Friendships

[Turtle138]

Has a provider or hobbyist been able to make that work out?

Does life get in the way?

Ladies any hints on how to find that connection. 

[SultryKitten]

I do have friendships with a very small number of clients in the biz, but they are no longer clients, and the few that I did still see either quit seeing me, or I had to cut them off to keep it separate. I have only lost two as friends in the time that I have been in this-of course, I am very particular who becomes friends with me in my personal life.

 Otherwise, it rarely happens because even if they want a friendship, clients have a hard time separating this business from our personal life. Also, some providers don't want to make friendship with their clients for fear of losing out on money, or are afraid they might tell someone in their personal life which can and has happened.

If you are looking for a connection, you need to pick providers that you are interested in not just physically, but curious about getting to know them emotionally. It won't always work out, but there are ladies that are working that want more than just to get it on physically with their clients. Then, if you two want to make the step to become friends...discuss what the rules are and respect them.

I can say that I have one "client" that I have never seen and won't because we just don't click in that way, but he is a personal friend and we get along great that way. He is the only one I have like that, and I feel that is a pretty rare thing.

Just remember that these things come naturally, and try not to push it just so you can be on a personal level with someone. To be a friend is a gift not to take for granted.

xoxo,

Samantha Sheppard

[Hunter VanDyke]

Well, first of all. Before you get to that step, it would be nice if you take the necessary steps to become a good client. Respect the providers screening, and not waste her time with messages back and forth, without ever giving her the basic information she initially requested in her ad, or  the very basic information she requested in her initial response to your request for an appointment. For many providers, your TOB handle is not sufficient information for screening.  There are many forms of time wasting, and this is one of them. Friends or people who want to be friends value the other persons time as well. Friendships are built, and it starts with first impressions. I'm looking forward to hearing some of the feedback from the other ladies who, like me, enjoy making friends with our clients. This should be a good post, with some good information sharing. 

[Chrissy]

Yes Turtle it can work. I myself have "friends" from this Hobby In Several states that I hold dear and Have invites to My Social or Family gatherings. Last one was a Huge BBQ and I had the pleasure of a couple of friends flying in for the day

[Admiral C]

4 hours ago, Turtle138 said:

Has a provider or hobbyist been able to make that work out?

Does life get in the way?

Ladies any hints on how to find that connection. 

We are talking about 3 different, but possibly over-lapping things. Client\Provider.....Friends........Romance. I have done all 3 and all more than once with providers.  Friends works, but not if one party wants to push it to Romance and the other does not. Some people, guys and ladies can't be friends AND client\provider, others can and it is varies widely. In those situations where they can, the guy certainly would continue to pay for time, as did I. Romance\relationship can also work, but this industry adds elements that can obviously be quite a problem. Interestingly, it is often not realized that just because two people are able to handle the unique issues of a relationship in "the hobby", they are not suddenly granted a pass on normal relationship problems. Those are also in play and are as big a challenge to those relationships as  they are to any other. In the end, all three get down to the same thing but in various degree's of depth. Compatibility of honesty, communication, and expectation.

[Bit Banger]

Over the decades I’ve had the pleasure of perhaps a half dozen YL as friends. Some have since retired, but remain friends.  We have a clear lines between BCD (compensated) and shared social time. Some evenings a dinner & movie are just that.  Others are more involved affairs which include breakfast.  Many of these ladies have also become compensated traveling companions.  Being friends is important when spending hours together.

But the real key is that these friendships developed naturally, just like friendships in the civilian world. They are based on common interests. You CAN NOT forces them.  Let her lead the way. If she’s interested, she’ll let you know.

[JRWolfe]

4 hours ago, SultryKitten said:

It rarely happens because even if they want a friendship, clients have a hard time separating this business from our personal life

Samantha Sheppard

  Probably because I come from a whole different part of the adult industry, its never been a problem separating business life from personal life.  That said, I agree with Bit Banger that real friendships between opposite genders in the biz have to develop naturally and NOT rushed. Just as in the civilian world ,one can not force a friendship.

[Shutterbug]

I treat everyone I meet as a friend. I make them prove me wrong.

[Bit Banger]

Perhaps the biggest problem is planning and the erratic nature of her work schedule.  When you have a social date planned and she gets a call, you have choices.  She needs to work; it is her job after all.  So as a friend you need to be understanding.

[Picturerisque]

3 hours ago, Shutterbug said:

I treat everyone I meet as a friend. I make them prove me wrong.

Boom... Fucking wisdom here... I'm telling you it's life changing when you do this. Even trips to Trader Joe's transform. Though you find you lose patience for those who are rude to waiters, baggers, cashier's, etc... I get physically angry at that.

[Hunter VanDyke]

3 hours ago, Shutterbug said:

I treat everyone I meet as a friend. I make them prove me wrong.

You know shutterbug, I was in therapy in my twenties, and I was upset because I couldn't understand why I was always getting fucked over by people.  When she asked me a little bit about it, I told her the very same thing you just said. She told me when I do that, I'm giving everyone permission to fuck me over at least once. I understand the spirit behind what your saying though because that's my nature too. However, try doing that as a provider in this hobby. When they prove you wrong, it can get pretty bad. Friendship in this hobby requires a lot of trust between providers and hobbyists. We have to be a little more discerning. The friendship is worth it though when we find it. ❤

[Shutterbug]

1 minute ago, Hunter VanDyke said:

You know shutterbug, I was in therapy in my twenties, and I was upset because I couldn't understand why I was always getting fucked over by people.  When she asked me a little bit about it, I told her the very same thing you just said. She told me when I do that, I'm giving everyone permission to fuck me over at least once. I understand the spirit behind what your saying though because that's my nature too. However, try doing that as a provider in this hobby. When they prove you wrong, it can get pretty bad. Friendship in this hobby requires a lot of trust between providers and hobbyists. We have to be a little more discerning. The friendship is worth it though when we find it. ❤

Luckily I am on the otherside of the fence. I truly understand you all having to put up a wall, for your self protection.  I do not often get "fucked over" as I can be a very good judge of character.  I also tend to be a bit of a loaner, that helps. When you meet that friend and lower your shields it can be a lot of fun.

[fishndude57]

I've been fortunate, so yes, it's possible. I wouldn't push it, if it happens, good or bad. I try being myself with everyone, I think that's helped. I refer to the good the bad, if you do friend someone, then stay sincere. I have heard the word lonely bantered around so many times, including myself, even though I am not. I am a Denver Native...although old, I have loads of friends through my life here. The thing about befriending each other here, is no different than anywhere, some will be true, unfortunately as in every aspect of life, some will take advantage of you. It's up to you how you handle either. I think one of the biggest things I've learned is we're all peeps. Cardiovascular and other stuff makes us equal. I have so tried to treat everyone cept some trolls on the forum with respect, even after they shit all over me. If you decide to be a friend...Be A Friend! Sometimes the good, has to come with the bad. That's a friend. Even a very few that I feel have shit on me, I still wouldn't turn my back on them. Why? I might need a friend too. 

[Jez UaBriain]

Every friendship has boundaries. The friends we have outside this venue, the friends we meet inside it, and the future friends we have not met yet. As these friendships evolve boundaries will grow or lessen. Each one is different, but there will always be boundaries in each one. So yes to the op, it is possible.🍀

[Kali Sensual Reiki]

I love what I learn from my friends who often are on both sides of the fence. I do all sorts of interesting adventures tarot, reiki , dinner, trips, parties,you know, everyone is incredible and I am very fortunate indeed! 😍

[average1]

I am fortunate to have developed some friendships in the hobby.  I am very clear on separating the business side from the friendship side.  So far there have been no negative issues and it can make the encounters a ton of fun because we know each other.  Being very mindful of boundaries is important on both sides.  It also helps that I am very clear about being an unattached guy who has no intention or desire to get attached in certain ways.  And I communicate that to people.  I don't ever want there to be crossed signals.  I've said this many times, but I get the business nature of this thing, but also want it to be about 2 (or more) consenting adults having a good time.  When there are common interests (outside of BCD) sometimes friendships can develop and, for me, it has been great when it happens.

[Laci French]

On 9/7/2018 at 8:42 AM, Turtle138 said:

Has a provider or hobbyist been able to make that work out?

Does life get in the way?

Ladies any hints on how to find that connection. 

You don’t find that connection by looking, it happens naturally and those times it does are so very special.  

No offense but it seems to me you might be feeling lonely.  Make sure you keep everything in perspective or you might be setting yourself up for disappointment or even heartache. 

My advice is to make your personal life so rewarding that your encounters with ladies here are an added bonus.  Don’t try to make this your most rewarding part of your life, it will not be a solid foundation.

 

[Sundance]

1 hour ago, Laci French said:

You don’t find that connection by looking, it happens naturally and those times it does are so very special.  

No offense but it seems to me you might be feeling lonely.  Make sure you keep everything in perspective or you might be setting yourself up for disappointment or even heartache. 

My advice is to make your personal life so rewarding that your encounters with ladies here are an added bonus.  Don’t try to make this your most rewarding part of your life, it will not be a solid foundation.

 

I totally agree with Laci French....Just let it happen...if it's meant to be, it will be!

[hornyoldtoad]

LOTS of posts have been written about this.  Lacey nailed it though, it all depends on the root cause and each party's intent.  Most 'lonely' types will butcher this.  Generally speaking, mixing RW life and HW life is often a recipe for disaster.  But I must admit along the way, some of my connections have been cultivated to healthy HW friendships, which makes each time we can connect even better - but, by choice, none of which to date have translated to anything in RW life.

But OP: To each their own, we all roll the dice daily hopefully - may what you seek be before you the instant you are ready for it.

 

[pfunk]

8 hours ago, Laci French said:

You don’t find that connection by looking, it happens naturally and those times it does are so very special.  

No offense but it seems to me you might be feeling lonely.  Make sure you keep everything in perspective or you might be setting yourself up for disappointment or even heartache. 

My advice is to make your personal life so rewarding that your encounters with ladies here are an added bonus.  Don’t try to make this your most rewarding part of your life, it will not be a solid foundation.

This should be a front page notice, highlighted with ribbons and stars!!!!!!

Edited September 11, 2018 by pfunk
removed redundant word

[fishndude57]

[ilovewomen]

37 minutes ago, fishndude57 said:

Very well said Fish

[Turtle138]

Great advice.

So reading between the lines it's just like high school.

Practice  the 4 fs. Unless there is a real connection. 

Stay Calm And Hobby Along !

[Bit Banger]

Speaking of friendships w/in the hobby?

On my travels through MO I just spent a delightful social evening (dinner, catching up on mutual fiends, etc.) with Sunny Phillips, formerly of FtCollins. She is doing well, enjoying life.

Yes, you CAN have friendships w/in the hobby.

 

(This post is with her approval.)

[Ryann]

On 9/7/2018 at 6:58 PM, Jez UaBriain said:

Every friendship has boundaries. The friends we have outside this venue, the friends we meet inside it, and the future friends we have not met yet. As these friendships evolve boundaries will grow or lessen. Each one is different, but there will always be boundaries in each one. So yes to the op, it is possible.🍀

Agreed  hundo p

[Zelda Runner]

On 9/7/2018 at 8:42 AM, Turtle138 said:

Has a provider or hobbyist been able to make that work out?

Does life get in the way?

Ladies any hints on how to find that connection. 

Continued communication outside of being a client and no longer being a client can lead to friendships. 

[Bit Banger]

On 9/7/2018 at 9:42 AM, Turtle138 said:

... any  hints on how to find that connection. 

You don’t find friendships/relationships.  They find you.  Often when & where you least expect them.

In this hobby, actively looking form such often scares them away. They(relationships) are shy creatures