Jealousy

[Guest Skibum]

I hear all this stuff about the profession just being a business and so on, and I can appreciate and respect that. However, I'm involved in a situation that I believe may be caused by jealousy.

I have to say at first that I am a very active client, and see several providers a month, or more. I know, there are guys who see more, but to me I'm active! Super active if you count where I live, the Siberia of ASP's.

I have been a good client of a provider up here in the mountains for almost a year. I thought we were crossing the line between business and friendship, based on numerous factual situations. It wasn't my imagination, I'm sober and lucid and can draw a logical conclusion to most situations. If anything, I am too rational, it came with my training and education.

I see a lot of different providers and have run across one who is very atypical. She tells me she loves me, stays for hours without asking for extra compensation, is very talented, we get along fabulously. I told my mountain provider about her and suddenly the friendship is gone and it's back to just plain business as usual. Well, actually, it's back to before I even met her, to no business from me at all now. Her personality became unbearable and totally unappealing.

I was upset, because I felt like I lost a friend. Am I correct in assuming my "friend" got upset when I told her about this other provider? Do providers ever get jealous? I know no one can speak for the provider in question and what her motivations might be, so I'm just asking in general. I have my own clients, and when they leave I sometimes get mad if they were a good client. But I never left this provider, I was still a client, or thought I was.

So, back to my original query. Does jealousy exist in this profession? If not, then what the heck happened in my situation? Feel free to provide any advice you might have, as long as it's not a joke. I'm really hurt by this situation.

[Guest hgritstoo]

I'm sorry you're experiencing this. It is my experience that all of us can, at times, be upset or jealous (whatever you want to call) over things our friends/aquaintances/business partners/SOs do with other people.

This hobby is especially ripe for these kind of feelings.

Ultimately, you'll only know for sure by having a conversation with your mountain provider......if she's willing to have one.

[Guest Skibum]

She said she wanted to meet up for lunch. I assumed it was a pro-bono kind of meeting, more than just PR but an act of kindness. When I asked her about scheduling it, she came back telling me, in very rude terms, that she doesn't do free lunches, that I get what I pay for, and that I was threatening her and she would threaten me back. Not to be a smart ass about it, but I'm thinking maybe she's got problems that weren't apparent to me, even after knowing her a year. I feel like I made a big mistake by letting my guard down and developing feelings for her. But I know they were mutual. We emailed each other almost daily, I helped her with some problems she was having with a rental she owned in Denver, taught her to use her new computer. She wanted me to call her all the time. She even went out and bought special toys for me, for her to use on me. Sigh. I was trying to set up a threesome with her and the atypical girl, and that may be what started the whole mess. She wanted a threesome, too, so it wasn't just my idea. I think I am trying to make sense out of a senseless situation. I just told her to let sleeping dogs die and that I won't be using her services again. I hope I've learned enough so I don't suffer through another painful situation like this.

[MrReindeer-9515]

I know this is lost on you, but...

Did you ever take a moment to think that she is pissed because you were discussing your relationship with someone else so freely, that inevitably you are also discussing your relationship with her?

(As you are doing in this thread as well.)

Edited October 2, 2013 by MrReindeer
Science! And to add pithy comment.

[Guest moose]

Skibum - Sounds like you are in too deep with both girls. I would make a clean break with both so everyone can move on.

Ideally this is a drama free hobby and both sides have discipline not to cross the line and make it personal, but I know that's hard sometimes when there is a connection. Early on I had to extract myself from a difficult situation, but learned from it. Now, at the first sign of need/conflict/tension (both sides) I'm out!

[supercombo]

Skibum-

4 words you should try not to forget.

Both girls are hookers.

They may be hot and fun to be with and FTF and do great UTF, but .........

:-)

[Guest hgritstoo]

Skibum-

4 words you should try not to forget.

Both girls are hookers.

They may be hot and fun to be with and FTF and do great UTF, but .........

:-)

Just because they're "hookers" does not make them less deserving or capable of the kinds of hopes, feelings, or aspirations as anyone else. Mr. Reindeer's point is well taken......and it is very difficult to "know the score" at times.

[macho]

Hookers are people and they feel all kinds of emotions. Anyways skibum you sound like the perfect man. It's any wonder why you have to pay. I'm sure this other provider was heart broken. I think you should mend her heart or glue it back together.

[Dweller201]

There's no such thing as a "hooker" because everyone is a "holistic being" meaning that we're all made up of a giant variety of varied personality components. The only thing that could be a "hooker" would be an android programed to only think and be the definition of a hooker.

That's why I do not believe the hobby is a business first. It's a human activity bound up in some of the most important human behaviors and emotions. The financial part makes it cool and casual but beneath it all the choices are emotional in nature. AND orgasms, pleasant feelings, etc are the prime bonding mechanism between males and females, they evolved over millions of years to MAKE us like each other. Money is a worthless game and cannot beat what has made us long before it existed.

However, mating behaviors can be used for sinister purposes, but mostly I don't think that happens in the hobby. There has to be a lot of "He was really nice" and "She was really nice" that gets thought, but just gets pushed away. If you stop pushing that away, then the money means nothing, so why not like someone you have great sex and conversation with?

On the flip side, vampire like people (sociopaths) can simulate emotions and get you to like them. When that happens they're like a parasite in your life draining you of whatever they can. If their ability to do that is challenged by a "real" person who likes you, they might just drop you and move on to the next target.

Only a super honest conversation, where your mind is intensely focused, can determine what the seemingly hurt person is thinking and wants. So, OP, why not just ask her how she feels about it all? You guys have done everything else, so communicate!

[Guest Skibum]

Thanks for all the good advice. You guys see the forest, while I'm staring at a tree. I can't not see the atypical girl, she's just too much fun! Seeing her Saturday as a matter of fact. If she tells me she loves me, she can say whatever she wants actually, I will remember that SHE'S A HOOKER, lol.

Macho, are you serious about me being the perfect man? I wish. I like to pay. There are no women to have affairs with in Siberia. The saying up here is that you tell a man from a woman because the man shaves. It might be different if I lived in the city. It was, in fact, when I started my career in the city, now that I think about it.

I know hookers are people, and I know hookers who fell in love with their client. I lost an ATF that way. I wish I could mend things up. I'm not very good at that.

[Dweller201]

Thanks for all the good advice. You guys see the forest, while I'm staring at a tree. I can't not see the atypical girl, she's just too much fun! Seeing her Saturday as a matter of fact. If she tells me she loves me, she can say whatever she wants actually, I will remember that SHE'S A HOOKER, lol.

Macho, are you serious about me being the perfect man? I wish. I like to pay. There are no women to have affairs with in Siberia. The saying up here is that you tell a man from a woman because the man shaves. It might be different if I lived in the city. It was, in fact, when I started my career in the city, now that I think about it.

I know hookers are people, and I know hookers who fell in love with their client. I lost an ATF that way. I wish I could mend things up. I'm not very good at that.

I laughed at the shaving comment! I do not want to live anywhere near you no matter the money, by the way, after that statement.

Anyway, do YOU feel love for either of these women? If both won the lottery and had no reason to be "hookers" would you enjoy sharing your life with either woman?

[pitbull]

Skibum-

4 words you should try not to forget.

Both girls are hookers.

They may be hot and fun to be with and FTF and do great UTF, but .........

:-)

What's the line from Lonesome Dove? I believe it was, "Even whores have hearts."

[Bit Banger]

Just because they're "hookers" does not make them less deserving or capable of the kinds of hopes, feelings, or aspirations as anyone else. ...

This is so true.

[urfan]

here's an Ernest reply. boundaries.

[Guest Skibum]

Dweller, the answer to the love question is yes. My mountain girl and I could have a great life together I was hoping that would happen. We like a LOT of the same things. I've actually never met a woman before who got to me like this one did.

And yes, only come up here for skiing, cycling, fishing, hunting, climbing, hiking, that kind of stuff. The few women that do live here complain about the men all the time. For some reason, they used to be called "bro-bras". That would be a guy who never bathes, has dreadlocks, lives with 12 other guys in the same house, doesn't work, loves to smoke MMJ, has a few untrained dogs running loose, baggy low riding pants, and one of those sloppy hats. Every woman's dream, no doubt. Of course, there is always the "trustafarian". That's a bro-bra with a trust fund. A step from the traditional bro-bra.

[Guest Skibum]

I did send an email of apology, we'll see what happens. Right after I sent it, she must have been emailing me at the same time. She said she thought I was disgusting, having sex with so many women. Then she made some comment about my wife finding out while I'm cycling and she's reading my emails. Then she said she was "working on that". My wife and I have an understanding, that wouldn't be of consequence. She is definitely vindictive.

If she does try something like that, she has way more to lose than I do and I'm an expert at revenge. Everything is already in place in case she does. I hope it doesn't come to that.

I pleaded with her not to leave me like this. Christ, I feel like I'm already married to her, fighting like this!

Then, at the same time, I get an email from the atypical girl, all excited about seeing me on Saturday. I feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place. I tried to find other women, Ashley Madison, Sugar Sugar. What a scam those were. I even put up ads on Craigslist. Reading what I'm writing, I am realizing I must be crazy!

[Dweller201]

Dweller, the answer to the love question is yes. My mountain girl and I could have a great life together I was hoping that would happen. We like a LOT of the same things. I've actually never met a woman before who got to me like this one did.

And yes, only come up here for skiing, cycling, fishing, hunting, climbing, hiking, that kind of stuff. The few women that do live here complain about the men all the time. For some reason, they used to be called "bro-bras". That would be a guy who never bathes, has dreadlocks, lives with 12 other guys in the same house, doesn't work, loves to smoke MMJ, has a few untrained dogs running loose, baggy low riding pants, and one of those sloppy hats. Every woman's dream, no doubt. Of course, there is always the "trustafarian". That's a bro-bra with a trust fund. A step from the traditional bro-bra.

My experience with those kind of men is that they're secretly highly aggressive and picky white people pretending they aren't. I hate them with a passion.

Meanwhile, you must speak to the girl in complete blunt honesty, in my opinion, and then let the chips fall. You will not regret it, even if things don't go well.

[Guest hgritstoo]

.........She said she thought I was disgusting, having sex with so many women. Then she made some comment about my wife ......... She is definitely vindictive................I'm an expert at revenge. Everything is already in place in case she does........I feel like I'm already married to her, fighting like this!........Then, at the same time, I get an email from the atypical girl, all excited about seeing me on Saturday. I feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place. I tried to find other women.......!!!!!!!

Skibum.......LOL...There's a WIFE, too?!?

You remind me of my older brother, nice guy, soft heart, always has to be in love........ALWAYS getting hurt. And he's a tall handsome guy with "the look" so women just melt when he smiles at them. (could never figure this out)

You are living the dream. But dude, guard your heart more carefully.

You know what the penalty is for Polygamy in the state of Colorado?

More than one wife.

You, sir, are being penalized.

[Guest]

..........

If she does try something like that, she has way more to lose than I do and I'm an expert at revenge.

.

Lovely revelation!

[Guest Skibum]

Grits, you are correct and make me laugh at the same time! I am not good looking, I'm skinny because of all the cycling and skiing I do, 5'9, 59 years old, thinning hair, broken nose. I always had a poor self-impression caused by an abusive, alcoholic father. My wife is disabled with a deadly chronic illness, and has been for probably half our marriage. I've spent over half my married life helping her stay alive. The only pleasures I have are skiing, cycling, and whoring around.

Go figure.

[urfan]

and by 'boundaries' of course i meant living within your own and also establishing them with the women.

[Dweller201]

I did send an email of apology, we'll see what happens. Right after I sent it, she must have been emailing me at the same time. She said she thought I was disgusting, having sex with so many women. Then she made some comment about my wife finding out while I'm cycling and she's reading my emails. Then she said she was "working on that". My wife and I have an understanding, that wouldn't be of consequence. She is definitely vindictive.

If she does try something like that, she has way more to lose than I do and I'm an expert at revenge. Everything is already in place in case she does. I hope it doesn't come to that.

I pleaded with her not to leave me like this. Christ, I feel like I'm already married to her, fighting like this!

Then, at the same time, I get an email from the atypical girl, all excited about seeing me on Saturday. I feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place. I tried to find other women, Ashley Madison, Sugar Sugar. What a scam those were. I even put up ads on Craigslist. Reading what I'm writing, I am realizing I must be crazy!

Yikes!

I'd make nice, defuse the situation, then let the relationship fade out. If you fight her there's going to be anger and passion built up, then ugliness.

[Guest Skibum]

Urfan, (or Dad as I sometimes think of you, in a good way!) I suck at boundaries. I know you're right, but I am just a reckless fool. I bristle at boundaries, rules, authority. I'm still a free spirit from the 60's, living in a regulated world where I don't fit in. I know my attitude causes me pain, and I have discipline. I just use it sparingly these days.

[urfan]

ahh, Grasshopper (as i sometimes think of you also in a good way)

i'm no freudian, but you're only going have to be self-regulating at some level.

as dear Sigmund voot zay: "ze reckless fool id is vot ve got zere. zee superego ess ze zulution, ya? don't sink uf it as discipline. zat vill cost you extra!"

[Jez UaBriain]

Good response, but their are two sides to every story . We only see his. Her take would have differences, and probably some left out stuff.

This is really none of my businesses. And like Mr. Reindeer said, should you really be mentioning this at all. And you haven't mentioned names -so good for you.But friendships are important to us all. The problem with clients and providers is we are human. Complete with egos, feelings, and aspirations.

Good luck, I hope this ends well for all involved in your saga Skibum

[Phantom]

And here I thought the whole reason to pay hookers was to avoid this drama.

[Guest Skibum]

Stop it Urfan! I am falling out of my chair with laughter!

[Guest Skibum]

Game over. All I got back was another nasty response, with false allegations all over the place. Maybe she had a stroke, or early onset Alzheimer's. The behavior pattern just doesn't fit together.

I'm relieved. I hate lose-lose situations. I've learned a big lesson, in large part because of the help I've been lucky enough to receive here. Can't thank you guys enough. Hope I can return the favors!

They say free advice is worth what you pay for it, but that's NOT the case at all.

[FirstTracks]

Ya, dude, me and your "atypical gal"... Well I fee the same way about her... Just sayin'....

Think about it for a minute.

Some of us get "confused".

Ski season is coming up. Hope for LOTS of freshies to help expend that excess energy and clear your head!

Nothing like standing at the top of the mountain an hour before the crowds arrive, poised for your first run, looking around at the orange glow on the surrounding peaks, listening to the stillness of freshly fallen snow, breathing in the cold, exhilarating air, and then.............................!!!

[MrReindeer-9515]

Game over. All I got back was another nasty response, with false allegations all over the place. Maybe she had a stroke, or early onset Alzheimer's. The behavior pattern just doesn't fit together.

I'm relieved. I hate lose-lose situations. I've learned a big lesson, in large part because of the help I've been lucky enough to receive here. Can't thank you guys enough. Hope I can return the favors!

They say free advice is worth what you pay for it, but that's NOT the case at all.

Funny, you are anxious to blame her, and you have your "revenge" plan all lined up, but you still don't understand:

It was your indiscretion(and YOUR BIG FUCKING MOUTH) that landed you here; fucking man up and own your bullshit, like the adult you purport to be.

Ya, dude, me and your "atypical gal"... Well I fee the same way about her... Just sayin'....

Think about it for a minute.

Some of us get "confused".

Ski season is coming up. Hope for LOTS of freshies to help expend that excess energy and clear your head!

Nothing like standing at the top of the mountain an hour before the crowds arrive, poised for your first run, looking around at the orange glow on the surrounding peaks, listening to the stillness of freshly fallen snow, breathing in the cold, exhilarating air, and then.............................!!!

Funny, after looking at some of your other posts, it almost seems like you have an arrested adolescent, self entitled alter ego(Read: Skibum).

Edited October 3, 2013 by MrReindeer
Science! And thought "your" deserved special emphasis.