Laci French

Haven't we all....

26 posts in this topic

 

A friend of mine and a friend of all of ours is wrestling with emotions... raw emotion of feelings with a provider.  How have each of you compartmentalized or accepted each situation?  That feeling can temporarily, in some sense permanently, take you to another place in your mind/heart.  How have all of you kept it in check....or have you?

 

Edited by Laci French
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Personally I am not here looking for a girlfriend or significant other. Nothing against the girls. It is just the ones I see are so much younger than me. Plus I don't see many multiple times. I think the best I could be is a friend. Even that would be a stretch.  Not many young people want to be friends with someone who could be their father.  Still you have to watch out for this. Instead of having a session, they will just ask if you can help them with some cash or something. I did help one out once, it didn't end good for me. She was a long term arrangement, so I was a attached a bit.  A little resentment after it ended but I have learned from my mistake.

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All the relationships can become difficult especially when emotions are unrealistically imagined on one side and misrepresented on the other. when things reach that certain point honesty as brutal as it may be is the only way

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1 hour ago, Alex Majors said:

Personally I am not here looking for a girlfriend or significant other. Nothing against the girls. It is just the ones I see are so much younger than me. Plus I don't see many multiple times. I think the best I could be is a friend. Even that would be a stretch.  Not many young people want to be friends with someone who could be their father.  Still you have to watch out for this. Instead of having a session, they will just ask if you can help them with some cash or something. I did help one out once, it didn't end good for me. She was a long term arrangement, so I was a attached a bit.  A little resentment after it ended but I have learned from my mistake.

This 100%

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Emotions don't always make sense and the heart wants what the heart wants.  For me, I know why I am here, and though connection is important to me, I want to keep the business side as business, while still having fun.  I've made some friends here of both sexes, and with the ladies, I always respect boundaries, know my emotional limits and expectations and do my best to be a good client and, for some, a good friend.  It helps that I am an older gent who is not interested in a romantic relationship, but enjoys good company, both in the bedroom and outside of the bedroom.

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I had a girlfriend/SO who was an escort. 8 year relationship. I'm always open to love, but I doubt that will ever happen again. It's difficult to keep emotions out of this business, for both parties. I don't even try. ;)

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10 hours ago, Laci French said:

 

A friend of mine and a friend of all of ours is wrestling with emotions... raw emotion of feelings with a provider.  How have each of you compartmentalized or accepted each situation?  That feeling can temporarily, in some sense permanently, take you to another place in your mind/heart.  How have all of you kept it in check....or have you?

 

        Coming from en entirely different part of the adult industry , its easy to keep it in check. Always be nice and a gentleman from the time they arrive until the time they leave . In the other world,we exchange emails,funny cartoons and socialize at events...but ,although there have been rare exceptions (where performer married performer )..we don't confuse what happens on set with love.

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It certainly is very difficult to keep your feelings intact.

You really do fall in to some pit falls from loaning money to expensive gifts.

Trying to find love companionship etc can be a costly proposition. 

And it hurts when you know that there are so many ladies are mistreated and you want to be the knight in shining armour.

Guess that's what fairytales are made off.

😘

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this happens a lot in this hobby and understandably - and there is no clear path or guide that will lead you where you want to go - but you will always go where you need to go...

always remember regardless of the circumstances, these emotions are healthy - it is nice to feel things! 

my experience is be grateful for them when you are with them and when they are behind you - embrace them - and be honest and open with them - and prepared - no different than life - for any possible outcome...

leave judgement at home and take respect and understanding with you - only way to see things for how they really are...

then know that regardless of how it goes down, life will happen - and tomorrow is always another day...

please pass along Laci to your friend there are folks here wishing the he/she navigate this storm healthily...

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The ladies are ladies first, providers second, and the men are men first, clients second.  This means emotional attachments and relationships are going to happen sometimes. It has happened to me a couple times. Since we are all people first, anything that can go right, OR wrong in any relationship, is possible with people in the hobby....PLUS any issues the hobby itself might or might not create. Obviously, more guys are going to fall for providers than vice versa, and I am sure many of those feelings are one way. The thing to remember is...it is not then really any different than any other relationship that was not meant to be or did not work out.

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Reading the OP I’m struck that it’s an open question but only one group is responding. Are providers not interested in the topic or not interested in sharing?

Been fortunate to continue to know, and enjoy time with, providers that I synced with. If you really sync with someone, and they with you, count yourself as a very lucky person. Leave baggage and expectations out or you’ll be disappointed. 

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Cards on the table, there is one provider I see who, if she proclaimed that she wanted to date me exclusively (or not), I would be all in (fully recognizing the pitfalls and risks). Otherwise, I've been able to compartmentalize and see this for what it is - short-time/periodic companionship.  Short of that incredibly remote likelihood, I DO feel like I've made a friend in this process.  That is worth more.

Feelings are feelings, though, and they can really do a number on you!

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This FANTASY world we delve in from time-to-time is the most intimate of intimate business transaction.  I think having an SO at home to satisfy a lot of emotional needs vs seeing a provider to satisfy physical needs is the key, at least it is for me.  I love to flirt from time to time, but know that at this point of my life, this is a fantasy world I can plug into and out of.

I choose to live in the real world and that's how I compartmentalize the difference!

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4 hours ago, Bootsce said:

Reading the OP I’m struck that it’s an open question but only one group is responding. Are providers not interested in the topic or not interested in sharing?

Been fortunate to continue to know, and enjoy time with, providers that I synced with. If you really sync with someone, and they with you, count yourself as a very lucky person. Leave baggage and expectations out or you’ll be disappointed. 

I am going to be really out of line and answer FOR THE PROVIDERS. I choose to deem myself worthy to do that because I have dated 3 providers successfully.....at least for awhile. Look, as I said, we are ALL people FIRST so it DOES happen.....guys fall for the ladies...ladies for the guys....and both for each other. HOWEVER....ladies do NOT get in this gig LOOKING for boyfriends!!! The LAST damn thing they need or want is a dude in love with them they don't love back...It is bad for business...creates stalkers....is awkward as hell at BEST. There are WAY more GUYS looking to land a hooker girlfriend than ladies looking to be "rescued". OBVIOUSLY, MOST provider replies to THIS conversation  would enable and open doors in this realm! 100 providers could agree with this....or DIS-agree with it and would never give one point either way to avoid the quicksand... and that would just be intelligent. It is a MINEFIELD conversation for providers...who can be condemned as "3 G money grubbers with no interest in connection".......or targeted as " ho girl -friend material."  The ladies are wise not to respond.  Hey...we are ALL people so unplanned things happen...BUT......Well...you get the idea.

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I'm here for the experience...to give and to receive a wonderful experience for a time frame we've decided on together. I'm not here to have an ACTUAL relationship. I know some clients and providers are, and there's nothing wrong with that. It's just not for me. I'm not here to play head games or lead anyone on or multiple people on. I'm not here to have some guy blow smoke up my ass, or to take care of me either. I have close friendships with my clients, but in all my years as an escort, I take pride in being a professional and not getting lost in my emotions with any of my clients. It's served me and my clients very well. 

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My story is a little different.

When I was working the graveyard shift doing the audit for a hotel. I was the only person working at the hotel during those hours. Occasionally a working gal would stop by the desk on her way out to chat. There was one lady I took a liking to. She would stop by the desk just to talk for a few minutes as she left the building... just small talk. It was nice to have someone to talk. I knew what she did for a living. We did not talk about it, but it wasn't hidden either.

I wanted to ask her out on a date, just an everyday date. I enjoyed her company and wanted to see her over dinner or a movie. I feared that asking her out would have been seen as asking for something else so I never asked. I did not what her to think I was asking for any favors or expected anything for free. I will never know what I missed out on. That was decades ago and I still wonder what might have been.

I don't know if your situation is her falling for him, or him falling for her, but the I would advise they talk about those feelings. At worse they lose a client at best they gain a happily ever after. Maybe she was the one, maybe I lost something special... I will never know. I don't want that for your friend.

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5 hours ago, Hunter VanDyke said:

I'm here for the experience...to give and to receive a wonderful experience for a time frame we've decided on together. I'm not here to have an ACTUAL relationship. I know some clients and providers are, and there's nothing wrong with that. It's just not for me. I'm not here to play head games or lead anyone on or multiple people on. I'm not here to have some guy blow smoke up my ass, or to take care of me either. I have close friendships with my clients, but in all my years as an escort, I take pride in being a professional and not getting lost in my emotions with any of my clients. It's served me and my clients very well. 

Hunter, you nailed it.  I'm here to have fun without all the emotional entanglements, while still having some sort of connection with the ladies I see.  I was married for many years, now I am not and at my age have no desire to start over again.  This hobby keeps me sane (or less insane), allows me to enjoy a number of ladies, and have some fun.  Since I am pretty open about my boundaries and expectations, some good "relationships" and friendships have developed, though none with the feelings of a "romantic relationship".  For me it has been kinda like professional FWB, that includes a lot of fun while respecting boundaries, on both sides.  I am so very grateful this hobby is available to fill my "needs" and many of my "wants".  

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14 hours ago, Bootsce said:

Reading the OP I’m struck that it’s an open question but only one group is responding. Are providers not interested in the topic or not interested in sharing?

Been fortunate to continue to know, and enjoy time with, providers that I synced with. If you really sync with someone, and they with you, count yourself as a very lucky person. Leave baggage and expectations out or you’ll be disappointed. 

My friend is a gent so the male perspective is definitely more beneficial.  

 

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1 hour ago, Laci French said:

My friend is a gent so the male perspective is definitely more beneficial.  

 

I still think the providers being the professionals in the situation can do much to prevent it in the first place. Being honest and upfront always, setting clear boundaries and sticking to them. Examples, not asking for money other than the agreed up amount for your time or not asking for favors all the time. It really does help. Most of the time, it takes two. Sometimes, you can do everything thing right and the guy still catches feelings and oversteps his boundaries. For me thats when the professional relations starts its decline, and if the gent can't pull his head out of his booty, its usually over. 

The titled of your thread, haven't "we" all been there, coming from a provider sounded to me like you were including yourself and interested in provider perpectives as well. Kind of confusing, but thanks for the clarification in what you're really looking for. 

Have fun home dudes and happy tuesday

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I think we all have been there is more about any relationship in or out of the hobby ... we as people sometimes miss read kindness for flirtation. I m a big giver and for the most part harmless. I have had feelings for a provider in the past and as well had a few express feelings for me. I would suggest your friend be very open and honest with himself and with her as to what he feels and wants leaving no doubt on the table. If it is ment to be it will be if not he needs to respect her boundaries and himself to do what they can agree together. It is not easy but it will leave him and her with no regrets if he is open and honest. I wish them both well remember we all have hearts and they are all fragile handle with care.

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I fell head-over-heels in love with my ATATF, totally smitten, absolutely nuts.  It wasn't her fault at all, she thought I was a nice guy, I thought she was the glowing unicorn at the center of the universe.  It's hard to describe, but it was akin to madness.  Perhaps it was madness.  She knew how I was feeling and never took advantage of me, and slowly withdrew.  My heart was broken, totally broken.  I was a wreck.  After a couple of years I slowly came back into focus and realized what had happened and how foolish I had been.  It was the most savage emotional up and down I have ever experienced.

It was also the best year of my life and I am so glad that I went through it.  It's kind of like why I like adrenaline sports - life is best when it is really intense.

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I think we have all been here before it’s just how you end up handling it at the end.  I have loaned a lot of $ to friends here (providers) and never expected anything in return, but in my younger days here I thought it was just the opposite.  Live and learn is unfortunately the ways things work out.  Laci, give your friend my best.

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2 hours ago, ironman318 said:

 

Where the fuck have you been ironman?! 😂

Talk about blast from the past.  Great reentry! 👏👏👏

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12 hours ago, ironman318 said:

 

😂😂😂👏👏👏

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Sometimes we are by nature driven to be the protector. 

And that's when issues arise,  most ladies want to be independent and part of the reason they do what they do is because they have been burned in past relationships. It's a hard subject to respond on!.

We all want love but at what cost do you bear your soul???

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