Robert Johnson

My Breif Forray into the Civilian World

68 posts in this topic

A few things to consider as we enter the dating pool later in life:

  • We have a fair idea if what we like & don’t like. We were still learning this in our youth.
  • We have experience with relationships, some good, some bad.  Again, not so much in our early days; all relationships are bright & new.
  • We are less tolerant when things matter to us, but more tolerant when they’re less important.
  • In some ways we’re not the great catch we were; we have baggage, either in our minds or around our waists.  Family often creates additional baggage.
  • In other ways we’re a better catch than we were with more income, assets, and time flexibility.
  • We often have different interests.  We’re not trying to create a family or nurture a career.
  • Perhaps the most important point is to remember that ALL of the above also apply to potential candidates in that dating pool.  They are also looking for someone to meet their refined expectations.
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2 hours ago, Admiral C said:

The odds were, and always are, overwhelmingly that something like that will happen. There are just an endless number of things that can happen when two people meet and any one of them can, and usually does, blow it out of the water.  The main problem however is one of unrealistic expectation. Read this closely. Because we are mortal, all of our perceptions of time are linear. Humans evaluate things in terms of "start and finish" and "goal and outcome". THAT is the unrealistic expectation. Time is NOT linear and life is CHANGE....direct opposites of our evaluations. Even the perfect, soulmate, timeless, never one cross word, forever, impossible dream relationship...is an unrealistic expectation. Why? Because one of you will eventually die and there goes "forever" ( at least for awhile!). Time is not linear, life is change, and EVERYTHING is about the time spent...the journey. You shared a wonderful march of time spent with her...and then it ended...changed. Thats all. It ended, and changed. It changed because it was life. The hurt, anger, upset, etc...that's on YOU because of the unrealistic expectations. You meet someone and you will share an unspecified amount of time together, and then it will change in some fashion. THAT is the soul, correct expectation and allows room only for joy and joyous memories. You rode an epic wave right to your blanket on the beach. Who is to blame for the ending of the ride....the wave,  or the beach? There is no blame, it all is what it is and no more. IF one MUST assign blame for closure....one would blame the surfer for the unrealistic expectation. My congratulations sir on your wonderful experience...may we all be as fortunate.

My thanks to Admiral C for the ideas.  Today alone has been very therapeutic with the vast wisdom and compassion shown on this board.  Thank you.

If we make an analogy between the "wave" as being the start of the romantic encounter and, if love is involved, the "beach" might be the expected end of the ride, i.e., illness or death.  For an abrupt end to the ride, there could be something, anything preventing the completion of that ride, break ups/divorce,  etc...  one tires of the other person where there previously was much love shown.

In many ways, I dodged a bullet.  To go into detail would sound like sour grapes (there's a whole vinyard).  But I will miss the daily rituals, the comforting moments, the friendship, travel plans, working together on beautifying her property, etc.

There will be no reconciliation and I am returning (lightly) to the hobby.  There are ladies who can accommodate guys like me, though I/we are not the most sought after as clients.

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18 minutes ago, petey-9950 said:

Welcome back Robert 

Thanks Petey, I appreciate that very much.

 

 

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3 hours ago, Bit Banger said:

A few things to consider as we enter the dating pool later in life:

  • We have a fair idea if what we like & don’t like. We were still learning this in our youth.
  • We have experience with relationships, some good, some bad.  Again, not so much in our early days; all relationships are bright & new.
  • We are less tolerant when things matter to us, but more tolerant when they’re less important.
  • In some ways we’re not the great catch we were; we have baggage, either in our minds or around our waists.  Family often creates additional baggage.
  • In other ways we’re a better catch than we were with more income, assets, and time flexibility.
  • We often have different interests.  We’re not trying to create a family or nurture a career.
  • Perhaps the most important point is to remember that ALL of the above also apply to potential candidates in that dating pool.  They are also looking for someone to meet their refined expectations.

Bit,

All points taken to heart - thanks.  By the time you hit your 60's, you are not seeking perfection.

The newness of the illusion of love is a powerful drug.  I will miss being asked to come over & spend the night every night.  Going to 3 to 5 different band rehearsals per week and then afterward, making my way to Aurora to await her arrival home from her swing shift.  The warmth of reuniting while hearing about her day and telling about mine.

I was chastised for an incident six weeks ago where our entrees were brought to us before the appetizers.  Gee, I did not realize this was the beginning of the end of her love for me; I was simply irritated for something important to me not going as it should.

Since I have been on a ketogenic diet for a year, my baggage comes (or doesn't come) in the form of impotency, not live handles.  The injections can help but it would take an extra mature, understanding woman to be okay with so - so FS and excellent DATY & manual stimulation.

In many ways it's the same old story.  Woman pretends to love, maybe actually feeling true affection, wishing (I have this in her own writing) for "happily ever after..." and then suddenly it's just over and done with.

Body language changes from loving to resentment.  Time to move on without looking back.  I will miss the routine, though it has only been three months of a very pleasant illusion. 

-RJ 

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Thanks for the story,  thanks for the insights, 'nuff said, life can suck.  Now, go spend a couple grand on a hooker-marathon, get your happy back and avoid the dating websites from now on.

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1 hour ago, BadBoy said:

Thanks for the story,  thanks for the insights, 'nuff said, life can suck.  Now, go spend a couple grand on a hooker-marathon, get your happy back and avoid the dating websites from now on.

Yep, life goes on, BadBoy.  I wish I had a couple grand to blow on the hobby.  Perhaps I can start a go fund me page?

-RJ

 

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25 minutes ago, Robert Johnson said:

...Perhaps I can start a go fund me page?

-RJ

 

Please do this!

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