Chrissy

Advice Please.

50 posts in this topic

Okay y'all I have this gentleman, actually two of them.  that refuses to see me because I am not their  BCD type, but yet he consistently asks to take me out to eat for free. I do that A LOT  with guys I have actually met BCD... This is known about me. BUT he has let me know he will never see me because I do not offer what he likes ..what do you guys,gals think I should do? 

He never would have met me if it weren't for this escort bored and know of my existence otherwise ,so it's not like it's a plane Joe everyday hey how are you, can I take you out in public situation, 

This guy's reputation is awesome and I can tell he totally rocks! but I am confused of why he would rather take me to eat instead of seeing me as who I am????

I am not a guy and refuse to ask my brothers LOL. So really what do I do?? I don't want to unfriend ANYONE in this business because I am missing something in between the lines. but feel as if I am still being used for Other than my own benefit to why I joined the escort world in the first place. 

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As a "Guy", I've always thought and now see the error in my ways, that there should be a buffer in my ability to be able to "Court" a Lady as opposed to just BCD. It can't work IMO. I think some of us fantasize a social aspect that just isn't available. There are a few that yes I'm able to have a semi friendly relationship outside the arena of BCD, but that's a mutual agreement. Some like the things We like. Fishing, shooting, Mexican food, etc. It just happens. I don't push it, if you're not into it...just say so. As a "Guy", yes rejection from a Person (read Lady), always is discouraging. The reason I say I now see the error in my ways is there's one I really tried to befriend and it just simply blew up in my face in a Big Way. I'm bummed about it and should have just started the "Relationship", I wanted in the fashion this arena I chose to enter was meant to be. You Choose how You wish to do this. I think stick by your guns, unless you're into good free eats LOl.

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11 minutes ago, Chrissy said:

Okay y'all I have this gentleman, actually two of them.  that refuses to see me because I am not their  BCD type, but yet he consistently asks to take me out to eat for free. I do that A LOT  with guys I have actually met BCD... This is known about me. BUT he has let me know he will never see me because I do not offer what he likes ..what do you guys,gals think I should do? 

He never would have met me if it weren't for this escort bored and know of my existence otherwise ,so it's not like it's a plane Joe everyday hey how are you, can I take you out in public situation, 

This guy's reputation is awesome and I can tell he totally rocks! but I am confused of why he would rather take me to eat instead of seeing me as who I am????

I am not a guy and refuse to ask my brothers LOL. So really what do I do?? I don't want to unfriend ANYONE in this business because I am missing something in between the lines. but feel as if I am still being used for Other than my own benefit to why I joined the escort world in the first place. 

Hey Chrissy. It's an interesting dilemma. I'd say if you're not comfortable with the grey area in this unusual instance, don't go there. In the end, his motivations, whatever they may be, are secondary to how you are feeling about it and what your instincts are telling you (most likely from the standpoint of professional boundaries). On the other hand, if platonic friendship truly is on the table, and you're enjoying it at that level too, what's the harm in exploring it? I suppose if his intentions aren't honorable, you'll realize it before too long.

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51 minutes ago, briscorp1 said:

Hey Chrissy. It's an interesting dilemma. I'd say if you're not comfortable with the grey area in this unusual instance, don't go there. In the end, his motivations, whatever they may be, are secondary to how you are feeling about it and what your instincts are telling you (most likely from the standpoint of professional boundaries). On the other hand, if platonic friendship truly is on the table, and you're enjoying it at that level too, what's the harm in exploring it? I suppose if his intentions aren't honorable, you'll realize it before too long.

And that is exactly where I am struggling ..I often take my business into my personal life because I am single, no children, no commitments ..but I don't like feeling used and I feel like this guy is telling me hey you're good enough to go eat with but not to f*** and the fact that he met me on a escort where we book for nookie and he's still not willing to see me through that route.. I don't know what to do.. Is he not attracted to me or my services? is there something I can do to improve the attention and get an actual date? what the hell!! I am so confused..

you guys really are from Mars LOL

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And keep in mind it is not just one particular guy doing this to me it is a couple if not a few I have experienced in the last 6 months

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1 hour ago, fishndude57 said:

As a "Guy", I've always thought and now see the error in my ways, that there should be a buffer in my ability to be able to "Court" a Lady as opposed to just BCD. It can't work IMO. I think some of us fantasize a social aspect that just isn't available. There are a few that yes I'm able to have a semi friendly relationship outside the arena of BCD, but that's a mutual agreement. Some like the things We like. Fishing, shooting, Mexican food, etc. It just happens. I don't push it, if you're not into it...just say so. As a "Guy", yes rejection from a Person (read Lady), always is discouraging. The reason I say I now see the error in my ways is there's one I really tried to befriend and it just simply blew up in my face in a Big Way. I'm bummed about it and should have just started the "Relationship", I wanted in the fashion this arena I chose to enter was meant to be. You Choose how You wish to do this. I think stick by your guns, unless you're into good free eats LOl.

That is what I'm scared of I don't want to lose out on a good potential real life friend and good hobbyist friend behind not understanding the reasons. I truly am single and commitment free so it does allow me more than other ladies but I feel like I might be taken advantage of because of it

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i wish i had woman wanting to take me out to eat for free without the sex, it would be a change for once 🤣

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5 hours ago, Chrissy said:

That is what I'm scared of I don't want to lose out on a good potential real life friend and good hobbyist friend behind not understanding the reasons. I truly am single and commitment free so it does allow me more than other ladies but I feel like I might be taken advantage of because of it

Yeah, I get that part too. I've been LUCKY enough to meet some nice friends through the system the way it's supposed to work. No longer are sessions a must. We just like to do stuff together, and talk. I blew the RW attempt with one. Had it goin for a minute, but simply incompatible. We did try tho.

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  Sounds like he wants to know whats between the ears ,before he finds out whats between the legs. 

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If you have the time and want to then Go For ItI have met some incredible people in the community that I also enjoy hanging out with.  

As someone put it to me recently "not all about the holes, goals or the O's".  

But I cannot imagine a man not wanting to jump your bod. Definitely his loss.

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1 hour ago, Laci French said:

If you have the time and want to then Go For ItI have met some incredible people in the community that I also enjoy hanging out with.  

As someone put it to me recently "not all about the holes, goals or the O's".  

But I cannot imagine a man not wanting to jump your bod. Definitely his loss.

Thank you all but I think I'm going to go for it you can never have too many real world friends and I don't want to be labeled is that one.. so I'm going to take his kindness for what it is kindness, and go ahead and jump on it .I just wasn't sure what the ulterior motives were but thank you guys so much

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Shocking probably no one, I would say no. It kind of sounds like negging. I don't understand why anyone would go out of their way to tell you that they would never book you because they don't like what you offer or you're not their type. I'm guessing and I could be wrong but meeting dudes who don't want to book seems to be the opposite reason as to why you're actually here.

Hanging out with people within the business can be fun but I don't see the benefit here for either party really. What's the motive?

 

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1 minute ago, Lucy Kitten said:

Shocking probably no one, I would say no. It kind of sounds like negging. I don't understand why anyone would go out of their way to tell you that they would never book you because they don't like what you offer or you're not their type. I'm guessing and I could be wrong but meeting dudes who don't want to book seems to be the opposite reason as to why you're actually here.

Hanging out with people within the business can be fun but I don't see the benefit here for either party really. What's the motive?

 

not everything has to be about money, obviously sounds like they have met for dinner before and they enjoyed each others company, so who cares how or where they met. 

maybe chrissy is just surprised that a man doesnt want to have sex with her, pretty surprising  but hey to each own. not to many men on here looking to just talk

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1 hour ago, Laci French said:

If you have the time and want to then Go For ItI have met some incredible people in the community that I also enjoy hanging out with.  

As someone put it to me recently "not all about the holes, goals or the O's".  

But I cannot imagine a man not wanting to jump your bod. Definitely his loss.

I agree. I love food so I almost never turn down an offer to be fed (it's my weakness 😫) but maybe he's just trying to get to know you better before he decides if he wants to book an appointment. For some guys they can't perform if they're not completely "into" you. But I definitely agree with Laci and if he isn't interested in you then he is an idiot because you are a 10! 👌😍👅❤️

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Flip the script, take him out and pay for it. See where that get you. 

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8 hours ago, Chrissy said:

And that is exactly where I am struggling ..I often take my business into my personal life because I am single, no children, no commitments ..but I don't like feeling used and I feel like this guy is telling me hey you're good enough to go eat with but not to f*** and the fact that he met me on a escort where we book for nookie and he's still not willing to see me through that route.. I don't know what to do.. Is he not attracted to me or my services? is there something I can do to improve the attention and get an actual date? what the hell!! I am so confused..

you guys really are from Mars LOL

I agree...being single myself sometimes lines get crossed....but I've had to learn to "protect" my personal life and enjoy both for what they are....playtime is like CandyLand for me💞💞💞

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21 minutes ago, stevie-2249 said:

not everything has to be about money, obviously sounds like they have met for dinner before and they enjoyed each others company, so who cares how or where they met. 

maybe chrissy is just surprised that a man doesnt want to have sex with her, pretty surprising  but hey to each own. not to many men on here looking to just talk

Didn't say it was about the money but what truly is the motive? This isn't a dating site, why would someone say that they had no interest in paying but let's go on a date? If they've already met then the OPs question is moot. But it seems to me she's wondering if she should accept an invitation to dinner with someone she hasn't met and doesn't want to book her. I don't care about how and why people meet, my opinion is that I would turn down that invitation.

There are lots of men on here just looking to talk. Every provider here has a dozen men that want to be "just friends". If someone contacts Lucy and says to Lucy "I know of you because of this but don't want to pay you but we should have dinner" then I am going to say no. Lucy isn't real and that person wants free time with a persona. Wanting to know me off the clock is wanting my personal time and to know me personally. If there is no incentive offered what interest is it to me? If we don't have anything in common then what's the potential for friendship? There really isn't any.

It's amazing the time and heartache saved when people are forthright with their intentions. If someone is comfortable enough telling me that they would never book me why not give a reason for wanting to take me to dinner? If these dudes didn't want to book the OP but saw potential for friendship that was all that needed to be said. In my opinion it's rude to find someone via an escorting site tell them you don't want to give them business and ask for free time.

 

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Chrissy, I don't want to be rude, BUT...you really can't cross those lines in this profession until you meet them in private. Even then, it is not wise. Even though you are single, and can hang...these clients are calling you because you are an escort. If you want to date and have dinner with someone you won't go to bed with, but be good friends then cool, do that. Otherwise, this business is designed to make money for your "TIME AND COMPANIONSHIP". If you are not being paid to just sit and eat, he is wasting your time. It is rude of him to say that he wants to eat with you, but I don't want to go back and "get it on". Dinner and private time should be included, not separate.

If you want some friends, I am here and you can always call and vent or just chat. Some of us are friendly and not scary! ;) Also, you ahve any more questions about the lines in the business, just ask...we have all been there before and can help. Remember, your time is precious and of worth. :)

xoxo,

Samantha Sheppard

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I actually agree with what Lucy and Sam just posted.  First time should be as an escort, even though it's just to dinner.  You can negotiate a reduced rate, etc if you'd like.  After that, then you can decide.  If this were my situation as the guy, I'd have no problem playing by the rules the first time as part of the cost of risk for what I'd be looking for, because I would understand the reluctance.

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6 minutes ago, Lucy Kitten said:

In my opinion it's rude to find someone via an escorting site tell them you don't want to give them business and ask for free time.

 

 

3 minutes ago, SultryKitten said:

Remember, your time is precious and of worth. :)

Both the opportunity cost of your time and your time in general are worth more than just a meal, IMO.

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Posted (edited)

1 hour ago, stevie-2249 said:

not everything has to be about money, obviously sounds like they have met for dinner before and they enjoyed each others company, so who cares how or where they met. 

maybe chrissy is just surprised that a man doesnt want to have sex with her, pretty surprising  but hey to each own. not to many men on here looking to just talk

Then pay for a session (and full price) and just talk!

Edited by AnthointheAM
Parenthetical clarification
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3 hours ago, Laci French said:

If you have the time and want to then Go For ItI have met some incredible people in the community that I also enjoy hanging out with.  

As someone put it to me recently "not all about the holes, goals or the O's".  

But I cannot imagine a man not wanting to jump your bod. Definitely his loss.

Hey Doll, Wow, I'm flattered.  How is the dog food?

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For those of us that meet through places like this there is an expectation of payment for time and companionship, like mentioned previously, to know how you make a living and want to spend time for free is rude. Long ago, I was asked after an appointment if I was busy etc. if I wanted to get food with her after, that worked great and I took her up it and was more than happy to treat to lunch, but she made the offer. Crossing those lines can, does, create issues. It could be very hard to keep that balance of business/personal along with the psychological and emotional issue that could potentially arise. You would have to know or have a good feeling that you could both handle that and have a clear discussion of the rules or boundaries so to speak.

It's ironic that you start this thread because of a random thought I had. Thinking to myself how it could be lonely to have your job. How/when/where do you meet people in the rw for friendships or other relationships. How honest can you be about what you do, would they understand? What if you liked a gent and did want to spend time 'off hours' would they take advantage? It might seem that someone meeting you here would understand and not think negatively about you, as opposed to someone not familiar. Also, you would have consider other potential problems like guys who seem okay initially but turn out to be crazy ass guys that are scary or dangerous or let's say just plain bad people. Some stories I've heard have totally blown me away (probably nothing compared to what have heard or possibly experienced personally) I have wondered, sort of along you original post, about a few really amazing women I met here and how we would get along if we met in a different way and what that would have been like.

Again in your case if they wouldn't be interested in your services or even a relationship with you, why bother on either side? I just think - take what positive you can, give what positive you can, be genuine, stand up for what need, being straight forward and honest then you can't have regret you just have experiences. Maybe it sounds lame but I truly believe and try to live the more good we put out there the more good to come around. 

Enjoy your weekend.

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5 hours ago, Laci French said:

If you have the time and want to then Go For ItI have met some incredible people in the community that I also enjoy hanging out with.  

As someone put it to me recently "not all about the holes, goals or the O's".  

But I cannot imagine a man not wanting to jump your bod. Definitely his loss.

The friendships one develops in this community is priceless

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I'm sure I'm not the only one that struggles with the boundaries that are implied by meeting someone here.  Many good and thoughtful comments, and as Lucy put it, Lucy doesn't exist.  We are making one of the most intimate contacts two people could have, and yet in reality it's an 'Eye's Wide Shut' proposition.  I think the advice given regarding fee for time and companionship should apply whatever the agreed upon activities.  The goal of a provider is to be compensated for that time, and the goal of the client is to be provided with whatever the fee will allow.  I think it's human nature to want to take what is given, and once you have started down the road of giving something for free it is a difficult endeavor to change that relationship.  On the contrary, it would seem to be a slippery slope to giving more and more rather than less.  Heck you might as well be in a real relationship for that!  I wonder if part of your struggle is that this seems to be a challenge, you won't see me for that, so I'll show you what you are missing.  On the other side of the coin, I would wonder if it's a way to try and get something for nothing.  That would seem like a long game to play, but some have more patience than others.  I would say do what feels safe and keep your eyes open.

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Posted (edited)

5 hours ago, Mackonit said:

Flip the script, take him out and pay for it. See where that get you. 

I actually do. Just last monthe i took a long time  regular Zipping and to an awesome restaurant that he chose for his 50th b-day.

In April I took a old time regular from Houston that was visiting  to Glenwood Hot springs, yes it was my treat. 

And again I have plans for a Halloween date with a long time hobby friend

 

Edited by Chrissy
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13 hours ago, Chrissy said:

I actually do. Just last monthe i took a long time  regular Zipping and to an awesome restaurant that he chose for his 50th b-day.

In April I took a old time regular from Houston that was visiting  to Glenwood Hot springs, yes it was my treat. 

And again I have plans for a Halloween date with a long time hobby friend

 

That's an awesome kudos to you. May I offer some humble advice, seeking a solution on a public forum is not the way to go, but a sit down face to face to see where you stand. 

 

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Here is my opinion (worth what you pay for it).

The guy is willing to pay for dinner, but not pay you. He claims it's because you wont do some act(s) in a session. 

He's lying to you (and maybe himself) about something. Why date you, if your activities are less than he usually pays for? 

Why not befriend one of the ladies he does see?

It just doesn't add up.

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On 12.8.2017 at 7:59 AM, Chrissy said:

Okay y'all I have this gentleman, actually two of them.  that refuses to see me because I am not their  BCD type, but yet he consistently asks to take me out to eat for free. I do that A LOT  with guys I have actually met BCD...

 

On 12.8.2017 at 9:36 AM, Chrissy said:

I often take my business into my personal life because I am single, no children, no commitments .

The answer to your question is contained in these two quotes. ;)

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TLDR:  If he wants to pay for your time & dinner, OK.

-----

Over they years I have taken many a YL to dinner as part of an evening culminating in BCD time. All pre-arranged and paid for as part of the package. 

Over the years I have taken many a YL to lunch or dinner AFTER our compensated BCD time. A simply "I'm headed to ___. Would you care to join me?"  No compensation offered for time, but I expect to pay expenses. (Sometimes I've been surprised when she insists on paying. 😁)

Over the years I have taken friends out for lunch or dinner with no intention of BCD activities or compensation. Many of these friendships developed over the lunch/dinner situations described above. Some of these friends are now retired, but we still see each other socially. Some I still see in professional situations (BCD), with appropriate compensation. 

I think it inappropriate to ask for friendship status on an escort board w/o passing through a professional relationship first. This is not Match or OurTime. If he wants to pay for your time & dinner w/o BCD, OK. Perhaps a friendship will develop, but that's up to the two of you. (As Dawna would say, "It's a fetish. Costs extra!" 😯)

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