Hobby Hobbit -Banned

Constructive Criticism

33 posts in this topic

I know it was wrong and I feel bad about it, which is why I write. Now, in retrospect I should have made it one of my usual screening questions but, after driving 30+ minutes for a visit, I waited about 5 - 10 minutes for her to drive up, with a cigarette in her hand. This told me three things. First, if she smokes in her car with the windows rolled up, she smokes in her home. And two, pulling in late for our appointment, she hadn't taken the time to freshen up and will reek of it during our visit. All most definitely no bueno! So, I drove off and called her on the way to let her know the reason in the hopes she won't repeat. Call it constructive criticism?

Edited by Hobby Hobbit
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Was she one of the reputable ladies, with a good website and a decent ad and profile, and with good reviews? Because I've never heard anything like that. That's why my friends in the hobby are only ladies with very good reputation.

Edited by Bora Bora
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Do her reviews state if she smokes? Some providers and hobbyists smoke. I keep essentials in my incall for gentlemen to shower/clean up, rinse with mouthwash before a visit. If a client is 5 or 10 mins late, which can be common with life, I'm pretty flexible if my schedule will allow it. Life happens, and I tend to be forgiving, because it could be me on the other end sometimes. I try to make my appts work after we've both put in so much time and effort. I feel like you could have talked to her instead of driving away. You might have missed out on a good experience, but then again, maybe it was for the best for both parties.  Constructive criticism is a good thing if your intent is to truly be helpful. If you are a person who likes to give it, you also need to be a person who is appreciative when you're on receiving end.

Edited by Hunter VanDyke
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Ooops sorry I didn't read well. I read: "She" told me three things.... so disregard my comment.

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49 minutes ago, Hunter VanDyke said:

Do her reviews state if she smokes? Some providers and hobbyists smoke. I keep essentials in my incall for gentlemen to shower/clean up, rinse with mouthwash before a visit. If a client is 5 or 10 mins late, which can be common with life, I'm pretty flexible if my schedule will allow it. Life happens, and I tend to be forgiving, because it could be me on the other end sometimes. I try to make my appts work after we've both put in so much time and effort. I feel like you could have talked to her instead of driving away. You might have missed out on a good experience, but then again, maybe it was for the best for both parties.  Constructive criticism is a good thing if your intent is to truly be helpful. If you are a person who likes to give it, you also need to be a person who is appreciative when you're on receiving end.

Thanks, Hunter. No reviews.

Yes, an afterthought was that I should have talked to her about why I was bailing but, usually followed by how much their  time is worth, that hasn't always gone well.

I am honestly asking, do you feel she was a bit cavalier, coming into our meeting after running errands smoking a cigarette? It was the time I set but, shouldn't she have asked for a little time to wash up well before my arrival at her door? I washed up before heading out...

Edited by Hobby Hobbit
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I have to agree that she should’ve already been cleaned up (which definitely means not smelling like smoke) and honestly hopefully in her InCall waiting for you to come to the door, if you value discretion. Although the already being inside wouldn’t be a big issue. I can imagine myself on the other side of fence and a gentleman showing up after just finishing a cigarette. To each their own, but I just highly highly dislike the smell. It lingers not just on your teeth but clothing too. It doesn’t bother me if someone smokes in general I ust not directly right before the appointment. In retrospect I love my coffee but don’t drink it right as a gentlemen comes to the door. Who wants to kiss coffee or cig breath? It’s just decency. 

He probably just left because it was uncomfortable at that point to ask her (while she’s smoking) if her place would smell like it too. Just awkward. Happy you explained yourself instead of just ditching without explanation. Always good to ask before scheduling too-I actually get the “are you a smoker” question a lot. 

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13 minutes ago, Leena_rose said:

I have to agree that she should’ve already been cleaned up (which definitely means not smelling like smoke) and honestly hopefully in her InCall waiting for you to come to the door, if you value discretion. Although the already being inside wouldn’t be a big issue. I can imagine myself on the other side of fence and a gentleman showing up after just finishing a cigarette. To each their own, but I just highly highly dislike the smell. It lingers not just on your teeth but clothing too. It doesn’t bother me if someone smokes in general I ust not directly right before the appointment. In retrospect I love my coffee but don’t drink it right as a gentlemen comes to the door. Who wants to kiss coffee or cig breath? It’s just decency. 

He probably just left because it was uncomfortable at that point to ask her (while she’s smoking) if her place would smell like it too. Just awkward. Happy you explained yourself instead of just ditching without explanation. Always good to ask before scheduling too-I actually get the “are you a smoker” question a lot. 

I absolutely value discretion.

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I can't stand cigarette smoke, so when I'm looking for a provider, I always check to see if they smoke, and pass on the ones that do (I know I may be missing good experiences, but I do have standards... :)). BUT, some ladies are not completely honest about it... I've seen a few listings where the ladies say they don't smoke, but they'll have photos of them smoking.  

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Guys, Really. Just check her reviews.

If there are none then take one for the team but only if your willing to bail.

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1 hour ago, Hobby Hobbit said:

Thanks, Hunter. No reviews.

Yes, an afterthought was that I should have talked to her about why I was bailing but, usually followed by how much their  time is worth, that hasn't always gone well.

I am honestly asking, do you feel she was a bit cavalier, coming into our meeting after running errands smoking a cigarette? It was the time I set but, shouldn't she have asked for a little time to wash up well before my arrival at her door? I washed up before heading out...

She could have before then, but if she was driving and late to get to you, it was safer for her to not be on the phone. She might have been rushed to see you, and planned to apologizie and ask you if she could wash up real quick and make it up to you. If you come from a place of being irritated right away, and not giving the benefit of the doubt, your experience will always end the same. If you change your mindset and try to be more understanding with your providers, you have an opportunity to have a really amazing session. I mean there are a lot of hypotheticals here. It could actually have ended up being a horrible session, but you would never know one way or the other the way you handled it. This goes both ways for providers and hobbyists. I just know what has worked for me, and that's why research and screening is so important. I have an really good success rate during my visits because of screening, trying to stay open minded and as flexible as I possibly can be, and doing my part to make our sessions as great as they possibly can be. As far as her being cavalier, I dont know. She could have been, she could have just been stressed from running late and needed a cig to calm down. Who knows. We all look at things differently. I try my best to screen out that kind of attitude of indifference.

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2 minutes ago, Turtle138 said:

Guys, Really. Just check her reviews.

If there are none then take one for the team but only if your willing to bail.

Definitely but, with no ability to leave reviews without a reference, TOFTT is a thing of the past.

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26 minutes ago, Just Another Guy said:

I can't stand cigarette smoke, so when I'm looking for a provider, I always check to see if they smoke, and pass on the ones that do (I know I may be missing good experiences, but I do have standards... :)). BUT, some ladies are not completely honest about it... I've seen a few listings where the ladies say they don't smoke, but they'll have photos of them smoking.  

I smoked for 30 years, and quit smoking a couple years ago, so I can relate. I really dislike the smell of smoke as well, and definitely prefer to not smell/taste it in my session. That's why I keep a place for them to shower with everything they need. But, I get it. I really do. 

 

Edited by Hunter VanDyke
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Smoking can be a bummer. 

But l have an ATF that smokes and l didn't know about it until after one of our rabid visits when she said she needed a cigarette. 

Went out side came back and l couldn't tell.

Umm wonder why?

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Smoking is a total deal breaker for me. And I can always tell... No amount of mouthwash will make a difference. I'm not sure I could have been as polite as HH was, given the circumstances. But it's also the first screening question I ask.

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10 hours ago, Hunter VanDyke said:

She could have before then, but if she was driving and late to get to you, it was safer for her to not be on the phone. She might have been rushed to see you, and planned to apologizie and ask you if she could wash up real quick and make it up to you. If you come from a place of being irritated right away, and not giving the benefit of the doubt, your experience will always end the same. If you change your mindset and try to be more understanding with your providers, you have an opportunity to have a really amazing session. I mean there are a lot of hypotheticals here. It could actually have ended up being a horrible session, but you would never know one way or the other the way you handled it. This goes both ways for providers and hobbyists. I just know what has worked for me, and that's why research and screening is so important. I have an really good success rate during my visits because of screening, trying to stay open minded and as flexible as I possibly can be, and doing my part to make our sessions as great as they possibly can be. As far as her being cavalier, I dont know. She could have been, she could have just been stressed from running late and needed a cig to calm down. Who knows. We all look at things differently. I try my best to screen out that kind of attitude of indifference.

I asked for your opinion and got it so, thanks for your time. I suspect but really don't know where this place of irritation and poor perspective is coming from as, not only have I shown neither but the general consensus thus far is that she showed poor form. Both lost forever, I for one make few concessions with my time and money and am not inclined to make exceptions for providers, especially not those I've engaged to indulge my whims.

Congratulations on quitting smoking. It's a nasty, nasty habit.

Edited by Hobby Hobbit
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Sorry this happened to you! Most sites ask if the ladies smoke so this is rude on her part. Nothing against smokers but honesty is crucial in this hobby. 

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14 hours ago, Hobby Hobbit said:

I know it was wrong and I feel bad about it, which is why I write. Now, in retrospect I should have made it one of my usual screening questions but, 

I have a bit different perspective.  There's really no "but" here.  You feel that strongly about it, it needs to be one of your screening questions.  

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 I too can not stand the smell of smoke. Ladies that come over and light up a cigarette without asking ,are told to leave . Doesn't matter if its at home or the studio. If they do ask, I show them where outside that they can indulge.

Kissing a girl with cigarette breath is like  licking ashtrays.

Edited by JRWolfe
correct mispelling
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I don’t mean to jump on your throat but I think it’s extremely immature to just run away. There’s a million things she could have been doing when you agreed to meet at that certain time. The least you could have done was give her some money for wasting her time like that. 🙁

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He didn’t just run away. He left, which he’s entitled to. And then he gave her an explanation-Something that’s very uncommon. Clear communication is rare these days and no one is obligated to stay in person. I’d probably feel violated to have to give any money if I was a guy when it wasn’t based on my plans changing or just change of heart for no reason, but based on the fact she was smoking cigarettes with windows rolled up. Which is worse than smoking that’s a whole different kind of person. Not coming from a bias place, just a place from someone who hates smoke. And even I would like to think I’m very mindful/kind. 

Edited by Leena_rose
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10 hours ago, Happymon said:

I have a bit different perspective.  There's really no "but" here.  You feel that strongly about it, it needs to be one of your screening questions.  

Done. It was an afterthought today but cancelled while on my way as soon I found it.What can I say other than, I'm a work in progress.

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20 hours ago, jasminewaterss7 said:

I don’t mean to jump on your throat but I think it’s extremely immature to just run away. There’s a million things she could have been doing when you agreed to meet at that certain time. The least you could have done was give her some money for wasting her time like that. 🙁

Thanks, Jasmine. I'm sure to like you jumping on my throat. 

Let me make sure I understand this. In her worst moment, a provider is entitled to my loot for her time. OK. Think of an unspoken deal breaker in your business, maybe ash/ass breath or just, ass (none of which are listed as an expectation on your site or TOB ad) and there I am :confused:, wanting my money back. Am I entitled to it?

WHAT! Not even for my time?

I had once "been there, done that". You see, what had happened was...I responded to a (yes, TOB) ad of a good looking girl to find the same one missing teeth, no longer "thick", scratching a rash and more. Having enough, I paid something for her time just before bailing but, why?, We both lost time! Because I felt bad for hers but, never again.

It's been said we all have standards, one of mine is the provider is ready for prime time, not just on time.

Edited by Hobby Hobbit
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Damn shit has changed if guys are avoiding providers who don't smoke. It used to be almost every provider worth her salt was a smoker. Fucking millenials and your insistence on healthy habits. I personally like my booze cheap, my whore's hair to smell of Marlboros, and my sex to be sleazy. Incels are constantly disappointed by their own high expectations.

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2 hours ago, seneca12 said:

Damn shit has changed if guys are avoiding providers who don't smoke. It used to be almost every provider worth her salt was a smoker. Fucking millenials and your insistence on healthy habits. I personally like my booze cheap, my whore's hair to smell of Marlboros, and my sex to be sleazy. Incels are constantly disappointed by their own high expectations.

What is an Incel?

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4 hours ago, BadBoy said:

What is an Incel?

From Wiki

Incels are members of an online subculture who define themselves as unable to find a romantic or sexual partner despite desiring one, a state they describe as inceldom.

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8 hours ago, seneca12 said:

Damn shit has changed if guys are avoiding providers who don't smoke. It used to be almost every provider worth her salt was a smoker. Fucking millenials and your insistence on healthy habits. I personally like my booze cheap, my whore's hair to smell of Marlboros, and my sex to be sleazy. Incels are constantly disappointed by their own high expectations.

Incels....  Man, how long have you been waiting to try to find a way to slide that word into a post?

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I remember trying to smoke in JR High but I choked forever coughing like crazy so no. I never could look “cool” or become one of those bad ass kids who smoked! I also was involved with athletics and feared my dad! 

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15 hours ago, Admiral C said:

Incels....  Man, how long have you been waiting to try to find a way to slide that word into a post?

The term "incel" is nearly a part of modern parlance now, typically describing members of an incredibly misogynistic online culture of men who can't get laid (spend a moment of two down their rabbit hole and you will quickly see why). They have found their way into mainstream discourse because of several high profile murders they have committed.

Likely, there are few incels posting on our forums, but probably many lurking around, looking to harass providers to get some small bit of gratification. They poison the well for the rest of us and should be considered our enemy.

That said, it was likely unfair to compare OP to an incel, but it all does exist on a spectrum. Incels are typically anti-provider and cast them as diseased, when this is completely not the way they should think of them. If one feels they are too ugly or shy to get sex, then a provider is probably the next best option. However, incels have an obsession with the notion of purity, and are against the idea of seeing a provider, possibly thinking that their dick will rot off if they do, but it is more a function of their misguided egos.

Again, it's completely unfair to OP to compare him to an incel, but I come from a place where just regular girls I hooked up with once were all chain-smokers and the rule was always "if she smokes, she pokes". Providers (and clients) are always thrust into inherently tense situations and I wouldn't begrudge one a cigarette beforehand to help deal with the stress. Hopefully afterwards she will want to a cigarette to just relax.

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