Texts & Time wasting .. Ladies how do you handle it ?

[Guest Celeste]

I'm curious about other's opinions on texting with providers, what is appropriate, & what constitutes time wasting. I like to keep an open communication with all of my clients so they can text to set appointments or occasionally drop a note checking in, but I get frustrated in several scenarios....

First if I were to participate in the level of texting some of my clients would like to engage in I would be glued to my phone all of the time .. The other thing that bothers me are constant texts of " hey what's up" or asking for dirty pics .. without ever intending on booking another appointment.

Im not sure how to convey that these aren't behaviors I want to engage in without seeming rude or unconcerned. I am delighted by the occasional personal text from clients as we build bonds & friendship over time, but I enjoy my private life & personal time without feeling guilty about this.. The worst is when they don't hear from me for a couple days and assume I'm dead or in the hospital & start frantically texting... How does one draw the boundary & how does one convey it without being offensive to the client ..

Looking for responses from both providers & clients

Thanks

C

[macho]

Well I guess I'll stop wasting your time then ungrateful. Do you have any idea how dangerous the world is? All I ask is you pm me every other day so I can get some sleep k. Love yah babe and another thing do you have any idea how many man hours it would take to find a new ATF. More than you can count. So next time think before you type. K be safe don't know what I'd do with out you.

[Guest Celeste]

Certainly not feeding my own ego by saying all

clients do this.. But it does happen, especially the worrying

part..

[frankenthaler91]

IIRC the rule of thumb is 1 for 1.

He sees you 1 time a month. He is allowed 1 "non booking" contact a month.

Sees you 1 time a week, 1 "non booking" contact a week.

Sees 2 time a week.........

You get the idea.

[Dweller201]

Certainly not feeding my own ego by saying all

clients do this.. But it does happen, especially the worrying

part..

I believe you.

Although it sounds annoying there's something cute about people worrying that you're in the hospital. I can be a cynical guy at times but part of me believes that human love will save the day, eventually. In other words, these people care about you and that's great but it can be smothering.

Expressing that might be a way to combat the avalanche of interest. Meanwhile, asking for pics and stuff seems more like exploitation to me and I'd just be firm about it.

I'm not a provider, just using my empathy skills!

[Guest moose]

Not sure there is a black/white answer for providers on this - you have to keep your good clients happy and some are more attention needy than others. Tell someone to stop and you risk losing them as a client, so your business gets impacted.

If you feel a text exchange is pointless or dragging on, just ask if they are interested in making an appointment. If no, then say "gotta run, let me know when you want to see me. Thanks for touching base. Bye." or something to that extent.

[Guest Celeste]

This is good advice Thanks. I do love chatting with

Clients outside of work if we have that connection & I have the time, so

certainly wouldn't want to offend.. Also thought of how super sweet it

was when people checked in on me after the floods as I am up in

the boulder area.. So not all situations are unwanted or unwarranted...some scenarios just go far beyond, or even into

the realm of inappropriate , so thought I'd post to get responses. Thanks guys

[pitbull]

I admit I'm not all that experienced in the hobby, but I'm baffled as to the appropriateness of "just chatting." Seems that text should be used by repeat customers for the purpose of scheduling appts and nothing more. That's the way I look at it.

[Nightrain]

Do I call up my dentist jes to axe him, "hows it going?".

Or my shrink, to axe, "how's your cat?"

Give me a break.

[Dweller201]

This is good advice Thanks. I do love chatting with

Clients outside of work if we have that connection & I have the time, so

certainly wouldn't want to offend.. Also thought of how super sweet it

was when people checked in on me after the floods as I am up in

the boulder area.. So not all situations are unwanted or unwarranted...some scenarios just go far beyond, or even into

the realm of inappropriate , so thought I'd post to get responses. Thanks guys

Like I said, if these guys REALLY care about you, then you should be able to say that texts from everyone, coupled with your busy life, are stressful. There's "bad" stress from negative events but stress can also be caused by too many "good" things happening. It's your birthday, you won the lottery, and etc all in one day can wipe you out just as much as bad things.

Any nice guy will not want to overload you, but as said, you need to allow some contact if you want to encourage the relationship.

[Dweller201]

Do I call up my dentist jes to axe him, "hows it going?".

Or my shrink, to axe, "how's your cat?"

Give me a break.

Actually, I'm a "shrink" and greatly enjoyed getting calls from people, who were doing well. I also used to work for the prison system and was overjoyed when I'd run into former inmates on the street.

I strive to form trusting bonds with people and love to know I've done a great job (I'm like a mental provider!). However, since I try to give it my all, I can't have too many people at once.

I've also had female clients fall in love with me, and that's mega uncomfortable, traumatic, and disappointing. One women, woman who was heavily abused in every way by her family had what's called a "psychotic break" over hoping I'd quit my job and run off with her. AND that's only from talking to people, so I can only imagine provider problems.

[urfan]

as a member in good standing of the white knight brown-noser club, i've always remained very circumspect about my communications with providers.

gals will usually signal if and when it's cool to take the initiative to contact them them appropriately and when it ain't. the net result is that they now call/text/pm/email me on occasion. so if that's any guide for the rest of the clueless unwashed hobby horse masses out there. . .

christ, i should just compile the most salient bits from my previous posts and condense them into 'a little hobby horse book of etiquette.' but then, of course, the critics would be howlin NTSA* - lol

*not this shit again

[Audrey Astor]

I admit I'm not all that experienced in the hobby, but I'm baffled as to the appropriateness of "just chatting." Seems that text should be used by repeat customers for the purpose of scheduling appts and nothing more. That's the way I look at it.

Ding, ding, ding! Do you text your dentist? Your hairdresser? Your housekeeper? Why yes, yes, I do... When trying to book an appointment. Well maybe... not the dentist.

You get the gist. People only do what you allow. It is not being mean or arrogant. It is conducting YOUR business. You will quickly figure out who the timewasters are, and who is legit. I have found that my truly great clients have respected this and have behaved professional when it comes to texting.

That being said, it is always nice to get a sweet PM or e-mail though for a REAL client that I have developed a nice rapport with.

I have some standard replies if you are interested. Good luck love. xo

[Guest moose]

christ, i should just compile the most salient bits from my previous posts and condense them into 'a little hobby horse book of etiquette.' but then, of course, the critics would be howlin NTSA* - lol

critics be damned, bring on the hobby horse book.....it's not like the board is overloaded with unique and original threads anyway. (Um, does that make me a critic?)

[Dweller201]

as a member in good standing of the white knight brown-noser club, i've always remained very circumspect about my communications with providers.

gals will usually signal if and when it's cool to take the initiative to contact them them appropriately and when it ain't. the net result is that they now call/text/pm/email me on occasion. so if that's any guide for the rest of the clueless unwashed hobby horse masses out there. . .

christ, i should just compile the most salient bits from my previous posts and condense them into 'a little hobby horse book of etiquette.' but then, of course, the critics would be howlin NTSA* - lol

*not this shit again

I have never contacted a provider after and now I feel like I've been missing out.

Do I have low self-esteem?

[Guest]

Okay, I have a take on this, here it goes....

I have many clients that I hold as many personal friends. They have my personal number. NOW then, I do not have texting on my work phone for a variety of reasons, mostly because I do not need my time wasted by guys just saying hi. If you want to book an, appointment with me, call me. I hate texting over 30 min to 90 min for what could take 5 minutes of conversation. Let's save time, call, book, show up, play, smile and fucking leave. You guys pay us to leave, but when you come to us, you are paying for yourselves to leave. That is not to say, calling, or what not the next day to say thank you is not nice (and for the most part greatly appreciated) but to get into a 20 minute conversation, not recommended, encouraged, or advised. Use Occams Razor, Keep it simple. I understand that in certain circumstances texting or e mailing is easier, but it is also far less personal. This is a business built on personal interaction, texting lacks that. How many bad reviews saying that they were told to text but they got no response, and they write it as a NCNS? Time saved is Money earned. 5 minutes on the dang phone, go to such and such corner, turn right. Believe it or not, sometimes texts do not go through right away. Save time, CALL.....DUH. Interpersonal communication, writing and apparently the art of sex is a lost art.

[urfan]

dwell, you have no idea what you're missing, pal. and from all your caterwauling around here, i don't see a lack of self-confidence as being your issue.

question is, did you ever contact her BEFORE, except to send a dick picture or schedule? a five-minute phone call is not establishing rapport. and i'm not talking the pre-session stalking mode - or the post-coital obsessive one for that matter.

for some reason that i haven't quite figured out yet, way too many boys assume ridiculous amounts of familiarity as a byproduct of the physically intimate nature of a 'date.' it's pathetic and makes the gals gun-shy of us non-creepers, plus it gives all the right-thinking, red-blooded American hobby horses a bad rap.

finally, to state the obvious one more time in the vain hope of it being absorbed, blowing up a gal's cell phone is not meaningful communication. it won't rocket you to the top of her 'a' list and make her swoon "awwww." it can lead to them to shut you off completely - or get a restraining order.

[2Big]

Most of the time, this is how I feel about texting.

I use texting strictly for purposes of organization, not for sending lovey-dovey notes.

[2Big]

I like to keep an open communication with all of my clients...

...and then you complain when your clients actually avail themselves of that "open communication". Uh. Sure.

And then there's this:

"I am delighted by the occasional personal text from clients as we build bonds & friendship over time."

I mean, seriously? Looks to me you're looking for a knight in shining armor not a John. If a hooker were to hit me up with "bonds & friendship", I'd be running so fast my feet would be hitting my own azz crack.

[Boardmember]

Im not sure how to convey that these aren't behaviors I want to engage in without seeming rude or unconcerned.

C

The reasons folks are engaging you in this are varied and trying to address each motivation would be an even greater waste of time.

Going forward, I think the best way to address this is having, as other ladies, do a fairly clear explanation in your ads and such of how you want to communicate -- email might be more manageable -- and stick to that.

Once you open that door of social txt'ing, it is tough to shut without alienating some people, as you said concerns you. To that end with the folks who hit you with, albeit nice, messages too often, you probably just need to gently ween them from it with less engagement, longer reply times and the plain old "Hey, nice to hear from you, but I can't text much any more. Sorry!"

That whole "send me bewb pix" crowd just gets a 'delete,' I would say.

Some clients will get it, some won't. Not much you can do. The over-txt'ing group probably fails to realize you're not dealing with just them & their one or two messages. Good luck.

[Guest Celeste]

Okay, I have a take on this, here it goes....

I have many clients that I hold as many personal friends. They have my personal number. NOW then, I do not have texting on my work phone for a variety of reasons, mostly because I do not need my time wasted by guys just saying hi. If you want to book an, appointment with me, call me. I hate texting over 30 min to 90 min for what could take 5 minutes of conversation. Let's save time, call, book, show up, play, smile and fucking leave. You guys pay us to leave, but when you come to us, you are paying for yourselves to leave. That is not to say, calling, or what not the next day to say thank you is not nice (and for the most part greatly appreciated) but to get into a 20 minute conversation, not recommended, encouraged, or advised. Use Occams Razor, Keep it simple. I understand that in certain circumstances texting or e mailing is easier, but it is also far less personal. This is a business built on personal interaction, texting lacks that. How many bad reviews saying that they were told to text but they got no response, and they write it as a NCNS? Time saved is Money earned. 5 minutes on the dang phone, go to such and such corner, turn right. Believe it or not, sometimes texts do not go through right away. Save time, CALL.....DUH. Interpersonal communication, writing and apparently the art of sex is a lost art.

Thanks for the response ! I think I might try set-up with calls from now on too. It does seem more personal & does take care of the other issues.

[VampireVictoria]

So here's my take on texting...

I do not accept txts from people I do not know. They get automatically deleted. Don't send them, because I don't read them. As far as I'm concerned, unsolicited text messages are worse than junk mail.

On the other hand, if I have made an appointment with you, and you ask to text me your address, I welcome it. Once I give you permission to text me though, don't send me pointless messages. Send me what I need and be done.

After an appointment, don't text me again. I'm still not going to read it unless I was expecting it. If you want to say something, thank me, book another appointment, or make sure I'm still alive or whatever else people were talking about, email me! That's what email is for.

Basically, my general feelings about this business is that texting is for important necessary information and email is for everything else. I boogle sometimes at the fact some BP ads mention text only, no calls. To me, that just seems extremely fishy.

[urfan]

i didn't hear it as a complaint necessarily about guys 'availing' themselves in a reasonable manner, just justifiably bitching about the f'n douche-tards.

mebbe she's jest tryin to foster a better client base, and what smart, successful business person doesn't want that?

[coolhand luke]

I know that you asked the ladies how they handle it and I ain't no lady!! but because other non-ladies have answered I will put in my 2 cents worth.

Unless the ladies ad says no texting I will frequently text to try to initially set up an appt. or if she is on 411 will send request that way. After that texting is done to ask questions of place time etc. If I have had a great session I will frequently text after I have left and say thanks. The rest of the time email is the way to go for just conversation etc. which I don't do very often. I do have the personal phone number of several of my favoritie ladies but only rarely text to say hi and no long conversations. I save that for emails. I do not think it is appropriate to constantly text or stay in contact even with your ATF unless she directs it. The suggestion to delay response to texts or to text back and say can't talk now is a good way to handle it. You should be generic in your responses. Don't address them as sweetie, handsome or other handles as it can be misconstrued by someone who is looking for more than just a casual encounter and at the same time ask them if they want to make an appt. Most will get the message.

For the ones that don't I would just tell them that you prefer to converse by email or in some cases (not all) just don't answer. In my opinion they just waste your time. If it is someone you would not mind seeing again when they email you, you can respond and then ask them if they would like to make an appt.

Hope you reach some solution as I am sure that this is a vexing problem for a lot of the ladies. How to keep your business but not be constantly bothered by a few.

[Dweller201]

dwell, you have no idea what you're missing, pal. and from all your caterwauling around here, i don't see a lack of self-confidence as being your issue.

question is, did you ever contact her BEFORE, except to send a dick picture or schedule? a five-minute phone call is not establishing rapport. and i'm not talking the pre-session stalking mode - or the post-coital obsessive one for that matter.

for some reason that i haven't quite figured out yet, way too many boys assume ridiculous amounts of familiarity as a byproduct of the physically intimate nature of a 'date.' it's pathetic and makes the gals gun-shy of us non-creepers, plus it gives all the right-thinking, red-blooded American hobby horses a bad rap.

finally, to state the obvious one more time in the vain hope of it being absorbed, blowing up a gal's cell phone is not meaningful communication. it won't rocket you to the top of her 'a' list and make her swoon "awwww." it can lead to them to shut you off completely - or get a restraining order.

I'd like to state, for the record, that I have never sent anyone a "dick pic" in my life!

I like face to face conversation where I can figure out what amuses the person, their mood, and so on. I've never really gotten into a conversation with a provider before or after because I assume I'd be bothering them. However, I certainly wouldn't mind it because I love talking to people and get a big charge out of it.

I'd especially want to do this if I had a regular person I wanted to see frequently. But, it would bug me if I started worrying about them, as Celeste mentioned, because that would be relationship territory. There is nothing worse, in my opinion, than unrequited love.

So, I will walk this path carefully, if I ever do.

[urfan]

I'd like to state, for the record, that I have never sent anyone a "dick pic" in my life!

I'd especially want to do this if I had a regular person I wanted to see frequently. But, it would bug me if I started worrying about them, as Celeste mentioned, because that would be relationship territory. There is nothing worse, in my opinion, than unrequited love.

So, I will walk this path carefully, if I ever do.

congrats! you're definitely in the minority there.

and yeah, the ATF conundrum is a tricky one to navigate at best.

[urfan]

it's the old 80/20 rule. 80 percent of your problems come from 20 percent of your clients - works the same in my biz.

[Dweller201]

congrats! you're definitely in the minority there.

and yeah, the ATF conundrum is a tricky one to navigate at best.

I remember a nurse at work telling me about getting dick pics when the internet first hit public use in the mid 90s. I was like "WTF" but she kinda liked it and actually got in touch with many of the guys.

Meanwhile, I did not see it as the romance I dreamed of at the time.

Secondly, I've never had an ATF and cannot imagine the type of unusual situations that would jump off. We would probably end up getting married, going to therapy together, or both.

[VampireVictoria]

To add a bit to what I said before...

In my personal experience, I always post ads saying not to text me. If someone does text me, it is a very clear indicator to me that they cannot follow even the most simple of instructions. This bothers me on many different levels.

I'm a very social person, which is likely why I'm good at my job. I enjoy talking to people, and I really feel bad for ignoring texts. So, the more unsolicited texts I get, the worse I feel. I don't want to feel bad because some people don't pay attention.

The work phone I use charges me for every text I read. Thus the secondary reason why I find random texts to be so annoying. On the chance I'm waiting for someone I asked to text me some instructions, there is the possibility I might get a random text and then I'm paying for someone's misuse of my time.

So in general, I have bad feelings about texting. If someone takes it personal, that makes me sad, but I'm always happy to get email. I do like to keep in touch, I just don't want to pay for it or be burdened by it.

[Guest AbigailFox]

I also communicate mostly via email. Although I can receive texts, I leave my work phone turned off all the time except for communication prior to set appointments.. If someone needs to reach me, they can do that via email.

I do have clients that I consider to be friends....we communicate more frequently on topics outside of the hobby, but they don't engage in obsessive worrying if they do not hear back from me quickly. That would be a little odd I think.