briscorp1

Love in the Time of the Hobby

45 posts in this topic

So I've been enjoying this for about two years now. Almost without exception the women I've met have been delightful, charming, genuine, intelligent, full of depth, and each with a unique sexiness and beauty that makes getting to know them a feast of life, and this adventure intriguing and fun. Given the high-octane nature of these sexual encounters, I've found that becoming emotionally involved to the point of feeling those first "in love/lust" stirrings is not uncommon. Consequently "taking a break" from seeing a particular lady or being ghosted by a particular lady, after having enjoyed several amazing sessions with them, or just making it a 'rule' to not see a lady more than once or twice, has been par for the course.

I'd love to hear both the Ladies' and Gents' perspectives/experiences around this. What do you do when those feelings come up? Has anyone ever taken the relationship out of professional territory, and how did that work out? Ladies, how do you handle things when a client has clearly fallen in love with you, and the feeling is not mutual?

Thanks for the feedback!

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I think you'll get several "you dummy this is a business' replies.  I found myself with the "feelings" and took a break to see other providers.  That cured the problem, if it was a problem.  I know that keeping in mind that it is just sex and companionship, but from what I read here you would be a fool to try and develop a relationship with the average provider.

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There are few things in this world worse than unrequited love.

For some, sex without feelings is easy.  Never has been for me.

I have been told that it is a good thing for providers to have regular clients.  If true, It is partly the job of the provider to make you like her, and to make you think she likes you.  It may seem dishonest, but that is how she gets return business.....by treating you well and making you believe she enjoys your company.  Note....she may well be telling you the truth....in varying degrees.  Or, you may just pay well and be an easy to please client.

Only the provider knows for sure.....and she will only let you know if you go too far.  Either way, as a client, you are getting what you came to see her for, so in the end, it is an honest exchange.

My advice?  Unless she freely and unexpectedly declares her undying love for you....leave it be.

Sexual intercourse is one small part of love.  Real love involves things like cleaning the skidmarks from your underwear, cleaning up your vomit when you are ill and then making you strawberry jello with bananas so you will feel better, agreeing to share your DNA in the creation and guiding of another life.  Assuming that hot chick going down on you is down for all these other things is dangerously wrong.

I know.  She's beautiful.  She makes you feel good. THAT IS HER JOB.  It is even ok to like her.  A lot.  But if you truly care for her, allow her the dignity of doing her job well without assuming anything else.  

Trying to reconcile unrequited love is a dangerous path.  Along that path lies madness.

 

"A true gentleman is at a disadvantage in dealing with women. Women are realists, and their tactics are realistic, so no man should be a gentleman where women are concerned unless the women are very, very old or very, very young. Women admire gentlemen, and sleep with cads."

Louis L'Amour

Edited by Yorick
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For many years (while I was still married) my personal rule was to never see the same lady twice consecutively, and seldom more than once/year.  But I continued to see several ladies year after year. This helped prevent developing emotional attachments, which I did not want as I already had a string emotional attachment to my wife. At the same time we had the connection of regulars. On one occasion this didn't work; we had a talk and remain friends to this day. 

Since losing my wife, I have allowed, with their consent, my relationship with several ladies to mature into solid friendships, while maintaining a professional relationship wrt fringe benefits. Some have retired, but we still see each other socially (non-BCD).  

I have a travel companion with a special relationship. We live our separate lives, interact on a professional level (w/retainer), and yet when we travel together we joke about acting like an old married couple. We have talked about taking things further, and each for our own reasons have decided that's not for us. We're happy when we're together, and carefree when we're not. She still works and I still visit other ladies. 

Best advice to avoid entanglements:

  • PLAY THE FIELD.  
  • Check yourself frequently. 
  • When you feel something special, have a private conversation with yourself. 
  • If you determine that it's not just hormones & lust, then have a private conversation with the YL. 
  • If you confess Love, be prepared to have all further interactions cut off. 
  • It is possible to be friends, and maintain a professional relationship!

 

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1 hour ago, briscorp1 said:

I'd love to hear both the Ladies' and Gents' perspectives/experiences around this. What do you do when those feelings come up? Has anyone ever taken the relationship out of professional territory, and how did that work out? 

Thanks for the feedback!

I fell in love with a provider. We had a multi-year relationship. The 24 year age difference made things tough, for both of us, as I aged further. We parted by mutual agreement. Getting old ain't fun!

We are still friends, and I'm thankful, for that! 

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I found this hobby as I was looking for an experience that was not just physical but I also wasn't looking to date or fall in love.  I think that's mostly helped me be realistic about the boundaries that need to be there.  I have found the experience I want and have become a regular by some definitions of that word (see other thread).  I try to limit my communication to appointment related items and am very conscious of how I present myself and make sure I don't overstay my welcome.  But it's a slippery slope and one slip and down the hall I fall (that's a Pink Floyd reference) so I can see how it's easy to go over the edge.  One provider I have seen in the past has a 5 visit limit which I think is her way dealing with emotional attachment.  I've been open with the fact that the reason I'm repeating has to do with the overall experience not just physical and so far it hasn't been an issue for either party.  It also is a cold shower to know my daughter is older than the provider I'm seeing so that thought usually makes me rule out long term emotional attachment.  I do wonder how the providers handle it...I would think that ghosting usually does the trick (no pun intended).  I'm sure this is the biggest ymmv variable out there!

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Huge difference between loving someone and being in love.  

 

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4 minutes ago, Laci French said:

Huge difference between loving someone and being in love.  

 

Please elaborate. 

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3 hours ago, Laci French said:

Huge difference between loving someone and being in love.  

 

please to explain. :confused:

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Not hard to understand at all.  The former involves an act of caring.  The latter romantic feelings.

Remeber the English language is bereft of sublety.  The Greek language has 5 different words to describe situations we refer to as "love."

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I love my friends dearly, just not in love with them romantically.  

I have met and fallen in love with several gentlemen I have met while providing.  None of these have led to successful relationships, but we still are friends.  

The issue will become jealousy for most and a need/want for the provider to change career paths. 

It can be a beautiful ride...just make sure the timing is right when you jump, you will want to avoid the train wreck.

 

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I do caution you men if you start falling to make sure you keep a tight reign on your wallet.  There are some out there that will see that emotional vulnerability as weakness and take advantage.

 

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3 hours ago, Laci French said:

I do caution you men if you start falling to make sure you keep a tight reign on your wallet.  There are some out there that will see that emotional vulnerability as weakness and take advantage.

 

a fool and his money are soon parted..........says the biggest fool of all, me.:cool:

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22 minutes ago, Yorick said:

Not hard to understand at all.  The former involves an act of caring.  The latter romantic feelings....

Nailed it. 

To take it a step further:

'Being in love' is that honeymoon feeling, all wrapped up in hormones and lust. 

'Loving someone' is holding the bed pan in the middle of the night because that last round of chemo was a doozy. It's not getting upset when the covers are on, off, and on again a dozen time a night. 

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40 minutes ago, Laci French said:

I do caution you men if you start falling to make sure you keep a tight reign on your wallet.  There are some out there that will see that emotional vulnerability as weakness and take advantage.

 

I've spent a lot of money on women and liquor.

 

The rest I just wasted.

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Being new to this lifestyle I have met a few that I was like OMG....but trying not to blur the lines is a hard thing to do...being a person that cares sometimes it's hard not to develop some type of feelings....💋💦💋

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I have had to "break up" with a few regulars because they crossed the boundaries. It's simple, I love my friends, a couple have replied here, but, its a friendly love and we enjoys each other's company. If something happened to one of them I would be very sad. But if you're not willing to go through the pain and hell with the lady  or her with you, it's just infatuation. And, if she's doesn't feel the same about you, why torture yourself. Is it just sex, or are you in it for real. Most important, is she your best friend? And are you hers? No? Then there's your answer. 

Feelings happen, but this is a business and except for rare occasions, most guys just can't handle it. Some ladies love their work, they're good at it, and are not willing to quit because you want her to. So, like others have said, see a variety of ladies. 

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4 hours ago, Melissa Sterling said:

 Some ladies love their work, they're good at it, and are not willing to quit because you want her to. So, like others have said, see a variety of ladies. 

i don't want you to quit, i just want to become your manage.  :D

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As Laci said, you have to separate love from the Love.  Knowing you love someone as in you really enjoy being with them and they enjoy being with you is very different from "holding the bed pan love".  

That said, I have been a semi-regular with a woman close to my age for a little while.  I think she was starting to feel a little more romantic than would be healthy and I think I was starting to feel the same way.  So, I have decided not to see her as it's probably not going to end well.  I could be misreading the whole thing but better safe than sorry.

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40 minutes ago, Yorick said:

It is partly the job of the provider to make you like her, and to make you think she likes you.  It may seem dishonest, but that is how she gets return business.....by treating you well and making you believe she enjoys your company.  Note....she may well be telling you the truth....in varying degrees.  Or, you may just pay well and be an easy to please client.

Only the provider knows for sure.....and she will only let you know if you go too far.  Either way, as a client, you are getting what you came for

Well put. This is something I learned, lets say in early 20's with strippers as an example. Every guy is so sweet, with interesting jobs... "Do you want a dance, you're so cute and love your eyes,.... want a dance." That knowledge, like this post, makes me very doubtful if she were to give me a compliment. It is a shame because some times I am sure a compliment was real and I didn't accept it that. I realize how lame it is to not believe what she may say as well as how she would feel to have no one believe what she might say. 

I take it for what is, not what it may twist to become in brain, and me - I'm open to whatever is the right outcome. 

Life you need a break, take it.

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21 minutes ago, SensualAddict said:

As Laci said, you have to separate love from the Love.  Knowing you love someone as in you really enjoy being with them and they enjoy being with you is very different from "holding the bed pan love".  

...

You get to "holding the bed pan" through years of enjoying their company, relying on their advice, of holding them close during the 'storms'. One of the reasons is that you want to continue doing so, even after the sexual fires are banked or even extinguished. 

21 minutes ago, SensualAddict said:

...

That said, I have been a semi-regular with a woman close to my age for a little while.  I think she was starting to feel a little more romantic than would be healthy and I think I was starting to feel the same way.  So, I have decided not to see her as it's probably not going to end well.  I could be misreading the whole thing but better safe than sorry.

Not going to end well? For whom? As in "Fatal Attraction" not well?

You owe it to both of you to at least have a conversation about why you're breaking things off. As you say, perhaps you're misreading things. Besides, how would you feel if she suddenly stopped seeing you (but continued to work)?  What would you think? Invite her to coffee, away from the confusing environment of the bedroom. (Remember, time=$s) Or even send her a note  (A 'Dear Jane' PM? Ick!)

I had a conversation with the YL I fell for; I was violating my self-imposed frequency rules. Having recognized the problem, we were more careful about things, remaining friends. She has since retired; I attended her wedding. 

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I think I am in love with the Palmer twins ❤️ 

If shillings wrong...I don't wanna be right😂

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Just now, Laci French said:

I think I am in love with the Palmer twins ❤️ 

If shillings wrong...I don't wanna be right😂

That is a 3some I want to video and watch 😅

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33 minutes ago, Laci French said:

I think I am in love with the Palmer twins ❤️ 

If shillings wrong...I don't wanna be right😂

Hubba hubba!😁

They mention 3 fantasy packages, but not mention of price. Any guesses?

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17 minutes ago, Bit Banger said:

Hubba hubba!😁

They mention 3 fantasy packages, but not mention of price. Any guesses?

Probably a years worth of hobbying gone in one hour (or at least 3 months)

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1 hour ago, Laci French said:

I think I am in love with the Palmer twins ❤️ 

If shillings wrong...I don't wanna be right😂

I knew that you could be "in love". 😇

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21 minutes ago, JAGCS said:

Probably a years worth of hobbying gone in one hour (or at least 3 months)

But the memories are priceless😂😂

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26 minutes ago, Laci French said:

But the memories are priceless😂😂

Uh, one fantasy experience with them would leave A memory. But spreading those $s amongst our local YL would leave many wonderful memories. In this instance, I'll take quantity. 😄

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As the thrust of this thread enters Palmer Twins Land and beyond (thanks Laci French, can't really blame you for that tho ;):P), thank you to everyone for your perspectives! I found them helpful, insightful, and wise, and my education continues...

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How can you not fall in love? It doesn't have to be romantic. What's wrong with not seeing someone again, but employing them? To do light bookkeeping, no they're not gonna make the same, but at least it's gas or grocery money. [snip]. Another asked for where to find an attorney. Love is a many splendid thing. For me I've used and maybe abused this opportunity to my benefit, and fortunately for me, to some of the others I've fallen in Love with. My Bad!

Edited by Kaduk
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