Not sure how to handle this, advice?

[Leena_rose]

You know I really do prefer those Happy threads~ but....

Using reviews as a threat is basically blackmail right? For example, “if you don’t see Me I’m going to post a bad review”? I’m currently dealing with something very unsettling. It went from a minor, very fixable misunderstanding to a level of strange I’m not sure I’ve even experienced 5 years into the hobby. 

The reason why it’s unsettling is because it was a misunderstanding that no one was at total fault for   Yet I apologized repeatedly right at* and within 5 minutes of our intended meeting time trying to make it right. I was contacted and I said yes I was available and I mentioned a time and he said okay that works! I then texted “what is your ETA? Are you for sure driving and on the way?” I do ask this because I get stood pretty often and knew I had other things to do that day after.  After a while passes and I don’t get a response I do (and rightfully admit) I texted “Nevermind it, going to move on” because I only had so much time left at the hotel and I truly didn’t believe he was on the way hence no confirm response. I then get a handful of lots of swearing-go f*ck yourself, I’m writing a bad review about you etc. The texts are him flying completely off the handle. I then repeatedly apologize and say I’m not quite ready because I didn’t know for sure you were on the way, but if you wait 5 mins I can be ready and I’m sorry. He leaves and sends me more cruel texts. 

At this point, I feel just awful for the misunderstanding and am empathetic that he drove a half hour. But the texts get weirder and weirder and have an aggressive tone which make me feel unsafe and not really sure what kind of personality I’m dealing with. Because it sure isn’t going well with my understanding and compassionate one. 

Then just today he texts me “Do I get to see you or was the time you completely stood me up a waste of my time” Again, I’m empathetic to the misunderstanding and mix up but this texts feels already defensive and angry. So I say, aren’t there any other girls you feel like you’d click with more? I apologize again about what happened, but I don’t feel our personalities are a good match and that would effect our time. He then again texts “I’ll write that bad review”.  I feel like once bad reviews are threatened and I get cruel texts-it totally kills the natural mood of the visit and then I start to think about my safety. Had he waited 5mins for a proper response or explanation that day-we could’ve easily figured this out. At this point after me trying to be so nice and apologetic yet still dealing with the nastiness, I feel like I’m being singled out. There are many ladies to choose from in denver yet he’s incessant on contacting me. Also it’s starting to really feel like blackmail. 

What to do?

 

[IRsparky]

first, an appointment wasn't confirmed, so, you should be able to get a bad review by him removed. second, blacklist the guy and back channel who he is to the other ladies.

[Mr.Pink]

Tell him to fuck off, shit happens. Alert a mod.

[Leena_rose]

Thank you two. I prefer good communication and problem solving I guess! Never fun when things go off the handle... You can’t please everyone I suppose...although that’s always been my goal <3 

[Laci French]

Just tell him you don’t feel the two of you are a good fit then block him. 

Please pm the ladies his info so we can put him on our whacko list. 

 

[Leena_rose]

Just now, Laci French said:

Just tell him you don’t feel the two of you are a good fit then block him. 

Please pm the ladies his info so we can put him on our whacko list. 

 

This is the person I messaged you about earlier Laci. And Hunter. Thanks for the support I can surely tell we wouldn’t click, I’m more about fun and understanding than whacko. 

[Hunter VanDyke]

That's really unfortunate.  Safety and comfortability on both sides is so important in order to have a great session, and that's completely out the window at this point. Cut your losses, and move forward. We all make mistakes. I'm a firm believer in your reputation, will speak for itself.  Hopefully, you've learned a few things from this experience as well. 

Edited September 18, 2018 by Hunter VanDyke

[Leena_rose]

3 minutes ago, Hunter VanDyke said:

That's really unfortunate.  Safety and comfortability on both sides is so important in order to have a great session, and that's completely out the window at this point. Cut your losses, and move forward. We all make mistakes. I'm a firm believer in your reputation, will speak for itself.  Hopefully, you've learned a few things from this experience as well. 

Yes I sure have. Definitely going to wait until the intended meeting time (even though confirmation is always great) to move forward. But even though it was a nice reflection for me, I’m happy this happened so I could avoid bad energy in person...Thanks hunter! 💜

[Zelda Runner]

1 hour ago, Laci French said:

Just tell him you don’t feel the two of you are a good fit then block him. 

Please pm the ladies his info so we can put him on our whacko list. 

 

Agree on sending PM's to ladies on who this guy is and so sorry this happened. It's ridiculous that when the chemistry isn't there, threats for bad reviews happen. It's nothing new sadly. It's all about being safe and hopefully the red flags from this experience help avoid it in the future. Stay safe pretty lady! You deserve the best, 

[Just Another Guy]

The guy sounds like an incredible asshole. My guess is that if a meeting had occurred, it probably would've been sub-par anyways.

[gr8owl]

There is never an excuse to curse at or threaten anyone, least of all a lady.  Not to say a last minute cancellation was good, and many would be a bit erked at it. But what you describe sounds like a potentially dangerous fuck that reacted completely out of proportion. The first cussing at me, the first threat would be permanent block and certainly share the info with other ladies.  Some of the language you report sounds ..... familiar.  Very sorry this happened to you, be safe as a priority.

[BeenHereDoingThis]

2 minutes ago, gr8owl said:

There is never an excuse to curse at or threaten anyone, least of all a lady.  Not to say a last minute cancellation was good, and many would be a bit erked at it. But what you describe sounds like a potentially dangerous fuck that reacted completely out of proportion. The first cussing at me, the first threat would be permanent block and certainly share the info with other ladies.  Some of the language you report sounds ..... familiar.  Very sorry this happened to you, be safe as a priority.

What he said!   Never any excuse for this no matter what.  If a guy acts like this do not meet him.  It isn't going to get better, probably worse.  Let him come out in the open and write the review.  You can do a rebuttal and he shows himself to be the Jackwagon he is.....

[NoCoGeezer]

Though the guy is a dbag, OP could have handled a bit better. Should pick up the habit of asking the guy to send a text when on the way, or send a message an hour out that still on. Satisfies the need to know still on, and makes it easy for the guy, because... 

Though I would not go off the handle, would not be happy to get a text message from the lady that I need to respond to while barreling down the highway. Need to get to next exit, exit, stop somewhere, send note, back onto highway, just lost some time,  might now be late. And if I was not able to pull that off in a timely manner, now I maybe lost the appointment.

Yes, in this case, OP still might get a no-show, like she was trying to avoid in first place, but is a less volatile way to go about it.

Edited September 18, 2018 by NoCoGeezer

[SultryKitten]

2 hours ago, IRsparky said:

first, an appointment wasn't confirmed, so, you should be able to get a bad review by him removed. second, blacklist the guy and back channel who he is to the other ladies.

THIS!!!

The guy is an egotistical asshole who thinks berating you is going to get him an appt. Misunderstanding or not, there is no reason why he should have flown off the handle. The part of communication is to keep people apprised of what is going on after each text, and if you were waiting for a response and didn't get one, then you have every right to assume he wasn't coming. If he didn't check, or was driving and didn't see it until your message that it wasn't happening popped up...he should have been an adult about it, and said yes that he was on his way, and confirm the time. Instead, he became a jerk and wouldn't let off. You were too nice in apologizing as you weren't at fault. He didn't reply back to a time that he was arriving.

When I talk to my clients, I do like you and confirm the time of the appt and the rate so there is no confusion on the two most important things. I make sure they know where they are going, and tell them to contact me when they get there. It makes it clear I expect communication so there are no misunderstanding, and if they don't follow it or try to break my rules...it can leave to them never seeing me ever/again.

Don't be scared to get a bad review. The guys are not stupid and they can read through BS. Also, there are a lot of guys out there that don't even know reviews exist. I have never been threatened with a bad review, but I can tell you that if they ever do...I would just laugh at them and tell them to have fun with that. The guys that matter know the truth.

Please let us ladies know...tired of assholes like this.

xoxo,

Samantha Sheppard

[K2dnvrfun]

Sounds like the guy has anger issues. Stay away. 

[Leena_rose]

16 minutes ago, NoCoGeezer said:

Though the guy is a dbag, OP could have handled a bit better. Should pick up the habit of asking the guy to send a text when on the way, or send a message an hour out that still on. Satisfies the need to know still on, and makes it easy for the guy, because... 

Though I would not go off the handle, would not be happy to get a text message from the lady that I need to respond to while barreling down the highway. Need to get to next exit, exit, stop somewhere, send note, back onto highway, just lost some time,  might now be late. And if I was not able to pull that off in a timely manner, now I maybe lost the appointment.

Yes, in this case, OP still might get a no-show, like she was trying to avoid in first place, but is a less volatile way to go about it.

I agree with you completely but instead of the aggressive texts he could have said “I was driving and couldn’t respond but I’m here” instead of “go f*ck yourself” and everything else. thats what this whole post is about I mean really that was his first response. then I would’ve done everything & flipped myself backwards to not disappoint him because of a miscommunication. And I definitely don’t condone texting and driving! I was 100% empathetic to how that can be frustrating on the clients part and apologized in the moment to only get angry texts.  

Aside from this particular person who showed their true unstable colors, I learned the lesson of waiting until the time of the appointment to send a text saying I have to move along & some days I honestly have nothing else personal going on or  planned for the day and it’s no problem. But this was before checkout. 

Although like I told hunter, It’s a good thing this happened based on the texts I’ve gotten recently it has crossed a big red flag boundary from genuine interest to mentally unstable harassment. My intuition is saying this person is not good news and as a provider I think intuition plays a huge part in who we see. Even today “I can see you’re online posting (because, ya know providers don’t post for future plans or anything-my sarcasm) I can’t come see you? You’re a flake etc etc” meanwhile I’m shopping at the grocery store....& not available. Just plain old drama I don’t need in my life. It’s all about how us humans communicate and some communication is set up for failure. Being nice as a gent and provider will get you a lot farther in life with less disappointments. 

The block button has never looked better. 

[Leena_rose]

44 minutes ago, SultryKitten said:

THIS!!!

The guy is an egotistical asshole who thinks berating you is going to get him an appt. Misunderstanding or not, there is no reason why he should have flown off the handle. The part of communication is to keep people apprised of what is going on after each text, and if you were waiting for a response and didn't get one, then you have every right to assume he wasn't coming. If he didn't check, or was driving and didn't see it until your message that it wasn't happening popped up...he should have been an adult about it, and said yes that he was on his way, and confirm the time. Instead, he became a jerk and wouldn't let off. You were too nice in apologizing as you weren't at fault. He didn't reply back to a time that he was arriving.

When I talk to my clients, I do like you and confirm the time of the appt and the rate so there is no confusion on the two most important things. I make sure they know where they are going, and tell them to contact me when they get there. It makes it clear I expect communication so there are no misunderstanding, and if they don't follow it or try to break my rules...it can leave to them never seeing me ever/again.

Don't be scared to get a bad review. The guys are not stupid and they can read through BS. Also, there are a lot of guys out there that don't even know reviews exist. I have never been threatened with a bad review, but I can tell you that if they ever do...I would just laugh at them and tell them to have fun with that. The guys that matter know the truth.

Please let us ladies know...tired of assholes like this.

xoxo,

Samantha Sheppard

Thanks so much Samantha. It got to the point where I apologized so many times and you’re right, just wouldn’t let me off. Thank you for catching that.  I finally had to say do what you have to do review wise and peace be with you, because I’m not going to be threatened into a visit. That doesn’t even feel like consent at all.... is not a good way to make a lady feel comfortable in bed with you. Especially after she says I completely 100% understand why you were upset but based on your reaction, and the fact that every action has a reaction I don’t think we’d be a good fit. Something minor turned into huge. I do this to feel good and make others feel amazing,  not to do things that aren’t in alignment with myself or my values or to feel unsafe. And no amount of money is worth It to me to be disrespected because I have nothing but* respect for the gents who contact me <3 

[Leonalune]

Whining drama gets blocked. 

Don't feel bad at all!

[coolhand luke]

I think you went further than most of us would have.  Anyone who started cursing or threatening me would have been blocked immediately.  I think you dodged a  bad one.  You did most things right by apologizing and even offering to make it right but I think you let it go on too long once the harassment started.  Trust your spidey sense.

[Gregorysymph]

The only possible review he could write is no call/no show which didn't even happen. He didn't confirm a time , which to me means no session. So you couldn't even be considered a nc/ns. Even after all his nasty texts and threats you were still kind enough to tell him "give me 5 minutes and I can be ready" and that's still not good enough for him? How often does a guy get to a ladies incall and she says "give me 5 minutes"? I would say it happens all the time and if guys were too impatient to wait a few minutes then there would be a lot of unsatisfied men walking around. This guy went way over the line. You sound like a sweetheart with more than enough understanding.

[Gregorysymph]

2 hours ago, NoCoGeezer said:

Though the guy is a dbag, OP could have handled a bit better. Should pick up the habit of asking the guy to send a text when on the way, or send a message an hour out that still on. Satisfies the need to know still on, and makes it easy for the guy, because... 

Though I would not go off the handle, would not be happy to get a text message from the lady that I need to respond to while barreling down the highway. Need to get to next exit, exit, stop somewhere, send note, back onto highway, just lost some time,  might now be late. And if I was not able to pull that off in a timely manner, now I maybe lost the appointment.

Yes, in this case, OP still might get a no-show, like she was trying to avoid in first place, but is a less volatile way to go about it.

You must be one of the very few people in Colorado that don't text while driving. It does still seem to be dangerous to use the voice text, but I use it when I receive a text and need to reply while driving. That did get me in trouble once with a provider when as I was recording my text that I would arrive in 20 minutes, I was cut off in traffic by a lady not paying attention to the road. I screamed a bunch of profanities then hit send. Oops, that text isn't going to read well. I am joking. BTW, the OP treated this idiot with way more grace than he deserved.

[JRWolfe]

I refuse to talk or text while driving ,its too much of a distraction and a friend died doing so. Whoever invented texting is thinning the herd.

Sounds like their should have been PATIENCE  on both sides of this story. You could have realized he was driving to you and he should have been polite,instead of cussing ,with his response to the cancellation.

Traffic in LA is so bad,that the industry there doesn't get paranoid and cancel when they don't get an immediate response. Traffic in Denver gets just as bad during certain times of the day.

Pulling over to the side of the road can be a hazard in many locations, and easy to do in others.

[Guest]

This all sounds terrifying. I like to read reviews and if this idiot tried to tell his rediculous story, I would probably discount it completely, if it even made it to the board. You are a beautiful girl who deserves to be treated properly! I think you dodged a bullet here. Let us know when you get down our way again.

[ilovewomen]

11 hours ago, Leena_rose said:

You know I really do prefer those Happy threads~ but....

Using reviews as a threat is basically blackmail right? For example, “if you don’t see Me I’m going to post a bad review”? I’m currently dealing with something very unsettling. It went from a minor, very fixable misunderstanding to a level of strange I’m not sure I’ve even experienced 5 years into the hobby. 

The reason why it’s unsettling is because it was a misunderstanding that no one was at total fault for   Yet I apologized repeatedly right at* and within 5 minutes of our intended meeting time trying to make it right. I was contacted and I said yes I was available and I mentioned a time and he said okay that works! I then texted “what is your ETA? Are you for sure driving and on the way?” I do ask this because I get stood pretty often and knew I had other things to do that day after.  After a while passes and I don’t get a response I do (and rightfully admit) I texted “Nevermind it, going to move on” because I only had so much time left at the hotel and I truly didn’t believe he was on the way hence no confirm response. I then get a handful of lots of swearing-go f*ck yourself, I’m writing a bad review about you etc. The texts are him flying completely off the handle. I then repeatedly apologize and say I’m not quite ready because I didn’t know for sure you were on the way, but if you wait 5 mins I can be ready and I’m sorry. He leaves and sends me more cruel texts. 

At this point, I feel just awful for the misunderstanding and am empathetic that he drove a half hour. But the texts get weirder and weirder and have an aggressive tone which make me feel unsafe and not really sure what kind of personality I’m dealing with. Because it sure isn’t going well with my understanding and compassionate one. 

Then just today he texts me “Do I get to see you or was the time you completely stood me up a waste of my time” Again, I’m empathetic to the misunderstanding and mix up but this texts feels already defensive and angry. So I say, aren’t there any other girls you feel like you’d click with more? I apologize again about what happened, but I don’t feel our personalities are a good match and that would effect our time. He then again texts “I’ll write that bad review”.  I feel like once bad reviews are threatened and I get cruel texts-it totally kills the natural mood of the visit and then I start to think about my safety. Had he waited 5mins for a proper response or explanation that day-we could’ve easily figured this out. At this point after me trying to be so nice and apologetic yet still dealing with the nastiness, I feel like I’m being singled out. There are many ladies to choose from in denver yet he’s incessant on contacting me. Also it’s starting to really feel like blackmail. 

What to do?

 

Ok, I’m probably going to get teamed for at least the first part of my post.

You said that he contacted you and you told him what time you were available and he replied that works.  That right there is an appointment with a time with you has been agreed upon by both of you.

You then go on to say you are continually texting him asking if he is coming and what his ETA was. His ETA was the agreed upon time you said you were available. He probably didn’t return your texts because he was driving.

Then while he is supposed to be in his way to you, you cancel on him because he hadn’t responded to your texts while he was driving to you.

The start of this mix up is on you.  I’m apologize for saying this, but it is how I feel.

Now in your support, I truly believe you dodged a major bullet by the way he responded to you.

His responses were way out of line and I’m glad you back channeled the ladies to let them know who he was and his responses.

He then had the nerve to contact you again, with a major attitude. 

The guy is an asswipe with his attitude.

As far as his threats to write a negative review, if he does, the mods will contact you first before posting to give you a chance for a rebuttal.

If you explain the whole situation to them, I wouldn’t be surprised if they refuse to post his negative review.

I’m sorry you had to deal with this asswipe. 

Be assured, a large majority of us guys on here are a hell of lot more respectful to the ladies than that asswipe.

[BadBoy]

16 hours ago, Leena_rose said:

 Also it’s starting to really feel like blackmail. 

What to do?

 

The guy is a total asshole, and might be violent to boot.  We have to thin the herd.  Blacklist him and if he posts a review (unlikely), put in a good rebuttal.  None of you ladies need to put up with this crap and it is time to figure out how to get rid of these jerks.  I agree that it is a pain in the ass to get a text while driving, but you can pull off on an exit, pull into a driveway and respond - not a big deal, and certainly not out of the ordinary.  Fuck these guys, if we don't figure out how to get rid of them, they are going to ruin it for everyone.

Don't be scared of a threatened bad review.  First, bullies almost never follow through.  Second, the mods don't allow this type of situation to lead to a NCNS review.  Third, you have a chance to rebut, and the gentlemen around here will understand.  On the other hand, you gals have your secret blacklists where the jerks never have a chance to rebut - join them and use them.

[Bootsce]

So the wave off on final approach is problematic. We all can relate to this as it is the equivalent of NCNS. 

Having been on the receiving end of the wave off more than once I can relate to the sentiment of the texts you received. That does not excuse him from sending them or choosing to escalate the situation. In the past when I received the wave off there was some “adjustment” offered for a future visit (unprompted by me).  

$hit happens, mean people suck, drama (and escalating the drama) serve no purpose.   If he writes a review post your rebuttal. Block him as nothing good will come from further communication. 

[Turtle138]

Leena, Just move on.

If he writes a bad review so be it.

You can have a rebuttal. 

Get some more reviews and move on.

Love Turtle

 

[Kali Sensual Reiki]

17 hours ago, SultryKitten said:

THIS!!!

The guy is an egotistical asshole who thinks berating you is going to get him an appt. Misunderstanding or not, there is no reason why he should have flown off the handle. The part of communication is to keep people apprised of what is going on after each text, and if you were waiting for a response and didn't get one, then you have every right to assume he wasn't coming. If he didn't check, or was driving and didn't see it until your message that it wasn't happening popped up...he should have been an adult about it, and said yes that he was on his way, and confirm the time. Instead, he became a jerk and wouldn't let off. You were too nice in apologizing as you weren't at fault. He didn't reply back to a time that he was arriving.

When I talk to my clients, I do like you and confirm the time of the appt and the rate so there is no confusion on the two most important things. I make sure they know where they are going, and tell them to contact me when they get there. It makes it clear I expect communication so there are no misunderstanding, and if they don't follow it or try to break my rules...it can leave to them never seeing me ever/again.

Don't be scared to get a bad review. The guys are not stupid and they can read through BS. Also, there are a lot of guys out there that don't even know reviews exist. I have never been threatened with a bad review, but I can tell you that if they ever do...I would just laugh at them and tell them to have fun with that. The guys that matter know the truth.

Please let us ladies know...tired of assholes like this.

xoxo,

Samantha Sheppard

Samantha and IRSparky 💯% 😍

[Phil-anderer]

On 9/17/2018 at 7:10 PM, Leena_rose said:

You know I really do prefer those Happy threads~ but....

Using reviews as a threat is basically blackmail right? For example, “if you don’t see Me I’m going to post a bad review”? I’m currently dealing with something very unsettling. It went from a minor, very fixable misunderstanding to a level of strange I’m not sure I’ve even experienced 5 years into the hobby. 

The reason why it’s unsettling is because it was a misunderstanding that no one was at total fault for   Yet I apologized repeatedly right at* and within 5 minutes of our intended meeting time trying to make it right. I was contacted and I said yes I was available and I mentioned a time and he said okay that works! I then texted “what is your ETA? Are you for sure driving and on the way?” I do ask this because I get stood pretty often and knew I had other things to do that day after.  After a while passes and I don’t get a response I do (and rightfully admit) I texted “Nevermind it, going to move on” because I only had so much time left at the hotel and I truly didn’t believe he was on the way hence no confirm response. I then get a handful of lots of swearing-go f*ck yourself, I’m writing a bad review about you etc. The texts are him flying completely off the handle. I then repeatedly apologize and say I’m not quite ready because I didn’t know for sure you were on the way, but if you wait 5 mins I can be ready and I’m sorry. He leaves and sends me more cruel texts. 

At this point, I feel just awful for the misunderstanding and am empathetic that he drove a half hour. But the texts get weirder and weirder and have an aggressive tone which make me feel unsafe and not really sure what kind of personality I’m dealing with. Because it sure isn’t going well with my understanding and compassionate one. 

Then just today he texts me “Do I get to see you or was the time you completely stood me up a waste of my time” Again, I’m empathetic to the misunderstanding and mix up but this texts feels already defensive and angry. So I say, aren’t there any other girls you feel like you’d click with more? I apologize again about what happened, but I don’t feel our personalities are a good match and that would effect our time. He then again texts “I’ll write that bad review”.  I feel like once bad reviews are threatened and I get cruel texts-it totally kills the natural mood of the visit and then I start to think about my safety. Had he waited 5mins for a proper response or explanation that day-we could’ve easily figured this out. At this point after me trying to be so nice and apologetic yet still dealing with the nastiness, I feel like I’m being singled out. There are many ladies to choose from in denver yet he’s incessant on contacting me. Also it’s starting to really feel like blackmail. 

What to do?

 

Forget that douchebag. Your last review talked about your awesome communication. Keep doing the right thing.:)

[Cecilia]

@Leena @Laci @Hunter will someone please shoot a pm with the details? Thanks all! 😘