bmg45

New Guy Here - encourage me, PLEASE!

71 posts in this topic

Newb here (or wanna be newb I guess?).  I'm married.  Have been for 15 years.  Great fam, pretty hot SO, but the sex has died.  Dead like roadkill y'all.  And I just can't keep up this abstinence routine.  Not my thing AT ALL.  So I've been looking into the hobby for a while now. I think I'm to the point where the risk has got to be worth the reward.  I travel a couple times a year so will likely start out when I'm on the road.  Feels safer for some reason. That and the pickings in my area are SLIM with respect to providers.  Real slim.   Will be headed out of town to a meeting in 3 weeks, so I'm trying to learn what I need to know to get started.  I've read a lot of the newbie threads on here, researched what I can on P411 and TER without joining either, and that's helped, but I'd sure love some additional encouragement and advice from some of you folks that obviously make this work.

TIA folks!

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1 hour ago, Melissa Sterling said:

Join P411 especially for the road!!!!

Thanks Melissa.  I’m considering it. I’ve got to get the nerve up to give them the personal info they want. It’s very difficult to keep anything digital private these days.  I’ve implemented a lot of things to help with that but giving out my full name and work info still seems like a lot.  I get why it is necessary though.  

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Kinda off topic, but it never ceases to amaze me how when a guy or gal stops "putting out", they get all mad, hurt and upset when their S.O. goes and finds it someplace else. Barring some medical issue, it seems like a blatant case of breach of contract to me, justifying the"step out".

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I feel like you might have a hard time getting started without having references or P411 or something like that. I guess maybe you could try to find someone who says they are newbie friendly, but then you are still going to be giving them your personal info and relying on that somehow. Normally if you were doing it locally you might be able to start with a few local providers that are newbie friendly, and then they may help you with references from there. But if you are just traveling to a new place temporarily I'm not sure what the approach would be. You better do plenty of research and maybe start lining up things ahead of time before you get there, as opposed to at the last minute.  Good luck!

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6 hours ago, CedricDiggory said:

I feel like you might have a hard time getting started without having references or P411 or something like that. I guess maybe you could try to find someone who says they are newbie friendly, but then you are still going to be giving them your personal info and relying on that somehow. Normally if you were doing it locally you might be able to start with a few local providers that are newbie friendly, and then they may help you with references from there. But if you are just traveling to a new place temporarily I'm not sure what the approach would be. You better do plenty of research and maybe start lining up things ahead of time before you get there, as opposed to at the last minute.  Good luck!

I think you’re probably right on this from everything I’ve read.  I’ll likely end up joining P411.  My initial thought was to find just a couple ladies that I felt safe getting verified with individually, and then hopefully they’d provide references for p411.  My concern is that someone will eventually target p411 and a lot of info will get publicized. 

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8 hours ago, Admiral C said:

Kinda off topic, but it never ceases to amaze me how when a guy or gal stops "putting out", they get all mad, hurt and upset when their S.O. goes and finds it someplace else. Barring some medical issue, it seems like a blatant case of breach of contract to me, justifying the"step out".

So yeah, I kinda agree.  Here’s the funny thing to me. It’s not a breach of any legal contract, but if you look at marriage from a Biblical perspective it is clearly wrong to withhold yourself from your spouse.  There’s a specific direction not to do that.  With very good reason.  Yet I’m the one that will get drug through hot coals if this goes bad.  

I don’t feel great about it.  It’s not where I thought this would go. But the physical ache and the mental toll of having no physical contact has simply warn me down.  It’s not just a lack of sex. There’s nothing. It’s like I’m raising kids with my sister or something.  Some of y’all on here have got to know what I’m talking about because I KNOW I’m not the only one dealing with this. 

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12 hours ago, Melissa Sterling said:

Join P411 especially for the road!!!!

 

Can any Tom, Dick or Hairy. (lol) join P411? I guess I thought guys needed an Invite. Someone, can't remember who, invited me to join many years ago.

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You want some encouragement....get off the pot and do it or just forget about it.

You either trust the system and give P411 your information or you don't.

We can't do it for you.

If you do join P411, you still need to pass the individual ladies screening which means you will still have to give her more information about you.

If you're not comfortable doing that, walk away.

I know I'm being a jerk this morning, but damn😣

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44 minutes ago, a_happycamper_12 said:

 

Can any Tom, Dick or Hairy. (lol) join P411? I guess I thought guys needed an Invite. Someone, can't remember who, invited me to join many years ago.

The gent needs at least two providers that are members of P411 to vouch that they have met him or he can be screened through employment.

If the gent is screened through employment Gina does let it be known on his profile.  

 

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9 minutes ago, Kandi Apple said:

The gent needs at least two providers that are members of P411 to vouch that they have met him or he can be screened through employment.

If the gent is screened through employment Gina does let it be known on his profile.  

 

Thanks Kandi dear💝

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14 minutes ago, Kandi Apple said:

The gent needs at least two providers that are members of P411 to vouch that they have met him or he can be screened through employment.

If the gent is screened through employment Gina does let it be known on his profile.  

 

I was vouched for by a provider maybe 10-15 years ago...hard to remember after all this time.  Hell, it could have been 20 years ago. I remember the lady saying that this was a fairly new screening system. The lady that vouched for me has long since retired.

i seem to remember giving P411 my personal information including work.

I let my P411 lapse for a long time and when I went back to renew it, it was very painless process. 

I do recommend joining P411, whether you will hobby locally or when traveling.

But being a P411 member or not, you still have to pass the individual ladies screening. P411 can make that a simpler process, depending on the lady you want to see.

Edited by ilovewomen
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1 hour ago, a_happycamper_12 said:

 

Can any Tom, Dick or Hairy. (lol) join P411? I guess I thought guys needed an Invite. Someone, can't remember who, invited me to join many years ago.

I still remember who invited me - Gina 😱

i still had to have 2 ladies vouch for me. Both retired years ago. 

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You Know, I think it was Gina, But I'l be darned if I know who vouched for me..lol

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To the original poster, very similar situation that I had when I decided to start, a few things to keep in mind:

- Stay away from BP, it may seem convenient but the risk is way too high.

- Depending on your area, I recommend you join specific boards to get reviews and additional information to give you peace of mind. I do recommend you join P411

- Be more cautious than usual if you intent to do this while traveling. Typically if you are traveling you have less time to research and you may be fairly new to the area.

- You will be surprised about what you learn about yourself when you start doing this (with the right people...obviously) don't mean any disrespect but the quality varies significantly and not necessarily due to $ but rather the ability to connect.

- Always play safe. ALWAYS

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3 hours ago, bmg45 said:

So yeah, I kinda agree.  Here’s the funny thing to me. It’s not a breach of any legal contract, but if you look at marriage from a Biblical perspective it is clearly wrong to withhold yourself from your spouse.  There’s a specific direction not to do that.  With very good reason.  Yet I’m the one that will get drug through hot coals if this goes bad.  

I don’t feel great about it.  It’s not where I thought this would go. But the physical ache and the mental toll of having no physical contact has simply warn me down.  It’s not just a lack of sex. There’s nothing. It’s like I’m raising kids with my sister or something.  Some of y’all on here have got to know what I’m talking about because I KNOW I’m not the only one dealing with this. 

I do know and the divorce was 20 years ago. so far the best 20 years of my life.

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1 hour ago, ilovewomen said:

You want some encouragement....get off the pot and do it or just forget about it.

You either trust the system and give P411 your information or you don't.

We can't do it for you.

If you do join P411, you still need to pass the individual ladies screening which means you will still have to give her more information about you.

If you're not comfortable doing that, walk away.

I know I'm being a jerk this morning, but damn😣

No argument.  I know you’re right.  And I don’t consider you a jerk for telling it like it is.  Still helps to hear from others that are already in the game.  

No sense stepping in the same holes as the guy before you if he can tell you how to avoid them.  Right?

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Not sure why you would ask complete strangers on this type of site for advice on how to move forward with your life.  

You’ve been given solid guidance about p411.  Make the jump and please don’t complain about providers needing personal information to feel safe. I have much respect for the ladies that are newbie friendly and hope they do whatever needed to stay safe.

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11 minutes ago, Laci French said:

Not sure why you would ask complete strangers on this type of site for advice on how to move forward with your life.  

You’ve been given solid guidance about p411.  Make the jump and please don’t complain about providers needing personal information to feel safe. I have much respect for the ladies that are newbie friendly and hope they do whatever needed to stay safe.

Well, not asking about advice on life.  Asking about advice on hobbying.  Seems to be people here who do that so it seemed to be a good place to ask.  Am I missing something?

I’m not complaining about providers wanting info. I sure as hell would.  But let’s not pretend like providers don’t guard things about their personal lives also. We all have things we are willing to share and things we are not. Im just trying to figure out where to set my boundaries so it’s good with me AND the providers I want to see.  

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I had a completely different response written here and deleted it because I was going to be very snarky.

So I’m offering my apologies to everyone here for my attitude today.

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15 hours ago, bmg45 said:

 giving out my full name and work info still seems like a lot. 

You're probably going to have to give this type of info to someone, whether it's P411, an agency, or individual women. Otherwise, you're stuck finding the very few women, who will service a complete stranger, with no safety screening. Honestly, picking up streetwalkers might be safer than that. 

Good luck!

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15 hours ago, bmg45 said:

Thanks Melissa.  I’m considering it. I’ve got to get the nerve up to give them the personal info they want. It’s very difficult to keep anything digital private these days.  I’ve implemented a lot of things to help with that but giving out my full name and work info still seems like a lot.  I get why it is necessary though.  

I've never given these things up and have hobbied hundreds of times over the last 7-8 years. Have not joined p411 either. It can be done without out too much trouble. 

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7 minutes ago, pfunk said:

You're probably going to have to give this type of info to someone, whether it's P411, an agency, or individual women. Otherwise, you're stuck finding the very few women, who will service a complete stranger, with no safety screening. Honestly, picking up streetwalkers might be safer than that. 

Good luck!

This seems to be 100% correct from everything I’ve read.  So it looks like P411 is the way to go.  Ultimately safest for everyone I suppose.  

I’ve read a lot of posts here and elsewhere specifically on P411 and have seen very little negative.  And from the comments in this thread it seems they are generally respected and supported within the community.  Anyone have a different opinion?

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Just want to say thanks to those that have chimed in with thoughts, positive or otherwise.  It’s appreciated.  

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2 minutes ago, Mustang87 said:

I've never given these things up and have hobbied hundreds of times over the last 7-8 years. Have not joined p411 either. It can be done without out too much trouble. 

So you’re saying in the hundreds of women you’ve met, you’ve never once given up one little tiny bit of personal information? You are one in a Million then.  Unless they are all BP or CL ladies who do absolutely no screening at all.

 

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28 minutes ago, Laci French said:

Okay, my apologies if I took the post wrong. Good luck and have fun!

No harm, no foul.  Hard to communicate intent/emotion in text form sometimes.  I’m just looking for like-minded people like everyone else here is.  Would never come in as a newbie and pretend to tell the folks that have been here and done it how it should be done.  Just hoping to learn a thing or two.  And if I say something stupid I’ll take my lashings like a man. ;)

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Fear. There, I said it. FEAR. Fear is the real enemy and it is irrational. Worst case scenario...you get busted!!!! You get a ticket, plead it out, won't be any where's near what you fear. Your wife finds out!!  Hey, she is not doing ya anyway, but she is sticking around for SOMETHING......so is she gonna up and leave if she finds out you had a pay lay play day? Probably NOT! Oh no...it is too risky to give P411 information that you would casually give a strange woman in a bar, or new acquaintance at a cocktail party. Fear is the irrational enemy and mostly false. Start with newbie friendly, well reviewed gals and nothing bad is going to happen...it's as simple as that. Now....I will step a tad out of line towards your personal life and tell you how to make FEAR your ALLY. Don't kiss your wife, hug her, sexually approach her in any way. Don't give her a single interested look, the slightest touch, or the tiniest joking hint or word about sex. If you sleep in the same bed...add a layer of clothes....a t-shirt...underwear, lounge pants. Don't cuddle with her. Always roll over and sleep with your back to her. Fear might well start to work FOR you, and it might well get you raped by her.

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29 minutes ago, ilovewomen said:

So you’re saying in the hundreds of women you’ve met, you’ve never once given up one little tiny bit of personal information? You are one in a Million then.  Unless they are all BP or CL ladies who do absolutely no screening at all.

 

Not at all, I just don't give up my name and where I work, have never even been asked. I've been successfully screened by Russian Dolls and Matchless Beauties and wasn't asked any of that information. You can look at my many reviews and see my references and see I have no problem booking with some of the very best ladies in our community (including one who has posted in this thread). I'm not saying anything bad about p411, I've actually heard mostly good things, I'm just saying I have not needed to join, nor give up personal information, to book with almost any lady with whom I've tried. 

Edited by Mustang87
typo
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6 minutes ago, Admiral C said:

Fear. There, I said it. FEAR. Fear is the real enemy and it is irrational. Worst case scenario...you get busted!!!! You get a ticket, plead it out, won't be any where's near what you fear. Your wife finds out!!  Hey, she is not doing ya anyway, but she is sticking around for SOMETHING......so is she gonna up and leave if she finds out you had a pay lay play day? Probably NOT! Oh no...it is too risky to give P411 information that you would casually give a strange woman in a bar, or new acquaintance at a cocktail party. Fear is the irrational enemy and mostly false. Start with newbie friendly, well reviewed gals and nothing bad is going to happen...it's as simple as that. Now....I will step a tad out of line towards your personal life and tell you how to make FEAR your ALLY. Don't kiss your wife, hug her, sexually approach her in any way. Don't give her a single interested look, the slightest touch, or the tiniest joking hint or word about sex. If you sleep in the same bed...add a layer of clothes....a t-shirt...underwear, lounge pants. Don't cuddle with her. Always roll over and sleep with your back to her. Fear might well start to work FOR you, and it might well get you raped by her.

Well that’s exactly what I would tell me if I wasn’t me. Thanks Admiral. I think you’re probably spot on. 

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