jhooker

Serious question

137 posts in this topic

My son will be 21 this Spring. He's a great young man. He's a gentleman too, all around good guy. He graduated top of his class, setting off on a good solid career. He's been on a few dates with girls in his group, and they go in groups, so it is possible that he has had his first experience with a girl, but unlikely. His social circle is clean cut and the girls are into furthering their education. So.......you can see where this is going.......I would like opinions on this. Some of you girls are fantastic people, and I am pondering a 21st birthday gift, like maybe a beer and a hot sexy woman to show him what we men do behind closed doors. Any of you ladies ever helped a young man become a man? What is your opinion of this? Should he just grope around in the dark like the rest of us did trying to get our dicks wet for the first time? 

Another point, with the internet and social media being what it is, I wouldnt want some gay to get to him and trip him up that way, I would rather he get a taste of the real McCoy man, get a feel for bodacious ta ta's, get a fire lit for the view from behind when the doggy is howling at the moon, you know, all natural Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve, Tone Loc Aint no Plans with a Man!!!!!!! So much confusion nowadays, it was much easyer when we were growing up, you just wernt a fag, period, no ands ifs or buts.

Now, I know of a few special girls that........IF.........IF........IF I decided to treat my young man to a special time that he will remember for the rest of his life, that would pop his cherry proper, but if any of you particularly enjoy this type of thing, and you are a good teacher and patient, PM me. Otherwise I would like to hear opinions from both the ladies and the guys. 

Thanks.

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This is a road you may not want to go down. It may not work out like it does at the movies and he may never  look at you the same way again.

JMHO.;)

Edited by tide32
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11 minutes ago, tide32 said:

... he may never  look at you the same way again.

This is a given, no matter if the situation turns good or bad. 

Are you married? Still to his mother? How will you explain what you know about this industry? Ask yourself -  Will he think you a hero or a rogue?

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So much depends on the family history.  My family?  My ancestors are pretty damn famous for carousing and wenching, to the point of causing... problems... during the Civil War even.  Your standard modern proper family, beat down with political correctness, yeah, probably not so much.  I posted a story on here before about how my dad was introduced to life that some ladies choose to lead.  

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Frankly, the fact that he is 21 and never banged is rather surprising. I really do NOT want to say this, but there is at least some small chance he plays for the other team and understandably just cannot tell his DAD THAT!. That aside and maybe irrelevant, you MUST remember...he is now an adult. If he wants to hook up with a sporting lady, I guarantee you he is smart enough and tech saavy enough to do it on his own. IMHO.....it's a minefield with no going back, and thus too risky.

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Based solely on your homophobic comments, I'm guessing he has a healthier grasp of human sexuality than you do. 

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I doubt that a healthy 21 YO wants his dad to gift him a working girl. It would have offended me greatly, when I was 21. I suggest you DO NOT go there. 

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Thanks for the insight into your homophobic views, Hook. Let your adult son figure this out on his own and buy him a beer on his birthday.

If you want to gift him something worthwhile, give him some real money and let him spend it or invest it as he chooses.

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9 hours ago, Admiral C said:

Frankly, the fact that he is 21 and never banged is rather surprising. I really do NOT want to say this, but there is at least some small chance he plays for the other team and understandably just cannot tell his DAD THAT!. That aside and maybe irrelevant, you MUST remember...he is now an adult. If he wants to hook up with a sporting lady, I guarantee you he is smart enough and tech saavy enough to do it on his own. IMHO.....it's a minefield with no going back, and thus too risky.

In our generation maybe.  But all the surveys done now about young person sexuality is that things like group dates, not being promiscuous, all that is the new normal for them.  

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Equally shocked and humbled to see the morality in this thread, Haversnatch wants to know, what is the quality of your relationship? We never truly know as a parent how our children see us but, what is your sense for that? No offense but, is he a mama's boy? What was he taught about relationships and sex? Would going there contradict any, all or none of it?

My father was a womanizer and I never held that against him, despite loving my mother very, very much. In fact, I find myself wishing he had taken the time to help me understand women from that perspective, navigate the waters you're traveling. Our Judeo-Christian society teaches us monogamy and marriage is good and sex is bad, especially the casual type but, how's a guy to REALLY know what he likes, that no matter how fine she is, somebody somewhere is tired of her shit?! It's important a young man is able to distinguish who to bring home and who NOT to bring home, to never trust a big butt and a smile, that girl is... This is NOT to disparage the ladies here, but we can't and shouldn't fall in love with all things moist. Nah mean?

James Hillman, author of the Soul's Code said it's important we expose our children to all walks of life, hookers and pimps, drug dealers, drag queens and bull dikes...it's all a part of our fabric, what makes us human. 

Handled correctly, there is nothing wrong with the lesson you are wanting to impart. Do you , dad.

Edited by Ile Haversnatch
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24 minutes ago, NicoleSaunders said:

Holy cow..hrmm.. okay, as a provider, I would not accept such a date.  

From a parents point of view, honestly...from everything you describe about your son, he sounds like an amazing young man. And what you are considering, is completely opposite of everything you have done so far to raise such a great guy.

My daughter is around the same age, and she and her friends are pretty much exactly as you describe your son and his friends.  Though a couple of her friends have dated, getting laid isnt remotely at the top of their list. I remember when I was in hs, it was a huge deal to not be a virgin.  Even so, amongst my little group of friends, we were more focused on our futures.  Those of us who did (well, except for one lol) only wen that far because we wanted our first everything to be with someone special who we loved...ahhh the innocence, optimism and romance of being young!!!  And you want to take that away from him??  Because it makes you uncomfortable? 

As for the getting tripped up and accidentally ending up gay...I cant even address that lol 

Parenting is about raising your kids to be functional adults who you an let out into the world capable of making choices for themselves.  It really sounds like hes a great kid, take the reigns off, have some faith in what you have taught him over the past 21 years that he has the common sense do something as basic a human function as have sex without you stepping in to show him how its done.  I totally agrree with it that its an insult..both to his intelligence and to his manhood to assume he needs you to do this for him.  You are no longer in control of his life...time to let go. For real... 

Rrrroarrr! Sniff, sniff...Miami, eh?

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Its not a matter of morality... do you dad.. indeed. He, as a man, can do whatever he wants that makes him feel good.  But his son deserves the same respect...as a man to do whatever makes him feel good...not still be under his fathers thumb to bang whatever woman his dad surprises him with for his birthday.  The choice of who he sleeps with, and when hes ready for that, should be his.

I believe wholeheartedly in sexual freedom... The freedom to do what we want when we want with who we want...not what our parents want us to do, or be with who our parents think is best for us.  The very idea of my mother choosing what man I should have sex with runs a cold cold shiver down my spine.  Before my sister got married, my mom tried to set her up with a baptist preacher with a jerri curl.  My sister still has nightmares about that... :lol: 

Besides...none of this is actually for his son...its for him, it makes him uncomfortable that his son is not having sex...hes uncomfortable with the idea that if his son doesnt get laid he'll end up gay.  Its to make him feel better...nothing to do with his son at all.  

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Having a son and a brother who are gay...I can firmly state a "Gay" will not get a hold of your son and trip him up as you say. If you son is gay, he already knows it.

With that said- I agree with all the other comments. This is not a road you should go down. father son relationships are hard enough and a offering of this type could leave scars that you will never understand. His view of how he sees you could be changed forever.

Just like when we were young men- When its time, its time and he will find his way.

 

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My son turns 35 this May. He’s only ever had and dated one woman. She’s 8 years his junior and they’ve now lived together for 5 years after being together for 7. We have a tremendous relationship, always have…always. He never even drank until 21, still does but in extreme moderation. I let him have his privacy, he mine. He’s a professional musician, cut his 1st solo album last year. He travels the world in his RW job. He’s a standup comedian at times in NYC. He’s my hero. If I’d of done something as far right as what you’re suggesting, I might have really thrown a wrench into the life of outstanding, successful man. I have let my son entirely live his own life on his own. I paid for college so no debt, therefore no pressures, and he tells me all the time thanks for that. If his life had taken a different sour route I might have intervened. Your son sounds like my son. He’ll be fine on his own IMO. Please think twice about this one.

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18 minutes ago, fishndude57 said:

My son turns 35 this May. He’s only ever had and dated one woman. She’s 8 years his junior and they’ve now lived together for 5 years after being together for 7. We have a tremendous relationship, always have…always. He never even drank until 21, still does but in extreme moderation. I let him have his privacy, he mine. He’s a professional musician, cut his 1st solo album last year. He travels the world in his RW job. He’s a standup comedian at times in NYC. He’s my hero. If I’d of done something as far right as what you’re suggesting, I might have really thrown a wrench into the life of outstanding, successful man. I have let my son entirely live his own life on his own. I paid for college so no debt, therefore no pressures, and he tells me all the time thanks for that. If his life had taken a different sour route I might have intervened. Your son sounds like my son. He’ll be fine on his own IMO. Please think twice about this one.

This is great advice. Congrats on your relationship with your son, fishndude and for being such a great dad! I'm out of rep points for the day but would give you 100 if I could.

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1 hour ago, NicoleSaunders said:

Parenting is about raising your kids to be functional adults who you an let out into the world capable of making choices for themselves..... You are no longer in control of his life...time to let go. For real... 

This^^^^^^^

To the OP: Your post is mostly about you: your own fears, concerns and judgements. Making decisions that are largely the result of my own issues and cloaking it in "help for others" has rarely produced anything but a mess for me. 

 

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1 hour ago, fishndude57 said:

My son turns 35 this May. He’s only ever had and dated one woman. She’s 8 years his junior and they’ve now lived together for 5 years after being together for 7. We have a tremendous relationship, always have…always. He never even drank until 21, still does but in extreme moderation. I let him have his privacy, he mine. He’s a professional musician, cut his 1st solo album last year. He travels the world in his RW job. He’s a standup comedian at times in NYC. He’s my hero. If I’d of done something as far right as what you’re suggesting, I might have really thrown a wrench into the life of outstanding, successful man. I have let my son entirely live his own life on his own. I paid for college so no debt, therefore no pressures, and he tells me all the time thanks for that. If his life had taken a different sour route I might have intervened. Your son sounds like my son. He’ll be fine on his own IMO. Please think twice about this one.

 

I love everything about this... you have every reason in the world to be proud!!!

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12 hours ago, jhooker said:

My son will be 21 this Spring. He's a great young man. He's a gentleman too, all around good guy. He graduated top of his class, setting off on a good solid career. He's been on a few dates with girls in his group, and they go in groups, so it is possible that he has had his first experience with a girl, but unlikely. His social circle is clean cut and the girls are into furthering their education. So.......you can see where this is going.......I would like opinions on this. Some of you girls are fantastic people, and I am pondering a 21st birthday gift, like maybe a beer and a hot sexy woman to show him what we men do behind closed doors. Any of you ladies ever helped a young man become a man? What is your opinion of this? Should he just grope around in the dark like the rest of us did trying to get our dicks wet for the first time? 

Another point, with the internet and social media being what it is, I wouldnt want some gay to get to him and trip him up that way, I would rather he get a taste of the real McCoy man, get a feel for bodacious ta ta's, get a fire lit for the view from behind when the doggy is howling at the moon, you know, all natural Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve, Tone Loc Aint no Plans with a Man!!!!!!! So much confusion nowadays, it was much easyer when we were growing up, you just wernt a fag, period, no ands ifs or buts.

Now, I know of a few special girls that........IF.........IF........IF I decided to treat my young man to a special time that he will remember for the rest of his life, that would pop his cherry proper, but if any of you particularly enjoy this type of thing, and you are a good teacher and patient, PM me. Otherwise I would like to hear opinions from both the ladies and the guys. 

Thanks.

"some gay to get to him"... I really don't think it works that way.  If he's gay, he's gay, and whether he's open or not, that's how it is.  If he's straight, he's straight.  I've never had a gay experience, but from my gay friends/family, it's something they know early on.

If it were me, I'd let him find his path.  Or maybe he already has, and is quiet about it.  Either way, despite your good intentions, I think just loving him as he is is the way to go.

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You could always take him to Vegas? The classic 21 year young thing to do :)

Or simply Let him decide how he wants to spend his birthday, just simply ASK him what he wants.That never fails.

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Why not just a normal man to man "Hey, son, how's your sex life" but phrased better conversation?  Let him lead where the conversation goes, with gentle nudging.  Maybe he's more experienced than you'd think, maybe he's participating in this thread right now!   Ok, that's a little far fetched.  But make it a series of conversations about how to have a healthy, happy relationship with women.  Once you see where he's coming from, you can mention that you support escort rights and all that, and just plant the thought. 

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52 minutes ago, Chrissy said:

You could always take him to Vegas? The classic 21 year young thing to do :) ...

Chrissy beat me to saying this, but taking him to Vegas instead of getting him laid (imo) is a better gift.  BTW, how difficult is it to get tail these day for a 20 year old?  Swipe left or right and voila!  Hell, you can find ladies interested in you in the friendly confines of your own home.

I too am shocked by the homophobic comments, although one is entitled to them.  

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2 hours ago, Phil-anderer said:

"some gay to get to him"... I really don't think it works that way.  If he's gay, he's gay, and whether he's open or not, that's how it is.  If he's straight, he's straight.  I've never had a gay experience, but from my gay friends/family, it's something they know early on.

If it were me, I'd let him find his path.  Or maybe he already has, and is quiet about it.  Either way, despite your good intentions, I think just loving him as he is is the way to go.

Well that is exactly right. the OP, Hook needs not worry about that because IF his son is gay, that ship done sailed. Gay people are not Vampires who "turn" straight people into one of their kind.  He is already one or the other and not going to change. I DO have an honest question for the OP and I do NOT mean this in an attacking or hurtful way. IF....IF...your son WAS gay...would you still equally consider buying him a MALE provider visit as a B-Day gift?

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The difference in kids. I am sure my son had exceeded my lifetime numbers by the time he was eighteen not only with sex partners, drugs and etc. Now at 25 he is starting to get it together. Your son seems to be doing finding his way perfectly well on his own and I would let him continue. When wants to get laid he well!!!

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"Any of you ladies ever helped a young man become a man?"

Sounds like he's already a man, and a great one at that. For what its worth I lost my virginity way later than most and on my own terms and it was wonderful. Unless he specifically comes to you with this request, leave it alone. I wouldn't be comfortable taking that appointment. Im going to ignore the weird homophobic comments as many have already spoken on that...

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Good comments so far, I'll just add a little. Before you begin this course of action, you better be real sure that it's what he really wants. Losing your virginity is an important moment for many. I personally wanted to figure it out on my own, and wouldn't have appreciated having dad lay it out for me on a silver platter. That just seems kind of cheap and I wouldn't have wanted it to go down that way, and some may think of it as borderline humiliating.

Also, I can't believe this has to be explained in 2017, but he's not going to "catch the gay." Either he's gay, or he's straight. It seems like the son is doing fine and he'll find his own path to where he's going; but the father needs to sit down and think about how he'd react if the son does come home one day and admits that he's gay, and meditate on what it means to be a parent and how best to love and nurture your children.

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I found this thread, as a parent, interesting.  My advice would be not to worry too much about your son's sexuality.  He is who he is. Spend his birthday doing what he wants.  You don't get those moments back.  He will always remember how concerned you were with sharing important life events with him.  That's what truly matters.

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4 hours ago, Chrissy said:

You could always take him to Vegas? The classic 21 year young thing to do :)

Or simply Let him decide how he wants to spend his birthday, just simply ASK him what he wants.That never fails.

 

Such an awesome idea!! Actually, this is what my brother in law did for my nephew when he turned 21... they went to Vegas for the weekend and got tattoos together.  That was several years ago, and to this day, anyone who asks my nephew about his tattoo gets the full story.  That whole trip meant the world to him.

No escorts were involved in this weekend trip btw...my nephew is gay.  Though, I wouldnt be at all surprised if they hit up a strip club lol

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