new to this

[timseafgs]

hi

im new to this and in a relationship and want to be as discrete as possible with this stuff. im finding out that nobody will respond to just emails.

any tips on how to navigate without getting busted by my lady?

thanks

[Audrey Astor]

hi

im new to this and in a relationship and want to be as discrete as possible with this stuff. im finding out that nobody will respond to just emails.

any tips on how to navigate without getting busted by my lady?

thanks

,

I'm not tryijng to be rude, but informative. There are several threads on the board (some within the past few days) on how to be discrete; a hobby phone, hobby e-mail etc. I would pick a lady, view her website to see what she requires to visit with you. If you feel comfortable providing that info, do so. DO NOT haggle with her denominations, or screening methods. I would pick a well reviewed, well established lady. That MAY make your next phone call, e-mail a little more well received if you can provide a good reference. These are just my thoughts, as all of the ladies work their business a little different. You may also want to check into joining P411 if you do not prefer to provide personal info to providers. good luck!

[pfunk]

hi

im new to this and in a relationship and want to be as discrete as possible with this stuff. im finding out that nobody will respond to just emails.

any tips on how to navigate without getting busted by my lady?

thanks

Buy a cheap prepaid phone (trackphone, virgin mobile, etc) and use it to call. Pay cash.

Keep the 2 worlds totally separate. Different email addresses, different phones, some people even have a separate car!

Good luck!

[Guest]

hi

im new to this and in a relationship and want to be as discrete as possible with this stuff. im finding out that nobody will respond to just emails.

any tips on how to navigate without getting busted by my lady?

thanks

If you are married, you have no business doing this!

[UTF4ME]

If you are married, you have no business doing this!

[Archetype]

hi

im new to this and in a relationship and want to be as discrete as possible with this stuff. im finding out that nobody will respond to just emails.

any tips on how to navigate without getting busted by my lady?

thanks

I try to exclusively see ladies that work either exclusively by email, or that welcome/encourage first contact via email. There are plenty of them out there. I'm guessing you're looking at ladies on Backpage? Most ladies on Escortboards/Escortphotos and P411 work via email.

And, as others have said, get an email you use JUST for this.

[Ghost_Rider]

If you are married, you have no business doing this!

OMG, you can't be serious! Don't be so obtuse, it's hypocrital for anyone here to be that judgemental. If you are married, you may have every reason to be doing this. There are many reasons a gent seeks out the company of another lady, whether it's something he's not getting at home, the need for a little strange once in awhile (guys are wired that way), someone to talk to (yes, you can be married & lonely), or sometimes a little sweet revenge.

By hobbying, you are getting just what you need, without looking for a whole new relationship.....which in turn, just might save your marriage. A lot of gents still love their spouse, they just don't like them. It doesn't mean you are ready to pack in 1-2 decades of love and investment, just for an hour with a fun and/or beautiful lady. Compound that with having children, (who really need a father around).....and this hobby makes a whole lot of sense.

[MAG]

How long is a new member subjected to the quarantined posting rules?

............one of my postings inadvertently crossed the line........I see other posters acting in a very disrespectful manner towards the providers.

If you are married, you have no business doing this!

You should be permanently quarantined. It's not your place to judge people for their participation in the hobby, regardless of their circumstances. After all -- you're here, aren't you?

[Guest]

You should be permanently quarantined. It's not your place to judge people for their participation in the hobby, regardless of their circumstances. After all -- you're here, aren't you?

OK, how about this?

If you are married, you have no business participating in this activity unless you are willing to accept the consequences of being caught.

Because, it will happen.

[Whatdah]

OK, how about this?

If you are married, you have no business participating in this activity unless you are willing to accept the consequences of being caught.

Because, it will happen.

you're still casting a judgement.

the valid part of your comment is "you need to be willing to accept the consequences of getting caught".

[MAG]

OK, how about this?

If you are married, you have no business participating in this activity unless you are willing to accept the consequences of being caught.

Because, it will happen.

Keep trying.

You sound a lot like a bitter ex-wife who caught her husband with an escort, rather than a legitimate participant on this board.

As Whatdah said, you're still judging when you say "you have no business". You have no business telling other people what their business is or should be.

[pitbull]

OK, how about this?

If you are married, you have no business participating in this activity unless you are willing to accept the consequences of being caught.

Because, it will happen.

The bottom line is the OP did not ask to be judged, and your post is exactly the kind of response that should be killed and dinged with an infraction. As for the certainty of getting caught, that is pure nonsense.

Now back to the OP. There are plenty of ladies who will respond entirely by e-mail and do a bit of light screening. One of those ladies is represented right here in this very thread. She is discrete, screens via e-mail, and she is SKILLED in the areas that matter. There is another I have seen and I'll send a PM.

[dkstylez08]

OK, how about this?

If you are married, you have no business participating in this activity unless you are willing to accept the consequences of being caught.

Because, it will happen.

OP said "in a relationship" never mentioned anything about being married. I'm not sure how you jumped too the conclusion he was married?

[sofaking]

OP said "in a relationship" never mentioned anything about being married. I'm not sure how you jumped too the conclusion he was married?

Either way - married or in a relationship - what in the world makes you self-absorbed men believe that it is okay to have your SO walking through life ; committed to sharing her life and building her world around something based on nothing but deception and lies?! I mean the lengths you all go to to deceive the very person you vowed to cherish and share your life with. Makes me very sick and frankly sad to realize the outrageous number of women out there who clearly have no clue what is being done behind their backs by the very men who they have trusted their heart and soul to.

[boink36]

Either way - married or in a relationship - what in the world makes you self-absorbed men believe that it is okay to have your SO walking through life ; committed to sharing her life and building her world around something based on nothing but deception and lies?! I mean the lengths you all go to to deceive the very person you vowed to cherish and share your life with. Makes me very sick and frankly sad to realize the outrageous number of women out there who clearly have no clue what is being done behind their backs by the very men who they have trusted their heart and soul to.

I wouldn't be so sure about any of that. I'm sure a large number of these wives who "don't put out" at home, put out plenty away from home.

[shorty]

Either way - married or in a relationship - what in the world makes you self-absorbed men believe that it is okay to have your SO walking through life ; committed to sharing her life and building her world around something based on nothing but deception and lies?! I mean the lengths you all go to to deceive the very person you vowed to cherish and share your life with. Makes me very sick and frankly sad to realize the outrageous number of women out there who clearly have no clue what is being done behind their backs by the very men who they have trusted their heart and soul to.

Nice to meet you Miss Sofaking

I'm curious why you are here, based on your post. Did you find out your guy was seeing escorts?

To the OP: join p411, and everything will be fine.

And remember... Nobody beats the King, Nobody!

[MAG]

.......you self-absorbed men...........committed to sharing her life and building her world around something based on nothing but deception and lies?!.................

Seems we're getting an influx of butt-hurt ex-wives with an axe to grind.

[sofaking]

Nice to meet you Miss Sofaking

I'm curious why you are here, based on your post. Did you find out your guy was seeing escorts?

To the OP: join p411, and everything will be fine.

And remember... Nobody beats the King, Nobody!

To answer your question, I was engaged to be married when my then soon-to-be-husband confessed to having sex with a escort who had been hired for his bachelor party. On one hand I was heart broken and upset but I appreciate that he had the decency to be forthright and he respected me enough to let ME choose what is right for ME -

He recognized this "different wiring of the sexes" which so many of you seem to use as the blanket immunity granting you the right of betrayal, and he brought that to the table allowing ME to make the choice of either marrying him knowing that the relationship would not be monogamous; or to call of the wedding. He was my best friend. He remains my best friend. I am not bitter. In fact, I am so relieved that he loved me enough to NOT allow me to live my life in the dark in a relationship built on lies and secret cell phone accounts, and all the other crafty ways manipulative ways to disguise the spending of thousands of dollars on other women, etc. I thank god that I am not one of "those wives" living a lie.

I have no problem with nor am I bitter towards escorts either. I feel as long as they are safe and happy with their profession, all the power to them. I just do not condone the brutal dishonest deceiptfulness of the married men. It is not fair to allow your wife or SO to believe she is the only one. It is not fair to allow her to believe her marriage is built on trust when clearly it is not. It is cruel and grossly selfish.

You wouldn't like to go through life with a person only to find years later that they had been sneaking around, keeping secret cell phones in hidden compartments of their cars, spending hundreds or thousands of dollars and all kinds of time and energy just so they could keep their sexual affairs secret from you.

It's shitty. Period.

[urfan]

all the point/counterpoint really tickles me here.

having been a cheating husband and now away from that situation, i have a little perspective on the subject. back in the day, all my cloak-and-dagger stuff was more to preserve my intact family unit as things spun out of control behind the curtain. when a man in a relationship (with or without benefit of marriage license) starts getting his pencil sharpened by hookers on a regular basis, whatever the reasons, more than likely he's made a conscious decision to have his needs satisfied without totally wrecking the good stuff about the relationship. otherwise, just hooking up with a civilian mistress is the other logical alternative there. problem is, with that deal comes any number of complications, emotions and general life hassles that i personally tried to avoid.

btw, i used to secret my Trac Phone hobby cell in with all my stinky huntin/fishin camo crap in an old duffle bag i was sure she wouldn't go prying. worked like a charm!

[Bit Banger]

... when a man in a relationship (with or without benefit of marriage license) starts getting his pencil sharpened by hookers on a regular basis, whatever the reasons, more than likely he's made a conscious decision to have his needs satisfied without totally wrecking the good stuff about the relationship.

Indicating that he values something in the relationship. It may be kids, finances, or just the knowledge that your partner has your back in emergencies. One of the problems with lack-o-nookie is that it tends to poison existing relationships. Tensions build, anger flares, and other bad things happen.

... otherwise, just hooking up with a civilian mistress is the other logical alternative there. problem is, with that deal comes any number of complications, emotions and general life hassles that i personally tried to avoid...

Not to mention that bar-hopping, etc. takes an enormous amount of time, effort, and danger. Does anyone remember "Fatal Attraction"?

BTW: In my mind, 'mistress' implies a financial arrangement, a kept woman if you will. This is different from civilian 'affairs' which are often based on emotional ties.

[sofaking]

all the point/counterpoint really tickles me here.

...when a man in a relationship (with or without benefit of marriage license) starts getting his pencil sharpened by hookers on a regular basis, whatever the reasons, more than likely he's made a conscious decision to have his needs satisfied without totally wrecking the good stuff about the relationship...

This is exactly what I am talking about in the response I posted earlier but that hasn't shown up in the thread yet - HE has made the conscious decision (and he should be free to choose as he so desires BUT he should give his SO her right to choose whether or not she wants to be in a relationship with a man who has chooses to satisfy his sexual needs outside of their marriage. Instead you choose to sneak around and play all these bullshit games to satisfy yourselves and simply let her live a lie thereby takin her right of choice away.

I mean honestly guys - there are a great number of you who partake in this "hobby" who have accommodating wives at home but simply seek to satisy , as you put it, your "need for strange." Why get married and play this twisted cruel joke upon your SO? Seriously. You want strange? Stay single and fuck anything and everything. Man up and be honest with your spouse. Does TRUST have no role in your idea of what a relationship is about? Obviously not.

[UTF4ME]

OK, how about this?

If you are married, you have no business participating in this activity unless you are willing to accept the consequences of being caught.

Because, it will happen.

[boink36]

That's exactly what I have done. I'm going to be serious (I know hard to believe) for a minute. Sofaking, perhaps you should post some pictures and take a few appiontments. build up a handful of reviews and see what life is like on the other side of the fence. condemnation of others is the cowards way out. the members of this forum are not responsable for the actions of your fiancé, only he is and all the preaching in the world won't "un-bang" him.

[Cedar2000]

back to the original topic---I have found a google phone # as a decent replacement for a hobby phone. Although you do have a little more of a digital trail as long as you log out on your smartphone and make sure the settings don't ring your real phone it works like a charm.

[MAG]

To answer your question, I was engaged to be married when my then soon-to-be-husband confessed to having sex with a escort who had been hired for his bachelor party. On one hand I was heart broken and upset but I appreciate that he had the decency to be forthright and he respected me enough to let ME choose what is right for ME -

He recognized this "different wiring of the sexes" which so many of you seem to use as the blanket immunity granting you the right of betrayal, and he brought that to the table allowing ME to make the choice of either marrying him knowing that the relationship would not be monogamous; or to call of the wedding. He was my best friend. He remains my best friend. I am not bitter. In fact, I am so relieved that he loved me enough to NOT allow me to live my life in the dark in a relationship built on lies and secret cell phone accounts, and all the other crafty ways manipulative ways to disguise the spending of thousands of dollars on other women, etc. I thank god that I am not one of "those wives" living a lie.

I have no problem with nor am I bitter towards escorts either. I feel as long as they are safe and happy with their profession, all the power to them. I just do not condone the brutal dishonest deceiptfulness of the married men. It is not fair to allow your wife or SO to believe she is the only one. It is not fair to allow her to believe her marriage is built on trust when clearly it is not. It is cruel and grossly selfish.

You wouldn't like to go through life with a person only to find years later that they had been sneaking around, keeping secret cell phones in hidden compartments of their cars, spending hundreds or thousands of dollars and all kinds of time and energy just so they could keep their sexual affairs secret from you.

It's shitty. Period.

You've made a ton of assumptions -- that married men who see escorts are deceiving their innocent, martyr wives. Some men are married and have "permission" to stray. Some are married to wives who haven't put out in years. Some men are in "don't ask don't tell" marriages (similar to having permission).

Bottom line, you have an agenda. You're not a man, you're not an escort, so your agenda is clear. And you are passing judgment on people you don't know, whose shoes you have never walked in.

In my opinion, THAT is shitty.

[MAG]

+1

Sofaking, maybe if you had done a little more to keep your man satisfied, he would not have banged a hooker.

There, how does it feel to be judged unfairly?

[pitbull]

Either way - married or in a relationship - what in the world makes you self-absorbed men believe that it is okay to have your SO walking through life ; committed to sharing her life and building her world around something based on nothing but deception and lies?! I mean the lengths you all go to to deceive the very person you vowed to cherish and share your life with. Makes me very sick and frankly sad to realize the outrageous number of women out there who clearly have no clue what is being done behind their backs by the very men who they have trusted their heart and soul to.

Miss Sofaking...You would be shocked at the number of different situations played out on this board. There are sick wives who give their husbands consent. There are devoted husbands (like me) who love their wives and offspring desperately. Many of us do this to PROTECT our marriage.

Is it right that a wife makes love to her husband perhaps three times a year? And she keeps this up for 10 years? Is this a vow of celibacy that husbands must submit to? And yet, many of us have built a life together and we have no interest in throwing away two or more decades with the mother of our offspring. I love my wife, she is my soul mate.

I do not bring home diseases to her. I do sensual massage (these days) and do not jeopardize the financial situation of the home. I am not alone in this situation. It is definitely not ideal, but we are far from depraved. I write this for your edification. Whether you agree or not, I do not care in the slightest. We all do what we must to get through in this life. I can live with myself and my family lives in harmony.

[sofaking]

Maybe you did not read my earlier comment. My ex-fiance is my best friend - I admire him for being honest with me and for respecting me enough to not simply lie to me, sneak behind my back and do all of the other dishonest, crafty, trickery that goes on in this hobby to keep unsuspecting spouses blind-folded and in the dark.

I am not bitter toward my ex in the slightest. Nor am I bitter toward the escorts. I am not, as you seem to imply, laying blame on the members of this forum for the actions of my ex. Again his actions were fair, his actions were honest, and his actions took the needs and desires of someone else other than himself into consideration. He is a wonderful person in my world and again, my very best friend.

Besides my story is irrelevant to the point I am making. LYING is wrong. It is deceiptful. It is disrespectful. Sneaking around behind the back of your unsuspecting significant other is shallow, selfish, and wrong. Period.

While I understand there is a small percentage of men who have sick wives who have given their "blessing" (in those cases, there is nothing wrong with participating in this hobby as there is no deception taking place...and likely no need for an extra secret cell phone either) and then there are those with "open relationships/swingers/and the DADT understandings. Again no deception or trickery taking place in those scenarios either.

But reality is there is a large percentage of men that participate simply to satisfy their "need for strange." Their wives "put out" plenty but as one of you put in another thread, "she cannot be more than one woman" and because she cannot be more than herself, you sneak around behind her back, lie through your teeth and fuck escorts. Sorry but I just can't see where in that scenario you find justification.

Take from it what you want. I don't care who you are - lying and going to the extremes that many of you go through to satisfy your selfish sexual desires is wrong.

[BigHorse]

How do you know if we have accommodating wives? If our wives were accommodating, do you believe we would be doing this? Wrong assumptions!!

[sofaking]

Miss Sofaking...You would be shocked at the number of different situations played out on this board. There are sick wives who give their husbands consent. There are devoted husbands (like me) who love their wives and offspring desperately. Many of us do this to PROTECT our marriage.

Is it right that a wife makes love to her husband perhaps three times a year? And she keeps this up for 10 years? Is this a vow of celibacy that husbands must submit to? And yet, many of us have built a life together and we have no interest in throwing away two or more decades with the mother of our offspring. I love my wife, she is my soul mate.

I do not bring home diseases to her. I do sensual massage (these days) and do not jeopardize the financial situation of the home. I am not alone in this situation. It is definitely not ideal, but we are far from depraved. I write this for your edification. Whether you agree or not, I do not care in the slightest. We all do what we must to get through in this life. I can live with myself and my family lives in harmony.

I'm sorry. While I can't say I agree 100% with what you are doing, in your case, I do somewhat understand and I feel your situation. I'm really speaking to the large portion of participants whose primary reason for seeing/paying other women/escorts is simply because they desire variety or "strange."