fishndude57

K Time to Lighten It Up Again...

145 posts in this topic

A wife notices the sign in the pet store three parrots for sale 170, 150 + 10. She asked why the last pirate was so cheap and the owner said that used to live in a whorehouse. The woman laughs and buys it she gets home and the parrot says wow a new whore house. The woman laughs. When her two daughters come home the parrot says dang two new girls and they all laugh. When the husband walks in the door the parents is hi Joe you found the new spot

Edited by airamericavet65
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2 hours ago, airamericavet65 said:

A wife notices the sign in the pet store three parrots for sale 170, 150 + 10. She asked why the last pirate was so cheap and the owner said that used to live in a whorehouse. The woman laughs and buys it she gets home and the parrot says wow a new whore house. The woman laughs. When her two daughters come home the parrot says dang two new girls and they all laugh. When the husband walks in the door the parrot says hi Joe you found the new spot, then the fight started. 

Fixed it for ya. 

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An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up...

The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the
86-year-old said, 'Things are great and I've never felt better.'

I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child.

"So what do you think about that Doc ?"

The doctor considered his question for a minute and
then began to tell a story.

"I have an older friend , much like you, who is an avid hunter
and never misses a season."

One day he was setting off to go hunting.

In a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun."

"As he neared a lake, he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's edge..

He realized he'd left his gun at home and so he couldn't shoot the magnificent creature.

Out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if
it were his favourite hunting rifle and went 'bang, bang'."

"Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead.

Now, what do you think of that ?" asked the doctor.

The 86-year-old said ,
"Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else
pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver."

The doctor replied, "My point exactly."

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Dead pussy

An old maid wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of her cat. As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the driver, "I have a dead pussy." The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, "Sit with my wife. You two have a lot in common."
 

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A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well; however, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs in his crotch. Worried that it might be a second surgery and the doctors hadn't told him about it, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown up enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable. Taped firmly across his pubic hair and private parts were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn't come off easily --- if at all. Written on the tape in large black letters was the sentence,

'Get well soon, from the nurse in the Jeep you pulled over last week.'

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On 1/14/2019 at 4:21 PM, wglide2003 said:
A classic
The best story of the year doesn't give the proper praise and credit for this painful but understandable story as told by a loving wife …
The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for an answered prayer. Suzie stood and walked to the podium.
She said, "I have some praise. Two months ago, my husband, Frank, had a terrible bicycle accident and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."
A collective muffled gasp came from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Frank must have experienced.
"Frank was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Frank's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place with metal staples."
Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Frank. A few of the men peered at Suzie through slits in the fingers they held against their faces.
"Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "thank the Lord, Frank is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely."
All the men sighed with unified relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.
A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He said, "I'm Frank." The entire congregation held its breath. "I just want to tell my wife that the word is sternum."

This very funny story reminded me of a true story I read many years ago...

Scrotum Self-Repair

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FACTS - You have to watch the entire clip its three minutes but every person can understand this one. I am generally the person having to answer the phone. LOL

 

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Don't get me wrong, I enjoy going out on the weekends, but, when you find that right girl, there's something super relaxing about just laying in bed with her on Saturday night, taking it easy, and capping off the night by handing her the $300/hr she charges for her company.😏😎

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35 minutes ago, fishndude57 said:

OMG you gotta watch this, it's classic...

 

OMG, ROFLMAO 🤪🤪😱

What more can I say?

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