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Everything posted by Johnboy#1

  1. Zodiac Signs

    AQUARIUS (Jan 20/Feb 18) You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. On the other hand, you are inclined to be careless 'and impractical, causing you to make the same mistakes repeatedly. Everyone thinks you are a fucking jerk. PISCES (Feb 19/Mar 20) You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have minor influence over your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are generally a coward. Pisces people screw small animals and pick their noses. ARIES (Mar 21/Apr 19) You are the pioneer type and hold most people in contempt. You are quick tempered, impatient, and scornful of advice. You are a prick. TAURUS (Apr 20/May 19) You are practical and persistent. You have dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded.' You are nothing but a goddamn communist. GEMINI (May 21/Jun 20) You are quick and intelligent and a thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. However, you are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are a cheap bastard. Geminis are notorious for thriving on incest. CANCER (Jun 21/Jul 22) You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's problems. They think you are a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you will always be on welfare and won't be worth a shit. LEO (Jul 23/Aug 22) You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are pushy. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving bastards and kiss mirrors a lot. VIRGO (Aug 23/Sep 22) You are the logical type and hate disorder. This shit-picking is sickening to your friends. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while screwing. Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps. LIBRA (Sep 23/Oct 22) You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. If you are a male, you are probably queer. Chances for employment and monetary gain are excellent. Most Libra women are whores. All Libras die of venereal disease. SCORPIO (Oct 23/Nov 11) You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are a perfect son of a bitch. Most Scorpio people are murderers. SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22/Dec 21) You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you have no talent. The majority of Sanitarians are drunks and potheads. People laugh at you a lot because you are always getting fucked. CAPRICORN (Dec 22/Jan 19) You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically chickenshit. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. You should kill yourself. <Sarcasm font off>
  2. Tall, pale, and hair like fire

    Thanks for all the fish.
  3. Pulling up my wishes

    I wonder what a conversation between NaUghty812day and Vassago would be like. Would any of us be able to understand it? Signature
  4. New Business Names

    XYZ Consulting..... Very generic. Signature
  5. Post Your Funnies

    Sister Margaret had been a model nun all her life, but then she was called to her reward. As she approached the pearly gates, Saint Peter said "Hold on, Sister Margaret...not so fast!" "But I have been good all my life and dedicated to the work of the Lord. From the time I was taken in as an infant by the sisters at the convent to my dying breath...I have lived for this moment!" Sister Margaret exclaimed in disbelief. "That is just the problem," replied St. Peter, " never learned right from wrong and to get into heaven, you must know the difference between right and wrong". "Well what can I do? I will do anything to get into heaven!" Sister Margaret pleaded. "I am going to have to send you back down to Earth. When you get there, I want you to smoke a cigarette and call me when you are finished...we will discuss your situation" ordered St. Peter. Sister Margaret returned to Earth, smoked a Camel, and then immediately called St. Peter, coughing and hacking. "Saint Peter" she gasped, "I can hardly breathe, my mouth tastes terrible, my breath stinks, I feel dizzy, and I think I am going to throw up" "Good!" replied the old saint, "Now you are finally getting a feel for right and wrong. Now go out tonight and drink some hard liquor and call me back when you are ready." Sister Margaret phoned St. Peter immediately after taking several belts of Jack Daniels. "Saint Peter...I feel woozy...that vile liquid burned my throat and nauseated is all I can do to keep it down." "Good...good! Now you are starting to see the difference between right and wrong" said St. Peter with delight. "Tomorrow I want you to seek out a man and know him in the Biblical sense then call me" A week passed before Sister Margaret called St. Peter and left a message: "Yo,'s Peggy! It's gonna be a while!"
  6. Penis Transplant

    Penis Transplant OK guys. Let your mind(s) run wild. Ladies too. Signature
  7. Something Lighter, It's Much Needed.....

    Has to be Big John and Sparky on the radio.
  8. Re: Opera VPN. Opera is shutting down it's VPN soon. Opera
  9. I Love You Colorado But Why Are You So Cold

    Cold is when the thermometer on the bank sign shows -30! Even then "It's a dry cold"
  10. Mojovillage Slowly Disappearing

    Update: Mojo Village is down. Signature
  11. Facebook

    An interesting article about FB. A Compelling Reason When it's free, you are the product. Signature PS. I'm not on FB.
  12. #SESTA #FOSTA- Who's been following...

    Personal encounters As of this morning. (3-23-18) Rather than filing a suit, I think a site will be seized and someone arrested. Their defense will be the 1st amendment freedom of speech. It will take several years to reach the supreme court and some deep pockets to pay for it. Unless the ACLU steps in. Hell, I'd chip in a couple of bucks to help the defense.
  13. Lottery Winner

    The lady had followed the (bad) "advice" to immediately sign the back of her ticked. The NH lottery people claimed the public had an overwhelming right to know her name. Which trumped any right to privacy she might have had. The judge said "no". All they really want is the advertising value. Colorado allows anonymous claim of winnings If you win big, the first thing is to secure the ticked and find a good trust attorney. Lady wins in court Good luck! Signature
  14. Lottery Winner

    What would be the incorrect wat? They say to sign the ticket to protect you. They don't advertise that you can use a trust. They really want the pr out of the deal
  15. An American tourist goes on a trip to China. While in China, he is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom all the time. A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots. Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results. The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says "I've got bad news for you. You've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here. We know very little about it." The man looks a little perplexed and says: "Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, doc." The doctor answers "I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We're going to have to amputate your penis." The man screams in horror, "Absolutely not! I want a second opinion." The doctor replies "Well, it's your choice. Go ahead if you want, but surgery is your only choice." The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the disease. The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims "Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Vely lare disease." The guy says to the doctor: "Yeah, yeah, I already know that, but what can we do? My American doctor wants to operate and amputate my penis!" The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs "Stupid Amelican docta, always want to opelate. Make more money, that way. No need to opelate!" "Oh, Thank God!", the man replies. "Yes", says the Chinese doctor, "You no worry! Wait two weeks. Dick fall off by itself! You save money". Signature
  16. Who is your favorite basketball team?

    Back in the day...... When the NCAA was just an upstart association the NIT was the end of season tournament.
  17. Just what we need.... 12-24 hours later, look down in the commode and see...... Imagine the panic if you were to feed it to someone surreptitiously. Some people believe their "stuff" doesn't stink, and now this.
  18. Life is stranger than fiction. two things.... 1. I wonder how many client requests you'll get for this and; 2. Will this now be a provider option? (Tongue in cheek font off)
  19. Deep thoughts

    Doctors are licensed to practice medicine. They do not know it all. Remember, 50% of Dr's graduated in the bottom half of their class.
  20. Best Local Denver restaurants

    For local food you must try rocky mountain oysters.
  21. raw meat, is where it begins

    Hey fishndude57, where is you philosopher/translator Jethro, when we need him?
  22. Female brain cell: ONCE UPON A TIME THERE WAS A female brain cell which, by mistake, happened to end up in a man's head. She looked around nervously, but it was all empty and quiet. "Hello?" she cried...but no answer. "Is there anyone here?" she cried a little louder, but still no answer.... Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and yelled: "HELLO, IS THERE ANYONE HERE?" Then she heard a voice from far, far away . "Hello - we're all down here...."
  23. The olympics...TOB style

    Let's try this. Strong Man competition. It's a .gif, so give it a few seconds to load.
  24. Food

    A recent food thread got me to thinking. Are there any restaurants in the metro area that serve country style ribs? It's been soooo long since I've had any. After a fruitless search on "the big search engine that wants to know everything about our lives", I throw the question out to the gourmet palates of the members here. Thanks in advance for your replies. Johnboy#1 Signature
  25. Food

    That would be yes to thick rib meat. As I remember, my Mom would marinate them, pour off most of the sauce, then cook them right id the pan. Yes, I said Mom, that's how long it's been. If I can't find a restaurant, I'll have to resort to my favorite meat market. Edwards on W. 44th.