Audrey Astor

Not so funny at the time...

25 posts in this topic

We’ve talked about this, but have a lot more participants now, so let’s have some more laughs. What’s the funniest thing that ever happened to you during a meeting or en route to a meeting?

One time I was running a little behind, had just gotten out of the shower and ran around the corner in my bathroom, and slipped and fell on my behind. Ouch!

Another time I got up on my knees to change spots on the bed, and rolled right off the bed somersault style.:eek:

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Missed shooting my eye out by inches once. All I could do was apologize for her pillowcase to which she couldn't stop laughing and said nice distance. Massages can be entertaining too.

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The funniest thing that has happened often for me involves my best friend and fellow provider who I often see people with. We've been close friends for about 6 years now and have a pretty similar inflection and tone of voice. When a gentleman comes to see us he usually asks us how we are and without fail we respond in duo with "I'm fine, how are you?" Or something along those lines. We never plan it but it happens almost every time and it cracks us up to tears almost every time. It also happens a lot when we go out to eat together and speak to the waiter or waitress. 

Audrey, I've also done the tumble off the bed. I was trying to be seductive but instead managed a pretty non-elegant somersault. 

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Callie, your friendship is endearing 😊

Callie & Audrey, I fortunately have not tumbled off the bed yet but you two are ladies I look up to so maybe when I do, I'll see it as a rite of passage! 😂

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14 minutes ago, Violet Lovely said:

Callie, your friendship is endearing 😊

Callie & Audrey, I fortunately have not tumbled off the bed yet but you two are ladies I look up to so maybe when I do, I'll see it as a rite of passage! 😂

Violet! Thank you so much! You're just as lovely as your name! 

As for the tumbling, I find that if you just do a hair flip and a wink most people just chuckle! I know I always crack up when I've done that. 

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51 minutes ago, seeker 5280 said:

I had left the gate open and my two dogs got out. I found out about this two hours before my 10am appointment. I looked for one and a half hours before canceling. Complete understanding on her part. I scheduled same time next day. No problem as I had visited with her a couple of times. I spent the next hour and a half looking for my pets. Found them in the neighbors back yard. Three hours looking sure was a bitch. All’s well that ends well. Next day at 10am was a blast!

Was there a girl dog/boy dog at the neighbors? Maybe they needed some loving too.🤣

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5 hours ago, Audrey Astor said:

One time I was running a little behind, had just gotten out of the shower and ran around the corner in my bathroom, and slipped and fell on my behind. Ouch!

Another time I got up on my knees to change spots on the bed, and rolled right off the bed somersault style.:eek:

Some years ago before I wised up, I had satin sheets since they sounded like fun. When things got *active*, I managed to fall off onto my ass too, and amen(!) on the ouch.

I also have a parakeet that actually likes doing somersaults, and she amuses ladies in the morning after they've spent the night. :)

 

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Early in the game, 13 years ago  I did the flip also, like WTF, but it became a fun part of the session.  Thx 

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On 4/30/2018 at 10:33 AM, Audrey Astor said:

We’ve talked about this, but have a lot more participants now, so let’s have some more laughs. What’s the funniest thing that ever happened to you during a meeting or en route to a meeting?

One time I was running a little behind, had just gotten out of the shower and ran around the corner in my bathroom, and slipped and fell on my behind. Ouch!

Another time I got up on my knees to change spots on the bed, and rolled right off the bed somersault style.:eek:

First first OC (to now long time friend) after the fun i used restroom asked for some soap...being ultimate bachelor he walks in with pump hand sanitizer (in a porcelain fancy soap pump), well it’s clogged as he pushing relentlessly onto pump (trying to be a gentleman) I get a blast of hand sanitizer strategically sprayed into both eyes! Hahaha it felt like mase I’m yelling oh my god eye wash, visine as I’m sliding down the bathroom wall naked/blind! I could here him frantically running through his loft opening what sounded like every junk drawer in his place! Eventually I took handfuls of water rinsed my eyes. Left looking like Courtney love with mascara running down my face!

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I told a gentleman that I was at abc-house when I was at abc-place, and the poor man went to the wrong room.  The week before I was at house, and just was in auto mode.  

I can almost join the flipping off the bed.  I went to sit on the bed, and missed and fell on the floor.

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I have done the flip too. Threw a pillow, and it caught on fire. Haven't used candles since. Had two dudes with the same name and the exact same phone number with just one number different call and see me on the same day...got confused why he was coming back, and then realized the blunder. They also sounded about the same. Had housekeepers walk in, knock, or the front desk call while in session. Had to evacuate a hotel in mid session when fire alarm went off. Went to dinner with a client, and got food poisoning which ended the fun activities we were going to have as I was in the bathroom for the remainder of the night.  Had a client get his car towed and found out when he was leaving so helped him get a ride to get his car.

xoxo,

Samantha Sheppard

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I once went to an appointment, and like a good John went to Room 502 and knocked on the door (as instructed) quietly, since I hate to make noise in a hotel hallway.  No response, knock somewhat louder, no response, even louder, no response.  I've been standing there 3-4 minutes, looking so much like a John that I got nervous and went down to the stairway where I could be out of sight, and texted that I was knocking at the door.  Got a reply, "oops, it's Room 520, sorry, door is open."  I walked down, walked in and we had a nice time.

What makes me wake up at night, sweating, is thinking about what would have happened if a young lady had responded to my knock on Door 502, since I usually walk in and give a smooch.  Jeeze, I could have had a lot of explaining to do down at the Station House, "....  Really, I thought she was a working girl, honest..."

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I just recently had a room and got a call from a new guy and as I was checking in I told him to park in the back and I would come through the back door and let him in. So as I drive around back I see this guy sitting in his car and staring me right in the eyes. I smile and drive past. Run in to my room and text him that I'll be right back to let him in and asked if that was him parked. He said ya and ok. I go to the door and see he is still in his car so l wave him in and he gets out of his car with a backpack and I think wow he must come prepared and he was really young looking. Anyways I let him in and as we were walking to my room there was this older gentleman standing kinda by my door and it looked like he was waiting for house keeping to finish in the room across the hall. But my client saw him and paused looking a little spooked like I was setting him up. So I open my door and wave him again wispering "come on hurry up its ok" so he picks up his step and follows me into the room and sits in the chair next to the bed. He says "I think that guy was here waiting for you" I'm like "no crazy I wouldn't do that to you. I have no clue who that guy was and I think he's waiting for house keeping to finish with that room." He proceeds to be like "no he looked like he was waiting for you" so I was like "no" again. I then asked him what he enjoys the most also confirming his 2 hr meeting and waited for him to agree to the time, which ment we had a donation set in place. Well he tells me " no. I wish I could spend two hours with you and I think the gentleman in the hall was the one that actually could afford two hours with you." I then asked him " wait you didnt call me to set up a 2 hr meeting?" And it all hit me like a brick. "Oh no I'm so sorry I am going to have to ask you to leave"  I pick up my phone and since I always put my phone on slilence I didnt hear the 5 missed calls and the text message asking me who the guy was that entered my room with me. I called him back and told him what had happened and we spent the first 30 mins in shock and laughing about what had happened. Needless to say I finished my time with him and decided it was not a very good idea to stay in that particular room for the remainder of the night. I'll never do that again. 

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4 hours ago, BadBoy said:

I once went to an appointment, and like a good John went to Room 502 and knocked on the door (as instructed) quietly, since I hate to make noise in a hotel hallway.  No response, knock somewhat louder, no response, even louder, no response.  I've been standing there 3-4 minutes, looking so much like a John that I got nervous and went down to the stairway where I could be out of sight, and texted that I was knocking at the door.  Got a reply, "oops, it's Room 520, sorry, door is open."  I walked down, walked in and we had a nice time.

What makes me wake up at night, sweating, is thinking about what would have happened if a young lady had responded to my knock on Door 502, since I usually walk in and give a smooch.  Jeeze, I could have had a lot of explaining to do down at the Station House, "....  Really, I thought she was a working girl, honest..."

Not just me, thank gawd.

yep - did the same thing when I started dating.  Literally my 2nd go at this.  Except she answered the door and there I was standing with a gift, and envelope and a hard on.  Not the gal in the pics, but that is often the case and many reviews back in a day would say 'she wasn't the gal in the pics for safety reasons but you will be pleasantly surprised.'  Again, very new and back in the older days when EB and TOB were separate websites, a way more relaxed scene than today.

 

Played out like this:

wrong room: may I help you? 

me: I'm here for our date?

wrong room:  excuse me?

me: I'm (insert horny handle) we PM'd earlier about meeting here, I'm looking for (insert my dates handle here)

wrong room:  With a very puzzled look, asked who I was looking for again staring at the wine and an envelope and my noticeable 'eagerness'

me: insert visual of me figuring it out and scramming to the stairwell

Luckily the date was waiting for me on another floor. 

 

Same thoughts heading home, wow, how to explain that one to inquiring parties...

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Got two incidents and I don’t hobby all that much.  

 

I saw a young lady and had a great time.  Very next evening I’m out to dinner with a few business associates and a couple gets seated at a table right across from us.  An older gentleman and Oh, crap, it’s the provider from my encounter the previous day! I didn’t really react, or didn’t think I did, but she looked mortified. I did my best to not acknowledge anything else and we were wrapping up and left.  I got a PM from her a couple hours later confirming that it was me at the restaurant. And then another thanking me for my discretion because she was with her dad.   Not sure if that really was a big deal or if it was funny or weird or whatever. She was the second provider I ever saw and it almost made me hang it up right there.  Just something I guess I’ll always remember vividly.

 

The other one might have been a close call of sorts.  I had my eye on a provider and tried to schedule on two different occasions but it wasn’t working out.  Then she posted updated pictures showing a couple of her tattoos and then I’m 99% certain I saw her on occasion in the real world.  The ink was pretty unique so I don’t think I’m wrong.  It’s not like I know her, but I’d say that I crossed paths with her where she works once every 10 days, or did for a while.  ...had to move on.    

 

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On 4/30/2018 at 1:30 PM, CallieVane said:

The funniest thing that has happened often for me involves my best friend and fellow provider who I often see people with. We've been close friends for about 6 years now and have a pretty similar inflection and tone of voice. When a gentleman comes to see us he usually asks us how we are and without fail we respond in duo with "I'm fine, how are you?" Or something along those lines. We never plan it but it happens almost every time and it cracks us up to tears almost every time. It also happens a lot when we go out to eat together and speak to the waiter or waitress. 

Audrey, I've also done the tumble off the bed. I was trying to be seductive but instead managed a pretty non-elegant somersault. 

lol ... had to re-read the "inflection" statement ........ I thought it said infection at first.

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I set up a meeting with a provider.  She was taking a while to come to let me in a door and all of a sudden I just see her head pop out the door and run away.  She texts me a minute later stating she knew me from outside the hobby and would not see me.  All that did was make me curious as ever.  Still don't know who it is or if she just saw that I was not the handsome and did not want to see me.  She was very polite but darn I wish I new who it was.

Met a provider and had phenomenal time with her we had very good chemistry and after the fun activities we get to chatting a little more to find out she was my semi-regulars where I had worked.  I had wanted to ask her out many times and never did.  The worst part of It was she been hopping I would have asked her and damn I could have saved some scratch. Saw here several times before I am sure she found a sugar daddy.

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On 05/24/2018 at 0:47 PM, new2hobbying said:

I set up a meeting with a provider.  She was taking a while to come to let me in a door and all of a sudden I just see her head pop out the door and run away.  She texts me a minute later stating she knew me from outside the hobby and would not see me.  All that did was make me curious as ever.  Still don't know who it is or if she just saw that I was not the handsome and did not want to see me.  She was very polite but darn I wish I new who it was.

Met a provider and had phenomenal time with her we had very good chemistry and after the fun activities we get to chatting a little more to find out she was my semi-regulars where I had worked.  I had wanted to ask her out many times and never did.  The worst part of It was she been hopping I would have asked her and damn I could have saved some scratch. Saw here several times before I am sure she found a sugar daddy.

That's funny.  There was a provider had my eye on, but she never advertised when I was looking to make an appointment.  Well, one day (maybe a year after I first saw her ads), I was on Facebook, and the profile picture of somebody who commented on one of my friends posts caught my eye.  It looked somewhat familiar.  It was a girl I went to high school with, but I didn't remember her looking like her profile pic.  So I looked in her profile and at the pictures....sure enough it was the provider I was interested in, but hadn't booked with.  She even had photos from the same photo shoot she used in ads in her Facebook profile. 

Needless to say, I was glad I hadn't booked with her, especially since she was in contact with some people I was.  But it also kind of sucks because she has great reviews, and there aren't many providers in the area.

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A few years ago I had an apartment incall with an attached garage.  I would always open the garage as I gave the gate code. I would ask the client to park in the garage and walk up the stairs inside.  This was a new client for me and he requested I get all dolled up in lingerie and heels.  I was patiently waiting on the second floor for him and after 10 minuets (time from the front gate is just 90 seconds) he called me and asked me what’s going on?  Why is there a man standing at his window looking directly into my garage while talking on the phone?  I started to panic and wonder wtf is happening.  I was a bit shaky and started to walk down the stairs to check it out... I tripped and rolled all the way down the stairs... my finger was all twisted up and broken.  I ran back upstairs with out even looking outside and I snapped my finger back into place.. it hurt like hell.  Now he calls again and said he is going to take the chance and come in since I’m a well known provider.  I managed to proceed with our appointment.  It was pretty late at night and I decided to just sleep and have my friend pick me up in the am and take me to the hospital.  I’m the morning I go down to the garage and hop in my friedns car, as we were backing out of the garage I looked up and saw the guy still there and I said omg he’s still watching... 

then my friend said... do you mean that cardboard cutout of Ron Burgandy? 

Some asshole neighbor thought it was funny to put it in the window.  And I think that guy finally realized it was not a real person and just didn’t want to admit it.

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Once in middle of time and companionship a lady's mother used the key she had to let herself into my lady's incall.  Fortunately mom announced herself as she came through door and lady I was there to see moves very rapidly even while totally naked and cut mom off before she got to bedroom.  There I lay with major "excitement" wondering what the hell do I do ..... get dressed, hide under bed, ......  Finally decided nothing to do but nothing and wait lol.  After all even if i dressed in time how to explain naked daughter!?!  Fortunately she convinced mom to come back a bit later, mom never saw me and all ended well. B)

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So you are thinking she would have gone out with you a slept with you for free because you have such a good personality....  Hmmmm.  This is why I never date in the real world.  Making shratch is more important.

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I was seeing a girl for the first time. I arrived and parked behind the appointed motel. She showed up a few minutes later wearing a puffy jacket, jeans and little to no makeup. She asked for the donation to pay for the room. She left and a few minutes later texted the room number as 116. As I was getting out of the car a girl in a sexy outfit and full makeup came around the corner and asked if I was looking for her and took me to room 117 which was on the opposite side of the building. I wasn't sure but went with her to the room before I decided it was the wrong girl. There was no way she could have changed that much in such a short time. I excused myself and went to room 116 and saw the girl I had already paid.

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2 hours ago, Raine-7379 said:

So you are thinking she would have gone out with you a slept with you for free because you have such a good personality....  Hmmmm.  This is why I never date in the real world.  Making shratch is more important.

Not fair making us slow readers go back and read the whole thread to figure out who you are talking to!! :P:) (and not me)

Just personality, nah, probably not.  Usually takes two or more from following:

personality

brains

looks

character

age

hygeine

and oh, yeah - money, whether direct or indirect.  Which pretty much counts as 3 in getting to 2 in the mind of some (as it should for one in business lol) :cool:

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3 hours ago, vipblonde said:

A few years ago I had an apartment incall with an attached garage.  I would always open the garage as I gave the gate code. I would ask the client to park in the garage and walk up the stairs inside.  This was a new client for me and he requested I get all dolled up in lingerie and heels.  I was patiently waiting on the second floor for him and after 10 minuets (time from the front gate is just 90 seconds) he called me and asked me what’s going on?  Why is there a man standing at his window looking directly into my garage while talking on the phone?  I started to panic and wonder wtf is happening.  I was a bit shaky and started to walk down the stairs to check it out... I tripped and rolled all the way down the stairs... my finger was all twisted up and broken.  I ran back upstairs with out even looking outside and I snapped my finger back into place.. it hurt like hell.  Now he calls again and said he is going to take the chance and come in since I’m a well known provider.  I managed to proceed with our appointment.  It was pretty late at night and I decided to just sleep and have my friend pick me up in the am and take me to the hospital.  I’m the morning I go down to the garage and hop in my friedns car, as we were backing out of the garage I looked up and saw the guy still there and I said omg he’s still watching... 

then my friend said... do you mean that cardboard cutout of Ron Burgandy? 

Some asshole neighbor thought it was funny to put it in the window.  And I think that guy finally realized it was not a real person and just didn’t want to admit it.

Ron Burgundy!!!  That is hilarious!

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On ‎5‎/‎27‎/‎2018 at 0:40 PM, Raine-7379 said:

So you are thinking she would have gone out with you a slept with you for free because you have such a good personality....  Hmmmm.  This is why I never date in the real world.  Making shratch is more important.

Raine  we will never know.  We had lots of conversations and flirted a lot but I was and still am to busy to date seriously.  Neither of us new the other was in the hobby until that fateful meeting.  After that point it was a business and it was lots of fun.

However I do appreciate your willingness to share your personal experiences of why your are in the hobby.

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