NO Reference for YOU!

[Chrissy]

Can we PLEASE have a sticky for those who ARE not reference friendly??? Not to put the haters on blast but just so Some of us DO NOT WASTE entire days for replies we are never going to get..it kinda shifty when we have to tell a guy,

" Well hon, she told YOU she would be a ref but is Ignoring me, I can see she opened and read my emails and messags , reposted just a few minutes ago but has chose to ignore my request, Do you have another lady to vouch?"

IMO Its a shame really. If you allow your self to have reviews YOU should allow your self to give references. Fair is fair. IMO

Whats the deal?

These are not young NEW the hobby woman either, Its coming from seasoned Well reviewed ladies that live here ?  Aren't we all supposed to be part of support system that keeps us from Johny law? 

Any one else having reference issues?

 

[Laci French]

I completely agree with you!  

This is about keeping everyone safe and it really is petty to not share toys.

[pfunk]

Honestly, I can't believe you ladies can remember us, well enough, to give references!

I only see about 4 new clients a week, and I forget them inside of 30 days, sometimes within a few days!

If I didn't have estimates and invoices, and keep notes, I'd never be able to keep track, of who was who.

 

Edited May 28, 2017 by pfunk

[TS Madison Proudmoore]

20 minutes ago, pfunk said:

Honestly, I can't believe you ladies can remember us, well enough, to give references!

I only see about 4 new clients a week, and I forget them inside of 30 days, sometimes within a few days!

If I didn't have estimates and invoices, and keep notes, I'd never be able to keep track, of who was who.

 

I write first name, phone number(if privacy is a concern they damn well better be using a google voice number) or email or TOB alias and a rating out of 10 to simplify things with 7 or greater meaning I'd see them again or refer them.

[Chrissy]

Again why p411 is so valuable! I don't want details, I don't care about any ones time but Mine.. I just simply want to know if his claims of seeing you are true and I'm not going to the pokey..Simple, Easy, not made to be hard... If you see a guy, you either have his number or email. You know if you went to jail or Not when seeing him.. Simple .. Seriously this is not rocket science . 

[SabrinaLynn aka KatieCreme]

Some girls I know don't work everyday so therefore thier phones are not always on! I've had people get mad at me because I don't answer back in a timely manner but in all honestly I don't answer while busy(Work or real life) and if the Gentleman hasn't seen me in over a month I feel as I can't vouch for them.PEOPLE CHANGE everyday.

[frankenthaler91]

Keep a list for yourself.  Share it with those you trust. And they can share their list with you. 

[inkspot]

You might try another way to verify. I quickly loose interest if I call for an appointment with references and more than 24 hr go by without a scheduled appointment.

I hear what you are venting. This subject has been discussed ad nauseum. Nothing is going to change. Keep hitting your head against the brick wall.  That wall is not going to move.

[Laci French]

2 hours ago, inkspot said:

You might try another way to verify. I quickly loose interest if I call for an appointment with references and more than 24 hr go by without a scheduled appointment.

I hear what you are venting. This subject has been discussed ad nauseum. Nothing is going to change. Keep hitting your head against the brick wall.  That wall is not going to move.

Hope you have p411

[TrystinTrimble]

I used to not participate in reference giving at all, but have eased up and now give references real quick if asked for them. I still do not ever use or seek them because its just not worth the extra work and often its bogus anyway. 

What chaps my ass is when I get a reference request and the guy using my name has no favor with me due to his neanderthal ways or he shorted me on our visit, or he asked me all kinds of personal and degrading shit and now I wont see him anyway.  One guy recently gave my REAL NAME as a reference and he only knew it because he stumbled upon it.  

Guys who were/are always total dicks to me are more than welcome to use my name as a reference but dont be surprised when my reference is all truth and all not good. I have replied with this paragraph before....

"Yes, I have seen Mr. Bigglesworth before. He isnt L.E. He wont strangle you or make you put on lotion he lowered to you in a basket until youre jacket-worthy. However, he IS my most dreaded client. He tries to impose his awful cooking on me for 30 mins before we get started. He wastes a shitload of my time before the activities start, then tries to short me 40 bucks and makes me feel guilty for "being all about money." He CRIES. OFTEN. He is, in short, a total emotional vampire who cant walk out the front door without that one teddy bear or it ruins his entire week.  Hes also condescending and interrupts everything i say and says I NEVER LISTEN. Enjoy! "

 

You would think that a guy would want to give a reference who isnt openly angry with him inside of an hour EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.  That just makes no sense.

[Lucy Kitten]

6 minutes ago, TrystinTrimble said:

I used to not participate in reference giving at all, but have eased up and now give references real quick if asked for them. I still do not ever use or seek them because its just not worth the extra work and often its bogus anyway. 

What chaps my ass is when I get a reference request and the guy using my name has no favor with me due to his neanderthal ways or he shorted me on our visit, or he asked me all kinds of personal and degrading shit and now I wont see him anyway.  One guy recently gave my REAL NAME as a reference and he only knew it because he stumbled upon it.  

Guys who were/are always total dicks to me are more than welcome to use my name as a reference but dont be surprised when my reference is all truth and all not good. I have replied with this paragraph before....

"Yes, I have seen Mr. Bigglesworth before. He isnt L.E. He wont strangle you or make you put on lotion he lowered to you in a basket until youre jacket-worthy. However, he IS my most dreaded client. He tries to impose his awful cooking on me for 30 mins before we get started. He wastes a shitload of my time before the activities start, then tries to short me 40 bucks and makes me feel guilty for "being all about money." He CRIES. OFTEN. He is, in short, a total emotional vampire who cant walk out the front door without that one teddy bear or it ruins his entire week.  Hes also condescending and interrupts everything i say and says I NEVER LISTEN. Enjoy! "

 

You would think that a guy would want to give a reference who isnt openly angry with him inside of an hour EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.  That just makes no sense.

I had a guy double book me once and use me as a reference for the other chick!

I too tend to be pretty honest with references. If I thought someone was kind of a dick I say so.

Edited May 29, 2017 by Lucy Kitten
Hit send too soon

[Guest]

Yeah i always give refrences! If i do not like someone, I will still give her a reference because it is about safety. I tell all my guys to call me and give me a heads up. Some do and it makes it really quick and easy. Now then, I had to get a new phone, lost everyone's number and not everyone emails, so unless I've seen the guy a few times I'm gonna ask the lady to ask the guy how will I remember you. 

[boink36]

2 hours ago, TrystinTrimble said:

I used to not participate in reference giving at all, but have eased up and now give references real quick if asked for them. I still do not ever use or seek them because its just not worth the extra work and often its bogus anyway. 

What chaps my ass is when I get a reference request and the guy using my name has no favor with me due to his neanderthal ways or he shorted me on our visit, or he asked me all kinds of personal and degrading shit and now I wont see him anyway.  One guy recently gave my REAL NAME as a reference and he only knew it because he stumbled upon it.  

Guys who were/are always total dicks to me are more than welcome to use my name as a reference but dont be surprised when my reference is all truth and all not good. I have replied with this paragraph before....

"Yes, I have seen Mr. Bigglesworth before. He isnt L.E. He wont strangle you or make you put on lotion he lowered to you in a basket until youre jacket-worthy. However, he IS my most dreaded client. He tries to impose his awful cooking on me for 30 mins before we get started. He wastes a shitload of my time before the activities start, then tries to short me 40 bucks and makes me feel guilty for "being all about money." He CRIES. OFTEN. He is, in short, a total emotional vampire who cant walk out the front door without that one teddy bear or it ruins his entire week.  Hes also condescending and interrupts everything i say and says I NEVER LISTEN. Enjoy! "

 

You would think that a guy would want to give a reference who isnt openly angry with him inside of an hour EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.  That just makes no sense.

Based on your posts, you seem to have an inordinate amount of guys treat you this way. I find myself pondering the question "why".

[TrystinTrimble]

6 hours ago, boink36 said:

Based on your posts, you seem to have an inordinate amount of guys treat you this way. I find myself pondering the question "why".

I dont reckon its any higher than most of us ladies. Its likely that I just bitch it out more frequently than some do.  I must confess though, that I have found the general attitude toward us by the men has shifted noticeably and its left me more than a little disenchanted, which definitely means more are being cut off at the knees over slight misbehaviour than I can say have ever been.  I can definitely be a bitch sometimes.

 

If you are trying to say that you wonder what I DID to get the dickish behavior...well...all I have to say is that I never Initiate contact, ever. They call ME, and I am always initially friendly.  The ones who cant even make it past screening love to bug a stranger at 2 am and they generally have no problem saying whatever intrusive and icky things they want. They also are quick to say that im being too harsh on them and then turn the breakdown around on me. "Uh...so youre saying that you are now uninterested after I told you to please read my ad because you were discussing rates and could find the info there..." 

 

Ultimately, I think the dicks i deal with are more courageous when they are safely away from the people they are screwing with. I think its particularly idiotic when I am made into this harsh and mean spirited chick....by some guy who is willing to call a total stranger at 4 am.and ask her if she swallows, and refuses to screen citing "i cant follow your stupud directions,  so Here MY TERMS are, enjoy baby" so...why? Idk. They call me first 100% of the time, and it appears that they cant endure even the slightest bit of disinterest.  

 

[pfunk]

2 hours ago, TrystinTrimble said:

If you are trying to say that you wonder what I DID to get the dickish behavior...well...all I have to say is that I never Initiate contact, ever. They call ME, and I am always initially friendly.  

Hey Boink! Blaming the providers for rude men, and their rude behaviour, is really a dick move. Just sayin'

[boink36]

1 hour ago, pfunk said:

Hey Boink! Blaming the providers for rude men, and their rude behaviour, is really a dick move. Just sayin'

You're right, all of the guys who call her are dicks. I can't think of another explanation either, good catch. 

[Admiral C]

Let me answer this with a little ( just a little) RWI.  I too run a service business. MIne is above ground and my rates massively less than providers. I get some no-call no-shows. I get reschedule\re-reschedulers. I have clients show up early....over stay with no extra pay, and or both. Sometimes they have to "catch me next week because they forgot their checkbook" ( in those cases, 90% of the time something comes up and they cancel next week and I don't get paid for 2 weeks). They often call for free off the clock advice too early, too late, or on days off. My point? Dickish behavior is HUMAN behavior in general. A large % of the people are selfish thoughtless pricks who are always trying to get over. They are never going to change or behave differently, and you can burn a lot of stomach acid or bust a brain vein getting angry over it. Don't. Just understand and accept that massholes are everywhere and that they are filled with "massholiness" and behave that way. When you encounter one of the herd and identify it, you have a simple choice. See it for the money....or refuse to see it for the money. If you choose to see it, you should expect dickish behavior for your money because thats what they do. If you don't want to deal with their shenanigans, then accept not getting their money and tell them to bugger off forever. It really is the frog and the scorpion.....and YOUR choice. 

[Skg]

I always wondered what is said between providers when they check on me. I'm still afraid to list my references on TOB but instead contact all my providers on P411. I always ask for OK's from the ladies there. I did not know until recently that providers can communicate with each other on P411. Or am I incorrect on this?

[gr8owl]

 

[JRWolfe]

16 hours ago, Laci French said:

Hope you have p411

oops

[Lucy Kitten]

2 hours ago, Skg said:

I always wondered what is said between providers when they check on me. I'm still afraid to list my references on TOB but instead contact all my providers on P411. I always ask for OK's from the ladies there. I did not know until recently that providers can communicate with each other on P411. Or am I incorrect on this?

We don't need P411 to communicate with each other you know?

[Emily Jordan]

14 hours ago, boink36 said:

Based on your posts, you seem to have an inordinate amount of guys treat you this way. I find myself pondering the question "why".

I think we all kind of vent here, don't we?  I know I do sometimes.....And based on her reviews, I'd say Trystin has more good experiences than not! 

[FuriousWeasel]

1 minute ago, Emily Jordan said:

I think we all kind of vent here, don't we?  I know I do sometimes.....And based on her reviews, I'd say Trystin has more good experiences than not! 

You know, I'm pretty easy going of course, but nothing Trystin has said these last couple days nor in a PM has ever made me think "Now there's someone I don't want to see" if anything, it would be "Tell me more stories, they're pretty damn funny!"

[TrystinTrimble]

4 hours ago, Admiral C said:

Let me answer this with a little ( just a little) RWI.  I too run a service business. MIne is above ground and my rates massively less than providers. I get some no-call no-shows. I get reschedule\re-reschedulers. I have clients show up early....over stay with no extra pay, and or both. Sometimes they have to "catch me next week because they forgot their checkbook" ( in those cases, 90% of the time something comes up and they cancel next week and I don't get paid for 2 weeks). They often call for free off the clock advice too early, too late, or on days off. My point? Dickish behavior is HUMAN behavior in general. A large % of the people are selfish thoughtless pricks who are always trying to get over. They are never going to change or behave differently, and you can burn a lot of stomach acid or bust a brain vein getting angry over it. Don't. Just understand and accept that massholes are everywhere and that they are filled with "massholiness" and behave that way. When you encounter one of the herd and identify it, you have a simple choice. See it for the money....or refuse to see it for the money. If you choose to see it, you should expect dickish behavior for your money because thats what they do. If you don't want to deal with their shenanigans, then accept not getting their money and tell them to bugger off forever. It really is the frog and the scorpion.....and YOUR choice. 

This is something I WAY LOVE about being self employed.  If I'm willing to eat the cost of their "business" and or can handle a small group of people thinking I'm too harsh then I can say any damn thing I want to them. Some people care about being well-liked and considered a nice person by whoever and that is something they are free to do too. But as it goes I simply don't care if I'm liked by everyone or not. Don't get me wrong I don't go out of my way to be all cunty nor do I try to get people to to feel offended by me, and it's not fun try to get along in the world when I'm surrounded by people who don't like me. But I'll be damned if I ever give a fuck about the feelings of someone who makes it everyday business to try to manipulate me or talk down to me. ...Like really you're offended that you are being a douche nozzle and i had the balls to not let you be one to me? Sounds like another provider is a better idea.

[TrystinTrimble]

Yeah. I'm pretty funny and humor is how I deal with the shit sandwiches that I am handed sometimes. But I've been doing this about a decade and a half and believe me when I say that I don't bitch nearly as much as I could. Some people like to take little Jabs at me when I do and I don't get why. The only thing I that I can draw from it is that some people just would like me to shut up and don't want to hear anything except all the sun shiny stuff. All I have to say to that is you should ask my mom how she much luck she's had with that and then try to guess what your chances will be telling me to shut up. 

 furthermore somebody there earlier said that everyone who calls me is a dick. Given that I never said that and that it is definitely not true then I must ask why the person who said that is so incline to word that as if I am a constantly negative person who poisons the atmosphere. Facts of the matter is as long as HE (he knows nwho he is) still calls me, I could never just say that only dicks call me.  

 

Sigh <3

[pfunk]

2 hours ago, TrystinTrimble said:

But I'll be damned if I ever give a fuck about the feelings of someone who makes it everyday business to try to manipulate me or talk down to me. ...Like really you're offended that you are being a douche nozzle and i had the balls to not let you be one to me?

This ^^^^^ is my opinion, as well. Out of every hundred prospective customers I talk with, I get 2 douche nozzles, so they (the nozzles) can fuck right off! 

[Guest]

In my eyes, this is just another thread that simply proves why p411 is so valuable. 

[pfunk]

7 hours ago, Admiral C said:

Dickish behavior is HUMAN behavior in general. A large % of the people are selfish thoughtless pricks who are always trying to get over. 

My experience is the opposite of yours. For me, it's a small percentge of selfish asses, and another small percentage, who simply don't understand small business. I'd say well over 50% are kind, understanding, and thoughtful. I think most people are quite nice! 

[IslandMan]

On 5/28/2017 at 7:04 AM, Laci French said:

I completely agree with you!  

This is about keeping everyone safe and it really is petty to not share toys.

I've read the thread, and it seems like the providers parcipitating have a majority and justified and concerned opinion/decisive majority on references. As a part time, if less, hobbyist, I understand and am sympathetic when I think of what you ladies must deal with when trying to secure income and complete security,  simultaneously. I have seen Laci F and others (pretty much all old Aspen girls, and more) but I refuse to just text them and say, "hey I saw you 3 years ago"... I'm embarrassed by, at the time not reviewing, and having not kept up with these great ladies. So here is my plan. I will work back up to where I was. I have such a level of respect for the Lacis etc, that I will get my references and reviews up to their standards, again. I just dropped off for a couple of years, and again, don't just want to call and say, "hey, I'm back!". Douche move, and also, I don't think my ego could handle a, "ok, who are you?".

I think that most good dudes will do the same. We understand references. On a daily basis alot of us insist on banking, and supplier and contractor references. I think that you providers should insist on references, give them and call out people that don't have them or refuse to parcipitate in the system. 

[BadBoy]

I have never asked for a reference, never needed to, never intend to.  It frankly seems weird to me, to call one lady up to take time out of her day to call some other lady she probably doesn't even know to vouch for me.  I just let all the P411 "OKs" do the talking for me, not a problem, never been turned down, doesn't waste anyone's time.

BTW, I also am a self employed person who counts on the customers to show up on time with the checkbook.  Most are fine, but there are a lot of self-important dickwads that will stand you up.  I completely understand Trystin's rant, I would imagine the dickwad percentage in this business is much higher.