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Random Rambling

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I have been feeling down as of lately.  I have been in love most of my life one-way or the other.  And even though I am told I am loved I find it to be just a word that people use but have a hard time showing.  Over the past few years this is exactly what I have come to know.  being told I am loved but not seeing it.  The smallest of things would be nice to see.  A soft touch, the head on the shoulders, the passionate kiss.  All gone, and not seen for years.

So I began using sex as an outlet.  Using it to make myself feel loved, to feel passion, to feel good.  The more I look at it and the deeper I get, I find it is just an escape and that is all.  I use it to feel good at the moment then to not have it because it was never there.

What is love I ask?  It is not sex, it is not the feeling of pleasure.  It is whatever one makes of it, and my love has been lost.

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4 hours ago, leigeois said:

It is whatever one makes of it, and my love has been lost.

I'm sorry to hear this! I hope you can either find love again, or find fulfillment in yourself, and your friends. Remember...

Image result for stuart smalley you are special   

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Pfunk, did you realize that Stuart Smalley (the guy above), was a character created by Al Franken, the disgraced and currently unhappy former senator from Minnesota?  Apparently he wasn't good enough, or smart enough and, doggone it, people didn't like him after all. :rolleyes:

This has nothing to do with the OP and his sincere and heartfelt comment.  As to the OP:  been there, done that, multiple times, you will survive and you will love again.  Hang in there, if you need someone to talk to about these things, feel free to PM me, a couple of us talk about these things off list, quite a bit.

Edited by BadBoy
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5 hours ago, leigeois said:

What is love I ask?  It is not sex, it is not the feeling of pleasure.  It is whatever one makes of it, and my love has been lost.

I believe you have brought up the most important question there is. I will be fascinated at the serious responses you get on this one.

I’ve only travelled around the Sun 60 times but even in that short time, I’ve experienced love and the loss of it more times than I can count. I have learned though that if I open myself to it, I actually find love everywhere and in the least likely places. I’ve also discovered that if I don’t offer my love freely, there’s not much of it around. So, for me, it all starts with me. I actually try to give of my love to everyone I can. That’s not to say that I try to make out or fuck everything that moves, but I do try, as often as possible to seek out ways to be kind and generous, especially when kindness is not expected. The ticket agent at the counter when your flight was just delayed forever. You show that person some genuine love, it’s amazing what can happen.

I have never succeeded in “making” anyone love me. I have only found that if I love someone with all my heart, I just might, with no guarantees, win some love coming back my way. It’s the miracle of life, isn’t it.

So, next time you have an opportunity, love a stranger! Pet a dog, breathe in deep and gaze at the sky. Take a close look at a mother and her child. Imagine all those loving moments you’ve enjoyed in your life and try to pay it forward. Maybe, you will find, as I have, Love is all around you. 

All the best Friend!

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Not much to add to the above advice. Remember, most of us have been through this cycle of love&loss; some of us several times. 

As the other BB says, PM if you need to chat. And as LP says, you have to open your heart to receive love.

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6 hours ago, leigeois said:

I have been feeling down as of lately.  I have been in love most of my life one-way or the other.  And even though I am told I am loved I find it to be just a word that people use but have a hard time showing.  Over the past few years this is exactly what I have come to know.  being told I am loved but not seeing it.  The smallest of things would be nice to see.  A soft touch, the head on the shoulders, the passionate kiss.  All gone, and not seen for years.

So I began using sex as an outlet.  Using it to make myself feel loved, to feel passion, to feel good.  The more I look at it and the deeper I get, I find it is just an escape and that is all.  I use it to feel good at the moment then to not have it because it was never there.

What is love I ask?  It is not sex, it is not the feeling of pleasure.  It is whatever one makes of it, and my love has been lost.

I feel for you.  As Bit said, many of us have been on the loss and love cycle.  If the loss of love didn't affect us, we wouldn't be human (though other mammals also display feelings of loss).  I was married for many years and when that marriage ended, I was crushed.  Though it took me some years after my divorce to dabble in our hobby world, I'm glad I joined in the fun.  I am not looking for love here.  And not sure what I want in my "real world" life.  Because of my not being sure what I want, I continue to make connections and have fun in our hobby world.  Gotta say that, for me, meeting some of the lovely ladies has restored some of my sanity, and given me an outlet for my sex drive (hey, sometimes the hand just doesn't cut it).  And I've had fun with the variety of ladies and pleasures available.

I hope you cycle out of your deep funk and find what you are looking for.  Love can come in many forms and from many people.  I also hope you find that there are people in your life who appreciate you for who you are...who value you as a person.  Feeling welcomed and connected to others is a huge part of life for many of us.  Those connections can take many forms and be found in many places, if we are open and appreciate a variety of connection.  Wishing you the best.  Take care of yourself, and allow others around you offer hope for a future that may have unexpected surprises (of the good kind).  

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Love and life are what you make of it. It all begins with you. If you don't love yourself, nobody else will.

 

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And sometimes love is overrated.  Nothing wrong with genuine friendship with intimacy.  With a special hobby ATF - not often perhaps but it sure as hell happens from time to time and is really fantastic when it does.  Beats the hell out of any supposed (mostly fake) love I have ever had.

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You should give up all your worldly possessions and walk deeply into the desert.

No. You won’t find love there, but no one will ever lie to you.

or ......

dont walk out into the desert.

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9 minutes ago, Zelda Runner said:

Life is what you make of it and love happens when least expected. 

I agree, guit looking for it, just open yourself up to the idea of it, and it will find you.

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You are not alone. I commend you for your courage in putting such a personal, intimate matter on the board.   I married late in life and I was in heaven for six incredible years and then she was gone. Left a hole I still haven't completely climbed out of. Still not sure what to do with myself. I still sometimes find myself looking for love in all the wrong places. Taken me a while I have learned that everyday offers me an opportunity to make a difference in someone's life. I have learned that every time I take just a few minutes to be kind, be gracious, let some small transgression go, offer encouragement it not only helps others but fills my hole a little more. I have learned that there are individuals in my life that genuinely care about me and if I open my heart just a bit they can effect a huge difference in my life. I have learned that here, on TOB, there are several quality, caring people who will at the very least listen and just might be able to lighten your funk. Good luck. You are not alone.

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You only find love by learning to love yourself first. Love is you  and it’s start by giving yourself  love 💖:)

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5 hours ago, Vassago said:

You should give up all your worldly possessions and walk deeply into the desert.

No. You won’t find love there, but no one will ever lie to you.

or ......

dont walk out into the desert.

Or delve deep into the dessert. Hot fudge = love.

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