I am amazed how many women nowadays are into BDSM

[harpo]

Is it 50 Shades of Grey syndrome ?

[Guest]

I love BDSM! In my ideal fantasy, Christian Gray would be my bitch and I would give him the punishment in which he so deserves. Maybe the tip of my 6 inch stiletto dug into his ball sack will teach him a lesson!

Honestly, I do like BDSM both ways. But in order for me to be the sub, there has to be a relationship prior. There has to be a level of trust, and I do not give that out to just anybody.

On the other hand, being the Dom is not something that comes to me naturally. Naturally I am a cock worshiper, so it is very hard to treat the owner of ANY cock badly. There is one exception that can be made to this rule. If I get pissed off , all bets are off and he's going to get something memorable for sure!

Some years ago I used to work with a girl that was very good at BDSM. It was during this time that I realized that I would have to be pissed off and enraged (which is probably not the safest combination for BDSM session) to actually be s successful dominatrix. I do not like being mad.

Cock worshiping; it works well for me!

[harpo]

I share similar thoughts like yours , for me BDSM is a play and I love the mild form , nothing extereme, I have been to BDSM club here in Denver few times and saw stuff I would not be involved in it giving or receiving.

I just recently keep meeting women who would talk about BDSM with spark in their eyes .It just makes me wonder...is it a new trend...a fad ?

Popularity has definitely increased !

I love BDSM! In my ideal fantasy, Christian Gray would be my bitch

Some years ago I used to work with a girl that was very good at BDSM. It was during this time that I realized that I would have to be pissed off and enraged (which is probably not the safest combination for BDSM session) to actually be s successful dominatrix. I do not like being mad.

!

Lol....that would not be BDSM .

[Vic Kosslovich]

From the guys perspective, I understand the allure. Those of us in very high stress positions like to give up control. But like many others, I'm not into pain, just letting go.....

Vic

[TaliahMichaels]

I definitely think it has something to do with the 50 Shades trilogy. But I don't think its a fad. I think the popularity of the book just made is less taboo.

From my understanding the books are pretty tame.

Anything that allows people to explore new sexual fantasies is a good thing,so long as its safe, sane and consensual of course.

[Dweller201]

From the guys perspective, I understand the allure. Those of us in very high stress positions like to give up control. But like many others, I'm not into pain, just letting go.....

Vic

I have never experienced that emotion.

[meganrae28]

BDSM, better left a fantasy for most. The reality of it is that the structure required to do it really is a buzzkill.

[harpo]

BDSM, better left a fantasy for most. The reality of it is that the structure required to do it really is a buzzkill.

Yes , it can be used and abused like religion !

[Dweller201]

BDSM, better left a fantasy for most. The reality of it is that the structure required to do it really is a buzzkill.

I think that's part of it for people who are really into it.

It's more about all of this rigamarole than being with another person. Supposedly, for some, the gear, etc becomes more important than the people involved, which is a way to distance yourself from feelings, and so on.

I don't mean those of us that would like to try it, but rather people who are really into it.

[harpo]

So it is life imitates art and not art imitates life , that reminds me of the famous phrase by Marshall McLuhan : The medium is the message . Don't underestimate the power of the media.

I definitely think it has something to do with the 50 Shades trilogy. But I don't think its a fad. I think the popularity of the book just made is less taboo.

From my understanding the books are pretty tame.

Anything that allows people to explore new sexual fantasies is a good thing,so long as its safe, sane and consensual of course.

[Guest]

The need for a safeword, agreement on limits and boundaries, effective communication between partners, and basic safety is a buzzkill?

[meganrae28]

and basic safety is a buzzkill?

Yes, precisely. When I think of a hot, sexy time, coming up with safe words isn't in the mix!

Oh, oh let's sit down and discuss our boundaries, forever! And tie you up in a bunch of fucking complicated knots with rope! Oh, oh, let's put on sweaty, stinky leather! Or learn the fine art of whipping people, which take years. Wee, this is so fun! Watch out for the kidneys! Basic safety here. Oh yeah, I'm still turned on.

My idea of a safe word is more like "can you go up like that again harder?"

[Dweller201]

Yes, precisely. When I think of a hot, sexy time, coming up with safe words isn't in the mix!

Oh, oh let's sit down and discuss our boundaries, forever! And tie you up in a bunch of fucking complicated knots with rope! Oh, oh, let's put on sweaty, stinky leather! Or learn the fine art of whipping people, which take years. Wee, this is so fun! Watch out for the kidneys! Basic safety here. Oh yeah, I'm still turned on.

My idea of a safe word is more like "can you go up like that again harder?"

That's kind what I said.

The theory behind BDSM is that the "knots", or whatever, are more important to the people involved, than the people they're involved with. So, it's about putting "somebody" in the rack, and the protocol around it, than thinking of them as a person.

That allows everyone involved to avoid getting to know each other.

Most of us would sit there and get bored fast or want to talk about something personal. Personally, some of the stuff looks fun, but ultimately it's too cold and worrisome for me.

[urfan]

i don't know. my theory of bdsm has always been more tied to the whole fetish aspect of it that requires more than just the props like trust, control, respect, boundaries, etc. that enhances, not depersonalizes, your experience of another person in that way.

from our friends at Merriam-Webster

fet·ish also fet·ich (ftsh, ftsh) n.

1. An object that is believed to have magical or spiritual powers, especially such an object associated with animistic or shamanistic religious practices.

2. An object of unreasonably excessive attention or reverence: made a fetish of punctuality.

3. Something, such as a material object or a nonsexual part of the body, that arouses sexual desire and may become necessary for sexual gratification.

4. An abnormally obsessive preoccupation or attachment; a fixation.

jest call me fixated then

[Dweller201]

i don't know. my theory of bdsm has always been more tied to the whole fetish aspect of it that requires more than just the props like trust, control, respect, boundaries, etc. that enhances, not depersonalizes, your experience of another person in that way.

from our friends at Merriam-Webster

fet·ish also fet·ich (ftsh, ftsh) n.

1. An object that is believed to have magical or spiritual powers, especially such an object associated with animistic or shamanistic religious practices.

2. An object of unreasonably excessive attention or reverence: made a fetish of punctuality.

3. Something, such as a material object or a nonsexual part of the body, that arouses sexual desire and may become necessary for sexual gratification.

4. An abnormally obsessive preoccupation or attachment; a fixation.

jest call me fixated then

The original definition of "fetish" comes from old psychology, I think Kraft-Ebing, who wrote the first major exploration of sexual anomalies, Psychopathia Sexualis.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard_von_Krafft-Ebing

If you can get a copy of that book, read it, because it is interesting!

Anyway, "fetish" meant "useless" because it was thought they were a useless focus on something that's not actually sexual and relationship building. The magic items mentioned in the definition you provided are "useless" because they don't actually command magic. Anyway, it was thought back then that all healthy activity was aimed at building male/female relationships, which would lead to family life, and happiness. Anything that derailed a person from that was a useless activity.

That's why prostitutes were legal in Germany because it was considered better for a guy to learn to like women that way than stay home and masturbate. That was considered the gateway to what was called an "autistic lifestyle" where you're focused just on yourself.

Fetishes were thought to be a complication in sexual development where the person at worst was bonding with something like a shoe, by themselves, thus making it like masturbation. In the most mild form, the person is avoiding bonding with women by reducing them to elements, like boobs, etc instead of a personality, and that's the origin of the term "Objectification".

In spite of knowing all of that, I still have some of the objectification stuff but am very thankful I'm not sneaking around the lady's shoe department touching shoes and getting erections.

I swear I'm not doing that!

[harpo]

I came across this article , and I thought to provide excerpt. He is making sense......I guess !

Read the whole article (highly recommended)

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/all-about-sex/201206/loving-introduction-bdsm

Trust Me, one person stands behind the other. The one in front falls backward, trusting the other to catch them before crashing to the floor. Trust Me contains an element of danger, the risk of not getting caught and getting hurt. The person falling places great trust in the person catching. When the falling player trusts the catcher enough to let go completely, and the catch happens as planned, both players experience a moment of exhilaration that’s difficult to duplicate any other way.

It’s About Trust

BDSM is similar. The myth is that it’s abusive and weird—whips and chains! Actually it’s about trust. When trust trumps the possibility of harm, the result can feel incredibly intimate and erotic.

There are several terms for BDSM: power-play or domination-submission (D/s) because one lover has control over the other, at least nominally; sado-masochism (SM), which involves spanking, flogging or other types of intense sensation; and bondage and discipline (BD), which involves restraint. But the current term is BDSM.

But all available evidence shows that the vast majority of BDSM enthusiasts are mentally healthy and typical in every respect—except that they find conventional (“vanilla”) sex unfulfilling and want something more intense and intimate. Before condemning BDSM, remember that not too long ago, oral sex and homosexuality were considered “perverse.”

[RaniLane]

to explore an arena that had previously been taboo to discuss publicly. Lots of people wonder about kink and would like to try something out of the ordinary, but have a scary idea in their minds. While I think 50 Shades is complete and utter shite (it's Twilight fan fiction, ugh!) I'm happy that it's allowing people to broaden their sexual horizons. Vanilla sex is still amazing to me, even though being kinky is a huge part of my identity, both sexually and otherwise. I love BDSM, but I don't need it in every encounter. Also, there's no one right way to do kink, as long as you are informed and playing safely.

Many gents have scheduled escort-only sessions with me, and being aware of my BDSM offerings said while booking, "I'm not into anything kinky, so I only want the GFE options." Ok, sir So, why is it that quite often, these SAME GUYS are:

*bent over, getting the business end of my strap-on

*having their prostates milked with clothespins on their nipples

*being smothered by me sitting on their faces with their hands bound

ANSWER:

Sometimes, you don't know you're kinky until you try it

[Blue-eyedTraveler]

I have been in and around the BDSM scene in many different communities since the mid 70s. It was mysterious and all about fun back then, and like a lot of things that start out as fun, it's become legalistic, ritualized, and very often boring. The clubs? Entirely hit or miss, but better than we had, because we had none. The toys? Much nicer. We had to improvise back then, and it was almost entirely rope, so knots gave away experience, etc.

About ten years ago, I watched a youngish guy beat the crap out of his lover. She was in the fetal position and crying, and when he was done, he walked away. Nobody did anything until a couple of older guys, self included, grabbed blankets and held her. This is what I mean.

Will 50 Shades change things? Probably, but I'll bet not for the better. Too much money connected with it now. BDSM is a wonderfully intimate way to play, and it requires assumed trust. The best sex I've ever had was associated with role playing in the BDSM scene. It rocked my world, and it did so because it originated and was acted out as a one-time only thing. To try and repeat it would not produce the same result, and it would cheapen the original version.

Finally, I love young people; I just wish they didn't act like they invented everything.

[Guest DevonSparkles]

I've definitely noticed men showing more interest in BDSM since '50 Shades of Grey' was published, but it feels like a fad for sure. In my experience those who learned about the lifestyle from James' books aren't really into the reality of it. Some light bondage, a few spankings, and a few "fuck me Daddy"s are the extent of their interest.

urfan and Dweller201, you two had some interesting comments, thanks for sharing your research. I'm always interested in the intellectual side of sexuality.

[snip} As for the books… James started to get there, but fell way short of the scenes I was hoping to read. Not to mention the writing was an embarrassment.

spanks n kisses

Devon

Edited November 3, 2013 by boink36
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