Hobby Hobbit -Banned

Monogamy to Polyamory

66 posts in this topic

Married for decades, with some indiscretions I've mostly been a one woman man, certainly the greatest part of those years. Now despite counseling and promises of more thereof etc., the spark is gone. This will seem sappy I know but, in my travels I've met the most amazing woman I've ever known. A much younger stripper who has been out with me without asking for a dime, I wrote about how real and down to earth she is in another post not too long ago. I can hardly understand what's happening, but it sure feels good!

Going through financial dire straits, I caught myself fantasizing about getting to know her better with the intent of bringing her into the fold as a sister wife to help her and myself to what might seem to be the best of all worlds. And as I write, the YL just confirmed liking women sexually. Wifey does not and yes, is EXTREMELY jealous...it won't be an easy conversation. In fact, I don't know where to begin without a skillet to the head or hurting her, none of which seem appealing, the latter least of all.

So fellas, have any of you succeeded in this regard, convinced your jealous SO to allow such a thing? And ladies, have any of you been the begrudgingly added sister wife and made it work? I purposely phrase the question this way because I know it can end really, really badly so, no horror stories; I've read them all and at this time have little to lose but the pursuit of happiness and fulfillment, if there is such a thing.

Thanks in advance for your insight.

Edited by Hobby Hobbit
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Are you prepared for her to invite another into the relationship as well?

I don't have an answer to your question, but different strokes for different folks. Who knows....

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6 minutes ago, Audrey Astor said:

Are you prepared for her to invite another into the relationship as well?

I don't have an answer to your question, but different strokes for different folks. Who knows....

That's a great way to think about it.  What would you say if then the tides were turned?

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I would point out that in many polyandry cultures it’s the senior wife who selects, or at least approves, junior wives.

I don’t have any direct answers for you, but good luck. I think you’re going to need it 

Edited by Bit Banger
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7 minutes ago, K2dnvrfun said:

That's a great way to think about it.  What would you say if then the tides were turned?

I would say bring it on. I'll take you, your friend, and my friend. and we can be friends.:P

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43 minutes ago, Audrey Astor said:

I would say bring it on. I'll take you, your friend, and my friend. and we can be friends.:P

But of course you would.😁

But imagine most gals wouldn't be ok with the arrangement as most guys also wouldn't be if their wife brought in a little brother husband.

 

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One asks why not get a divorce?

Sometimes  it’s cheaper to keep her.

A good friend of mine was in your situation. They were both in the divorce attorneys office. The attorney knew both of them and said why don’t each of you live separately without a divorce? It was going to be a hugh expense to go through a divorce.

He built a small place in Wyoming and lives a separate life there with an occasional girlfriend.  His wife lives down the street from me. They get together for a family gatherings once in a while.  This arrangement has worked for them for over 10 years.

I think you will have wrath brought upon you as you can never imagine if you propose to bring in another woman into your house.

Two women under one roof will not work.

My 2 cents worth.

P. S. Don’t kid yourself thinking a sweet young thing is going to hang around for the long haul unless you are financially well off.

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I honestly don’t understand how maintaining 2 separate households is cheaper than a divorce.

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A close friend of mine has been in a Menage relationship for 14 years. It works for her. I have never seen such a happy family. She is Legally only wed to One of them by state but They all have the same rings and do not seem to mind. So YES! I say it is possible .. Just have to find others alike. Good luck 

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I think this can be a very eye opening way to live but in my opinion it definitely doesn't rekindle a spark, in fact it may just be a crutch to end the relationship if your SO isn't into it (hey it happens). Every persons situation is different though. I think it can be a very amazing thing if everyone is on the same terms and wants to be more open or *add* to the spark. I am pretty far down the open minded road though and I'm kind of biased because this sounds fun LOL I'd say it's not fair to the 3rd to bring them into an unstable situation since more people, more "work" to keep things balanced. It's a shame she doesn't like women! I'd say that'd definitely help. 

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I can’t imagine this ever working for me but then again, I’ve yet to meet two ladies who’ve indicated that they could thrive emotionally in an environment like that. All the best of luck op!

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On 11/30/2018 at 5:36 PM, Hobby Hobbit said:

Married for decades, with some indiscretions I've mostly been a one woman man, certainly the greatest part of those years. Now despite counseling and promises of more thereof etc., the spark is gone. This will seem sappy I know but, in my travels I've met the most amazing woman I've ever known. A much younger stripper who has been out with me without asking for a dime, I wrote about how real and down to earth she is in another post not too long ago. I can hardly understand what's happening, but it sure feels good!

Going through financial dire straits, I caught myself fantasizing about getting to know her better with the intent of bringing her into the fold as a sister wife to help her and myself to what might seem to be the best of all worlds. And as I write, the YL just confirmed liking women sexually. Wifey does not and yes, is EXTREMELY jealous...it won't be an easy conversation. In fact, I don't know where to begin without a skillet to the head or hurting her, none of which seem appealing, the latter least of all.

So fellas, have any of you succeeded in this regard, convinced your jealous SO to allow such a thing? And ladies, have any of you been the begrudgingly added sister wife and made it work? I purposely phrase the question this way because I know it can end really, really badly so, no horror stories; I've read them all and at this time have little to lose but the pursuit of happiness and fulfillment, if there is such a thing.

Thanks in advance for your insight.

Happy feet I’m curious how the talk went??

 

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2 hours ago, Laci French said:

Happy feet I’m curious how the talk went??

 

Oh, Lacy. That my feet bring you joy stirs my loins :wub:.

Alas, still growing a pair. Incidentally, do you know why it is women scratch their eyes first thing in the morning :confused: ...

...because they have no balls! :lol:

Edited by Hobby Hobbit
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13 hours ago, Leena_rose said:

in fact it may just be a crutch to end the relationship if your SO isn't into it (hey it happens).

Truly insightful.

 

13 hours ago, Leena_rose said:

this sounds fun LOL

How tasty is that?!

13 hours ago, Leena_rose said:

I'd say it's not fair to the 3rd to bring them into an unstable situation since more people, more "work" to keep things balanced.

Thanks, Leena.

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15 hours ago, Chrissy said:

Just have to find others alike. Good luck 

Thanks, Chrissy. Had I known then what (I think) I know now, I'd have narrowed my scope a smidge.

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On 12/1/2018 at 1:04 AM, Audrey Astor said:

I would say bring it on. I'll take you, your friend, and my friend. and we can be friends.:P

My, oh my

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On 11/30/2018 at 6:08 PM, petey-9950 said:

If the spark is gone why not get a divorce?

Because it would be financially devastating to many married men to get divorced so they just stay married to a woman who they are barely intimate with. 

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In addition to the financial issues, there are a lot of folks with marriages missing certain aspects who "stay together for the kids."

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I'm not sure I could go with the full polyamory lifestyle just because you're then essentially maintaining two or more relationships, relationships that include emotional stress and expectations.  I would LOVE to find a way to explore threesomes (mfm) with my wife but she is not game so it's not going to happen.  

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IMHO, worth what you paid for it.  If three or more people go into a relationship or add someone into an existing relationship and all parties have talked it over and agree poly can and does work just fine dependent on the individuals involved.  Try to unilaterally introduce another person with whom you are having an affair (or want to) into an existing , two person only, long term relationship - you will probably be the subject of a police blotter entry.  Or Bobbitt tales, part 2.  Or get the divorce you want while making an enemy for life.

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I have been around for more decades than I care to admit to.  While I have not tried it I have known several friends who have and it has NOT WORKED OUT!  All of them are not together anymore or even speaking .  One was an open marriage and the other 2 were to spice things up.  While I am not Mormon nor were they;  jealousy was a big problem.  I am not sure how the Mormons who believe in those things get along with it.  In the few episodes on reality tv that for some reason I watched (BAD ME),  It did not seem that the sister wives really truly liked one another but that was just tv.  Just imagine how you would feel if the wife wanted to bring in another man or for that matter even a woman as your relationship had soured.  Would you be a willing participant if they excluded you from a lot of things including most of the sexual encounters or ignored you a lot of the time?   Since it is around gift giving time what if the other husband/wife got a much nicer and more costly present than you got?

You asked for some advice and all I can give you is           DON'T. !!

 I am sure that it is a rare couple who don't have a happy marriage to succeed in this type of venture.  

PS:  I am not sure of your age but you mentioned that this young lady stripper wants you so I am presuming that you are not so close in age.( I could be wrong.)

  I am just curious why a younger lady who meets lots of men in her profession would want an older man who has a wife and wants to live with the both of you that have an unfulfilling and maybe even a contentious marriage?  I am not a psychologist either.  

Good Luck in whatever you choose.  You will need it.  

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12 hours ago, Bravo1 said:

Because it would be financially devastating to many married men to get divorced so they just stay married to a woman who they are barely intimate with. 

This and the guilt ridden ties that bind resulting in a slow death.

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8 hours ago, coolhand luke said:

You asked for some advice and all I can give you is           DON'T. !

No, carefully phrased to exclude known perils, I asked for the insight of anyone with experience.

8 hours ago, coolhand luke said:

PS:  I am not sure of your age but you mentioned that this young lady stripper wants you so I am presuming that you are not so close in age.( I could be wrong.)

Yes, given a young start I could be her grandfather.

8 hours ago, coolhand luke said:

I am just curious why a younger lady who meets lots of men in her profession would want an older man who has a wife and wants to live with the both of you that have an unfulfilling and maybe even a contentious marriage?

This could all go nowhere but, never hate the player, Luke.

On 11/30/2018 at 11:36 PM, Hobby Hobbit said:

I can hardly understand what's happening, but it sure feels good!

Relating to the curiosity, the lack of comprehension has become readily apparent here...

On 11/30/2018 at 11:36 PM, Hobby Hobbit said:

I caught myself fantasizing about getting to know her better with the intent of bringing her into the fold

...notice the fantasy? Not even having broached the subject, the object of my desire has no idea. This is all whimsical, Dr. Phil.

8 hours ago, coolhand luke said:

I am not a psychologist either.

:o

8 hours ago, coolhand luke said:

Good Luck in whatever you choose.  You will need it.  

Thanks, Luke!

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10 hours ago, gr8owl said:

IMHO, worth what you paid for it.  If three or more people go into a relationship or add someone into an existing relationship and all parties have talked it over and agree poly can and does work just fine dependent on the individuals involved.  Try to unilaterally introduce another person with whom you are having an affair (or want to) into an existing , two person only, long term relationship - you will probably be the subject of a police blotter entry.  Or Bobbitt tales, part 2.  Or get the divorce you want while making an enemy for life.

Gr8 insight, owl! :P Thanks for sharing.

Edited by Hobby Hobbit
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24 minutes ago, Hobby Hobbit said:

This is all whimsical, Dr. Phil.

@coolhand luke...allow me to retract the backhanded jab. My apologies.

Edited by Hobby Hobbit
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1 hour ago, Hobby Hobbit said:

No, carefully phrased to exclude known perils, I asked for the insight of anyone with experience.

Yes, given a young start I could be her grandfather.

This could all go nowhere but, never hate the player, Luke.

Relating to the curiosity, the lack of comprehension has become readily apparent here...

...notice the fantasy? Not even having broached the subject, the object of my desire has no idea. This is all whimsical, Dr. Phil.

:o

Thanks, Luke!

My apologies for not reading your question accurately.  The difference between insight and advice and thinking that the young lady in question was considering the arrangement.  It was late and not enough caffeine.  My insight not my personal experience was it has not worked out in the instances I am familiar with.  I wish you the best in your pursuit of happiness and fulfillment.  I think most of us are looking for that as well. 

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Here is advice based on my experiences and the experiences of close confidants. Before you say a word, decide if you want a divorce...YES...or ..NO. There is no "maybe", or "we'll see"... YES...or NO.  The reason for this simple equation is this: You dare to dream of a 3-way relationship with you, your hetero wife, and your young bi stripper lover. ( a dream which likely would NOT be open the addition of a young stud man packin' heavy ) OK...dare to dream...but here is the point. KNOW THAT THE ODDS ARE 99% THAT THE RESULT OF YOUR REQUEST WILL NOT BE THE 3 WAY, BUT WILL BE A DIVORCE. It;s as simple as that. Good luck.

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38 minutes ago, Admiral C said:

Here is advice based on my experiences and the experiences of close confidants. Before you say a word, decide if you want a divorce...YES...or ..NO. There is no "maybe", or "we'll see"... YES...or NO.  The reason for this simple equation is this: You dare to dream of a 3-way relationship with you, your hetero wife, and your young bi stripper lover. ( a dream which likely would NOT be open the addition of a young stud man packin' heavy ) OK...dare to dream...but here is the point. KNOW THAT THE ODDS ARE 99% THAT THE RESULT OF YOUR REQUEST WILL NOT BE THE 3 WAY, BUT WILL BE A DIVORCE. It;s as simple as that. Good luck.

Good advice Admiral but, unless you're suggesting I wouldn't be open to one, you may have lost me with the "young stud man packin' heavy" bit. Please explain if not.

Sadly, it's not the divorce I fear as much as it is the hurt I'll cause.

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3 hours ago, Hobby Hobbit said:

Good advice Admiral but, unless you're suggesting I wouldn't be open to one, you may have lost me with the "young stud man packin' heavy" bit. Please explain if not.

Sadly, it's not the divorce I fear as much as it is the hurt I'll cause.

It is certainly possible that you might NOT be open to adding a "young stud man packin' heavy ( meat)" to make the 3some a 4some....something both ladies would have every right to expect if they wished.

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