Strange_Ice

Cheating

72 posts in this topic

I know it might be an unpopular opinion... And I might be more old fashioned but I think cheating is cheating and if you have someone you call your SO, be it wife or girlfriend, you should never be unfaithful with them (it also goes for women and their SO too). Personally I don't care what the reason may be. I would say that if there is a mutual agreement and you both are fine with an open relationship then that's something different. And if one is not getting what they want/need from their SO they need to figure out how to make things work by either staring or at least try to have more intament (spelled wrong I know but can't figure it out lol) time together, or creating that open relationship where the one who is not getting what they need can get it someway, or realizing its not working and end things. But that is just my few and I think I look at it in more of an old fashioned and maybe callus way....... 

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Sorry didn't mean for it to come off as more of a shame.... Just thought I would point out an opinion (even if unpopular) about how this hobby should be more for the type that an actual relationship isn't for them or where if your not getting any at home you should be able to be open with each other and use this as an outlet to get your physical needs meet without any emotional feelings taking getting in any way with your partner as a couple of guys have mentioned with the don't ask don't tell kind of thing but she still knows about it in a sense.... Again srry if it came off as shaming I don't mean it to come off that way, and I am more of a type that tends to not look at others feeling and might say the wrong thing sometimes (or the right thing but in the wrong way/mannor)

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But I do agree if your going to do it please at least be smart about it and keep the lovely ladies as far away from the crossfire as possible. It's not their fault you go see them so they shouldn't have to deal with the extra drama

 

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On 7/21/2018 at 8:19 AM, Strange_Ice said:

Sorry didn't mean for it to come off as more of a shame.... Just thought I would point out an opinion (even if unpopular) about how this hobby should be more for the type that an actual relationship isn't for them or where if your not getting any at home you should be able to be open with each other and use this as an outlet to get your physical needs meet without any emotional feelings taking getting in any way with your partner as a couple of guys have mentioned with the don't ask don't tell kind of thing but she still knows about it in a sense.... Again srry if it came off as shaming I don't mean it to come off that way, and I am more of a type that tends to not look at others feeling and might say the wrong thing sometimes (or the right thing but in the wrong way/mannor)

I may be in the minority here, but your apology didn’t help you any.  You apology still sounds judgemental to me.

You say a husband and wife should have an open agreement that allows the husband to participate.  How many women do you or think would agree to such a thing.  I bet it’s less than 10%.

 

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I actually think you may be in the majority, and are probably correct, which is why I don't understand the whole concept. In my opinion if it's not working why still stay and not just go your separate ways and find someone that does meet your needs instead of sneaking around and hiding things where there is the potential of getting caught and causing more drama for all parties that could be avoided to begin with

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7 minutes ago, Strange_Ice said:

I actually think you may be in the majority, and are probably correct, which is why I don't understand the whole concept. In my opinion if it's not working why still stay and not just go your separate ways and find someone that does meet your needs instead of sneaking around and hiding things where there is the potential of getting caught and causing more drama for all parties that could be avoided to begin with

Why don’t you start your own thread about how life should be lived?  

 

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41 minutes ago, Strange_Ice said:

... In my opinion if it's not working why still stay and not just go your separate ways and find someone that does meet your needs ...

Because in so many other ways (financial, emotional support, Family, etc.) the relationship at home does work.  When I was married most of my needs were met, just not the sexual.  So I was looking for that sexual release w/o all the commitments our Puritan society expects.

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7 hours ago, ilovewomen said:

I may be in the minority here, but your apology didn’t help you any.  You apology to Laci still sounds judgemental to me.

You say a husband and wife should have an open agreement that allows the husband to participate.  How many women do you or think would agree to such a thing.  I bet it’s less than 10%.

 

I didn't find his comment to be judgmental.  I also didn't find it to be demeaning or deserving of the nasty responses.  It's his opinion and frankly, as ironic/hipocritical as it may sound - I actually agree with him.  When I first started in this business, I was deeply disturbed when I realized the lengths so many married men go to deceive their SOs.  It made me question "love" and relationships as a whole.  Trust is a huge element of a marriage/relationship.   Over the years, I have somewhat began to understand it a little better but still think it sucks.  I have experienced first hand the absolute heartache of realizing the person you trusted the most, the person who is supposed to love you, respect you and share your life with has been lying, cheating, deceiving you and going to great lengths to cover his tracks.  It is devastating.  

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6 hours ago, Danielle Rae said:

I didn't find his comment to be judgmental.  I also didn't find it to be demeaning or deserving of the nasty responses.  It's his opinion and frankly, as ironic/hipocritical as it may sound - I actually agree with him.  When I first started in this business, I was deeply disturbed when I realized the lengths so many married men go to deceive their SOs.  It made me question "love" and relationships as a whole.  Trust is a huge element of a marriage/relationship.   Over the years, I have somewhat began to understand it a little better but still think it sucks.  I have experienced first hand the absolute heartache of realizing the person you trusted the most, the person who is supposed to love you, respect you and share your life with has been lying, cheating, deceiving you and going to great lengths to cover his tracks.  It is devastating.  

I don’t understand this... I’m sure that asking if someone is married or in a serious relationship is not part of your screening process.... 😉

 

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My $.02...

Leave your judging of other people to your damn self!

You do what you do, I'll do my own thing, but for fuck sake be smart about it and don't put these beautiful ladies in an uncomfortable situation for stupid shit.

Play Safe. Play Smart. 

 

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7 hours ago, Danielle Rae said:

I didn't find his comment to be judgmental.  I also didn't find it to be demeaning or deserving of the nasty responses.  It's his opinion and frankly, as ironic/hipocritical as it may sound - I actually agree with him.  When I first started in this business, I was deeply disturbed when I realized the lengths so many married men go to deceive their SOs.  It made me question "love" and relationships as a whole.  Trust is a huge element of a marriage/relationship.   Over the years, I have somewhat began to understand it a little better but still think it sucks.  I have experienced first hand the absolute heartache of realizing the person you trusted the most, the person who is supposed to love you, respect you and share your life with has been lying, cheating, deceiving you and going to great lengths to cover his tracks.  It is devastating.  

God bless wives that love women as well! A few of us are truly blessed.

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For those that judge my comment as judgemental, I would defend it a bit by throwing out there that I do come from a broken home as a kid where my dad got caught cheating on my mom (more then once) and I know from the kids point of view how it affects things. And the thing that hurt everyone involved (because it there IS more involved then just the 2 people) was more of the fact that he tried hiding and covering things up even when he was called out on it instead of being honest about how his needs in one area or another was not being met the way he wanted. And coming from yet another angle, I have a coworker dating my sister where I SEE how he flirts with everyone that has a hole between their legs and sometimes even goes out of his way to do so, but then when my sister takes a picture with an old friend (a guy) or has any kind of actual conversation with a guy friend she has known for years he gets supper pissed off and it's she is in the wrong.... So sorry if the topic in any way shape or form might hit a nerve for some of us in a way that just seems as being judgmental in other eyes

rant over with thank you

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On 7/21/2018 at 11:17 PM, Todoesprivado said:

I don’t understand this... I’m sure that asking if someone is married or in a serious relationship is not part of your screening process.... 😉

 

Ha ha funny!  No, of course, it isn't.  The less I know, the better - I'm jaded enough as it is.

On 7/21/2018 at 9:02 PM, Cecilia said:

Some men love their wives so much that they can't imagine life without them. And even though their wives are not making an effort to meet their primal needs, they still love them too much to leave them.

I have been told too many times to count, that we providers save more marriages than one might imagine. We satisfy a primal need without any emotional attachment or expectations outside of the transaction.

Having an affair is way more likely to end a life long commitment than an emotionless roll in the hay with a hooker.

But ultimately it's to each his own. Some gentlemen only hobby when they are in between relationships, and that is perfectly ok too.

When you post an opinion about how things should or shouldn't be, you may want to word things differently. Try saying, "I'm not comfortable with this behaviour", instead of telling others that what they are doing is wrong. :)

I probably should have clarified myself a bit.  I have empathy and can understand when  the situation is that he isn't getting any from his wife due to her health or her disinterest or her flat out cruel refusal. I get it.  Unfortunately, however, there are a significant number of men who are newly engaged; men who admit to having an attractive and participating SO but simply desire 'variety'; men who have a healthy sex life with their wives but hire escorts on their business trips away from home; men whose wive's just gave birth, etc etc.    In those situations, the deception is not something I can say I understand.  Sorry.

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And it's not so much the "emotionless roll in the hay with a hooker" that I find offensive but rather the blatant deception, dishonesty, sneaky games a..d all the other fuckery that it entails.   Speaking for myself, if I were in a relationship and my SO was hiring hookers simply because he  "wanted variety,"  he should be man enough to say so and give me the choice that I am entitled to make as to whether or not I want to be in a relationship with him.  That's all.  xoxo

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So helpful for the single people to give advice as to how the married people should feel.  Interesting that they are here in the first place.

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1 hour ago, BadBoy said:

So helpful for the single people to give advice as to how the married people should feel.  Interesting that they are here in the first place.

The red - And why is that exactly? 

Only married people can give advice to married people?  How about been married before for a very long time but now single?

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On 7/21/2018 at 11:17 PM, Todoesprivado said:

I don’t understand this... I’m sure that asking if someone is married or in a serious relationship is not part of your screening process.... 😉

 

Why?  Is she responsible for the choices of her clients?  Is her not seeing one going to change his choices or simply where he spends his money?

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2 hours ago, BadBoy said:

 Interesting that they are here in the first place.

Life is just chock full of impenetrable mysteries. 

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I really don't see where all the anger and nastiness is coming from?  People have opinions.  So what?  Lighten up folks.  

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9 hours ago, Danielle Rae said:

I really don't see where all the anger and nastiness is coming from?  People have opinions.  So what?  Lighten up folks.  

Yep opinions are like assholes! Everyone has one😂

 

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We are being told by a couple of people in this thread that if we have an SO, we are cheating on our SO and we should never cheat. This from a male hobbyist and from a provider.

Their morality statements have thrown this thread off track.  If what we all are doing is morally corrupt, they are doing it to.  Maybe the gentleman should find a new hobby where there are no moral gray areas. And the provider who is passing judgement and agreeing with the gentleman in question, if she feels we are morally bankrupt, I suggest she look for a different line of work so that the people she meets don’t insult her moral beliefs about all the married men here.

If they choose to stay, they should let their emotional baggage guide them.

Hell, I’m from a broken marriage where my birth father cheated on my mother, beat my mother and me and my brothers. The gentleman in question uses his experiences as a child as an excuse for his beliefs. His experiences are no worse than anybody else here and I bet there are people who can tell worse stories than he has ever hear or thought of.

We all have emotional scarring that we live with. But we don’t let it direct our lives.

 

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6 hours ago, ilovewomen said:

 

We are being told by a couple of people in this thread that if we have an SO, we are cheating on our SO and we should never cheat. This from a male hobbyist and from a provider.

Their morality statements have thrown this thread off track.  If what we all are doing is morally corrupt, they are doing it to.  Maybe the gentleman should find a new hobby where there are no moral gray areas. And the provider who is passing judgement and agreeing with the gentleman in question, if she feels we are morally bankrupt, I suggest she look for a different line of work so that the people she meets don’t insult her moral beliefs about all the married men here.

If they choose to stay they should let their emotional baggage guide them.

Hell, I’m from a broken marriage where my birth father cheated on my mother, beat my mother and me and my brothers. The gentleman in question uses his experiences as a child as an excuse for his beliefs. His experiences are no worse than anybody else here and I bet there are people who can tell worse stories than he has ever hear or thought of.

We all have emotional scarring that we live with. But we don’t let it direct our lives.

 

I don't recall ever passing judgment - perhaps you should read my comments again.  I merely stated that I personally have a hard time understanding the level of deception in situations involving an otherwise "healthy" relationship; wherein the man (or woman if tables were turned) is making the choice to repeatedly lie, deceive, sneak around and betray his SO simply to satisfy his desire for "variety;" or his unwillingness to wait for her body to heal after giving birth to his child; or his inability to resist while out of town on business.  Ask any of these men to put themselves in their wive's shoes - would they be okay with her keeping a hidden burner phone, a secret credit card or bank account, various email addresses and forum handles to hide her secret sexual relations with numerous male prostitutes?  Ironically, 95% will answer "HELL NO!"    I'm sorry if that strikes a cord with you.  Contrary to your abrasive assumption, my opinion is not "guided by emotional baggage."  Rather, it stems from my understanding of what honesty, promise, trust and commitment mean. A lie doesn't become truth, wrong doesn't become right, and bad doesn't become good just because it's accepted by the majority.   Again, that is not said in judgment.  It is my opinion.  My life is not directed by "emotional scarring."   Is yours?  

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Furthermore, my personal opinion is just that - my personal opinion. It doesn't affect my role as a provider.   I provide a service and that service is not influenced by my personal opinion.   The personal lives of my clientelle are none of my business.  Rather, my personal opinions have influenced my personal choice to not be in a relationship.  Think about it - if providers' personal opinions influenced their work - they wouldn't be intimate with a great percentage of their clients.   And that is not said to be nasty or cruel - I am simply being real.  

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I don't judge a guy for hiring a provider any more than I judge a provider for providing. Single guys who hire providers have their reasons. Married guys who hire providers have their reasons. Providers have their reasons for providing. As long as everything is consensual and a guy is not spending so much on providers that they are compromising their family or their own financial security, it is all something way short of evil.

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On 7/21/2018 at 8:48 AM, Laci French said:

Why don’t you start your own thread about how life should be lived?  

 

Oh the Political Hot potato I could start with THAT subject..lol

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I did NOT comment out of judgment and if it came off as such it was not meant to, as I said I have a tendency to not know how to put things in the right manor at times.... My personal opinion is just that and from what I see in today's society is that things that would have never been accepted in the past where people had true values such as honor, commitment and integrity and actually acted as though pride in one's name and family actually ment something are slowly starting to become very rare. Maraige USED to actually mean something and was was actually seen as something sacred. Now it's just like getting a car.... Get one now and replace it with another one that drives better after so many years. But do not take me as being judgmental cause it really does not matter for the fact that it doesn't actually affect me. Do I think it's wrong? Of course I do, but I can't actually judge someone else I don't even know for doing something I see as wrong. If that was the case I'm sure there are many things I do that could be "judged" by someone else. And when there is full on retaliation and defensive behavior for what I said that is probably because the person that gets overly mad about it is probably one of the 90-99% of people that would cheat and say mind your own business what I do is mine alone and blah blah blah, but then if they found out tomorrow that THEIR SO was doing the exact same thing to THEM, it would be a complete different story and would be pissed off about it.... But how could they when that is what THEY are doing? All I was trying to point out originally is that I honestly don't get the whole thing in general

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Be careful, your morality is showing

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