New client trying to join community

[Enjoylife]

Hey CO, 

First, what a great website I’m happy I found this community to explore while in a safe environment for all.

Being a “noob” with zero experience or references, I can see challenges ahead trying to book that first appt. Rightfully so! Gotta be safe for providers and clients.

Any suggestions on how to make a provider feel comfortable in this situation? A paid coffee trip at a local public place beforehand? Something to break the ice and build confidence in this crazy world we live.

BTW, I’m just getting out there after many years in committed relationships. Not easy but figuring my way thru.

And thank you for your response.

Edited November 13, 2017 by Enjoylife
Forgot to say thanks

[Audrey Astor]

It would be best to pick a lady that sees newbies, and follow the directions that she gives in her ad/profile/website. If she is asking for information that you are not comfortable giving, move on to the next until you find a method of screening that suits you. I have heard of ladies that will do a coffee shop visit, but it has been a long time. Not to be rude, but for most of us, if we have time to have a coffee date, we would prefer to go with one of our friends. Hope all works out well for you. 

[Mustang87]

Be nice and polite and correspond with her in the method she requests in her ad or on her site. You'll be amazed how far just being nice and polite will get you. Answer her questions as best you can without giving out personal information.  Not usually an issue as I don't think I've even been asked personal information while being screened. It's unlikely a lady will want to meet for coffee without being paid for her time.  Nothing wrong with that, just work out that arrangement ahead of time.  Of course you need to do your research ahead of time, and the ads and reviews on this site are a good place to start. Hobby safe. 

[AnthointheAM]

Another option is P411. They take some verification info and then destroy it. Then you can look for providers there that are newbie friendly as well. You can also join with two provider references and provide no info. If the latter, follow Mustang's advice above and have fun!

[Admiral C]

On 11/13/2017 at 11:20 AM, Enjoylife said:

Hey CO, 

First, what a great website I’m happy I found this community to explore while in a safe environment for all.

Being a “noob” with zero experience or references, I can see challenges ahead trying to book that first appt. Rightfully so! Gotta be safe for providers and clients.

Any suggestions on how to make a provider feel comfortable in this situation? A paid coffee trip at a local public place beforehand? Something to break the ice and build confidence in this crazy world we live.

BTW, I’m just getting out there after many years in committed relationships. Not easy but figuring my way thru.

And thank you for your response.

Also, be advised that first posts of new member are expected to adhere to anticipated standards....which yours missed. Standard expected first posts include, but are not limited to things such as....." Whats the going rate for a BJ?"......" Who is the creampie queen?"......" We don't need no stinking condoms"......"What is the standard discount for...." ....." Who charges by the inch, rather than by the hour?".......things in that vein.  Oh...and have fun!!!

[AnthointheAM]

Right? Where is the rude and condescending "I already know everything" attitude we have come to expect from a first post. The OP is all polite and asking for help. The nerve!!!

[Enjoylife]

Thank you all for the responses and humor! Cheers

Sounds like coffee dates are out. I’m showing my age (45) and inexperience with that one. Scratch that

Being polite and upbeat I can definetly do. Good advice there, ty. 

I will look for providers who accept sane noobs.

I’m assuming if I can connect with a provider than I’ll have a future reference. Sweet!

Im trying, thanks for the help. Cheers

[BadBoy]

On ‎11‎/‎13‎/‎2017 at 11:20 AM, Enjoylife said:

Hey CO, 

First, what a great website I’m happy I found this community to explore while in a safe environment for all.

Being a “noob” with zero experience or references, I can see challenges ahead trying to book that first appt. Rightfully so! Gotta be safe for providers and clients.

Any suggestions on how to make a provider feel comfortable in this situation? A paid coffee trip at a local public place beforehand? Something to break the ice and build confidence in this crazy world we live.

BTW, I’m just getting out there after many years in committed relationships. Not easy but figuring my way thru.

And thank you for your response.

Back to your original question.  Dude, let's get down to brass tacks - the coffee trip to the local public place isn't really to make the provider feel comfortable, is it?  It is to make you feel more comfortable - come on, fess up, admit it.  You want to put your toe in the water, so to speak, before jumping in.  Hey, we're going to give you the same amount of moral support you got in junior high when you were actually at a real swimming hole, putting your toe in the water: "Wimp, wimp... just jump in...  jump in, wimp." (No offense, junior high kids are so mean ).

Seriously, these ladies are experts at making you comfortable, helping you break the ice and building a little confidence in this crazy world we live in - just give them a chance and let them do it their way, they're the pros, you're the newbie.

This means, no public meetings for a first date, unless you want to do that instead of a first date or she suggests it.  In such case, be prepared to pay the entire  donation for an hour, even if the closest thing you get to a touch is a pretty smile over a couple cups of coffee.  Quite a few of the gals would love that, some won't.  If you are dead-set on that, go for it, but my advice is don't waste your time - go for a real date.  (Says the guy who last week paid $800 for a four -hour date out in public, with only a peck on the cheek at the end - and damned happy to do it.  Do as I say, not as I do).

My humble suggestion is find a newbie friendly provider with lots (8+) of great reviews, such as "she really put me at ease," or "she was so friendly I felt immediately at ease," etc.  Call her up (or text, or PM from here, or whatever she requests in her ad, which is an important first step).  Understand that, as in most areas of life, this research is important - this is your first encounter with a provider, you want it to go well - spending four or five hours perusing ads and reviews would not be time misspent. Be honest, be open, listen, cooperate, set up a nice incall date with your dream gal.  If she needs screening information, provide whatever you are comfortable with.  All the advice to set up a P411 account is good advice, if you do so, you are providing your information to a well-known, discrete, person, located in Canada, who destroys your information after verifying you.  Nuff said, do whatever it takes to get that first date.  Then, once it is set up, treat it just like you got a date with a gal you have been admiring for years - long hot shower, shave nice, really brush your teeth well, wash all the intimate parts, put on clothes that flatter you.  Read the profile to see if you can pick up a clue: does she like red wine -get a bottle of good wine.  Does she say she likes lilies?  Get a bouquet of lilies.  All women like quality chocolate.  You get the idea - it's a freaking date, treat it like one!

Confirm your date the day of, however she wants to do it.  Then, be on time.  Actually, be a few minutes early.  About 10 minutes before date time call for the final location (unless you already have it).  Your heart will be racing like you never have experienced (I measured 170 BPM on my fitbit once), your entire body will be flooded with adrenaline, your hands will be shaking, you might drop your phone, you will be scared as shit.  This is the way it should be - the adrenaline rush is all part of the wonderous experience - so much fun.  Nothing is wrong, you are boldly going where most men fear to tread, embrace the fear, adrenaline is a great high.

Whatever you do, do not walk away just because you are scared as shit.  That is known as being a no-show, one of the lowest forms of pond scum - if you get branded as a NS, your chances of getting another date go way down.

You're doing good, you didn't run away, you remembered to put your donation in your shirt pocket, so knock gently on the door, walk in quietly, smile nicely, hand over the presents, silently put the money down without saying a word about it-not a single word  (very, very important), excuse yourself to go take a leak and wash your hands.  This is important for two reasons: 1) you don't want to stop later to take a leak (important for older guys ) and ladies like guys with clean hands, and 2) it gives her time to count the $$$ and put it away - now she is more relaxed since she at least knows you are not a cop (cops talk when they put down the money, which is why you absolutely keep your mouth shut).  When you come out of the bathroom, smile that sweet, winning smile that used to work for you in high school, say something that seems normal to you, such as "hey, gorgeous, how you doin today?" and just let her show you how to relax and have fun.

You're going to fucking love it (pun intended). I'm totally addicted.  

Jump in, jump in, jump in, and then come back and tell us all about it, we love newbie stories.

 

[Kali Sensual Reiki]

Wow! What a welcome committee we have! That is awesome! 

[Webhead]

As a noobie myself, BadBoy hit that out of the park. Research, Respect, Reputation, Respect, and then finally Results. YMMV is huge too. It's business, but not all business. Be clean, be prompt, be courteous and you will be ok. I love that adrenaline and the experience myself.

[boink36]

10 minutes ago, Webhead said:

As a noobie myself, BadBoy hit that out of the park. Research, Respect, Reputation, Respect, and then finally Results. YMMV is huge too. It's business, but not all business. Be clean, be prompt, be courteous and you will be ok. I love that adrenaline and the experience myself.

I'm not sure about out of the park but he definitely has too much free time on his hands. 

[BadBoy]

2 minutes ago, boink36 said:

I'm not sure about out of the park but he definitely has too much free time on his hands. 

You have no idea...

[Enjoylife]

Well Badboy, I’m not sure if I can top that. I feel like someone should sticky that as a “How-to” at the top of the page and you receive some royalties from it.  Thank you for taking the time to write that up. 

Now say after reading that, and I still F this up, well then maybe I should just hang up the skates (so to speak). Great advice from A to Z’

The providers I’ve been politely PM want reference(s). Hence the catch-22, but P411 looks like a potential fix to that. Although the Ashley Madison, who swore to erase all traces of members but didn’t, still rings in the back of my mind. I’ll pull up my big boy panties and make a decision there. I’m ready to have that fun everyone is referring to!

Edited November 15, 2017 by Enjoylife
Gotta say thanks

[ChefyB]

I like you are very new to this and have social anxiety. The providers I have met have been amazing. Like everyone has said research is your friend here. You First time will be a little awkward because you do not know what to expect but that will pass trust me. Welcome to the community. If you have questions people here are amazing at giving good feed back  

[petey-9950]

Jeez BB you should be writing novels or government instruction pamphlets after spending 20 minutes reading your post.  LOL bro

[BadBoy]

17 hours ago, Enjoylife said:

Well Badboy, I’m not sure if I can top that. I feel like someone should sticky that as a “How-to” at the top of the page and you receive some royalties from it.  Thank you for taking the time to write that up. 

Now say after reading that, and I still F this up, well then maybe I should just hang up the skates (so to speak). Great advice from A to Z’

The providers I’ve been politely PM want reference(s). Hence the catch-22, but P411 looks like a potential fix to that. Although the Ashley Madison, who swore to erase all traces of members but didn’t, still rings in the back of my mind. I’ll pull up my big boy panties and make a decision there. I’m ready to have that fun everyone is referring to!

This is the one activity that you definitely want to fuck up

If something goes wrong (she is a no-show, you two don't get along great, etc.) under no circumstances should you hang up the skates.  Just fail forward and try again, nothing is guaranteed in this sport.  Be prepared for things to not be perfect.  When things are perfect in this sport, it's heaven.  When things go wrong, it's usually still a great time.  Bear in mind, you not only want to have a good time, you want to get a reference too, so be nice!

[Laci French]

What great advice.  Have fun and the best of luck on all your naughty escapades.😉

[Just Another Guy]

I'm a newbie here and had a lot of questions. This thread has answered virtually all of them, so thanks to all (especially BadBoy! Really helpful). I hope to meet some nice ladies soon.

[Mr.Pink]

I like tacos.

[Suzi]

Welcome to the neighborhood  

[Guest]

7 hours ago, Just Another Guy said:

 I hope to meet some nice ladies soon.

And some naughty ladies too? 😎

[TheFinerThings]

Welcome.  As a fellow “noob” all I can say is do your research, be polite, respectful, patient and follow her rules.  Also, whether you communicate by phone, text or email, use complete sentences...try to sound somewhat educated...it goes a long way.  I recently visited a young lady and we had some good laughs over some of the messages she receives.  

Have fun and be safe.  

[Just Another Guy]

1 hour ago, a_happycamper_12 said:

And some naughty ladies too? 😎

Of course! 

[Zelda Runner]

Welcome and wow there are some great responses to this post. Hope you enjoy being part of this community. 

[new2hobbying]

It is amazing some one asks intelligently and they get well thought out answers.  Enjoylife you should do just fine as you are on the right track.  When using the search feature "listing title" and entering "newbie friendly"  you will come up a couple of choices.  If you utilize the search feature "listing description" it only worked if I put "friendly" which then you will need to weed out  "not newbie friendly" or the Fetish Friendly.  It gives a 500 error if you enter "newbie friendly"  

Knowing the "not newbie friendly" is just as important. Save everyone from wasting time.   When contacting a lady that you have not been at to determine before hand if they are newbie friendly be forthright and follow the advice others have posted.

Happy hobbying

[Nina Rox]

On 11/13/2017 at 11:20 AM, Enjoylife said:

 

Any suggestions on how to make a provider feel comfortable in this situation? 

I would say, to read a lady's website/page to see what her protocol is and just follow that. Independent provider means every lady has a different protocol based on what works for her individually. So, don't apply a one size fits all protocol. After 17yrs, this is one misstep I see the most from potential clients. Follow the lady's protocol. 

[average1]

On 11/13/2017 at 11:20 AM, Enjoylife said:

Hey CO, 

First, what a great website I’m happy I found this community to explore while in a safe environment for all.

Being a “noob” with zero experience or references, I can see challenges ahead trying to book that first appt. Rightfully so! Gotta be safe for providers and clients.

Any suggestions on how to make a provider feel comfortable in this situation? A paid coffee trip at a local public place beforehand? Something to break the ice and build confidence in this crazy world we live.

BTW, I’m just getting out there after many years in committed relationships. Not easy but figuring my way thru.

And thank you for your response.

You've gotten lots of good advice and the responses reminds me the value of this community.  I just want to say, "Welcome" and I hope you find what you are looking for.  I've met some incredible ladies from the board.  I also think your first post is a fine way to introduce yourself to the community.  Have fun, play hard, enjoy fully and be safe.

[coloradoguy75]

Welcome. There is not much I can add to what has already been said. I chose to use  P411. Its a great verification service but also lists providers ads (for now). There are several providers that are newbie friendly on P411. Many more require "okays" on that site, and even references. I found one beautiful lady that was newbie friendly. She was offering a lunch special, lunch and a private visit.  As already said, politeness and respect go along way. TOB is a great community, you are in the correct place. 

[Waldofindme]

Just another guy.

Good job of finding this thread and bringing it back out into the light.. There is a ton of great time tested advise. BB wrote this with very clear instructions that anybody should be able to follow. Thank you BB. I have been here for a while and I picked up some pointers.

[Guest]

On 7/27/2018 at 8:22 AM, TheFinerThings said:

Welcome.  As a fellow “noob” all I can say is do your research, be polite, respectful, patient and follow her rules.  Also, whether you communicate by phone, text or email, use complete sentences...try to sound somewhat educated...it goes a long way.  I recently visited a young lady and we had some good laughs over some of the messages she receives.  

Have fun and be safe.  

I can echo that strategy! It seems to have worked well for me! 😎