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Question for providers....

60 posts in this topic

Ok ladies,

So have anyone else had this issue...

You see a client once and they continue to ask for a reference but never return?....

If there wasn't a connection that's ok.... Be honest.... I am reference friendly but I don't like feeling like I'm just a stepping stone... I have no problems giving references but please be honest when you say you really enjoyed yourself and can't wait to see me again..... Ok...done ranting....ladies?.....anyone else?

Edited by Bella Marie
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5 minutes ago, Laci French said:

If I had a dick I would be dangerous.  This is like a candy store and I just don't get offended when the men try out all the other flavors.  

He probably had a great time and after making the rounds will return.  

 

I have no problems with sharing at all but when you start to feel like just a stepping stone it's hurtful.... I really enjoy what I provide to my guests and I want them to leave wanting more I guess💕💕💕💕💕 if I need to improve something I would like to know is all💋

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Yes, I get it a few times. That is one of the reasons my screening has gotten tighter because I don't want my good reputation to be the only reason they are seeing me so they can see the lady they actually want...and yes, I have been around long enough to know when I am being a stepping stone.

I don't mind giving references...hey, I love to share. I just don't want it to be the only reason they are seeing me. Nothing is more awkward than when a guy is not into you, but wastes an hour so he can get his nut somewhere else. It is a real let down when you get excited yourself about the appointment, and he is not "that into you". Hell, at that point, I might as well have gone down to the bar and grabbed the nearest drunk with a semi-boner if it is going to be that delightful.

xoxo,

Samantha Sheppard

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1 minute ago, SultryKitten said:

Yes, I get it a few times. That is one of the reasons my screening has gotten tighter because I don't want my good reputation to be the only reason they are seeing me so they can see the lady they actually want...and yes, I have been around long enough to know when I am being a stepping stone.

I don't mind giving references...hey, I love to share. I just don't want it to be the only reason they are seeing me. Nothing is more awkward than when a guy is not into you, but wastes an hour so he can get his nut somewhere else. It is a real let down when you get excited yourself about the appointment, and he is not "that into you". Hell, at that point, I might as well have gone down to the bar and grabbed the nearest drunk with a semi-boner if it is going to be that delightful.

xoxo,

Samantha Sheppard

That's how I feel.... I put effort into my visits...shower, clothing candles and ambiance.... I really am into being a great hostess....and I take pride in my service....

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Bella, don't worry, they always come back...eventually. I do know what you mean though. Sometimes you want to tell the dude, "hey so you've seen 5 other ladies, why don't you use them?" But then you gotta think a couple things might be happening. 1. They may not have seen the girl for whatever reason. 2. He feels/felt comfortable enough with you and trusts you to keep using you. Sadly, not all the ladies are willing to give references either. Rest assured, with your looks and passion, he's gonna be back. 

I agree with Laci, he's probably running around getting his dick wet, trying to figure out what he likes. 

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1 minute ago, Melissa Sterling said:

Bella, don't worry, they always come back...eventually. I do know what you mean though. Sometimes you want to tell the dude, "hey so you've seen 5 other ladies, why don't you use them?" But then you gotta think a couple things might be happening. 1. They may not have seen the girl for whatever reason. 2. He feels/felt comfortable enough with you and trusts you to keep using you. Sadly, not all the ladies are willing to give references either. Rest assured, with your looks and passion, he's gonna be back. 

I agree with Laci, he's probably running around getting his dick wet, trying to figure out what he likes. 

Thanks doll.... But it seems to be happening more often😢

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1 minute ago, Bella Marie said:

Thanks doll.... But it seems to be happening more often😢

Well that's crappie then BUT at the end of the day, you know you did your best, and well you got paid. Seriously, with guys like that, fuck em and laugh all the way to the bank. Cold I know., but sometimes it's true. 

You're a warm person with passion, but you also gotta remember to have the confidence that makes you good at your job as well. I know it's hard sometimes, been there myself. Trust me, you're beautiful inside and out, and for every guy who doesn't fully appreciate your attention to detail, there's 10 who will. Can't click with everyone, but don't take it personal.

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Thank you all for your input💕💕💕💕💕 it's hard not to take things personally.... This is a personal field.... You all, myself included, give a part of ourselves (soul) to each of these friends we see💕💕💕💕

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Thank you so much for your input💋... I genuinely care about what you gentlemen feel about us ladies💕💕💕💕

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This man's perspective:

I've connected with literally almost all that I've visited. Obviously some more than others. That does not diminish the respect I feel for all the Ladies I have connected with. You included. Some I still need to swing around to and see again for sure. I still have yet to ask a Lady to be a reference. I do read all ads and websites and have only once filled out the screening form in detail. I don't have a problem with that. One that I communicate with daily, and yes, we are more friends than client/Provider, I honestly don't see her that often at all. I think we both prefer to keep it that way. We do choose to have fun tho and leave all this behind. I think you're lonely, I know I am. Certain Ladies have SO's, others do the fam thing and quite well. I for one am in a comfort zone. I prefer our more mature crowd, so for me that limits the field easily. I'm not like others that think that a man only prefers a blowjob. I prefer point, counterpoint. I had an ATF until last night again, then she again kicked me to the curb for the final time, at least until she texts she wants to be friends again, and she only needs a grand. You're respected obviously in this community, sometimes I think your posts are a little too 1st person. But hey unlike you, when I look in the mirror I don't see a Swan but that ugly duckling. Somebody gotta Love me some me, right? It's all I got. There's one Lady in Springs that I lunch on occasion with, repeats if you will, and I've never seen her professionally. Just for some reason, no idea why, it just happened. I wouldn't be concerned if I were you. I'd simply nurture what might be presented me. LOL start charging for refs if it bothers you...

Me

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Thank you fishndude....that is insightful.... I don't want to charge for references... That's not how I am... I just wanted input on this situation is all doll💋💋💋💋💋

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34 minutes ago, Yorick said:

A guy's perspective:

....

And there are also all the other engaging ladies who are posting here.  As Laci said, it IS a candy store.  A damned fine one. 

And if it helps any, we guys DO feel something. We guys are probably a lot more romantic than you think. I have to constantly guard my heart, and have developed strong feelings for one of ladies over the years.  Seeing other ladies actually becomes a defense mechanism at some point. And when someone has been very kind to you....as (for example) Melissa has to me....you actually start to feel a bit guilty when you have not visited them in a while.  So, while some may just be using you, others like me are trying to figure out how to see you again without getting to the point where we cross those undefined boundaries.

....

VERY well said. 

The point in bold is the reason that I usually limited myself to once/year for any particular lady. 

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2 minutes ago, Bit Banger said:

VERY well said. 

The point in bold is the reason that I usually limited myself to once/year for any particular lady. 

Interesting thought... But being humans we crave a connection... Whether that be mental, emotional or physical.... Spiritual as well... I feel that each one of us (providers and clients) all need that connection.... Giving of ourselves is a gift that should be cherished....not discarded💋💕💋

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Sometimes a provider is better than you thought they would be. It bothers some guys. 

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There are two points here:

1) I limited my interaction to once/yr because the emotions conflicted with my SO relationship. I got emotional fulfillment at home, just not the physical fulfillment. 

2) As Yorick pointed out, these emotions can lead mortal men to cross some of the boundaries of professional encounters. Being single again, I'm less worried about relationships. But I still need to maintain my ASP relationships on a professional footing. There are a few ladies I have spent significant time, but we've had some serious discussions about our futures. 

Nobody is talking about discarding these connections. The connections are cherished. Just managed for appropriate behavior. 

Edited by Bit Banger
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48 minutes ago, tide32 said:

Sometimes a provider is better than you thought they would be. It bothers some guys. 

I can understand that as well...

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4 hours ago, Bella Marie said:

Ok ladies,

So have anyone else had this issue...

You see a client once and they continue to ask for a reference but never return?....

If there wasn't a connection that's ok.... Be honest.... I am reference friendly but I don't like feeling like I'm just a stepping stone... I have no problems giving references but please be honest when you say you really enjoyed yourself and can't wait to see me again..... Ok...done ranting....ladies?.....anyone else?

This happens quite often and I have no problem calling the gentleman and telling them "hey I am not a personal secretary" . Please refrain from using me as a reference as I have gave plenty to you and you can use a lady that you met recently.

I give references but as long as they are a consistent client will I give repeated references. This keeps the reference recent.

If I have not seen a gentleman in over a year I am honest about the date when we met to the inquiring lady. 

A response is always a good thing weather it is good or bad, recent or old, the lady appreciates the fact that there is a response.

For me I like the meeting to be with 6 or 8 months of the reference request.

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5 hours ago, Bella Marie said:

That's how I feel.... I put effort into my visits...shower, clothing candles and ambiance.... I really am into being a great hostess....and I take pride in my service....

Exactly!!!! Up scale ambiance. Everything great smelling, extra clean, tidy, beautiful...we are all in with you Bella!!

Now I have The Monkey's playing: 

"I Ain't Your Stepping Stone" in my head.

Think about it. It's one thing if you are afraid of developing an emotional connection?! *ya sure* sorry but that is sort of lame...whatever makes you feel better lol! Ooooo Yes, and it becomes another thing when client's become complacent with us and continue to use us only for references/becomes complacent behavior gives you zero! "Sorry doll, I am a little short, I'll make it up next time" shitty!! Complancy in other ways also.

I like Kandy's thinking. I will no longer hand out references to guys if it has been a long time since I have seen the guy! Gonna completely stop with one guy who I have  not seen now for close to 8 months, yet.he continues to use me for refrences?! Not cool! Client's you wish to get a reference from me? You must call me prior and ask politely. Yes long before I hear from the provider please.   Especially, if I have no knowledge of this provider, (nothing personal)?

I have my own style for verifying.  Seldom do I ever need to verify with other providers on anything.  I give references  out like candy some days. No sweat!

😂😂I have super natural abilities. 

Just be nice and considerate with us fine ladies please! Our world always looks easy from the outside. Trust us in saying often it isn't!😘😘

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I have said this before but it is relevant here too. No way am I spending hard earned money and rearranging valuable time to see someone if there is no attraction in the first place. This may be just me, but even as a relative noob, I don't need a notch on the belt, a credit, or a reference bad enough to see someone I am not attracted to in one way or another. I may also want to return, schedule in the future based on interesting exchanges on posts or PMs, or finally get to see someone for whom a giant snowstorm ruined our planned encounter. Unfortunately I have neither unlimited time nor funds so that encounter may take a while. While I would welcome continued engagement with the YL, I have taken to heart the info shared on time-wasters and try hard not to be one. In short, if there was a connection, he will probably return. It may just be in the time it takes for the stars to align again. Patience is not something I have in abundance, but I try.

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Bella...I'll be your Wednesday nooner on the regular.  Do you give an employee discount? Not trying to come off as a negotiator...just asking😉

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I do appreciate posts like this that give good discussions in how to behave in this hobby.  Gets a lot of good points brought up by folks, pros, cons, different ways of looking at things.  The comments about seeing someone only once a year?  That's great, never occurred to me that being an issue!  On the other hand, I've seen the, well, not heartbreak, but a certain not so good feeling on a gals face when presented with exactly what Bella's describing in the OP, when a reference call comes in for someone who got a 30 min appointment a year ago, and she's spent more time confirming the reference than the appointment lasted. 

That's why the OKs on p411, and references on TOB are useful?  Do providers find it useful enough to look at a guys profile and see "Ok, he's seen 6 providers, he's good?"  

And the guideline is basically references get stale after 4-6 months, and that should cover almost all circumstances.  I'm sure there's a few guys who go longer in between meetings, but the majority of times, this should be OK.  And contact the provider first to say "Hey, I'd like to use you as a reference for me seeing X, is that OK?" is good protocol to follow? 

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9 hours ago, Laci French said:

Bella...I'll be your Wednesday nooner on the regular.  Do you give an employee discount? Not trying to come off as a negotiator...just asking😉

Omg...😂😂😂😂😂LACI YOU'RE AWESOME💦💦💦💦💦

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If someone asks a lady that they haven't seen in over a year for references...could it be because the most recent ladies he has seen have left the business ??

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2 minutes ago, JRWolfe said:

If someone asks a lady that they haven't seen in over a year for references...could it be because the most recent ladies he has seen have left the business ??

With your stellar background doll YOU shouldn't need one💦💦💦💦💦💋💋💋💋

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2 minutes ago, JRWolfe said:

If someone asks a lady that they haven't seen in over a year for references...could it be because the most recent ladies he has seen have left the business ??

This is a good point.  Most the time us ladies can recognize if a lady has retired, and it's easy to find out when you research her and look at her website and it is down, her ads to be non-existent anywhere that's when it's a given she's retired.

In that scenario it is still easy to pull up some reviews and know that she was reputable. 

Most us ladies that have been around long enough to know some common faces and names will be able to differentiate what's good word and not.

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3 minutes ago, Bella Marie said:

With your stellar background doll YOU shouldn't need one💦💦💦💦💦💋💋💋💋

  You would be surprised !   But actually I was talking about the other gents. As often as ladies come and go in this business,it wouldn't be much of a stretch to see that their most recent visits have left and they have to resort to ladies that they haven't seen in a long time for references.

Best bet for them would be to revisit those ladies and then ask for references again.

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2 minutes ago, Kandi Apple said:

This is a good point.  Most the time us ladies can recognize if a lady has retired, and it's easy to find out when you research her and look at her website and it is down, her ads to be non-existent anywhere that's when it's a given she's retired.

In that scenario it is still easy to pull up some reviews and know that she was reputable. 

Most us ladies that have been around long enough to know some common faces and names will be able to differentiate what's good word and not.

  Then again, he might use the names of the retired as a reference,knowing that they can't be contacted to confirm he actually saw them.

 Lot of mine fields out there....be carefull.

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1 minute ago, JRWolfe said:

  Then again, he might use the names of the retired as a reference,knowing that they can't be contacted to confirm he actually saw them.

 Lot of mine fields out there....be carefull.

Very TRUE!

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