jaxon71

When your wife is cheating?

105 posts in this topic

19 minutes ago, Hunter VanDyke said:

I'm not normally a creeper on profiles, but I'm very interested to know the ages of commentators of this thread. 

Actually that's an interesting point.  

One study I read years back only interviewed people over 65 or 70.  One of the questions was basically "have you ever cheated on a partner?" and it was something like 70% admitted it, fairly even for both men and women.  A further breakdown basically had them ask what ages did it happen.  And it was really low % when in their teens and twenties.  A bit more in the 30s, but in their 40s and 50s is when the number jumped massively.  They had sample responses of why, and several were along the lines of "If I didn't I would have had to get divorced."  Another was about attitudes they had at various ages towards married.  Of course when young it's because "I loOOoove you!!!!"  But after 10-20 years of marriage it was more along the lines of "Because of security and familiarity."

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 6/19/2019 at 7:52 PM, jaxon71 said:

Ok, so I haven’t been the most faithful man in the world, but I have always made sure that my wife and kids were taken care of on a physical and an emotional level. Hobbying has just been a release for me from the stresses of every day life. 1/2 and hour here, an hour there.....So what do you do when you find out without a doubt that your wife is having both an emotional and physical affair with another man. I know everything there is to know about the guy, and I could burn his world down, but I truly want to work things out with my wife....Thoughts....Go...

So I found this post stirred up some things from my past and I would like to offer my 2 cents based on your post and my past experience...

1. The advice from J-J254 is spot on

2. If you didn't care about your wife and relationship you would have never posted this question. Seek counseling for you and your wife. Have the hard conversations. Don't hold anything back- be honest with her. Be honest with yourself.

3. Do not "burn that mans world down" ..it wont help- counseling will. I did NOT seek counseling over this particular issue and I swear to this day IF I ever see the man who slept with my wife back in the day hes getting a sucker punch right in the kisser. I know who he is, where he is STILL. Its not healthy and hurts my heart often. All because I didn't deal with it correctly- but in the end after many years it ate me alive inside and we divorced. The trust was never regained

4. Kids are tricky- You can tell them some things based on age- but under no circumstances should you fight in front of them, or bash your spouse in front of them or to them. Even with that the kids may hate you forever- be careful. My kids are older and I miss seeing them daily.

5. Best of luck.

3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 6/24/2019 at 6:34 PM, boink36 said:

In the case of this thread, marriage is about the Pot calling the Kettle black while trying to convince everyone (including himself) that it's own color ins't.  Hell now that I know you can hobby without cheating on your wife I just might get married again. :D

Problem solved!! :cool:

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This totally random dude banged my first wife and she ran off with him.  Best damned thing that ever happened to me, even better when he dumped her.  But we didn't have kids, that is the complicating factor.

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
16 hours ago, Hunter VanDyke said:

Nevermind no ages. Lol

Old hunter 

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This is just my opinion OP, but if both of you are screwing around behind each other’s backs, is there much of a marriage left?  Sorry to be getting to the point.

2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

All so judgy on this thread and that surprises me coming from a hooker/john board.  

Reminds me of attending baptist church on Sunday mornings.  

6

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
6 minutes ago, Laci French said:

All so judgy on this thread and that surprises me coming from a hooker/john board.  

Reminds me of attending baptist church on Sunday mornings.  

How well I remember Baptist Church.  My grandmother tried raising me as a baptist.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
14 minutes ago, Laci French said:

All so judgy on this thread and that surprises me coming from a hooker/john board.  

Reminds me of attending baptist church on Sunday mornings.  

EXACTLY ... "Sunday Christians".

 

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
11 hours ago, Laci French said:

All so judgy on this thread and that surprises me coming from a hooker/john board.  

Reminds me of attending baptist church on Sunday mornings.  

On 6/21/2019 at 10:20 AM, Laci French said:

Great advice all around in many of these posts.  You need to look inside of yourself first and the the answers on moving forward.  

Best of luck to you and may your heart and mind find peace.  

Sooo when did it go from good advice to judgy? :)

11 hours ago, whosyourdaty said:

EXACTLY ... "Sunday Christians".

 

In three pages of comments, no mention of religion till the above .......... who and where are the references intended?  Doesn't add much to the OP's question or the numerous view points that followed.

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
12 hours ago, Laci French said:

All so judgy on this thread and that surprises me coming from a hooker/john board.  

Reminds me of attending baptist church on Sunday mornings.  

TBH, I'm surprised that you're surprised that the comments on this thread are judgy. He did say thoughts...GO. This thread is going exactly as I would have expected. Some judginess, some brutal honesty, some shared stories of similar experiences, some advice, some support. Hookers/Johns are ordinary people and we all have our own thoughts and opinions on many subjects. He asked. He received. My experience is non religious folks are just as judgy as religious folks. Most providers and hobbyists I've met have their own judgy ways too. 

4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

HVD, I'm surprised that you're surprised that Laci was surprised ......

That's all, just wanted to say that :rolleyes:

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 6/24/2019 at 6:34 PM, boink36 said:

In the case of this thread, marriage is about the Pot calling the Kettle black while trying to convince everyone (including himself) that it's own color ins't.  Hell now that I know you can hobby without cheating on your wife I just might get married again. :D

Don't do it!! It's a trap! Lmao

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 minutes ago, BadBoy said:

HVD, I'm surprised that you're surprised that Laci was surprised ......

That's all, just wanted to say that :rolleyes:

There you go again! Knowing us all too well! 🤣🤣🤣

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

OK, this thread has gone on long enough to get an update from @jaxon71 if he's willing... Partial morbid curiosity of course, but also, we might have more advice if we knew how things were progressing.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 6/19/2019 at 7:52 PM, jaxon71 said:

Ok, so I haven’t been the most faithful man in the world, but I have always made sure that my wife and kids were taken care of on a physical and an emotional level. Hobbying has just been a release for me from the stresses of every day life. 1/2 and hour here, an hour there.....So what do you do when you find out without a doubt that your wife is having both an emotional and physical affair with another man. I know everything there is to know about the guy, and I could burn his world down, but I truly want to work things out with my wife....Thoughts....Go...

Ok, I think I can fix this. you give me the wife's number. that way I can bone her without an emotional attachment and she wont be cheating on you anymore! :D

2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 6/22/2019 at 10:33 PM, Alex Majors said:

Honesty in this situation is just gas on the fire to me. They both are equally at fault. If she doesn't know of his extra caricular activities, she will now. This will justify her affair. I say affair because women are emotional. She didn't go out and just pick up a different guy every time, like we pick out girls. She picked this guy,  for what sounds like many repeat visits. She has bonded with him and it makes getting back into her old situation difficult.  The trust issue is lost.  

24 minutes ago, boink36 said:

Ok, I think I can fix this. you give me the wife's number. that way I can bone her without an emotional attachment and she wont be cheating on you anymore! :D

Apparently if she bones just one of us, one night at a time, and doesn't make any repeat vists, that would be best. Then she won't be an "emotional" woman having an "affair"  🙄she'll just be your average ordinary horn dog like the rest of us. 😁

I wonder if the OP picked any of his providers more than one time? 🤔

Edited by Hunter VanDyke
2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I just noticed an interesting tid bit here. It is not against the law for this guy to be banging your wife, so when you say you know enough about him to "burn his world down". that can only mean one thing. HE is married too. That changes the dynamic because I'll bet he has NO intention of getting a divorce to then marry YOUR wife. While your wife may be emotionally attached to the guy, that's likely not going to mean anything. In his mind, your wife is probably just a provider he does not financially compensate. You are ALL basically doing the same thing.  He is buying pussy with emotion...she is buying emotion with pussy, and you are buying pussy with money. So here is my advice. Keep your mouth shut and don't say shit to your wife if you truly are about your marriage. Most likely, either your wife will get tired of "waiting for him" and end it, OR his WIFE will find out about THEM and THAT will end it ...one way or another.

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
7 hours ago, Admiral C said:

I just noticed an interesting tid bit here. It is not against the law for this guy to be banging your wife, so when you say you know enough about him to "burn his world down". that can only mean one thing. HE is married too. That changes the dynamic because I'll bet he has NO intention of getting a divorce to then marry YOUR wife. While your wife may be emotionally attached to the guy, that's likely not going to mean anything. In his mind, your wife is probably just a provider he does not financially compensate. You are ALL basically doing the same thing.  He is buying pussy with emotion...she is buying emotion with pussy, and you are buying pussy with money. So here is my advice. Keep your mouth shut and don't say shit to your wife if you truly are about your marriage. Most likely, either your wife will get tired of "waiting for him" and end it, OR his WIFE will find out about THEM and THAT will end it ...one way or another.

Good point Admiral.  I never thought of him having a wife also. Technically  here in Kansas, adultery is illegal ( Class C Misdemeanor). I have never heard of it being used against regular people.  Maybe  the other guy has a lot to lose. A anonymous note to him might stop everything in it's tracks. He has to be out of the picture. Then start working   on the marriage he seems to want to keep.   It seems if it were that bad, one would have walked out on the other already. So maybe there is hope

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
9 hours ago, Alex Majors said:

A anonymous note to him might stop everything in it's tracks. He has to be out of the picture. Then start working   on the marriage he seems to want to keep.   It seems if it were that bad, one would have walked out on the other already. So maybe there is hope

If the OP wants his wife back, he has to convince HER to come back. Not convince the other guy to stop boning her... that will probably just make her angry.

Edited by fork
2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
15 minutes ago, fork said:

If the OP wants his wife back, he has to convince HER to come back. Not convince the other guy to stop boning her... that will probably just make her angry.

So true.  But you have to shut off the water, before you work on the plumbing.  

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
20 hours ago, Admiral C said:

. Keep your mouth shut and don't say shit to your wife if you truly are about your marriage. Most likely, either your wife will get tired of "waiting for him" and end it, OR his WIFE will find out about THEM and THAT will end it ...one way or another.

Admiral I agree with you far more often than not, but you are losing me here.  When does do nothing and hope for the best ever work, and why preserve a marriage where there is no communication on big items - sex, money, etc.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
22 hours ago, boink36 said:

Ok, I think I can fix this. you give me the wife's number. that way I can bone her without an emotional attachment and she wont be cheating on you anymore! :D

Or another option give her a benjamin and tell her to give it to her side piece.  That makes him an escort, kills the emotional issue and makes it OK, and is way cheaper than a divorce.  (sarcasm meter pegging)

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, gr8owl said:

Admiral I agree with you far more often than not, but you are losing me here.  When does do nothing and hope for the best ever work, and why preserve a marriage where there is no communication on big items - sex, money, etc.

I think you are not following my logic. OP said he wants to preserve his marriage. I take that at face value and don't extend any judgement or opinion on if he should, or should not try that or why. Now..she is emotionally and physically involved with another guy..a guy I perceive as also married. I just do not think that guy is going want his world burned to the ground via divorce to marry OP's wife. I think he is just "enjoying her". Therefore, it WILL end on its own. THAT would be the time to engage in counciling, truth, etc. I do NOT think his chances of marriage preservation will be served by a conversation such as....' Honey, I know you are having an affair, you need to make a choice and stop, and oh by the way, I have been banging prostitutes for a few years."

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
12 hours ago, Admiral C said:

I think you are not following my logic. OP said he wants to preserve his marriage. I take that at face value and don't extend any judgement or opinion on if he should, or should not try that or why. Now..she is emotionally and physically involved with another guy..a guy I perceive as also married. I just do not think that guy is going want his world burned to the ground via divorce to marry OP's wife. I think he is just "enjoying her". Therefore, it WILL end on its own. THAT would be the time to engage in counciling, truth, etc. I do NOT think his chances of marriage preservation will be served by a conversation such as....' Honey, I know you are having an affair, you need to make a choice and stop, and oh by the way, I have been banging prostitutes for a few years."

I agree Admiral.  Damage control. If she doesn't know, then don't let it all out. It will only make a bad situation worse. Maybe the last straw. If he wants to save whatever he had, then he needs to spend all his free time on her PERIOD.  As for the other guy, I still think this would work better if he was out of the equation.  It could be done without burning his world down.  It reminds me of a time when I was out with a friend. She was an escort but I only saw her professionally as a dancer.  A random,  slightly drunk guy came up to the bar and started talking to us. He found out his wife was cheating on him. Told us his life story.   Then he wanted her input. So she reluctantly gave it. After he left, she said  what are the chances of all the people he could have picked, he picked me.  Her answer made her feel like a hypocrite.

 

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 6/26/2019 at 11:21 AM, Warm Tongue said:

 

2. If you didn't care about your wife and relationship you would have never posted this question. Seek counseling for you and your wife. Have the hard conversations. Don't hold anything back- be honest with her. Be honest with yourself.

 

This!  and then....more of this!!

Nothing like complete honesty to have the universe put you two on the track your supposed to be on...

Given the circumstances, having a referee/counselor in the mix is a good idea:)

2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This thread got me to thinking about my younger days as a serial monogamist on a catch and release program. I looked pretty good, was ok in bed, but mostly was good at talking to women...or more specifically LISTENING to women. I learned early, that listening to the ladies was the shortcut into their heads, beds, and hearts...in some order. The point is, as a result I have heard a hundreds of "cheating man" stories. Not just their exes, but about all their friends and relatives too. Almost always, the other woman was referred to as "the fucking whore". At some point I would try and lighten up the vent with my standard joke: "You know, technically, she is not a whore...she's a fucking slut."  That usually got a healthy laugh and sometimes the counter-joke " Slut my ass, she's a fucking cunt!!"...but I digress. As the conversation continued, it would become apparent that if she WAS an actual "whore" if would be an unforgivable deal-breaker. Curiously, a bar fly, or even a long affair with emotions was better than him being a "whore fucker".  One of two ladies voiced health concerns, but most did not give a reason. If I expressed surprise, they would kind of look off and shut down. I remember once I pressed a lady for an answer to why that was worse and it was a bad move...don't try it at home. She started eyeballing ME suspiciously and asking why I was so interested....obviously starting to think I was a doing it. Whoops!  Now our providers here are providers second but ladies first of course. You were all non sporting girls before you became providers. Perhaps you could shed some light on this interesting psychology of why "fucking whore" is much worse than any other scenario. I get the health thing and even some stigma...but it sure always seemed there was something more and bigger they just would NOT talk about....Of course ladies...feel free to look off and shut down if you don't want to say....no problemo.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
37 minutes ago, Admiral C said:

... Perhaps you could shed some light on this interesting psychology of why "fucking whore" is much worse than any other scenario. I get the health thing and even some stigma...but it sure always seemed there was something more and bigger they just would NOT talk about....

Interestingly I also got the same vibe from my wife (we had a ‘keep it discreet’ arrangement) that the bar hookup or affair was better than a prostitute.  I could never figure that out.  I felt that an escort was the safer encounter, from both health & psychological aspects.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Please sign in to comment

You will be able to leave a comment after signing in



Sign In Now