Vassago

That trash can got what was coming one winter

5 posts in this topic

Walking around the corner passing the dumpster corral. I swear that fucking thing moved out on its own. My toe caught it. The ice caused me to pirouette. I wound up on the ground, legs akimbo and a fucking aluminum trash can rolling around over me. The combination of the loud noise, the sudden fall, and the flash of the sun against the metal put me in a state of panic. I thought I was getting mugged. I flopped around with this can like a bird caught in an old fishing net. Potato skins were hanging off my coat and in my hair. I stood up and realized what it was I was fighting with for dear life.

Who the fuck sticks an aluminum trash can with the dumpsters?!

I just got more infuriated. Kicked the can and was put into another state of panic as the sides caved in and locked my foot in. The cacophony of me trying to stomp this diabolical thing loose caused someone to slam their window shut two floors above me. 

Broke free, wiped the skins off and acted like nothing happened. A building away and catty corner to me, I started up the stairs.

“What the fuck was that noise out there?”

What noise? 

“You didn’t hear that? That crashing sound?”

.... No.

She eyeballed me with a look of either curiosity or suspicion on her face. Probably both.

“Right.” 

She walked over to the window to look out.

“Anyways do you want to shower?”

Yeah that’d be great. I smell like potatoes for some reason. Um, on the rack?

Long pause. 

“Yeah babe.”

 

Edited by Vassago
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This was exactly what I was looking for on the board tonight!  Thanks for the laugh and be glad there weren’t a pack raccoons nearby 😳

 

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those sneaky ass raping raccoons are everywhere 

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