I've been playing for 4 years. I've wondered "why" from the beginning. As I told my companion the other evening, "At my age, younger women aren't going to fuck me anymore unless I pay them." I know there's more than that.
The passing from youth to middle-age is significant, whether or not we choose to acknowledge it. I'm not a "man's man", so sometimes I can't relate to the obsessing about sports cars, cigars, sports, poker, etc. I see what the guys in my neighborhood get into and, in my opinion, it's definitely about holding onto their virility and self-esteem.
I'm still battling to hold onto what's passed. Trying to ignore the losses. Although I have a rich and happy life, I've always felt as if something was missing. Or that I wasn't connecting the dots.
Since I've started hobbying, I've returned to the artistic passions of my youth, deepened my spirituality, and fallen in love with someone new. Two out of three of those remain and will sustain me in the years ahead.
Falling in love was probably what I really wanted to do in the beginning. Everyone said I'd regret it. Yet I somehow always knew that I wanted to feel that connection/chemistry/bittersweet again. I learned and remembered a lot about myself. Can't say that I want to do it again.
"Been there, done that" - now, hobbying is different and I seem to be losing interest lately. That could change LOL. I don't really care about chemistry anymore, except that it's nice when it happens. Just enjoy the mutual pleasure that we can find along the way.
Last of all, I never get tired of hearing, "oh my, that's a big cock!"
