Posted July 11, 2017 Hello Seeking in depth information about advanced skills such as client-relationship building and management, poise, flirtation and persona. What the hell am I talking about in English, please? I want to learn about the art of building meaningful, memorable client-provider relationships, how to manage difficult client behaviors (though I think I'm pretty good at this), and developing my persona and poise as a skilled provider. I have questions like: How do you make them feel special while still keeping things professional? How much do you share about yourself and how? How do you gauge how much the person is curious and where to go with what you share? How do you be-friend clients without offering more of your time or energy than you have? I'm interested in all thoughtful articles and information on these and other advanced sex work skills. I've got a great handle on (FBSM) skills but am looking to enrich my character and skills in the relational department. Please share anything of use! Feel free to PM me if you want to trade experiences/knowledge 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 12, 2017 I will touch lightly on this subject. The providers that I see repeatedly as the ones that me a little about their personal life outside the hobby. Just a little.... Keep it light and friendly. Remembering my name during the appointment helps also with conversation. Above all, don't call me Hun or Baby. Send a PM to new members welcoming them is a good way to generate new business. That adds a personal touch. Business is business but I have been invited out to lunch afterward for memorable visits. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 12, 2017 20 minutes ago, inkspot said: ... Above all, don't call me Hun or Baby. ... Or at least smack your gum 2-3 times when you do. 😜 To the OP: You should be able to adapt some of the Dale Carnegie material on sales & relationships to your particular business. I'm not aware of any ASP specific sources. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 12, 2017 On 7/11/2017 at 11:53 AM, VioletTouch said: Hello Seeking in depth information about advanced skills such as client-relationship building and management, poise, flirtation and persona. What the hell am I talking about in English, please? I want to learn about the art of building meaningful, memorable client-provider relationships, how to manage difficult client behaviors (though I think I'm pretty good at this), and developing my persona and poise as a skilled provider. I have questions like: How do you make them feel special while still keeping things professional? How much do you share about yourself and how? How do you gauge how much the person is curious and where to go with what you share? How do you be-friend clients without offering more of your time or energy than you have? I'm interested in all thoughtful articles and information on these and other advanced sex work skills. I've got a great handle on (FBSM) skills but am looking to enrich my character and skills in the relational department. Please share anything of use! Feel free to PM me if you want to trade experiences/knowledge I'm sure a lot of what you've learned from FBSM is translatable but I'll provide some insight anyways so if I repeat anything you already know don't be offended. How do you make them feel special while still keeping things professional? Stay attentive, listen to their stories and laugh at their jokes. Ask generic questions to avoid making the client uncomfortable, like what kind of work do you do instead of where do you work. Ask them about their interests and share yours in hopes of finding that extra level of compatibility. Remember their birthdays (if you know) and follow up on the events in their life they've shared with you. You can keep things professional my maintaining your standards, I don't mean cookie cutter sessions but let all boundaries apply to all clients at all times. Give your absolute best in the hour but don't hesitate to say hey times up I had a great time we should do this again. It can be pretty easy for clients to misconstrue a providers actions so we have to be careful. How much do you share about yourself and how? How do you gauge how much the person is curious and where to go with what you share? That is entirely up to your comfort level. I share as much as I am comfortable with and with those I am comfortable with. I usually try not to share unless asked questions about myself. There are some clients that want to hear stories about my business and I don't share that, I try to keep it about things like my interests and current goings on. As silly as it sounds it's kind of like dating, you'll know when someone is genuinely interested in you and if they're seriously curious. And from there you can decide what you want to share based on what they want know. How do you be-friend clients without offering more of your time or energy than you have? That's another one of those where you kind of have to decide your own boundaries. I have varying degrees of client friendships, some I trade correspondence with now and then just to say hi or to share a funny story with, there are a few that I have shared interests with and will occasionally do things off the clock with them. For me it all varies and isn't always consistent. A lot of it has to do with what's going on in my life otherwise, sometimes I have the time to devote and sometimes I don't. Client provider friendships usually do a pretty good job of evolving on their own. A good client respects and maintains the boundaries and that leads to great friendships. A good solution to the last two questions is to use the tools you have, do you have a website? If you do add a blog and talk about yourself there and use it to acknowledge your clients and say hello to all of them at once. I personally am a big fan of providers on social media, Twitter is a great place to reach out to all your clients and potential clients all at once. It's a great way for people to get to know you and maintain a friendship of sorts and you can do it when you want to and have the time. I get that it's not quite the same as building the relationship in a session but it really helps set the groundwork for what type of provider you are and what your personality is and that in turn will draw in more compatible clients for more quality sessions. I have a few blogs and other sites in mind to suggest to you. I'll assemble the links and send them to you via PM. There are some great provider blogs out there but you'll have to search for specifics. Slightly off topic from your questions but I just read an amazing blog about touring Asian countries and how to make it work for you. It was well written and unbelievably informative. There is tons of great stuff out there sometimes it just takes some digging. 3 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 12, 2017 8 hours ago, inkspot said: ...... Above all, don't call me Hun or Baby. ...... Would you prefer doll or sweetheart? 😉 Jk, that's something I DEFINITELY need to work on because I do that a lot and I realize that guys don't like that and it's too impersonable. But I agree with your post and I like to talk a little about my personal life. Where I'm from, where I've been, likes, dislikes, and such. I also am a very good listener and love learning about my clients and hearing their INCREDIBLE stories. ☺️ Connection is as important to me as it is to them, and it makes things so less awkward! 3 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 13, 2017 On 7/11/2017 at 11:53 AM, VioletTouch said: Hello Seeking in depth information about advanced skills such as client-relationship building and management, poise, flirtation and persona. What the hell am I talking about in English, please? I want to learn about the art of building meaningful, memorable client-provider relationships, how to manage difficult client behaviors (though I think I'm pretty good at this), and developing my persona and poise as a skilled provider. I have questions like: How do you make them feel special while still keeping things professional? How much do you share about yourself and how? How do you gauge how much the person is curious and where to go with what you share? How do you be-friend clients without offering more of your time or energy than you have? I'm interested in all thoughtful articles and information on these and other advanced sex work skills. I've got a great handle on (FBSM) skills but am looking to enrich my character and skills in the relational department. Please share anything of use! Feel free to PM me if you want to trade experiences/knowledge Kudos to you! Ms. Violet. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 13, 2017 Giving an authentic experience is something that is key. One poster mentioned terms of endearment as a turn-off, socially those terms mean you don't remember their name and use generic ones to save face. Making people feel comfortable starts with remembering their names and specific traits. After every session make notes so you can recall past conversations and don't mix them up with another client. I have a decent memory, but sometimes I forget to drink coffee in the morning and I forget important details they have told me in the past or where my keys might be hiding. Having conversations with your clients that are light and easy allows you to show your personality without revealing personal information. It's like a dance, you're leading. Especially for longer sessions, there will be periods of time where you can chat. Open-ended questions are best, it gives them time to talk and you can give detailed thoughtful responses. It builds trust and makes you memorable. 5 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 13, 2017 15 hours ago, inkspot said: Above all, don't call me Hun or Baby. I don't get this. What is wrong with being called Hun or Baby. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 13, 2017 6 hours ago, valconxen said: I don't get this. What is wrong with being called Hun or Baby. Agreed! I'd rather be called Hun, Doll, Baby, or Sweetheart, than Dog, Bro, Dude, or Man! 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 13, 2017 7 hours ago, valconxen said: I don't get this. What is wrong with being called Hun or Baby. its trite 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 13, 2017 7 hours ago, valconxen said: I don't get this. What is wrong with being called Hun or Baby. Yeah, "Hun" is the official greeting of Baltimore.. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 13, 2017 14 hours ago, HollyMarie said: Giving an authentic experience is something that is key. One poster mentioned terms of endearment as a turn-off, socially those terms mean you don't remember their name and use generic ones to save face. Making people feel comfortable starts with remembering their names and specific traits. After every session make notes so you can recall past conversations and don't mix them up with another client. I have a decent memory, but sometimes I forget to drink coffee in the morning and I forget important details they have told me in the past or where my keys might be hiding. Having conversations with your clients that are light and easy allows you to show your personality without revealing personal information. It's like a dance, you're leading. Especially for longer sessions, there will be periods of time where you can chat. Open-ended questions are best, it gives them time to talk and you can give detailed thoughtful responses. It builds trust and makes you memorable. Beautiful response! 😊 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 13, 2017 I want to echo the dislike of being called, Hun, Baby, Honey,... dude of any other cute name. It says to me that you don't remember my name, or didn't feel it was important enough to remember it. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 13, 2017 Besides the 'connection' we are all trying to get emotionally with what we are saying, what's everyone's thoughts on eye contact? Eye contact can convey so much, from disinterest to an emotional connection conveying empathy and truly enjoying someone's presence. What's that old saying "The eyes are a window to the soul." I am a newbie but is eye contact something we all want? 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 13, 2017 If I am hijacking, I apologize... 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 13, 2017 Understanding on a deeper and more powerful/meaningful level your own personal self worth and being able to stay centered within your own mindset while being with clients. Focuse in on them without losing yourself. Saw this article long ago. https://www.psychalive.org/self-worth/ Om shakti! 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 13, 2017 Twitter and Cosmopolitan are the only places that religiously speaks on sex...there are real no REAL guide for how best to be a provider. All I can think of is to be keen to your clients needs and never lose focus on yourself. Intution will never guide you wrong as long as you are open for the answers. Meditate on the subject offer it up in pray. Focus inwardly on what those answers may be. Chances are you already know! 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 13, 2017 2 hours ago, scars&staples said: Besides the 'connection' we are all trying to get emotionally with what we are saying, what's everyone's thoughts on eye contact? Eye contact can convey so much, from disinterest to an emotional connection conveying empathy and truly enjoying someone's presence. What's that old saying "The eyes are a window to the soul." I am a newbie but is eye contact something we all want? 2 I think it all depends on the person. Some clients come there to connect and really crave that eye contact. Others come there for a completely different interaction and dislike the idea of eye contact. I think it's more important that wishes and desires like eye contact are communicated so they can tailor the experience they want to have. We are responsible for our own good time, if there is something I'm lacking and someone else can provide it, it's in my best interest to pipe up. 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 13, 2017 3 hours ago, scars&staples said: Besides the 'connection' we are all trying to get emotionally with what we are saying, what's everyone's thoughts on eye contact? Eye contact can convey so much, from disinterest to an emotional connection conveying empathy and truly enjoying someone's presence. What's that old saying "The eyes are a window to the soul." I am a newbie but is eye contact something we all want? It is hard for me to get excited about eye contact when it is an act and part of the business transaction. I know it is forced and not authentic. The personality is more important. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 13, 2017 Actually, "The Other Board' is a good guide for providers. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 13, 2017 You can call me "hon," and you can call me "baby," but do not call me "daddy." I actually like "baby," as in "oooh baby, you are in so deep..." 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 14, 2017 (edited) Well, I will lose a lot of clients then because I forget names...even people I personally know. I wish I didn't, will admit it embarrasses me, but I just can't seem to store it in my brain even though I am dead on with numbers. To add to it, I have for years, met so many "Tom, Dicks, & Harry's" that it is sometimes easier to just give you a sweet endearment then screw up on the name. If this is more important than having a mind blowing experience and remembering what you like, things about you, etc. than may you be so lucky and sorry that some of us ladies just can't seem to keep the names in remembrance! xoxo, Samantha Sheppard Edited July 14, 2017 by SultryKitten 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 14, 2017 6 hours ago, BadBoy said: You can call me "hon," and you can call me "baby," but do not call me "daddy." I actually like "baby," as in "oooh baby, you are in so deep..." Yeah I don't like "papi" either. And if you call me "Opa" we're finished. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 14, 2017 12 hours ago, SultryKitten said: Well, I will lose a lot of clients then because I forget names...even people I personally know. I wish I didn't, will admit it embarrasses me, but I just can't seem to store it in my brain even though I am dead on with numbers. ... Right there with you Samantha! I've always had trouble with names. Faces on the other hand, like landmarks, stick. ("I know I know that person, but what is their name?" ) One of the reasons I was a back office geek instead of working sales. 3 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 14, 2017 6 hours ago, Bit Banger said: Right there with you Samantha! I've always had trouble with names. Faces on the other hand, like landmarks, stick. ("I know I know that person, but what is their name?" ) One of the reasons I was a back office geek instead of working sales. I am with both of you. I can numbers all day, but hard time with names. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 15, 2017 Much kudos to Violet for caring enough to ask the questions. I pay for the illusions of a close interpersonal relationship... sort of a friends with benefits thing. (Hey - this is my reality... I make it up... and I am happy to pay for it once in a while) I think the "Hun/baby" thing ruins my self delusions that we know each other and... it is trite. "But... but... you call everyone baby!" (my mind whines). But that's me - and there are many other great naked reasons to engage providers here. Also - you just met me 20 minutes ago... How can I expect you to remember that my given christian name is Studmuffin? I think its always judgment call how personal the relationship can get and how to tactfully draw the lines. I have no doubt you will acquire this talent. Good luck Violet - Be safe 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 15, 2017 I actually have read on amazing book that was suggested to my by a buisness associate of mine. It's called "the go giver" I could deffinately see how many aspects could apply to this kind of buisness. I hope you read it it was very eye opening for myself and now it's like my bible for successful buisness practices 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted July 18, 2017 Remembering name is good, Hun or babe not a problem if you still know my name. A bit of conversation about personal life is good to a point, don't really being asked much detail about if I'm married or girlfriend, asking about kids can be awkward. I guess the biggest thing is just being real, and listening/paying attention to how each other is reacting to conversation and adjusting, not seeming programmed. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
