hornyoldtoad

What would your ad say fellahs?

65 posts in this topic

Ok,

So some dood put it out there on another thread that he is available to all the ladies (and gents if that's your desire) offering bliss and fantasy fulfillment...

I immediately thought "bon chance" and i cannot wait to see how this plays out for this cat...

Then i got to thinking - what would mine look like should i become a provider and post an ad today? 

Then this thread - So - fellahs, what would your ad say if you were to become a male escort, had a profile page and posted an ad today?!?:))

 

Edited by hornyoldtoad
changed 'you ad' to 'your ad' in title
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I won't break your bank, just help your back!

Thorough and complete massage! Also, very open minded, and willing to perform almost any task, just ask!

See my website for rates and services. I live to serve! 

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Title: Brown Hair, Brown eyed gentleman with tongue of steel, ready and waiting to pleasure you putty cat. Avail today DTC, references required.

Body: Are you lonely, not being serviced properly? Is your kitty in need of attention?

Then I'm your guy, I'll make your kitty pur again, you may not want to leave.

call now, no text, no PM. Have references ready.

No vulgar talk or no playtime for you.

Check out my website for all my services.

Any money is exchanged for companionship only.

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Part time Denver Slut available to make your dreams a reality.

Incall and outcall available 3am to 10pm. Must have references. FBSM/BFE available in Westminster until Thanksgiving, so catch me while you can. See my website for screening and contact information. Cant wait to hear from you Lovely Ladies, your wish could be my command. 😏

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WELL REVIEWED STUD AVAILABLE NOW-SO BAD!

I have what you want: a tongue like the lesbian you can't forget, large-but-not-too-large cock of steel, long nimble fingers, sweet sensitive disposition, takes orders well.  Top or bottom. Weight and height proportional.  Newbies welcome, no screening or references needed. No charge if you don't have at least two orgasms.  Cash only.  Call, text or email, I reply within 45 seconds. Outcalls only to your hotel, home, cabin, car, trailer, tent, lean-to, cave, pit or open field.  No BBFS.  Call now, you won't regret it, even if I do.

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How could everyone forget - the pictures are me or it’s FREE!

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1 hour ago, oldertruckguy-9225 said:
  • Experienced, Mature provider available now!! Do not hesitate to call. Really don't hesitate I may be asleep later.
  • Do not text. My clumbsy finheras oftwn meas uo thw reply. 
  • Deep green eyes, magnified by coke bottle lenses. All of my teeth, some of my hair. Teeth are original!
  • Diligently shave and pluck hair in places I do not want it!
  • Available from 5am, up and ready to go,  to 9pm. I tend to doze off later then that.
  • Limited menu as some positions just plain hurt these days. Blue Heat available for your use as well.
  •  Prefer advance bookings as that allows me to rearrange nap times.
  • Newbie friendly and no references needed as I would probably forget who you used as a reference anyway. 
  • Wide awake to provide you with an "all about you" experience.  most of the time. 
  • Body type: 175# of lean mean fighting machine. Ok that was a while ago. Lets just say body shows I have taken some hits.
  • I can say my boobs don't sag. Don't ask about my ass
  • With proper stimulation most parts work. Most of the time. 
  • Activities this provider may enjoy: Dark blend coffee in the morning.
  • Wait what were we talking about? 

Don’t fall asleep 😉

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This is literally the best thread I have ever seen in my life. Ever. Well flippin' done OP

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I have no more reps, but great ads fellas!!! 👏👏👏

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Ladies, is there something missing from your life but you can't quite put your finger on what. well I can put my finger on it and even show it to you. :D give me a call and let me show you what you have been missing. Private showings by appointment only, public showings can be spontaneous and yes I do have a trench coat. :D

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Ladies, I have the tools, and know how to use them. Need a gentle tweak, or a major adjustment, or something in between? I can take care of it, and with humor and the appropriate level of tenderness or toughness. I'm also able to handle your emergency needs. And, your satisfaction comes - literally - before mine. I won't stop until you're happy. Call, text or wave a white flag, I'll be there. 

Edited by Just Another Guy
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2 hours ago, oldertruckguy-9225 said:
  • Experienced, Mature provider available now!! Do not hesitate to call. Really don't hesitate I may be asleep later.
  • Do not text. My clumbsy finheras oftwn meas uo thw reply. 
  • Deep green eyes, magnified by coke bottle lenses. All of my teeth, some of my hair. Teeth are original!
  • Diligently shave and pluck hair in places I do not want it!
  • Available from 5am, up and ready to go,  to 9pm. I tend to doze off later then that.
  • Limited menu as some positions just plain hurt these days. Blue Heat available for your use as well.
  •  Prefer advance bookings as that allows me to rearrange nap times.
  • Newbie friendly and no references needed as I would probably forget who you used as a reference anyway. 
  • Wide awake to provide you with an "all about you" experience.  most of the time. 
  • Body type: 175# of lean mean fighting machine. Ok that was a while ago. Lets just say body shows I have taken some hits.
  • I can say my boobs don't sag. Don't ask about my ass
  • With proper stimulation most parts work. Most of the time. 
  • Activities this provider may enjoy: Dark blend coffee in the morning.
  • Wait what were we talking about? 

I was going to post but damn there is no way I can compete with this...nicely done my friend!

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4 minutes ago, Desperado said:

Recently confident lover willing to exchange newfound knowledge for tangible consideration. From your brow to your toes no area will be neglected.  Whisper your desire and it will be accomplished with a loving “As you wish”.  Command and it is yours. Submit and it is ours. Your pleasure is my command.  See you soon beautiful.  I patiently awake your courtship entreaty. Conditions below:

No time wasters, no QV, don’t even think about texting if we haven’t met. I don’t date girls named Ashley. I dare you to NCNS and if you do I will hunt you down like the rat you are. I don’t blacklist, I deathlist.  Bring cash (non sequential bills preferred). If you’re late, Fuck You.  If you’re early, Fuck You. If you’re on time, That’s Cool.  If you’re wondering if “I do”,  I don’t.  Stay in your lane and we’ll have a great time otherwise we will have a shitty time and I don’t do refunds. Write a bad review at your peril. Call me!!!!!

 

You win. Best yet..laughing my ass off. 

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11 minutes ago, Desperado said:

Recently confident lover willing to exchange newfound knowledge for tangible consideration. From your brow to your toes no area will be neglected.  Whisper your desire and it will be accomplished with a loving “As you wish”.  Command and it is yours. Submit and it is ours. Your pleasure is my command.  See you soon beautiful.  I patiently awake your courtship entreaty. Conditions below:

No time wasters. No QV. Don’t even think about texting if we haven’t met. I don’t date girls named Ashley. I dare you to NCNS and if you do I will hunt you down like the rat you are. I don’t blacklist, I deathlist.  Bring cash (non sequential bills preferred). If you’re late, Fuck You.  If you’re early, Fuck You. If you’re on time, That’s Cool.  If you’re wondering if “I do”,  I don’t.  Stay in your lane and we’ll have a great time otherwise we will have a shitty time and I don’t do refunds. Write a bad review at your peril. Call me!!!!!

 

I. SURRENDER.  :lol:  Game over.

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Hollo beautiful. Tired of life in the fast lane? Then come take a ride on the Tide train. Lets explore your needs and desires. Weel let our guards down and  go where the passion of the moment takes us. Let me show you how a beautiful woman needs to be treated. Come and let me release your inner goddess.

Text prefered. Not a clock watcher.

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1 hour ago, tide32 said:

Hollo beautiful. Tired of life in the fast lane? Then come take a ride on the Tide train. Lets explore your needs and desires. Weel let our guards down and  go where the passion of the moment takes us. Let me show you how a beautiful woman needs to be treated. Come and let me release your inner goddess.

Text prefered. Not a clock watcher.

Release my inner goddess...don't mind if I do. Darling do u do qv? I don't have any references, I'm not a member but I'm sexy so u will enjoy it.

Also do u happen to own a pair of purple Speedos and slate grey assless chaps you could wear? I love a man in chaps. 

Oh and one more question...do u accept PayPal?

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2 minutes ago, SexiKenni said:

Release my inner goddess...don't mind if I do. Darling do u do qv? I don't have any references, I'm not a member but I'm sexy so u will enjoy it.

Also do u happen to own a pair of purple Speedos and slate grey assless chaps you could wear? I love a man in chaps. 

Oh and one more question...do u accept PayPal?

Shit! Ya had me till the PayPal thing. I so wanted to wear my purple Speedos and slate grey assless chaps for you.:(

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3 minutes ago, tide32 said:

Shit! Ya had me till the PayPal thing. I so wanted to wear my purple Speedos and slate grey assless chaps for you.:(

What about prepaid visas? Crypto? I have some litecoins with your name all over 'em Sweet Thang

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I was thinking green stamps. I could use them at Service Merchendise.

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23 minutes ago, tide32 said:

I was thinking green stamps. I could use them at Service Merchendise.

Lol u got it Tide 😘

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Do you value desire over skill?  Hello ladies, I'm M477, your petite, bearded silver fox.  At 5'6" and 170 lbs, this dad bod can change your mood from sad to mildly entertained in a matter of minutes.  

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Did you not read our websites for contact information😂😂😂😂

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6 minutes ago, Nina Faulkner said:

To ALL the gentlemen in this thread I ask:

U Available??

You will need to fill out the screening form and provide references.😂😂

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9 minutes ago, goodguy69 said:

Did you not read our websites for contact information😂😂😂😂

Hehehe

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14 minutes ago, Nina Faulkner said:

To ALL the gentlemen in this thread I ask:

U Available??

After looking at the reputable people you have seen i think we are ok on screening, give me a call and we can set something up😁😁

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