CandiO

On second thought, I agree. However, would you have a P411 or TOB banner on your site? I would love to have my banner on TOB, but they are always full. If purchasing banner space on TOB is no longer available, my apologies for the post in the first place. PEACE to all you Hobby Loving Providers and Provider Loving Hobbyists

Cant seem to find a link to edit my signature?

Nice tarpon, Samantha!

Don't Feed the Troll!

Good Lord! I think I have dined at that table! But I got away!

I hear ya, sister. I wander all through WY & NE throughout the summer and at a loss as where to advertise now. Thank God I have a lot of regulars from past travels that still keep in touch.

Happy Birthday Jezz! Lets go get an adult beverage or two!

See you there, JR. Have pasties in hand, just need better placement this year. Don't want a nipple escaping or anything ;-)

The History of the Middle Finger: Well, now......here's something I never knew before, and now that I know it, I feel compelled to send it on to my more intelligent friends in the hope that they, too, will feel edified. Before the Battle of Agincourt in 1415, the French, anticipating victory over the English, proposed to cut off the middle finger of all captured English soldiers. Without the middle finger it would be impossible to draw the renowned English longbow and therefore they would be incapable of fighting in the future. This famous English longbow was made of the native English Yew tree, and the act of drawing the longbow was known as 'plucking the yew' (or 'pluck yew'). Much to the bewilderment of the French, the English won a major upset and they began mocking the French by waving their middle fingers at the defeated French, saying, See, we can still pluck yew! Since 'pluck yew' is rather difficult to say, the difficult consonant cluster at the beginning has gradually changed to a labiodentalfricative 'F', and thus the words often used in conjunction with the one-finger-salute! It is also because of the pheasant feathers on the arrows used with the longbow that the symbolic gesture is known as 'giving the bird.' And yew thought yew knew every plucking thing. Didn't yew!!

Laci.....I have been in your situation many, many years ago before I was a heaux. And God willing, got a pat on the rump from the EMTs. I am current with my first aid and CPR, gentlemen!

If the Hat DOESN'T Fit..... Gentlemen: When it comes to wrapping your rascal and you KNOW your willy is at either end of the bell curve, please don't assume your provider will ALWAYS have sizes Thimble Dick & Hung Like a Beer Can in their inventory. I always try to keep all sizes in stock in my playground, but sometimes I run out of the above. Don't get me wrong, I love running out of XL rubbers. It means I'm getting shagged properly. But, I digress. If you KNOW the average condom is either too tight or it simply wont stay on, BRING YOUR OWN that you know fits you best! Its like expecting the swimming pool to provide you with the right size trunks. Just sayin'. This now ends my public service announcement...........

FYI For humans, finding love can be a struggle, with all the swiping and liking and texting. But our world of modern romance is pretty peaceful compared to the trauma that can come with leopard slug love. Because, you see, this slug had his penis chewed off, but it’s not as crazy as you might think. Let me take you through the entire encounter so you can understand why this slug’s last sexual experience was cut short. First, you should know that terrestrial slugs are hermaphrodites, so they are capable of fertilizing themselves, but they also have the option to mate with a partner. When the time is right, they release pheromones into their slime to let other slugs know their ready for action. So when these two slugs spotted each other, it was clear they were both in the mood. So they begin to engage in a splendid rendition of the pre-copulatory ebbs and flows of movement and gyration that leopard slugs are well known for. They lick and nibble one another as they danced around a very slimy circle. For slugs, foreplay is a big part of the courting process and it can last for hours. After the blissfully slow rhumba, they find a nearby tree and climb it together. Slug penises are unusually large - nearly the size of their bodies - so they need help from gravity during copulation. As the pair hang from a string of mucus like acrobats, they start to pump fluids into their alien-esc penises and coil them together in a knot-like fashion. Wait, did I mention that leopard slug penises come out of their heads? Hmmmm....sound familiar, guys? It’s called a gonopore, and it’s the genital opening of many invertebrates. Anyways, the slug lovers continue their upside-down version of the horizontal bop for another several hours… and then the sperm exchange begins. This is where things can go wrong. Leopard slug penises have corkscrew-like shape, which result in intricate tangling during sex. While sometimes slugs are able to free their phalluses, in this case, one slug got impatient and simply bit its partner’s penis off. This process is called APOphallation - and it means that the new sex life of the bitten partner is a little different. This slug used to be euphallic – with a fully functional penis; but now it’s hemiphallic– which means that its penis is still there in a really truncated form but it doesn’t actually work. But, like I said before, this isn’t all that uncommon and this slug will be able to mate again, just as a female. No sperm, no problem for this formerly hung slug. So, there you have it, humans. The next time you get ghosted after a date just be thankful that at least your genitals are still intact.

"I very often take Highway 420 on the way to the appointment "......... Same here, and I haven't even left the house! Bless you........LOL

Couldn't have said it better ;-)

The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, at Bar Harbor, Maine, a man answered his door to find two grim-faced Maine State Troopers. "We're sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife," said one of the troopers. "Tell me! Did you find her?" Wilkens asked. The troopers looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news, "some good news, and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?" Fearing the worst, Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news first." The trooper said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's dead body in the bay." "Oh my God!" exclaimed Wilkens. Swallowing hard, he asked, "What could possibly be the good news? The trooper continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 12 of the best looking Maine Lobsters, that you have ever seen and 60 good-sized Rockfish clinging to her. Have not seen lobsters like that since the 1960's, and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch." Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, "If that's the good news, then what is the great news?" The trooper replied, "We're gonna pull her up again tomorrow."

Every single one of my purple toys, and I've lost count, have been named Barney.

Just to add to Audrey's wonderful summary above - Hi 5 Sister - if you smoke or chew, popping an Altoid prior to our encounter doesn't cut it. At all! As a former smoker, I can smell it a mile away and you aren't going to get much, if any, DATY from me and absolutely NONE if you chew. Same with probing with your fingers if you are a smoker. You may think you are squeaky clean, but tobacco lingers everywhere and to those of us that do not use tobacco, it is a huge turn off. At least for me anyway. This now ends my infrequent public service announcement. Everyone play safe and Happy Nude Year!

I believe it is called a FeelDoe and instead of a strap on with harness, a lady (or man) inserts the bulb into their vagina (or mangina) and uses said appendage accordingly. Use your imagination.

Shirt on inside out and backwards, panties hanging out of my purse and no idea where my car is. Who are you and where are my pants?

Happy Halloweenie to All You Ghosts & Goblins! My Jack Off Lantern..............

Happy Birthday! To my favorite Perv

Just this week alone, and it aint over yet, I have received emails from John Smith, John Smith Jr, Joe Smith and John Johnson. If they do follow up with a call, and say, "My name is ___________ and we've been emailing....." , they expect me to know who they are...............Im not psychic. Slightly psycho, but not psychic.

And so are most cocks ;-)

Bye Chrissy! Never met you, but I love reading your posts. Have a safe voyage and good luck out east. Have some decent Italian food for me. Colorado cant make a decent pizza to save its life.