dbarwell

Asking a provider to be a reference

47 posts in this topic

I'll lay my DL down on the counter for her inspection, right next to hers.  As long as she hides behind a pseudonym, so will I. 

43 minutes ago, AnthointheAM said:

... Wow, quite the double standard there!  

But who really has the double standard?

...They probably want to know if you will be polite, pay for their time, and be clean, ...

On this last portion I totally agree!

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Just now, Bit Banger said:

I'll lay my DL down on the counter for her inspection, right next to hers.  As long as she hides behind a pseudonym, so will I. 

On this last portion I totally agree!

So when you check into a hotel or rent a car and hand over your ID do you make them show theirs? You know because fairness?

 

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41 minutes ago, Lucy Kitten said:

So what do you offer as a screening alternative? Serious question. References are the most painless method of screening it requires you the client to divulge as little private information as possible.


 I may be wrong here, but I feel the fewer people that know what you're up to, it eliminates the amount of problems potentially you can have. You already have what you need right in front of you, the Internet is an open book, if you know where to look.  I trust my gut feeling, it has served me well over the years.

 

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5 minutes ago, Lucy Kitten said:

So when you check into a hotel or rent a car and hand over your ID do you make them show theirs? You know because fairness?

 

No, but there I'm generally doing business with a nationally known corporate entity conducting a legal transaction.

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15 minutes ago, Bit Banger said:

But who really has the double standard?

Where is my double standard that you are referring to?  I have no problem giving the information that would make a YL comfortable with the fact that I am not going to abuse her, rip her off, or be disgusting to her.  If she wants more information than I am comfortable giving, then I can move on.  If it's a you show me yours and I'll show you mine situation, I can make that decision then.  

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11 minutes ago, Bit Banger said:

No, but there I'm generally doing business with a nationally known corporate entity conducting a legal transaction.

 

Yeah that pesky illegality of this business. If you can't treat this like a business regardless of it's legal status you don't see this as a business. Period. Aren't you also in the "hookers should pay taxes" camp? So you don't want to fork over a real name for safety but a provider should totally claim that illegal money.

You can't have it both ways. You either support decriminalization for this business or you don't. Supporting isn't just saying it either it's by proving with your actions and actually treating this like a business and providers as business owners.

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28 minutes ago, Lucy Kitten said:

 

Yeah that pesky illegality of this business. If you can't treat this like a business regardless of it's legal status you don't see this as a business. Period. Aren't you also in the "hookers should pay taxes" camp? So you don't want to fork over a real name for safety but a provider should totally claim that illegal money.

You can't have it both ways. You either support decriminalization for this business or you don't. Supporting isn't just saying it either it's by proving with your actions and actually treating this like a business and providers as business owners.

Please stop being emotionally hurtful to us providers/clients. If you are upset with a certain  ladies protocol? You are very free to look else where. 

 In all the years I have been in business I have followed my own intution with scanning clients. Yes I have a few other tools I use. Lol If I told you more about me? I would even look more like kook than already am.

Just sick of all the hurtful begrading that goes on in here some times. It takes away from the valuable sharing and learning that is often offered. Also, it just is plain boring as hell to

Lol 1 call this week for me and 5 references. What goes around comes back around! Think before submit please. I know I am needing to do the same. Have been upset with myself this week too after a few unfair things I too have said. 

Impressions are important especially first impressions. After something is said it sure makes it very difficult to forgive and forget at times. 

Let's at least pass the peace friend.

😘😘

Kisses! 

 

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1 hour ago, *Merlin said:


 I may be wrong here, but I feel the fewer people that know what you're up to, it eliminates the amount of problems potentially you can have. You already have what you need right in front of you, the Internet is an open book, if you know where to look.  I trust my gut feeling, it has served me well over the years.

 

You want to see providers that have never seen you with not so much as references?  Pretty unreasonable.  As to the part in red - a made up handle, a hobby email account, and burner phone - no, the internet is not going to turn up anything unless all the above a spattered all over black list sites.

9 minutes ago, Kali Sensual Reiki said:

Please stop being emotionally hurtful to us providers/clients. If you are upset with a certain  ladies protocol? You are very free to look else where. 

 In all the years I have been in business I have followed my own intution with scanning clients. Yes I have a few other tools I use. Lol If I told you more about me? I would even look more like kook than already am.

Just sick of all the hurtful begrading that goes on in here some times. It takes away from the valuable sharing and learning that is often offered. Also, it just is plain boring as hell to

Lol 1 call this week for me and 5 references. What goes around comes back around! Think before submit please. I know I am needing to do the same. Have been upset with myself this week too after a few unfair things I too have said. 

Impressions are important especially first impressions. After something is said it sure makes it very difficult to forgive and forget at times. 

Let's at least pass the peace friend.

😘😘

Kisses! 

 

Kali - did you quote the wrong the person????  I cannot see where Lucy is being remotely hurtful to anyone with her posts in this thread.  Or others for that matter.  I don't always agree with her (frequently do) , but hurtful or degrading?????

 

1 hour ago, Lucy Kitten said:

 

Yeah that pesky illegality of this business. If you can't treat this like a business regardless of it's legal status you don't see this as a business. Period. Aren't you also in the "hookers should pay taxes" camp? So you don't want to fork over a real name for safety but a provider should totally claim that illegal money.

You can't have it both ways. You either support decriminalization for this business or you don't. Supporting isn't just saying it either it's by proving with your actions and actually treating this like a business and providers as business owners.

Lucy, what does being in favor of decriminalizing (I certainly am) have to do with "treating like a business" and being willing to plunk down a picture id to a stranger?? I certainly believe providers need to report at least SOME of their income or they are looking for major trouble with irs, getting credit, leasing real estate, etc. 

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This morning a yl on this board refused to give me any information on a gentleman using her as a reference. She simply told me "you know how this works, use your head and if it doesn't feel right don't do it." 🤔

We all have our own comfort level and no sense in arguing and having a pissing contest because they don't all align.  

Friday has arrived and we should all just stop pissing on each other in the forums, save that for BCD.

*mic drop*😂😂

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31 minutes ago, gr8owl said:

You want to see providers that have never seen you with not so much as references?  Pretty unreasonable.  As to the part in red - a made up handle, a hobby email account, and burner phone - no, the internet is not going to turn up anything unless all the above a spattered all over black list sites.

Good point, do what is best for you. 

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36 minutes ago, gr8owl said:

You want to see providers that have never seen you with not so much as references?  Pretty unreasonable.  As to the part in red - a made up handle, a hobby email account, and burner phone - no, the internet is not going to turn up anything unless all the above a spattered all over black list sites.

Kali - did you quote the wrong the person????  I cannot see where Lucy is being remotely hurtful to anyone with her posts in this thread.  Or others for that matter.  I don't always agree with her (frequently do) , but hurtful or degrading?????

 

Lucy, what does being in favor of decriminalizing (I certainly am) have to do with "treating like a business" and being willing to plunk down a picture id to a stranger?? I certainly believe providers need to report at least SOME of their income or they are looking for major trouble with irs, getting credit, leasing real estate, etc. 

Legit businesses often ask for ID for liability reasons. Asking for an ID in this business is no different. Say hypothetically that tomorrow this business was decriminalized, what would the excuses be then? Yes providers are strangers but so is the pimply kid valet who you just handed the keys to your very expensive car. But we trust the kid because he was hired by someone who thought could do the job. You treat the pimply kid with respect because he was hired for the job, it all happens in a microsecond. It's an acknowledgement that even though you might be terrified that some goober kid is going to parking your car you have faith because he's a professional. The legality or illegality as it were should be irrelevant when it comes to treating providers like real world professionals.

Then there are dudes that will compare providers to hamburgers and car dealerships and all kinds of things saying we should be like that and then when it comes to something like IDs it's like whoa not going there this is illegal! That ultimately is my biggest gripe, using the illegality of it to exempt yourself from sharing real world info but also telling providers to pay taxes and to function like so and so real world business. Some I think just feel the need to be contrary rather than really think things through.

Kinda like that do unto others as they do unto you, treat this business as you want the world to see it. If we want to reduce stigma and increase our chances of a future of legality we should be acting like it now. To not get too off topic, the subject of this thread is ASKING A PROVIDER TO BE A REFERENCE. That should be a no brainer, yes you should ask and yes ideally providers should give references freely because it helps us to be a cohesive network. This is one of those times that we should be coming together as clients and professionals and giving better advice and more unified answers.

References in practice are a whole other subject and one that providers should work on themselves behind the scenes.

 

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No Lucy has not been hurtful towards anyone! You are misreading me. However, I keep reading lines from others that ARE being hurtful towards her and what she is saying. It is really getting painful to read. Sorry for the confusion. Please forgive if I wrote something out of line towards anyone in particular? Above all let's just stop the silly petty fighting and stick to learning and understanding by having fun! 

 

Edited by Kali Sensual Reiki
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27 minutes ago, Laci French said:

This morning a yl on this board refused to give me any information on a gentleman using her as a reference. She simply told me "you know how this works, use your head and if it doesn't feel right don't do it." 🤔

We all have our own comfort level and no sense in arguing and having a pissing contest because they don't all align.  

Friday has arrived and we should all just stop pissing on each other in the forums, save that for BCD.

*mic drop*😂😂

Sorry Laci!! 

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6 minutes ago, Kali Sensual Reiki said:

No Lucy has not been hurtful towards anyone! You are misreading me. However, I keep reading lines from others that ARE being hurtful towards her and what she is saying. It is really getting painful to read. Sorry for the confusion. Please forgive if I wrote something out of line towards anyone in particular? Above all let's just stop the silly petty fighting and stick to learning and understanding by having fun! 

 

Apologies for misreading - it was a bit confusing since you quoted her and went straight into your request not to be hurtful.  I asked because you are one of the kindest, sweetest people on this board and it did not make sense if directed at Lucy.  Have a great day ms. Kali.

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Just now, gr8owl said:

Apologies for misreading - it was a bit confusing since you quoted her and went straight into your request not to be hurtful.  I asked because you are one of the kindest, sweetest people on this board and it did not make sense if directed at Lucy.  Have a great day ms. Kali.

Very Sweet to say to me G8Owl-

I do my very best to be as honest and sometimes I become brutally honest.  

Also,

I know that Lucy needs nobody to stand up for her. She does well on her own. Just sick of the silly picking on that others are doing to her. It's almost like people (not naming names) are totally going out of their way to say shit to get under her skin and she SO does not need to be on the receiving end. It's becoming a knee jerk reaction and it's really hard to sift through the readings when you see such silliness going on. 

Adult Forum is not a child's play ground. As we all know too well- playgrounds have bullies! So, let's try and refrain from the shenanigans please. 

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Being a professional tarot reader (many of you may not know this about me) and also within  this line of work. I must always be super diligent with my honesty. If I give a reference on someone to a provider or client? You better damn well understand that it is a straight and honest reference and often very descriptive on behaviors and sometimes looks!

A provider is not answering the door packing heat. You are much stronger than her anyway even if you are smaller than her. So, she has every right to confirm on you. It is very important for her to feel comfortable with you. And because we share this playground- I do my part!  My only hope is that others will return the favor. There is no need to sugar coat anything in life if you come from a place of honesty! You can always explain yourself and or your personal views with compassion!  

This is enough on me. 

I need to go back looking up refrigerators with my buddy :). I need to buy one-- because mine is dying a slow painful death. 

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3 hours ago, Lucy Kitten said:

So when you check into a hotel or rent a car and hand over your ID do you make them show theirs? You know because fairness?

 

 

3 hours ago, Bit Banger said:

No, but there I'm generally doing business with a nationally known corporate entity conducting a legal transaction.

Yes, I do believe the YL of this industry are independent contractors and should treat their activities as a business. As should I. (Which opens a host of off-topic issues: taxes, quality standards, economics, etc.)

I DO support decriminalization.  I'm just not very politically active - on any subject.

I do NOT hand over my ID to other independent contractors (trades, etc.) until I have verified their legitimacy. But even then, because it is a legal transaction, I am not exposed to potential blackmail for conducting business. Which is not the case for any under-the-counter transaction. 

3 hours ago, AnthointheAM said:

Where is my double standard that you are referring to?  ...

The double standard is the different rule sets regarding the sharing of RW information for clients and for providers. The only commonality is that if you're not comfortable with what is shared or requested, feel free to move along. 

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