Audrey Astor

Crossing boundaries....

35 posts in this topic

This has been brought up a few times, but is worth repeating. As hobbyists and providers we should not invade each others personal lives if we run across someone in public, in social media etc.

There is someone that I used to work with in real life. This individual is on my Twitter (work), and even sent me a DM about "we used to work together, blah, blah, blah". Of course that freaked me out, and I did not respond. Since then, I have received several friend requests from him on my personal Facebook. We have some RL friends in common. I have not responded or said anything as he is obviously a boundary crosser in one of the worst ways. I don't want to make him angry, and have him out me to our mutual friends. 

Any suggestions on how to handle this? Maybe he will see this and realize how his behavior is so wrong.

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Sounds like this guy could become a stalker ,hope this is not the case, especially since he knows RL information.

You need to put your situational awareness (Radar) on high.

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This is a tough one.  It is easy to follow the bread crumbs from your twitter (and by work twitter I take it you mean Audrey's twitter) and find out all about Audrey.  If you think this guy is a hobbyists you might be able to appeal to the under the radar nature that we try to adhere to.  If he's not a hobbyist unfortunately he probably thinks that he knows something about you and that knowledge could get him free sessions.  You could try doing what you've done and ignoring him, if he has any decency he'll go away.  If not you may need to address the issue with him directly or just have Audrey go silent for awhile if you feel that him outing you to friends would cause you huge problems.  As wglide mentioned above, keep your spidey senses on high.  Good luck.

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3 hours ago, Audrey Astor said:

This has been brought up a few times, but is worth repeating. As hobbyists and providers we should not invade each others personal lives if we run across someone in public, in social media etc.

There is someone that I used to work with in real life. This individual is on my Twitter (work), and even sent me a DM about "we used to work together, blah, blah, blah". Of course that freaked me out, and I did not respond. Since then, I have received several friend requests from him on my personal Facebook. We have some RL friends in common. I have not responded or said anything as he is obviously a boundary crosser in one of the worst ways. I don't want to make him angry, and have him out me to our mutual friends. 

Any suggestions on how to handle this? Maybe he will see this and realize how his behavior is so wrong.

You could always reset your response options by starting off with a short communique along the lines of "I can appreciate your interest here but I keep those worlds separate. Hope you understand." If he's not a stalker type, he'll likely respect that. If not, simply ignore. Worst case is he gets his narcissistic ass in a tweak and tries to blackmail you. But in that kind of scenario it's pretty much 'he said she said' since what proof would he have? As far as anyone else knows, "Audrey Astor" is a ghost. I suppose you can always establish a totally new provider identity.

Bottom line, I definitely wouldn't operate out of fear of what he might do. That's a slippery slope and not in your favor. If he starts breaking the law with you, he's asking for fuck-fuck games and just giving you enough rope to hang himself, because *that* evidence is real.

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Audrey, I would suggest blocking him on Twitter and Facebook if you haven't already done so.

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9 hours ago, ilovewomen said:

Audrey, I would suggest blocking him on Twitter and Facebook if you haven't already done so.

+100

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Thanks for reading the great advice folks. We have a pretty good group of people here. xo

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I would further suggest you make your Facebook "private" with only friends able to view it.  Even more than that, make sure your email and phone numbers are hidden and not searchable.

That does a decent job of making that side safe.

 

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respect for others includes honoring the privacy of everyone never cross the lines that define a persons space

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Are you sure he is going to out you ??  I have several real life friends and former co-workers that I discovered are now escorts. They are also friends on my facebook page.They know that there is no way that I would ever out them  in social media and in  public social situations. Trust can happen,lets not sterotype everyone that makes a facebook friend request as stalkers.

 

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3 hours ago, JRWolfe said:

Are you sure he is going to out you ??  I have several real life friends and former co-workers that I discovered are now escorts. They are also friends on my facebook page.They know that there is no way that I would ever out them  in social media and in  public social situations. Trust can happen,lets not sterotype everyone that makes a facebook friend request as stalkers.

 

No, I don't know that, and I honestly doubt that he would out me. He has the info already to out me. For all I know, he has, and my friends have just not mentioned to me that they know that I escort. 

It's awesome that you are able to intermingle your two worlds, and have that trust in place. That's a rarity these days. I however would prefer not to intermingle my two worlds. 

When someone has sent friend requests, and you have not responded, yet they continue to send requests, it seems stalkerish to me. No? I have not blocked him for fear of retaliation. I have received some great advice from folks that share my world in this thread, and I intend to act using said advice. 

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I can see two responses:

1) Audrey who?

2) So, what are your intentions?

Perhaps he'll book a session and become a great client. 

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The privacy thing is a tough one these days. Whether we like it or not we leave a trail of some sort. I agree with what others have suggested, blocking, FB private etc. I feel that not responding is best. If the person has any ill intent they'll grasp for anything so leave them empty handed. 

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29 minutes ago, Bit Banger said:

I can see two responses:

1) Audrey who?

2) So, what are your intentions?

Perhaps he'll book a session and become a great client. 

-As with all occupations a there can be a conflict of interest. In my own little corner of the universe I can think of past co-workers that I definitely would not want as clients.      

Audrey, this is a tough situation that needs to be carefully handled. If the dude has a screw loose you don't want to piss him off. If he is a normal guy that just needs to be clued in on the etiquette of our world. Or, as one member here states-" take your Facebook accounts,etc. and-make  them private". ☘️

 

 

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5 hours ago, Audrey Astor said:

When someone has sent friend requests, and you have not responded, yet they continue to send requests, it seems stalkerish to me. No? . 

Even for guys, who know nothing about this hobby, it's very stalker-like. Personally, I'd find it quite frightening. :angry:

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18 hours ago, Audrey Astor said:

No, I don't know that, and I honestly doubt that he would out me. He has the info already to out me. For all I know, he has, and my friends have just not mentioned to me that they know that I escort. 

It's awesome that you are able to intermingle your two worlds, and have that trust in place. That's a rarity these days. I however would prefer not to intermingle my two worlds. 

When someone has sent friend requests, and you have not responded, yet they continue to send requests, it seems stalkerish to me. No? I have not blocked him for fear of retaliation. I have received some great advice from folks that share my world in this thread, and I intend to act using said advice. 

  Sounds like undue paranoia.  You have already intermingled your two worlds with him . Being as he was someone from your private life that found out. Chances are that he won't out you as he would out himself as a hobbyist .Will bet that he friend requests with you because to him you are not your job,you are a person he knows. 

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5 minutes ago, JRWolfe said:

  Sounds like undue paranoia.  You have already intermingled your two worlds with him . Being as he was someone from your private life that found out. Chances are that he won't out you as he would out himself as a hobbyist .Will bet that he friend requests with you because to him you are not your job,you are a person he knows. 

Is it really though? She didn't intermingle those worlds he did. He doesn't "know" Audrey he knows the real world Audrey and somehow he found out and crossed those boundaries.  Chances are that this guy could go either way he could not say anything or he could be a dumbass and let it slip. Both are equally likely to happen. Trying to insert yourself into s space where you aren't welcome is too much. 

True story, I had something similar happen. Dude found out and then was kind of relentless. He thought he had finally found an opening to hook up with a chick that had wanted for a long time. He really assumed he was going to get the best of both worlds. *Ron Howard's Arrested Development Narrator voice* He didn't. 

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At the risk of sounding like a Damn kook( don't really care as long as I am not being hurtful). This happens to me every RETROGRADE with Mercury. Some crazy ass vanilla friend from my past (guy distant semi no interest down on their luck) finds me. Sends me emails, phone calls, text msgs, even emails through my website asking for free favors.

Audrey I feel your pain! Shake it off! Let them know they need to pay your going rate and if they try to "out you" or hurt you on any level? You will retaliate and make sure they are doubly hurt back! And they must pay double too if they even try to start any bullshit. Also, you are not giving your outside snoopy past friends any references to see another provider friends...Tell them none of the ladies wish to hear about 8th grade math class! Tell him to figure it all out on their own too if they wish to get involved with the hobby!

Sending positive thoughts your way! Mercury is due to go direct soon!! I think the last day is the 12th? However, do be prepared as we will have a few bumps in the road as things go back to normal with the planet of communication returning back to traveling direct again.  Don't worry too much about it. I am with you! 4 times this has happened now to me with some new  lame dumbasses.All during retrograde too!

I have also lost friendships during retro season.😭😭 We must remember  to stay neutral during these times and allow ourselves to stay open to the learning lesson the universe shares. No need to repeat these problems hopefully?

Fights suck the worse for me during retrograde. Yes many tears flow from these eyes of mine with the silly fights (miscommunication)

Love you!💖💖

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On 9/3/2017 at 9:57 AM, Audrey Astor said:

This individual is on my Twitter (work), and even sent me a DM about "we used to work together, blah, blah, blah".

This is not a big deal. Sometimes we run into people we know outside of this world.

Of course that freaked me out, and I did not respond. Since then, I have received several friend requests from him on my personal Facebook.

The very second he did this, he is a boundary crosser. 

 

Audury, 

I know you personally. In fact one things I truly admire about you, is that you keep your personal life separate from this world. The decision you made to keep both worlds separate has not mislead you. I would keep it that way. Its not necessary to make exceptions for anyone. There is no need to play the guessing game weather he will or won't out you, or if he already did. Everything will be ok. Who knows maybe it won't turn out so bad. He could just be an idiot. Or an idiot thinking with his dick. 

Being that he already crossed the line....

1. Don't accept his friendship on Facebook. Because then he becomes exposed to more of your personal life. 

2. Don't see him as client. Then he cant even say he saw you. 

3. If he does out you.....unleash the demons. 

Just my 2 cents. 

 

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Has this ever happened to you, today I was at Safeway and someone came up to me in a very quiet voice, "I know who you are I see your ads all the time Kali" I smiled and kept on walking with my cart down towards the refrigerator section to find a carton almond milk. 

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9 hours ago, Kali Sensual Reiki said:

Has this ever happened to you, today I was at Safeway and someone came up to me in a very quiet voice, "I know who you are I see your ads all the time Kali" I smiled and kept on walking with my cart down towards the refrigerator section to find a carton almond milk. 

I've had this happen to me with family in tow.  So rude and uncomfortable.  

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9 hours ago, Kali Sensual Reiki said:

Has this ever happened to you, today I was at Safeway and someone came up to me in a very quiet voice, "I know who you are I see your ads all the time Kali" I smiled and kept on walking with my cart down towards the refrigerator section to find a carton almond milk. 

Almond milk? I'd go for pepper spray  :mad:

Seriously......why do people feel the need abuse others. So what was that person doing perusing ads I might ask ?

 

Image result for i know who you are and saw what you did meme

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1 hour ago, Laci French said:

I've had this happen to me with family in tow.  So rude and uncomfortable.  

That is even worse Laci! Damn everyone is entitled to buy food to eat! Sad thing is I never even looked at him my blinders on so tight. Just was that embarrassed. I found myself in a tunnel zeroed in on getting that carton of almond milk. Going back to the store today to pick up what I forgot. I should not have to do this. Oh well! I am a victim of embarrassed idenity! The world keeps spinning. 

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I think that it comes down to how you feel about this. If you are uncomfortable adding him to your personal life...don't do it. Simple as that. Your gut is almost never wrong, and it is wise to heed that. I personally only have 3 clients that are on my FB, and only 2 of those 3 are on my "personal" FB because they have shown without a doubt that they can keep things separate(the other is still pretty enamored of me...the other two have relationships). I am THAT picky who is a part of my personal life, and I take high regard for who gets to be a part of it...you should too! Same with providers too...I have only one that has the honor of being on there, and I trust her implicitly. I would love to have more, but I don't trust easy and they have to show me that they deserve to be there. Whether we realize or not, those kind of pages allows us to connect with people from the other side, and when someone from this side sees that, they are getting a window view of our personal life that they don't see in the little time frame they have with us. This can make people feel or want to be a part of it, but that doesn't mean it is okay. It all comes around to personal boundaries.

I see my clients FB profiles pop up all the time, and don't peruse them because it is none of my business what their wife looks like, or their kids, who their friends are...none of my business. If they wanted me to know, they would add me, but we know that isn't going to happen because I am "their dark secret". That is what I signed up for when I started this business. How do they know that I wouldn't open my mouth and reveal how they know me, and how would they explain why I am on their page? They can't, and that is where it comes down to keeping things separate.

Reading the ladies that have been confronted outside of the biz...I haven't in a long time, but how I look in the appointment and when I leave is different. I do that on purpose. I am glad though that I don't show my face either. Anonymity can be nice.

xoxo,

Samantha Sheppard

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1 hour ago, SultryKitten said:

 

Reading the ladies that have been confronted outside of the biz...I haven't in a long time, but how I look in the appointment and when I leave is different. I do that on purpose. I am glad though that I don't show my face either. Anonymity can be nice.

xoxo,

Samantha Sheppard

Really Samantha more than anything, I was just startled. 😱😱Also for.the most part while out in public I dress very normal and conduct my stairs  totally unassuming manner. Much like.you do also. Lol if you think about it, it was like that of a Candid Camera moment of sorts! Laughed about it later that night with a friend of mine. I am cool!

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15 hours ago, Kali Sensual Reiki said:

Has this ever happened to you, today I was at Safeway and someone came up to me in a very quiet voice, "I know who you are I see your ads all the time Kali" I smiled and kept on walking with my cart down towards the refrigerator section to find a carton almond milk. 

Well, I guess that means your pictures are accurate B)

Seriously, that is bad stalker shit and none of you should have to put up with it.  I admire you ladies all so much for your courage.

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Some people don't realize they are doing something foolish when they act in a way that can contribute to someone's loss of privacy. Maybe he just needs a reminder? I would approach with caution either way. If I were in that position and a provider just spoke to me about it I would be super apologetic and stop whatever thing I was doing to jeopardize info. You're closer to the issue and probably know a few details I don't but I hope this helps a little at least!

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On more than one occasion I have encountered a lady out in public. I've stood behind them in a line, I've seen them at the same gym I went to, walking in the mall. And each time I have not approached them or said a word to them unless they acknowledged me first. There might be a knowing nod of the head or smile from her first and then I return the same, but that is as far as it ever goes unless she says something.

Discretion is the better part of valor.

To violate discretion should be punishable by????  Any suggestions?

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I am so careful not to cross boundaries with you ladies. Sometimes Facebook finds a phone match from our texting and recommends you as a friend.  As much as I want to, I would never do a friend request with you. I have agreements with others that if we ever meet in public we will not acknowledge each other. That should be s rule followed by all. It's just common sense.

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There was once a very pretty lady in Springs (long retired 😞) whose looks were unmistakable and especially considering some rather prominent tats. I saw her in a totally different town grocery shopping where i do more than once and knew exactly who she was even before meeting her from her ads. We exchanged glances and smiles more than once before and after meeting, but never a word. Would not have been right to do more. But the glances and smiles were discreet and damn hot. 😊

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