Posted August 6, 2012 Of course many of my clients are married. Most of them have wives who have made a serious decision (not to have sex, or to have it rarely) without consulting their partner, or truly understanding how important sex is to men in our culture. I had a therapist once suggest that I should imagine people as sky-rise office buildings. Each floor is a different interest, such as fixing cars, or parenting, or shopping, or golf, or whatever. Sex is one of those floors. So our friends tend to fulfill interests on one or more of those floors. People we marry tend to fulfill a lot of those floors. But no one -- NO ONE -- can fulfill them all. So we have to have relationships, friendships, outside of our primary relationships, which fulfill the needs we lack, the floors we're missing. I love barbeque. My best friend hates it. So when he's not around, I go get myself some barbeque. Does that mean I don't care for my best friend? Does it alter our relationship in any way? We place so much emotional value and importance on sex, and yet it is simply a need like any other, that needs to be fulfilled. When one of my married clients comes to see me, he is fulfilling a need he isn't getting otherwise. Does that mean he loves his wife less? (and yes, this is the same wife who decided for BOTH of them that there wouldn't be sex anymore?) If a man's wife suddenly decided they were both going vegetarian, she would have to accept that her husband was going to go out and get himself a steak once in a while. Try googling the history of marriage. The concept of the "love match", monogamous marriage for love, is a relatively new concept -- like, just over 100 years old. "The Myth of Monogamy" by Barash and Lipton is also most interesting reading. I personally believe that it is far more loving for a man to see a provider to get his sexual needs met, and maintain an otherwise loving marriage, than to have an affair and get emotionally involved with another. xxxooo Beverly ;-* 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted August 6, 2012 ... I personally believe that it is far more loving for a man to see a provider to get his sexual needs met, and maintain an otherwise loving marriage, than to have an affair and get emotionally involved with another. ... THIS is the primary reason I see escorts to scratch that itch. There are boundaries. In an affair or one night stand, those boundaries do not exist (remember Fatal Attraction?). 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted August 6, 2012 We place so much emotional value and importance on sex, and yet it is simply a need like any other, that needs to be fulfilled. When one of my married clients comes to see me, he is fulfilling a need he isn't getting otherwise. Does that mean he loves his wife less? (and yes, this is the same wife who decided for BOTH of them that there wouldn't be sex anymore?) I personally believe that it is far more loving for a man to see a provider to get his sexual needs met, and maintain an otherwise loving marriage, than to have an affair and get emotionally involved with another. xxxooo Beverly ;-* Bullshit. Why don't you talk to the wives of your johns, bring them into the discussion, since we're all here holding hands, engaging in cheap pop psychologoy. I dare you. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted August 7, 2012 Bullshit. Why don't you talk to the wives of your johns, bring them into the discussion, since we're all here holding hands, engaging in cheap pop psychologoy. I dare you. Umm, I HAVE talked to quite a few wives, thanks. And we've made good connections. And for those (like yourself) who have this outdated notion of monogamy, I can't help the fact that y'all continue to fight reality. I suppose you believe in trickle down economics, too. And Santa. xxxooo Beverly ;-* 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted August 7, 2012 Of course many of my clients are married. Most of them have wives who have made a serious decision (not to have sex, or to have it rarely) without consulting their partner, or truly understanding how important sex is to men in our culture. I had a therapist once suggest that I should imagine people as sky-rise office buildings. Each floor is a different interest, such as fixing cars, or parenting, or shopping, or golf, or whatever. Sex is one of those floors. So our friends tend to fulfill interests on one or more of those floors. People we marry tend to fulfill a lot of those floors. But no one -- NO ONE -- can fulfill them all. So we have to have relationships, friendships, outside of our primary relationships, which fulfill the needs we lack, the floors we're missing. I love barbeque. My best friend hates it. So when he's not around, I go get myself some barbeque. Does that mean I don't care for my best friend? Does it alter our relationship in any way? We place so much emotional value and importance on sex, and yet it is simply a need like any other, that needs to be fulfilled. When one of my married clients comes to see me, he is fulfilling a need he isn't getting otherwise. Does that mean he loves his wife less? (and yes, this is the same wife who decided for BOTH of them that there wouldn't be sex anymore?) If a man's wife suddenly decided they were both going vegetarian, she would have to accept that her husband was going to go out and get himself a steak once in a while. Try googling the history of marriage. The concept of the "love match", monogamous marriage for love, is a relatively new concept -- like, just over 100 years old. "The Myth of Monogamy" by Barash and Lipton is also most interesting reading. I personally believe that it is far more loving for a man to see a provider to get his sexual needs met, and maintain an otherwise loving marriage, than to have an affair and get emotionally involved with another. xxxooo Beverly ;-* Equating sexual intercourse with barbecue and other dietary choices. Skyscraper metaphors. Hmmmm. No, I see no reason to elevate the quality of this reasoning. I think I'll go back to the study of late 17th century American literature. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted August 7, 2012 Umm, I HAVE talked to quite a few wives, thanks. And we've made good connections. Oh Jesus....I better go get my popcorn. He has no idea . 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted August 8, 2012 If there is any secret to be taken to the grave, it is the hobby. Relationships come in many flavors. For my own, she would fight me should I want to divorce. Not for money, but for the actual divorce. I know she could not stop it, but she's convinced she would be worse off single. So here's the dilema: either tell her and have it on her mind every moment I'm not in sight or keep it a secret and feign monogomy. She's better off not knowing. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted August 8, 2012 Equating sexual intercourse with barbecue and other dietary choices. Skyscraper metaphors. Hmmmm. No, I see no reason to elevate the quality of this reasoning. I think I'll go back to the study of late 17th century American literature. Pardon me for trying to frame things in an easily understood fashion. Futue te ipsum. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted August 8, 2012 lol beverly, only you could be so insulting in a dead language and it sound so cosmopolitan! tantine animis caelestibus irae? 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
