when someone googles his name after seeing him on some panel discussion somewhere, his name pops up on the NBL page.

Even as a single person you are ate risk. I hear on the news often about employers doing "social media" searches for prospective employees. High school/College kids are warned to be careful of what they put on the internet because it may come back to bite them later.

It's possible that someone's current employer may also do a search on you. If they find you on the NBL, what's to keep them from terminating you?

[Guest hgritstoo]

This topic is one of the most rehashed on this board. Everyone wants to be safe.....and that's admirable.

So here are 3 truths for a Saturday Morning:

1) Life is not without risk.

Everything you do is fraught with danger. That guy next to you on I25 may be drunk. Worse yet, he may be a "flat-land tourist" from Nebraska. Yet, there you are, driving right next to him at 10mph over the speed limit.

Did you piss off your waiter? He just hawked a big one into your salad. Better hope he doesn't have HepC. Even IF he's happy with you.....better hope he washed his hands.

So....the doc is rebuilding your ACL today. The surgery nurse just had a fight with her boyfriend. Hope she indicates the correct knee rather than worry about her troubles.

We all manage to survive this literal minefield because we have "systems" in place that help mitigate the danger. But.....the danger is still there and is very real. So:

2) Don't do the crime if you can't do the time.

Newsflash: Prostitution is illegal. And there are lots of folks with lots of money trying to put a stop to it. If you want some, you have to navigate past the LE barriers to get it. And guys....lest you forget.....it's just as illegal for her as it is for you. Only.....because she must advertise......she's about 10 times more likely to get busted than you.

Once you get past the legal barriers, there's a whole 'nother set of minefields you may or may not have to cross: STDs, jealous wives/girlfriends, pimps, crazy-ass hooktards with switchblades in their panties, and providers who are studying to be private eyes when they retire....tracking your email and writing down your license plate number as you drive up.

And the ladies have many of these concerns as well, not to mention the fact that their next client may be a stalker or worse: the reincarnation of Jack the Ripper.

And, in an activity as intimate as this, you even have to worry about personal feelings developing.....client falling in love with provider or provider falling for the client. (fortunately, I will never have to worry about the latter.) Hurt feelings make people do bad things.

No, this activity is not for the faint of heart. Yet, a whole lotta money is being spent and made. Why? Because everyone who participtes has weighed the risks vs the rewards and decided it was worth it.

What's that? You haven't weighed the risks? All of us, provider and client alike, need to pull up our big boy and big girls panties and realize that we have chosen this activity, and if something bad happens to us.....IT IS OUR OWN FAULT. We are all responsible for our own safety. And we better be able to handle the consequences.

3) The plural form of anecdote is not data.

We've all heard the horror stories. The one Boink tells is particularly troubling to me because it could possibly mirror my own situation. A trusted provider goes over the edge. And it does happen. But not very frequently.

We all need to take precautions. And we all will be better off if we act a little less self-centered and at least acknowledge the safety concerns the other side has.

I believe some guys are too loose with their information. If you are a single guy with your own business......you can probably get away with it.

I believe some guys are too tight with their information. Especially since an ASP with more than a few brain cells to rub together can figure out how to get it anyway. (I've seen shit and had shit attempted with me that you wouldn't believe. Some of these ladies are just plain fucking smart! So do a security review on all of your communication methods.)

We are part of a clandestine society. There are written rules (wash your azz!) and unwritten rules. And, as in any society, there will be rules breakers and you will hear stories about them. But they are not the norm!

My personal approach to this: I had to get started somewhere, so I did research and found what seemed to be a reliable provider, who got my real info. I was able eventually to parlay her references into a P411 account. I was able to use the P411 account to do the most important thing in this activity: build relationships. Those relationships, and the information that came from them, has helped me avoid dangerous situations and people here and in the other market I play in.

Ultimately, information is your best weapon. And you can't get good information from people who don't trust you. And you develop trust by treating people....all people....with respect.

[MAG]

Ever hear of the simple defenses to identity theft?

You mean like, not giving someone your SSN? Duh.

[VirgilBliss]

And this is why I really love ASP's, they're always a riot (whether they know it or not)!

Firsttracks,

That sounds really complicated, but if it works for you..

[2Big]

Even as a single person you are ate risk. I hear on the news often about employers doing "social media" searches for prospective employees. High school/College kids are warned to be careful of what they put on the internet because it may come back to bite them later.

I already have a job.

No provider in her right mind is going to go up against a single guy with a good job, who is going to lawyer up so fast it'll leave skid marks.

Most providers have more skeletons in their closets than in the prison in The Walking Dead.

Been there, done that. Some chick threatened me. I laughed in her face and said:

Never heard from her again.

[pfunk]

Ultimately, information is your best weapon. And you can't get good information from people who don't trust you. And you develop trust by treating people....all people....with respect.