BigDaddyB68

Providers that complain

83 posts in this topic

Ok, this might be a touchy subject for some, but hey... y'all tend to thrive on touchy subjects so here it is! 

I've been with providers that during initial small talk and "get to know you" conversations complain about all sorts of things, family members with cancer, children with baby-daddy problems, their own medical issues (yuck), slow business, no money... blah, blah, blah..  Really kinda brings the mood down.  I'm like, "sorry for your bad luck.. how about we have some fun??" 

I'm guessing they are trying to play to my sympathies for a bigger tip?  I would much rather a provider put that stuff aside for 30min to and HR and focus on having some fun. I'm sure the "Act" gets tiresome,  but hey.. you are the show!  :-)   so, let me hear your thoughts..  GO! 

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On a first date, I will agree this is a real Buzz Killington.

After we get to know each other, I think it's perfectly okay to share/vent/discuss real life issues. After all, Providers are just real people with emotions and challenges who often need a sympathetic ear to bounce off their ideas and to voice what's going on with them internally. It creates a deeper connection when you can relate to something personal and offer your thoughts or just be a sounding board. I disagree that this is merely a ploy to garner tips but there seems to be a fetish for almost anything these days so perhaps there are potential clients who contact a provider to listen to them complain. Stranger things have happened.

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I don't mind. Having lived alone now since 2005, kid's 35 this year and successful, I appreciate all of the Ladies. Physical intimate contact and verbal stimulation for me is not a problem. I like nerdy Ladies too. Even if they are smarter than me, as most women are anyway.

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You are right, we shouldn't act that way, BUT we are human and do make mistakes so it does happen. If you don''t want to hear about it, just be upfront and say that you really don't want to hear that. Yeah, she might be hurt, but it is your money and you are there to be spoiled. Just realize we are people, have emotions, and we do have lives that unfortunately can meld into this business.

I will say that I do have guys that ask questions, and I do my best to candidly answer them. Like, I have had some guys want me to do certain things in the sack that would seriously impact my osteoarthritis in my back. I have no problem telling them so they aren't thinking that I am a prude...I just can't physically be the porn star of the year like I could in my 20's. These things I feel is appropriate so that everyone knows what to expect in the situation. Now, if you are going to be bothered by something of that nature, maybe you need to reevaluate your own perspective on this industry. No one is perfect!

Otherwise, if it is something they are doing on purpose then I think that is pretty pathetic. We are all here to make money, but c'mon.

xoxo,

Samantha Sheppard

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You know what's really a buzz kill? Knowing that it's a buzz kill when we talk about ourselves. It must be hard when providers act like real people.

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3 hours ago, SultryKitten said:

You are right, we shouldn't act that way, BUT we are human and do make mistakes so it does happen. If you don''t want to hear about it, just be upfront and say that you really don't want to hear that. Yeah, she might be hurt, but it is your money and you are there to be spoiled. Just realize we are people, have emotions, and we do have lives that unfortunately can meld into this business.

I will say that I do have guys that ask questions, and I do my best to candidly answer them. Like, I have had some guys want me to do certain things in the sack that would seriously impact my osteoarthritis in my back. I have no problem telling them so they aren't thinking that I am a prude...I just can't physically be the porn star of the year like I could in my 20's. These things I feel is appropriate so that everyone knows what to expect in the situation. Now, if you are going to be bothered by something of that nature, maybe you need to reevaluate your own perspective on this industry. No one is perfect!

Otherwise, if it is something they are doing on purpose then I think that is pretty pathetic. We are all here to make money, but c'mon.

xoxo,

Samantha Sheppard

I just got a pretty bad review in return for candidly answering questions that he asked me. I highly doubt I will be able to let my guard down and answer future questions.  Perhaps theyre genuinely curious, or could looking for information that they can use to burn my ass like a ghost pepper . The latter will be something that has to be considered as a possibility and I hate having to question peoples motives like that just because one person made me a fool. 

I definitely cannot say i complain to garner extra tips...i already know that there is probably nothing that will make THAT happen as of late. What i can say is that my stock answer will just have to be one that is pleasing to the ear, as that is the right answer and the answer they want you to have. If I tell someone asking me about personal things that its all sunshine and blowjobs in my camp, then maybe one day it will become reality instead of my feel-good answer that im giving out of necessity.

I still just cant fathom why someone would ask me things that he doesnt want to hear about, act all genuine and interested to my face, then turn it into such a twisted thing. I can only guess that someone who does that is just a sneaky and mean spirited individual or that he was having a really bad time in his own life and wanted to punish someone he wouldnt have to deal with afterwards.

Fact is, I wish more than anything that i didnt have to try to determine whether they want the sugar coated correct answer or the truth. I also would give everything I own for those 2 answers to be much more similar than they are.

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Samantha and Lucy, I certainly do appreciate your point's and thought about your perspective when I wrote the original post. In my own experience the first time I meet someone and they tell me about their child's cancer and the problems she's having with his father kind of dampened the mood.  On the contrary I have built relationships with providers that I see often and enjoy getting to know them. One in particular knew my medical background and asked for my professional opinion. I worked with her to find a physician that could help her and headed off a potentially serious condition.

I enjoy making a connection with a provider. I understand that they are people too and have real life problems just like the rest of us. However, If I meet you in a grocery store and strike up a conversation over the length and girth of the cucumbers, I wouldn't expect you to give me your life story.   :) 

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28 minutes ago, TrystinTrimble said:

I just got a pretty bad review in return for candidly answering questions that he asked me. I highly doubt I will be able to let my guard down and answer future questions.  Perhaps theyre genuinely curious, or could looking for information that they can use to burn my ass like a ghost pepper . The latter will be something that has to be considered as a possibility and I hate having to question peoples motives like that just because one person made me a fool. 

I definitely cannot say i complain to garner extra tips...i already know that there is probably nothing that will make THAT happen as of late. What i can say is that my stock answer will just have to be one that is pleasing to the ear, as that is the right answer and the answer they want you to have. If I tell someone asking me about personal things that its all sunshine and blowjobs in my camp, then maybe one day it will become reality instead of my feel-good answer that im giving out of necessity.

I still just cant fathom why someone would ask me things that he doesnt want to hear about, act all genuine and interested to my face, then turn it into such a twisted thing. I can only guess that someone who does that is just a sneaky and mean spirited individual or that he was having a really bad time in his own life and wanted to punish someone he wouldnt have to deal with afterwards.

Fact is, I wish more than anything that i didnt have to try to determine whether they want the sugar coated correct answer or the truth. I also would give everything I own for those 2 answers to be much more similar than they are.

I read just read that review, and several of your others. Clearly that guy was having a bad day and I doubt any provider would have been able to meet is expectations. Your rebuttal was spot on!  Good for you! Multiple great reviews and that one negative one, it's unfortunate but most hobbiest can see through that.

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5 hours ago, BigDaddyB68 said:

Ok, this might be a touchy subject for some, but hey... y'all tend to thrive on touchy subjects so here it is! 

I've been with providers that during initial small talk and "get to know you" conversations complain about all sorts of things, family members with cancer, children with baby-daddy problems, their own medical issues (yuck), slow business, no money... blah, blah, blah..  Really kinda brings the mood down.  I'm like, "sorry for your bad luck.. how about we have some fun??" 

I'm guessing they are trying to play to my sympathies for a bigger tip?  I would much rather a provider put that stuff aside for 30min to and HR and focus on having some fun. I'm sure the "Act" gets tiresome,  but hey.. you are the show!  :-)   so, let me hear your thoughts..  GO! 

Just trying to get this straight...a provider is carrying around the weight of her child having cancer, opened up to you about this before offering her body up for you to ravage??

And you're really still thinking about YOUR problems? Jesus

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2 minutes ago, BigDaddyB68 said:

Samantha and Lucy, I certainly do appreciate your point's and thought about your perspective when I wrote the original post. In my own experience the first time I meet someone and they tell me about their child's cancer and the problems she's having with his father kind of dampened the mood.  On the contrary I have built relationships with providers that I see often and enjoy getting to know them. One in particular knew my medical background and asked for my professional opinion. I worked with her to find a physician that could help her and headed off a potentially serious condition.

I enjoy making a connection with a provider. I understand that they are people too and have real life problems just like the rest of us. However, If I meet you in a grocery store and strike up a conversation over the length and girth of the cucumbers, I wouldn't expect you to give me your life story.   :) 

This is where I get confused. So many clients really want that genuine connection but how can you feel connected to a person if you don't care about how their feeling? It's pretty much demanded of providers that we at least fake being interested and to be honest sometimes it's really hard to do that when there is no reciprocity.  And how do regulars become regulars? By building that connection on the first visit. I will agree that there can be an overshare of information but if it's not anything you want to hear then don't ask the questions that are going to lead to that kind of conversation.

I wouldn't give you my life story while buying cucumbers but if asked and if I am made to feel comfortable I will share details when asked in an intimate setting. It can be a slippery slope to try and traverse. What is the right amount of information to share? Do guys really want disingenuous? As is evident in Trystin's review sometimes that sharing of information can backfire. It's not always easy to know where to draw the line.

This is also kind of amusing because in my experience it's usually the other way around. It's usually clients wanting to know personal information so they can have what they feel is a more genuine connection and providers being resistant.

Just one more thing I concur with Laci. Using a provider talking about her child with cancer as an example of providers complaining was probably a bad choice.

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24 minutes ago, Lucy Kitten said:

This is where I get confused. So many clients really want that genuine connection but how can you feel connected to a person if you don't care about how their feeling? It's pretty much demanded of providers that we at least fake being interested and to be honest sometimes it's really hard to do that when there is no reciprocity.  And how do regulars become regulars? By building that connection on the first visit. I will agree that there can be an overshare of information but if it's not anything you want to hear then don't ask the questions that are going to lead to that kind of conversation.

I wouldn't give you my life story while buying cucumbers but if asked and if I am made to feel comfortable I will share details when asked in an intimate setting. It can be a slippery slope to try and traverse. What is the right amount of information to share? Do guys really want disingenuous? As is evident in Trystin's review sometimes that sharing of information can backfire. It's not always easy to know where to draw the line.

This is also kind of amusing because in my experience it's usually the other way around. It's usually clients wanting to know personal information so they can have what they feel is a more genuine connection and providers being resistant.

Just one more thing I concur with Laci. Using a provider talking about her child with cancer as an example of providers complaining was probably a bad choice.

Some guys might want a completely anonymous, no talking experience, and that's fine.  But do the research first like anything else, and look for the ones where the reviewers aren't talking about the great conversations they have.

As for me, if I ever get the chance to meet Lucy, I'd love nothing more than to spend part of the time talking about me, talking about her, getting to know each other.  Just from interacting with her here on the forum, I already have questions and topics I'd love to chat with her about!

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1 hour ago, Laci French said:

Just trying to get this straight...a provider is carrying around the weight of her child having cancer, opened up to you about this before offering her body up for you to ravage??

And you're really still thinking about YOUR problems? Jesus

First conversation..  didn't know her from adam, not sure why she wanted to open up about it,  just saying it was a buzz kill... 

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I think this is a thread I should walk away from before I get points or banned.

 

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7 minutes ago, BigDaddyB68 said:

First conversation..  didn't know her from adam, not sure why she wanted to open up about it,  just saying it was a buzz kill... 

Could it be that her problems were wearing her down & she needed to dump some of the load before she could relax with you?  Just talking to another human being, especially one not in the middle of the problems, can lift a heavy burden from one's shoulders. Now there are limits. At the 20 minute mark I'd start making strong suggestions about focusing on why I made the appointment. 

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Like I said originally this would be a touchy subject. I appreciate the responses, I think Laci probably won't talk to me for a while, if ever. Not my intent to offend any of you. You all have brought up some good points. I should re-evaluate my views on it. Put on my Murse (male nurse) hat and be a little more sensitive.

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In my years, I have encountered a couple of gals who talked non-stop for the bulk of our appointment, but they are the exception not the rule.  For one gal, it was a level of self disclosure that just made me uncomfortable for a first encounter.  With the other, it was just non-stop chatter (I remember having great difficulty in advancing my cause, which was to bed her; flirts, touches, subject changes; nothing worked!  I finally pressed my lips to hers and got up from the veranda and went into the bedroom and unceremoniously stripped)).  She also wanted the TV on as I recall.  There were no second encounters based upon the first 

These are tough "relationships." How much talking is enough? Every guy's different and second chances are limited. I guess I'm more amazed at how gratifying the majority of my experiences in the hobby are vs how few of them are filled with numerous wtf? moments. I think it's overly harsh and cynical to believe that self-disclosure in a session is done so with the objective of a bigger tip. 

 

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27 minutes ago, BigDaddyB68 said:

Like I said originally this would be a touchy subject. I appreciate the responses, I think Laci probably won't talk to me for a while, if ever. Not my intent to offend any of you. You all have brought up some good points. I should re-evaluate my views on it. Put on my Murse (male nurse) hat and be a little more sensitive.

You may actually be a "murse" but I personally find the term "male nurse" sexist and demeaning.  The profession of nursing is a long, esteemed and valued profession, staffed by both males and females, both of which are simply "nurses."  I have always thought that the term "male nurse" somehow implies that they are somehow different from other nurses.

Love them all!!!

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14 minutes ago, Happymon said:

In my years, I have encountered a couple of gals who talked non-stop for the bulk of our appointment, but they are the exception not the rule.  For one gal, it was a level of self disclosure that just made me uncomfortable for a first encounter.  With the other, it was just non-stop chatter (I remember having great difficulty in advancing my cause, which was to bed her; flirts, touches, subject changes; nothing worked!  I finally pressed my lips to hers and got up from the veranda and went into the bedroom and unceremoniously stripped)).  She also wanted the TV on as I recall.  There were no second encounters based upon the first 

These are tough "relationships." How much talking is enough? Every guy's different and second chances are limited. I guess I'm more amazed at how gratifying the majority of my experiences in the hobby are vs how few of them are filled with numerous wtf? moments. I think it's overly harsh and cynical to believe that self-disclosure in a session is done so with the objective of a bigger tip. 

 

The older I get the more cynical i become...  Agreed, my OP may have conveyed harshness.

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3 minutes ago, BadBoy said:

You may actually be a "murse" but I personally find the term "male nurse" sexist and demeaning.  The profession of nursing is a long, esteemed and valued profession, staffed by both males and females, both of which are simply "nurses."  I have always thought that the term "male nurse" somehow implies that they are somehow different from other nurses.

Love them all!!!

I've been a male nurse since before being a male nurse was cool. One of my mentors in nursing was a former oil field roughneck who worked the pediatric units, lost his job when the oil fields went bust in the late 80's and went to nursing school. I've fought the stereotypes associated with males in nursing for about 25 years, I was a street Paramedic for about 10 years before that. I can't tell you how many times I have heard... "oh, your a male nurse?"  I'm a 6'5", 350lb, tattooed, leather wearing, scary looking biker and a Nurse. I don't find it sexist or demeaning.

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3 hours ago, BigDaddyB68 said:

I've been a male nurse since before being a male nurse was cool. One of my mentors in nursing was a former oil field roughneck who worked the pediatric units, lost his job when the oil fields went bust in the late 80's and went to nursing school. I've fought the stereotypes associated with males in nursing for about 25 years, I was a street Paramedic for about 10 years before that. I can't tell you how many times I have heard... "oh, your a male nurse?"  I'm a 6'5", 350lb, tattooed, leather wearing, scary looking biker and a Nurse. I don't find it sexist or demeaning.

Maybe we should go on a ride together and forget all the drama on here?

A nice ride from Sedalia via 105 to Palmer Lake? One of my favorite "short rides"

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Make it a loop. Continue on 105 thru Monument, E to 83, then N past Castlewood Canyon SP to Parker. 

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2 hours ago, Bit Banger said:

Make it a loop. Continue on 105 thru Monument, E to 83, then N past Castlewood Canyon SP to Parker. 

Don't forget a stop at the Stagecoach in Franktown.

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42 minutes ago, wglide2003 said:

Don't forget a stop at the Stagecoach in Franktown.

I would but I don't drink when on 2 wheels. I'll stop at Rosie's in Monument instead. 

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15 hours ago, TrystinTrimble said:

I just got a pretty bad review in return for candidly answering questions that he asked me. I highly doubt I will be able to let my guard down and answer future questions.  Perhaps theyre genuinely curious, or could looking for information that they can use to burn my ass like a ghost pepper . The latter will be something that has to be considered as a possibility and I hate having to question peoples motives like that just because one person made me a fool. 

I definitely cannot say i complain to garner extra tips...i already know that there is probably nothing that will make THAT happen as of late. What i can say is that my stock answer will just have to be one that is pleasing to the ear, as that is the right answer and the answer they want you to have. If I tell someone asking me about personal things that its all sunshine and blowjobs in my camp, then maybe one day it will become reality instead of my feel-good answer that im giving out of necessity.

I still just cant fathom why someone would ask me things that he doesnt want to hear about, act all genuine and interested to my face, then turn it into such a twisted thing. I can only guess that someone who does that is just a sneaky and mean spirited individual or that he was having a really bad time in his own life and wanted to punish someone he wouldnt have to deal with afterwards.

Fact is, I wish more than anything that i didnt have to try to determine whether they want the sugar coated correct answer or the truth. I also would give everything I own for those 2 answers to be much more similar than they are.

Sorry you had that experience with the weirdo. I am one who likes to cuddle, talk and hear about others life experiences.

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17 hours ago, Lucy Kitten said:

You know what's really a buzz kill? Knowing that it's a buzz kill when we talk about ourselves. It must be hard when providers act like real people.

This might come off sounding like a personal attack, but I don't mean it that way.  I mean the generic "you," so please don't take this personally.

You know what's a buzzkill? Meeting someone for the first time and having them tell you their entire life story, including all the super personal stuff. This is something I don't want to get into in a "normal" conversation, much less before getting intimate. Do you tell strangers you meet at the coffee shop about your physical ailments, your financial problems, and your bad past relationships? For most of us, the answer is "no." Why would this be any different?

I like the personal connection as much as--or even more than--the physical acts. I enjoy talking and getting to know each other and I'll even show pictures of my kids if the subject comes up and I'm feeling connected. I think we both enjoy ourselves more if we know something personal about each other and are comfortable having a conversation. I suspect the forced intimacy of the situation makes some people more comfortable expressing themselves candidly, resulting in the "mood killers" the OP mentioned. I've also run into some people who don't have anyone they can talk to about this aspect of their lives, so they discuss details about other clients and experiences. I actually don't mind talking about any of this. It can be fascinating, but I would rather save these conversations for later in the encounter.

So, yeah, that's my two cents.

 

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13 hours ago, BigDaddyB68 said:

I've been a male nurse since before being a male nurse was cool. One of my mentors in nursing was a former oil field roughneck who worked the pediatric units, lost his job when the oil fields went bust in the late 80's and went to nursing school. I've fought the stereotypes associated with males in nursing for about 25 years, I was a street Paramedic for about 10 years before that. I can't tell you how many times I have heard... "oh, your a male nurse?"  I'm a 6'5", 350lb, tattooed, leather wearing, scary looking biker and a Nurse. I don't find it sexist or demeaning.

Since this took this weird turn I have some comments. The "murse" thing is kind of bothersome. I totally understand the heckling of male nurses but it has long been a field dominated by women. Women who weren't really allowed to become doctors. Male nurses get heckled because men are supposed to be doctors and some would view it as weak to be a murse. But you know who really perpetuates those stereotypes? Other men. Even in this post you have to prove your masculinity with your size. It's weird.

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As long as we're telling the tale of the tape...

I'm 5'10" and 180lbs and I'm a Sales Manager/ Senior VP for a Manufacturing Company in Northern Colorado. No way would I heckle any nurse regardless of gender...especially one 6'5" and 350lbs that's more like a Defensive Lineman in the NFL than a health care professional. Nurses have one of the highest rated stressful jobs of anyone anywhere.

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Posted (edited)

17 hours ago, TrystinTrimble said:

I just got a pretty bad review in return for candidly answering questions that he asked me. I highly doubt I will be able to let my guard down and answer future questions.  Perhaps theyre genuinely curious, or could looking for information that they can use to burn my ass like a ghost pepper . The latter will be something that has to be considered as a possibility and I hate having to question peoples motives like that just because one person made me a fool. 

I definitely cannot say i complain to garner extra tips...i already know that there is probably nothing that will make THAT happen as of late. What i can say is that my stock answer will just have to be one that is pleasing to the ear, as that is the right answer and the answer they want you to have. If I tell someone asking me about personal things that its all sunshine and blowjobs in my camp, then maybe one day it will become reality instead of my feel-good answer that im giving out of necessity.

I still just cant fathom why someone would ask me things that he doesnt want to hear about, act all genuine and interested to my face, then turn it into such a twisted thing. I can only guess that someone who does that is just a sneaky and mean spirited individual or that he was having a really bad time in his own life and wanted to punish someone he wouldnt have to deal with afterwards.

Fact is, I wish more than anything that i didnt have to try to determine whether they want the sugar coated correct answer or the truth. I also would give everything I own for those 2 answers to be much more similar than they are.

That review reflected badly on that a**hole, not you.  F**k him with a ghost pepper.  That review kinda pissed me off.

Edited by Unclehazard91
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33 minutes ago, Lucy Kitten said:

Since this took this weird turn I have some comments. The "murse" thing is kind of bothersome. I totally understand the heckling of male nurses but it has long been a field dominated by women. Women who weren't really allowed to become doctors. Male nurses get heckled because men are supposed to be doctors and some would view it as weak to be a murse. But you know who really perpetuates those stereotypes? Other men. Even in this post you have to prove your masculinity with your size. It's weird.

Prove my masculinity? Hmm.. My point to that reply was that I don't fit the typical stereotype of a nurse and I don't see the term "Murse" as sexist or demeaning.. The only way I could change my size would be to back away from the feed trough.   I really can't help my size.. my mom was 5'10, my Dad was 6'2"..  and I am the runt of the litter,  you should see my brother!

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In my view, it's a good thing. OK..guy might not want to hear about negatives in the lady's life...might consider it a "bring down". HOWEVER.....consider how a woman is wired differently than a man. When a man talks about his problems, he gets all caught up in it and it brings him down. When a woman talks them out she is getting rid of the bad feeling they cause by talking. You are going to get a much happier, hornier, focused, NOT problem distracted provider after that talk.  Granted, you COULD hold to the ideal that she should "be totally professional and not say a negative word"....that she should just brass out the session . You could, BUT MOST guys want their playmate as genuinely engaged as possible.  IN short...ladies...feel free to dump on me like I am the last therapist on earth.....THEN jump on me like I am the last man on earth.

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